im being critised!

[clairelocal]

im 19 and have an 18mth old son, DH is 26 so not quite as young but its the best ever!
i couldnt imagine life without him.

i get critisised all the time for being young mum but y?

i am a great mum and i spend lots of time with him and include him all activities i can like swimming lessons,playgroup,daycare to boost social skills, he does dancing, toddler gym when ever we get the chance.

i have never chucked him off to any to look after to go clubbing etc. he is 18mths old and i have never ever left him with anyone but daycare and his dad if they are having father and son bonding time.

i make sure he eats very healthy things and is clean and tidy. he has the best of everything and lives in a lovely home and is enrolled in a lovely new grammer school up the road from where we are biulding.

So my question is what am i doing wrong to be critised for being a young parent when he is provided everything we can offer him most importantly all the love and care in the world!:kiss:

Claire 19,
kayden 18mths old

[Grizabella]

Honey you are doing absolutely NOTHING wrong! In fact you are doing better then a lot of women twice your age! You will find that a lot of people in this world base their lives and opinions on stereotypes and ignorance. Forget them - you,your partner and your gorgeous little boy know what a wonderful Mum you are, and they're the only people whose opinion should count! Keep up the good work! :hugs: :hugs:

[Niki]

you sound like a great mum and i wouldnt worry if i were you i used to get it too but now i just ignore it! :hugs:

i love being a young mum and can tell u do to :thumbsup:

[LilShenanigans]

I agree, totally nothing wrong!

The only mistake made was having you too late! You sound older and more mature then you are and there is nothing wrong with that - unless there's a dominating male pig around hehehe

If it makes a dif, I'm only about 22 now, ergh, and geeze... I could well do with some bloody good advice from your end!

Give yaself a pat on the back :D

[chameleon]

I just wanted to say you sound like your doing a great job!

I got so mad yesterday when I was on the net and saw a debate on another site about whether young parents should get the baby bonus because apparently we all "spend the money on cigarettes" and all teenagers who fall pregnant do it for "easy cash". I know there a few out there who might do that, but it doesn't mean every young parents is like that. We put all the money into her account that we set up for her when she was born.

I'm like you, I spend all my time with DD and she has everything she could ever possibly need. We're going to book her into a private school too. And sadly that is the only thing that seems to make people stop "oh a private school..."
I know some other parents who had their baby the same time as ours and they got everything 2nd hand, all the clothes and the cot and everything, and they both make a lot more money then we do. But their son got nothing. And he's in daycare all they time, but no one seems to mind because their both in their late twenties.

Sorry I'm blabbering now.
Keep up the great work!

[WeThree]

Just curious, who critisices you exactly, and what do they say? Do they just come up to you and tell you you are hopeless because you are young? or do they harass you about other things?

[cwsmum]

I'm was 22 when DS was born and I still got comments about how young I was...never mind the fact that I was often out with my younger sister and her son who is 3.5yrs older than mine (she was 17 when he was born).

Don't worry about what other people think or say about you. You know that your child is happy, healthy and has everything he wants/needs, thats all that matters.

The people who are critisising you are probably just jealous because you have everything they want ;)

You are a great mum, don't let other people and their issues get you down :hugs:

[Poopa]

Hi Claire, I am a young mum too... I feel like I am being criticised at times (not sure whether I am or not, but I feel it, probably because society has a thing with "young mums"), but I can honestly say, I feel I am doing a better job than my SIL who is 14 years older than me!

My friends my age are so different and immature compared to me, and I think people are assuming all young people are like that!

You sound like you're doing a wonderful job, don't let anyone make you feel any different.

[Poopa]

I got so mad yesterday when I was on the net and saw a debate on another site about whether young parents should get the baby bonus because apparently we all "spend the money on cigarettes" and all teenagers who fall pregnant do it for "easy cash". I know there a few out there who might do that, but it doesn't mean every young parents is like that. We put all the money into her account that we set up for her when she was born.

:eek: Are you serious!?! That is ridiculous!

I don't smoke, never have, it's a waste of money, and it's not good for you.
I don't drink, I did once upon a time but got over that quick! It's a waste of money, and it's not good for you.

[shed]

Well, firstly, who criticises you and how much do their opinions matter and is it because you are a young mum or is it just because you are a mum?

Because from what I have seen on this forum, all mums sometimes get upset by people's unnecessary comments about their parenting decisions and this includes mums who are in their twenties and thirties as well.

These threads often seem to turn into young women bashing older women, which kinda p*sses me off to be honest. Young mums need reassurance that they are doing a great job, but older mums do too. We are all learning as we go and all doing the best possible job we can with what we know. So ignore the critical people, as long as you know you are doing a great job and your kid is healthy and happy then everyone else can get st*ffed yeah?

[Leez]

Well said Shed! (hey that rhymes!).

Parents get judged by everyone, end of story. Good and bad parents happen in all age brackets.

