helpless

[k&Hmum]

hi guys i dont know if anyone can help with ideas or anything but i just need some advice on what to do. Im sitting here crying over the keyboard because i feel so helpless. my partner works long hours in a full on tiring job and im a stay at home mother. At the moment we have more money going out in bills then is comming in and we cant afford to eat. I want to work but i cant get my daughter into childcare and have no one to look after her for me. I have tried looking into working from home but nothing came up. I dont know what to do and i think my partner is starting to resent me for everything as it was my idea to have our baby.
The main thing that is killing us is that roger has another child (i didnt know this when we got together and probably wouldnt be with him if i had known) anyway the child support is taking a huge percentage of his wages and this causes us to fight over it. I just cant believe he was stupid enough to get a girl pregnant on a one night stand.
Im doubting my love for him and i know thats not fair but i feel i would be better off without him. He smokes, he wastes money and if i try to tell him to stop he gets angry with me.
Should i pack up and move home to my parents in NSW or what? I just dont know how to make things better.
Please Help,
Tracey

[Caitlin's Mum]

Tracey you sound so sad! What suburb are you from? I struggled to get my daughter into childcare but I just kept ringing around and eventually I found somewhere and she just loves it. Even if you can get your bub in for a couple of days a week it might help. If you are really not happy with your partner then maybe you should consider moving back to your family - or even give it a trial run.

Hang in there - at least you have your little one to put a smile on your face.

Katrina
Mum to Caitlin (2.3)

[Eleni's Mum]

Hi Tracey

I feel so bad for you, i understand that awful feeling of money in not equaling money out. i sometimes feel that my husband blames me for us no longer having that lifestyle of going out and buying what we liked.

I have an idea - have you tried the council for home child care. I know in NSW because there aren't enough child care places they have strated using at home child care. Maybe you could run one yourself. It's usually run by a Mum with 4 or 5 kids. Give them a call.

Jenni

[Gemma]

Hi,

try family day care in brisbane, it is where a mum looks after a small group of kids at her home in your area, its easier to get into than "daycare" and charges by the hour instead of a flat daily fee.

I would be really annoyed if he spends money that you don't have yet blames you for your financil position, regardless if you wanted the baby. Being partners is about working things out together amicably and if he is too immature to know that then you and the baby are better off without him. Maybe a small separation would be in your best intrest and give him a reality check.

Why don't you ring the Salvo's or Relationships Aust. councelling line (look in the front of your white pages). You can be annonomous, but I think you need to talk with someone. Have you rung your family? Having a chat might calm your mind in order to make the right decision for you and your baby.

Remember, you and your baby need eachother, and if one is happy so will the other one, so do what is best for you and bub not an immature partner.

[Christine]

Hi Tracey

I definitely know how you feel. When I met my husband 8 years ago, he had 3 kids we had to pay maintenance for. The 2 eldest are now young adults, but we still pay an amount for the youngest one, who is almost 15. Three more years to go, and we will be relieved of the commitment. It can be difficult, especially if there is no real relationship with the mother or child, which happened with DH's 2 eldest. We have had many difficult times. Try not to resent your husband or the other party and child, as it does take two.

Gemma is absolutely right when saying being partners is about working things out together. Personally, I wouldn't recommend separating just yet. I have also been there (divorced, as was my husband) and it is extremely devastating and heartbreaking.

Family Day care is also an option. My little boy has been in FDC since last October and he has loved it. It was a chance for me to go back to work, and have just a little of my own time. He will be in a CCC soon and I'm sure we will both miss his day care mum. It is not expensive and quite flexible. You could also do this yourself if you think you would be up to it to earn a bit of income. They are listed in the white pages under Family Day Care.

I have also sent you my phone number in a pm. Please call me if you want to, I am absolutely all ears, if you want someone to talk to. I know life can be difficult. There have been times when I have questioned many things in my relationship, but if you really love each other (sorry for the cliche) it can work out.

Try to keep smiling, especially for your beautiful little girl.

[Kaileb&Chloesmummy]

Chin up sweetheart i've been through what your going through - alot of tears and fighting , we had no money no food but there is light at the end of the tunnel, if you need a person to talk to email me on kazziemack@hotmail.com and maybe we can catch up aswell... i know what your feeling i had 3yrs of feeling nothing just tears and sadness but we got through it , we have 2 kids and my partner also has another from a one night stand .... were do you live i'm at manly west and where my little boy goes to kindy there are spaces avail now.. so email me and keep your chin up, it will get better......karen :p

[Lachlan's Mum]

Hi Tracey,

I really feel for you after reading your post. I can not say I have been in your position, as DH & I have only had hard financial times BEFORE bub's was born..so that it entirely different, although I do know the strain it can put on a relationship..not to mention a baby!!

Anyway, what I am getting at is that you are in a high stress situation at the moment, which is probably making things seem a little worse than they really are (and I don't want you to think I am saying you don't have probs or making light) but I agree not to chuck in the towel on the relationship just yet...at least for bub's sake. You do have to work as a team to work these things out and I hope your partner is mature enough to co-operate.

Not a solution or anything, but perhaps a coping mechanism to give you strength to work through it, have you spoken to your GP? Maybe there is some element of PND etc??

It helps to talk confidentially to such people.

If you need to talk, feel free to message me.

Melanie :)

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY!!