Greed and or guilt?

[Cicho]

I am feeling quite low.

My DD1 (who is 16), yesterday complained that we had no chips left in the pantry.

I suggested fruit. She said thats not good enough.

I cracked it. I told her there are sooo many people worse off than her who would happily eat that fruit and be grateful for it. She shrugged her shoulders:banghead:

That has me thinking. I believe that we are progressing to a greedy society. Not all, of course, just some.

I am grateful for what I have but god I feel bad for those who have less... :crying:

Life is just un-bloody-fair IMO

[Refresh]

I agree with you. I was cranky last night because the kids quite often will be upset if one has something and they don't. I wish we could all see for ourselves just how so much of the world lives so we can appreciate how lucky we are!

[Lastcenturymum]

She is a teenager (says it all!) It's part of their nature to be selfish and self focused and hard as it is, it's our job to not behave like they do ;) Their world really does revolve around them.

And I agree it's hard when we see ungratefulness when there seems so much imbalance in the world

These are just for you for being so caring :hugs::hugs:

[elleandsam]

Sounds just like my brother (15) who comes home from school, eats everything in sight and then goes to the skate park with his mates only returning home for dinner.

[guerin]

I am feeling quite low.

My DD1 (who is 16), yesterday complained that we had no chips left in the pantry.

I suggested fruit. She said thats not good enough.

I cracked it. I told her there are sooo many people worse off than her who would happily eat that fruit and be grateful for it. She shrugged her shoulders:banghead:

That has me thinking. I believe that we are progressing to a greedy society. Not all, of course, just some.

I am grateful for what I have but god I feel bad for those who have less... :crying:

Life is just un-bloody-fair IMO


Your 16 year old told you it was not good enough that you didn't have chips in the ladder and you wonder if we are becoming selfish as a world.

No that's just 16 year olds. My husband works as a secondary school teacher and that is just what many of them are. At that age they think they know everything, everyone else around them is selfish and unfair and yet they never take a good look in the mirror.

Your stupid, your lame, your unfair and your only mission is to stop their fun.

[Cicho]

She is a teenager (says it all!) It's part of their nature to be selfish and self focused and hard as it is, it's our job to not behave like they do ;) Their world really does revolve around them.

And I agree it's hard when we see ungratefulness when there seems so much imbalance in the world

These are just for you for being so caring :hugs::hugs:

Why thank you

[Cicho]

I am a softie, and I really do feel for those less fortunate..

And I am starting to have a serious dislike for people who have waaaay too much, and then become tight @sses (Hello, IL's)! I would love to be able to give to someone to be able to help them out, or give them something they need that they don't have....

But I am not in the position to be able to do so

[RoarsomeMum]

I cracked it. I told her there are sooo many people worse off than her who would happily eat that fruit and be grateful for it. She shrugged her shoulders:banghead:

That has me thinking. I believe that we are progressing to a greedy society. Not all, of course, just some.

I am grateful for what I have but god I feel bad for those who have less... :crying:



Sometimes I think we start the "other people would feel/need/want/be grateful for" stuff a bit early.. and then confuse our children who get mixed messages from the childhood teachings of "share", "empathy", "everyone is only as important as everyone else" V's the young adult messages of "look after yourself and make sure all YOUR needs are met" like taking time for yourself, not listening to everything your mates tell you to do ect, ect". I want Roar to have a complete sense of self and not to feel guilty for what she has, more to work towards giving as just a daily thing.. (like our Sat Pasta cook ups for Church. or when we go through the clothes and toys to pass them on) I don't say "hey other peoples kids would be happy for this" if she cries.. I gently cuddle her, tell her I am sorry she is sad, but very glad that other people can enjoy what she has grown out of... It's not her fault the world is a mess, and it's not her fault she does not understand how good she has it yet.. (and may not understand untill WELL into adulthood)

I Would have shrugged my shoulders at my Dad too.. and also accused him of caring about all the bleeding hearts in the world, but not giving a damn if his daughter had chips!!!! :o Thou, by my 20's I was certainly able to appreciate properly my blessings, and cry openly for other's lack there of.. So I don't think 16 is a good indicator of how you will be as an adult.. (thank goodness!)

[Annabella]

OP, I completely agree with you.

Although I think PP are right and 16 yr olds in general are pretty self-centered etc, it is not too much to expect people, including children and teenagers, to have some empathy for people less fortunate than us.

I hate what the world is becoming, I hate how my kids whinge for new things constantly, and that their friends seriously DO seem to get everything they want, I hate being the only mum who refuses to bow down to all the unnecessary consumerism that has taken over the world. Just as an example, my kids are the only ones in our extended family (no other grandkids on my side, there are 13 on my husband's side) who don't have their own Nintendo DS, other than 2 of them who are babies. The OLDEST of these grandkids is about to turn 8, mine are 5 and 7! Since when did a family with 3 kids need 3 DSs?

My parents live and work in a very poor country and I want so badly to take my kids there so they can see how most of the world lives, without simple things like a toilet, clean drinking water, constant OVERsupply of food and luxuries.

I don't feel guilty for having the basics like food and water, I feel grateful for that, but I do feel guilty for all the extras we have, I too fall into the greed trap and I feel bad about it, and I feel bad my husband earns so much money and we give away so little (he doesn't think the same as me), when so many people NEED so much, and we have so much we don't need.