Lisa

[Grizabella]

Well, firstly, who criticises you and how much do their opinions matter and is it because you are a young mum or is it just because you are a mum?

Because from what I have seen on this forum, all mums sometimes get upset by people's unnecessary comments about their parenting decisions and this includes mums who are in their twenties and thirties as well.

These threads often seem to turn into young women bashing older women, which kinda p*sses me off to be honest. Young mums need reassurance that they are doing a great job, but older mums do too. We are all learning as we go and all doing the best possible job we can with what we know. So ignore the critical people, as long as you know you are doing a great job and your kid is healthy and happy then everyone else can get st*ffed yeah?

Fair enough that some of these threads have turned into age discriminate conversations - however this one hasn't so it needn't be turned into one by bringing that up.

However you are right in one respect - ALL mothers need reassurance, maybe Clairelocal just felt more comfortable getting reassurance by posting in this part of the forum??

[shed]

Actually there were a couple of comments that were going in that direction and I don't think they're necessary, and I pointed that out which I can do with or without YOUR approval.

Thanks.

[Grizabella]

Hey there's no need to get your back up about this. I don't believe there was anything remotely steering towards that direction. Which I pointed out and also don't need your approval for either.

[shed]

I can't even be bothered commenting. I certainly never made any reference to anyone needing my approval by quoting and criticising them.

Unlike some.

[Ashleigh<3]

I have to agree with how sad it is that the only way you can shut the critical people up is by going to far into detail as to say, “we’re putting our child in a private school”, it’s basically giving them what they want to hear, and who needs to please the critical, who are so used to belittling other human beings.
I’ve gone through so many different forms of this kind of **** and even from friends who are my age.
“But you’re only 18, and you don’t have a job, and you’re not married”,-Yes, maybe not, but I’m not a millionaire, and I’m not a magician, and I don’t have any other super powers similar to the ones you live your life based on.
I quit my job two months before I found out I was pregnant. And within a week of quitting I was visiting the doctor twice a week for blood tests. Then trying to find out what was wrong with me, resulted in a pregnancy, all I could think was THANK GOD! I had the doctor giving me the run down on my possible liver abnormalities, it was such a relief to know my only sickness was pregnancy :p and My partner and I both welcomed it more so then the other side. And I can only imagine any other woman who’s in love and happy would too. A baby isn’t going to ruin your life. People are so quick to judge when they know nothing about it or haven’t experienced it in your shoes.
We don’t have to justify ourselves to others, and when people do jump to criticise you, I doubt it will be from the ones who actually care about you.
If you do receive unwanted critical comments from family members/close friends, be just as quick to comment them back about how out of line they’re being as to be so cruel and inhumane towards you and your family!

[chameleon]

I don't know if it was my comment that seemed to upset a few people...? But I'm guessing it was, since I mentioned some older parents I know who I don't feel are doing any better then me, but no one seems to critise them because they are older.

(If it was my post that offended) I certainly was not "bashing older women". I would be the last person to "bash" older mothers because my Mum was 35 when she had me, and 37 when she had my sister, and I believe she was a GREAT Mum. I am constantly trying to live up to her. And I also have a cousin who was 35 when she had her first child and she does an amazing job. All I was trying to say is that you can be young, and be a great Mum as well, and just because your older doesn't mean your more experienced. Age means nothing. It is your attitude that matters.

[shed]

mummytoaprincess (geez, long name LOL)...don't worry, it wasn't your post in particular, I just didn't want it to TURN into one of those threads because I like to offer support too but I am an old mummy-to-be and its hard to offer support when you feel like your age group is getting bashed at another age groups expense, if you know what I mean.

Its all good. It just got a bit off track for a minute there but we all agree on the main subject. :)

[chameleon]

Ok good! Glad that's all sorted. I was starting to get stressed that I had offended you!

Good luck with your pregnancy! :)

[clairelocal]

wow what a response!!! thanks heaps for all your comments and i feel alot better!!

when saying i get citicised i dont mean people just saying things straightout to my face in the middle of the shops(well they have a couple of times actually). the things i get/got are : whispers when you sitting in the doctor surgery, horrible faces from elderly ladies horrified that i have a child at a young age, none of my pre-pregnancy friends invited out from the second i told them the news, most of them said i was stupid and should get an abortion (like hell!),(i now only associate with mothers from mums group which is great tho) tafe teachers all said 'so you cant finish your course?' like i had some contagious virus or wasnt welcome in case i spewed on someone in the morning! and just in general you know people arn't thinking anything you've done is good.

Also i get very offended when my sister brings her friends over or new people come to visit me and they are VERY suprised at how nice our home is and how tidy and clean it is, and that we have lovely furniture and a plasma (everyone comments on that one)......this happened religously every time some new is over. its like they think because im young its amazing i can have a clean tidy home, and afford nice furniture etc etc
I think to myself 'LAY OFF WITH THE STEREOTYPING S**T"

Anyway ive blabbed enough, thanks again

luv claire