Why are my inlaws against me

[Melissa1983]

I feel that my inlaws want my marriage to their son over!

When i first moved back to townsville, DH decided when his time was up with Navy he would transfer to the RAAF, so he can be in Townsville with me and the girls. His parents where totally against it..

Now there is a offered a position in Townsville with the Navy, but serving at the RAAF, and he has decided to go for it and has a good chance of getting it, so he rang me yesterday and i said go for it, and he rang his parents and they were against it again, saying his career will be over because he is moving here, and that he is giving everything up to be with me.. He said it sounds like that you don't my marriage to work, and they said don't you dare say that... but thats what it does sound like...

Than he spoke to them today and they were getting up him about it all.. Than he brought up that they never ring me to have the girls, or even see me.. They reckons that i am not helping the matter... What the hell????? I ring them nearly every second weekend to see if they want the girls.. how am i not putting my part in??

i don't understand how DH is giving everything up to me with me and the girls? He will still be doing what he wants to do... i gave everything up when we got married and moved to Melbourne.. than sydney..

Sorry its long...but i just don't know what to do anymore. I can never please them.. even for my DH sake..

[mich71]

im sorry to here of your troubles its not nice when u cant count on your inlaws and i have been there have you thought of confronting them about what they say you may need to get it out in the open it may sort things. tell them their not a baby sitting sevice but they need to be there for the girls and invovled in there lives i hope that helps some

[NatLeah]

Grrr! (to bad parent in laws!)

:hugs: to you, poor thing.
Atleast your partner is supporting you with the battle against his parents. Stop trying to please them... bugger em ;)
Its a shame that they dont have much to do with your kids/ their grandkids tho. Are you parents around to offer some support?
I dont see how your partner is "giving up everything" to be with you, im sure you and the girls are EVERYTHING to him! That is such a stoopid stoopid thing for his parents to have said!

[Niki]

i think its soo nice of him to want to be closer to you and your kids, it seem his parents want him to put his career 1st, but in the end its his choice not theirs they have nothing to do with it so they will just have to deal with it!

:hugs: i hope it gets easier with them for you :hugs:

[reAllytee]

All that matters is him seeing them trying to be difficult about all of this which it seems he does. This must be sad for him to have parents who arent supportive of his relationship as well as not willing to see their grandkids etc.
Anyways if this is what he wants to do then i really hope he sees it through especially for the sake of your marriage & family.
They have to understand that whats important to him now isnt just his career but your family & they need to back off & let him do whats right for him.
Good luck i hope everything turns out well :)

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Mel
I just wanted to say I know how you feel. My in-laws & I do get along but they have very different ideas & ways to what I am familiar with & too. I have accepted they like drama, gossip & that THEY are never wrong. DH & I together have put some boundaries in place so that we can live our own lives & make our own decisions & we usually just tell them what we are doing after we've done it or decided to do it. Once you have set some boundaries you really need to make sure they are not crossed. I'm lucky in that my in -laws can be so good in ways too. Don't take things too heart - its really not worth it. Your marriage & kids are what matters most not what your in-laws think.

Good luck, pm me anytime u wanna chat:)

[Melissa1983]

:banghead: i sent my inlaws a letter yesterday on how i was feeling... They didn't ring me they rang my DH... and said that i am blaming them for everything that has happened... I can't win... If you wanna see the letter i wrote i will post it, but i wont until i know that you want to see it..

why can't we just get along :crying:

[Sarie]

Mel:hugs: to you hon!
I really don't know how to help you with your inlaws, I just don't understand them, nor mine!
But we support our husbands when they make choices for work, but they also have a responsibility to their families, ie: you and the girls. It doesn't really matter what his parents think you and the girls come first, so I really hope that he tells them to mind their own business and applies for that job.
Good luck hon!

[jackieb76]

Hi Mummyof2,

I really feel for you and in some ways I know exactly what you are going through. Recently I have had some really big issues with my inlaws, especially my mother inlaw and to try and ease things in a non confrontational way I also wrote a letter. Unfortunately this letter was taken totally out of context and they thought that I was blaming them for everything that had happened and that I was personally attacking them. This was not the case at all, I was only trying to make peace and make them understand where I was coming from. Feel free to post the letter if you would like to, sometimes it helps to have someone totally outside the situation give advice.