I went to Europe recently and the WHOLE time (although I LOVED it), I felt so guilty, going to countries like Croatia and Albania where war is so recent, people are still struggling to feed their families, while here I am spending thousands on a holiday! And Europe is NOTHING compared to most places!

I think we do live in a very greedy society and I do think we should feel guilty. It is unfair, and no its not 'our fault', but its wrong that so few of us have way too much when others have nothing. Quite simply put, it is GREEDY!

[BabelFish]

OP I am with you 100%. It's something I feel daily grateful for, and DP and I discuss often how fortunate we are, and how we really are the luckiest people. Even though we're poor, we don't own a house, have crappy cars, can't afford many of the things we want - we could care less. At least we can eat. At least we HAVE a roof over our heads and cars. We give what we can to charity and volunteer when we don't have money to give.

We actually intend to take our children to India when they are teenagers. Just for a week or two. It never hurts to see how, to be honest, the vast majority of the world's population live. As teenagers, I expect a certain amount of selfishness and, well, `teenager-ness'. But I was also a very compassionate teenager, and so was my DP, and we were very aware of the world and it's problems and it's people as teenagers. I'm grateful to our parents for teaching us like this, and we will be teaching our children the same things.

[DoubleDelight]

The only way to change it is by example. Perhaps your DD would benefit from some volunteer work, perhaps a soup kitchen or an outreach program. Give her a dose of the real world and then ask her how important the chips are. I think part of parenting is instilling values we want our children to carry into adulthood. Yes most teenagers are inherently self absorbed but that doesn't mean we should be accepting of that.

[Ana Gram]

There are two tv series that she would probably get some thing out of watching. Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts and Blood, Sweat and Take-Aways.

[kezzaskids]

My teen is the same. I bet she wasnt shruging because she she should be grateful there is fruit to eat, she just wanted chips or junk food. My standard teen response would be well lets give them some fruit and buy some chips on the way home.
Its like my 4yo he is constantly STARVING and when offered last nights vege curry etc he only wants a biscuit... which we didnt have so he stayed starving... apparently!
Hugs for you OP. I have 2 teen girls and a boy and OMG sometimes Grrrrr

[RoarsomeMum]

Yes most teenagers are inherently self absorbed but that doesn't mean we should be accepting of that.

I don't think anyone belives we should just say "meh" and move on.. It's just we all have different ways of addressing the issue.. (based usually on what worked/did not work for us growing up)

I personally HATED the "others are soooooooooo much worse off, you should feel ashamed of yourself for wanting this when others have nothing." approach.. it made me feel guilty and ashamed and confused and like a crappy human being..

I'd prefer Roar to grow up simply Practicing helping as a day to day thing.. we don't need to say "hey, your lucky you have food and other's don't" We simply discuss the food we are buying to give, and why we are doing it.. We let her help choose.

I just think if we get this parenting caper right, and it all works out, SHE will feel loved and cared for, and in turn, be able to love and care for others in a meaningful way. :fingerscrossed::wizard:

[BabelFish]

That's a really good way of looking at things RoarsomeMum. I know that nearly all of the time I just feel a bit guilty. Guilty about what I'm doing to the environment 99% of the time, but there's always that feeling of it just underlying day-to-day life. That's not because of my parents, that's just how I am. It's how DP is too. We sometimes laugh about how it would be nice just to thoroughly ENJOY something without thinking deep down about how lucky we are to have it.

But then, I wouldn't change that if I could. There are way too many people who don't think about anything beyond their own situation at all. And I guess that background murmur of guilt genuinely makes me appreciate so much more what I have, and how lucky I am just to have been born into a life like I have.

[moozle]

:laughing: I had to laugh at your post. My 15 year old sister is SOOO much worse than that. We go through a process every single day of trying to work out what she will eat for dinner. It takes on average 5 offers before she'll agree. On days when my Mum has just had enough and cooks whatever she wants, my sister often refuses and my Mum ends up running up to the take-away to get her what she wants. If she were living here, her world as she knows it would cease to exist!

[BabelFish]

Goodness me if that were my daughter I'd be like `well ok then, no problems. You can eat it or starve. These are your choices'.

I often think part of the reason teenagers are so horrible is because their parents are too scared to stand up to them. I know this because I was a horrible teenager whose parents were too scared to stand up to me. We are all so close now and I am so regretful of some of the things I put them through, but also firmly believe that had they restricted me more, and I had had to feel consequences for my actions, I would have been quite a different teenager.

[UmmInayah]

i think you can be super grateful for what you have.. but when you're having a sh!t day and you want to eat junk, and you have to settle for fruit then that kinda goes out the window.

not to say it is okay to have this attitude, but i can completely see where she is coming from. if we all spent time being grateful for what we had, we wouldn't always strive for better.. and that is important, too.

[Penthesilea]

I am a softie, and I really do feel for those less fortunate..

And I am starting to have a serious dislike for people who have waaaay too much, and then become tight @sses (Hello, IL's)! I would love to be able to give to someone to be able to help them out, or give them something they need that they don't have....

But I am not in the position to be able to do so


There is a LOT you can do.

Consumption - buying fair trade.

If you can't afford, personally, to give to aid orgs, you can organise fundraisers. I'm particularly interested in helping women in the Congo, so I'm organising a fundraiser where local women make crafts and bake cakes and we sell them at a stall at the local council's fair. I hope to involve women from the whole council and all the local schools to help. We'll be giving the money to Women For Women International.