In my personal experience it has been easier to try and ignore these people and just do what is right for you and your family. I have found that it is absolutely impossible to keep these people happy and it can be utterly tiring to try and do so. Just try and ignore them as much as possible and do your own thing.

Feel free to PM me.

Take care

Jackie :thumbsup:

[daytime-tv-addict]

Hi Mummyof 2,

My MIL is so difficult and even more so since us having our baby. She is of a European background so she is very "old school" in her way of thinking. She is very manipulative and lies a lot. She doesn't have the guts to tell me to my face what she thinks, instead she hounds my husband and bugs the hell out of him! We are very close to moving states because of her, she is very selfish and expects us to bring the baby around to see her every week, although she refuses to come to our house, because it's too "inconvenient" for her. She just wants to be in her own territory. So I feel for you because I am at the my wits end with my MIL and I am at boiling point, so I am afraid I will blurt out my feelings to her and then it will really be on for young and old!:devil6:

[angelwinks]

I did exactly the same thing as you. I wrote my in laws a letter (they hate me and dh has confronted them about it but they say they dont yeah right they just dont speak to me) but instead of ringing to talk to me or dh they just told his sisters like they needed any more ammo against me as they dislike me too.
It just shows how childish they are and that they dont want to get past it or have a relationship with me or they would've.
They are now not appart of our lives as they constantly made my husband feel like poop. Like when they found out we were pregnant again (3rd child for us 5th for dh yep I'm a stepmom too) they looked at him and shook their heads I wasnt home and when I came home they didnt say anything like they knew nor did they put their feelings aside to say congrats. From that night on dh said that he is to have no part of them or family functions as his family means more to him than his parents being stupid and sis's so now we are on our own and if they want to be part of it all they need to do a lot of work to get there because dh wont have them treating him or especially me like dirt.
We are sorry it had to get that way but they wont talk about it or be honest about their feelings so how can you move on with them.

[Karstens Mum]

Hi All,

I have always gotten along with my inlaws to be and if there have been issues they have been rectified very quickly. But as of yesterday I feel completely different towards them. This is my story.

April this year, Hubby to be and I bought a new car and traded in my car as it was to small, My car was under finance and we had to come up with $5000 to finalise the loan, the inlaws lent us $3000. I kept saying no but hubby said No lets do it. Obviously we were to pay back the $3000 at some time or another as they said they didnt need it.

Yesterday we are over for a visit and his father asks me to sign a piece of paper saying I have borrowed $3000 from my partners parents and interst will be calculated monthly at the rate of 9.50% and my repayment date is 17/04\09.. I do have an exception to my due date if My partner and I seperate.....

I signed it and now regret signing. My partner didnt read the piece of paper until we were home. He hasnt said much about it (typical)

I am so angry towards his parents now and personally dont care if I never see them again. unfortunately they do only live 5 mins away from us...
I would've been better of asking my parents for the money as they wouldnt expect interest back. Only thing is I had a falling out with my parents in March this year and we still havent spoke.

[angelwinks]

We did this borrowing $1500 and we didnt get the interest thing but always got called saying have you got the money yet? We need the money back now!
We sold our other car and paid them back (as was the plan) and as we arent speaking to them it really wouldnt matter if we were about to hit bankruptcy I wouldnt bother calling them. To be honest if there was any serious ingury or emergency in the family I wouldnt waste my time on them.
After they recovered the money we didnt hear from them (they lived interstate at the time) for at least another 8mths.
Like someone else said good ridence out with the bad vibe people and focus on yourselves we do I just feel a little sorry for dh sometimes thats all.

[Me]

We are very close to moving states because of her, she is very selfish and expects us to bring the baby around to see her every week, although she refuses to come to our house, because it's too "inconvenient" for her. She just wants to be in her own territory. So I feel for you because I am at the my wits end with my MIL and I am at boiling point, so I am afraid I will blurt out my feelings to her and then it will really be on for young and old!:devil6:

does she realise that getting a baby ready to go out isn't a 5min task??? there are bags to be packed, feeds and sleeps to be had before heading out etc etc?!?

I am lucky that my IL's don't really have that much to do with us - about once a month or so we think "oh maybe we should take dd over to IL's - she's changed so much since they last saw her"