I really need dream help.

[Baldie's Mum]

I am having re-occuring dreams about my Ex-boyfriend. I havent seen him for 5 years and we went out for 2 years. He was my 1st love and we lost our virginity to eachother ect ect!

So i keep having dreams (that are now to the really bothering me point) that we somehow run into eachother and I declare my undying love for him and that i have always loved him, and then he does the same! He then tells me that he wants to be with me. I then bring up that he has his girlfriend V and i have my HUSBAND J!!!! So what are we going to do??? Some dreams we end up in a loving embrace and other dreams it ends with us deciding to be with one another. So of the dreams we kiss. All of the dreams go along the same line of "i miss you, i love you, i need yo" ect ect!

As i said, i havent seen him for years and the dreams are happening at LEAST once a week, sometimes a few times a week!
I wake up feeling so guilty and i am now to the point of wanting to go to a counceller!!! :(

Can anyone help me???????

p.s......i think the dreams bother me more cause in 2001 i had a dream that my best friend died in a car accident, i told him the next morning! In 2004 he died in a car accident, the exact way i drempt! :gloomy:

[missmilliesmum]

Hi Ains,

I have been following your TTC journey and I saw this post and thought I might try and give you some advice? I may not be able to help much tho!

Firstly, I honestly know nothing about dream interpretation, but I can only offer my opinion on what I THINK it may mean based on my own experiences?

I think maybe you are having these dreams as an escape from the realities of your own life???

I am so sorry to hear that you lost Jimmy. That must have been such a hard and stressful time for you, I can't even begin to imagine. :hugs:

I know that when my marriage has been through stressful times, I often dream of my ex and how different my life would be If I were with him?

Remember - It is only a dream! I love my DH and would never consider not being with him but dreaming allows you to be free and explore all those missed opportunities per say.

I think you dreaming of your Ex in a romantic way, may be your way of coping with the stress and loss of your baby and all your struggles with TTC?

May I ask? Are you seeing a counsellor to help you with your TTC journey and your grief over losing Jimmy? I think it might be a wonderful idea if you are not already? (Just a suggestion)

I want to reassure you that I don't think it means that you love your husband any less or that you actually would consider doing what you are dreaming about...I simply think it may just be your subconcious letting you know that you have been through a difficult time and may need some help?

Just my interpretation! I really hope this makes sense and that you are not offended by my humble opinion (Which may be way off base!)

I wish you all the best Ains, you seem like such a lovely lady who deserves everything she desires! I really hope you and Josh realise your baby dream soon! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[bronny-jane]

hey mate, i know the feeling of tragic dreams coming true... ive been there myself.. horrible..you think why didnt you stop it, but i think its just a glimpse into the future..personally i think our path is pre written..no matter much we think we have free will;)

as for your ex dreams.. maybe its not the person, but perhaps the passion of the relationship.. not for him, just the emotions, or even personality traits.. i mean you were with the guy for 2 years, must have been some redeeming qualities...

now forgive me for being so forward;)
how are things now in with your dh, are you guys having any issues, that perhaps you'd rather some part of him, or his actions were more like the ex..

not talking in a sexual sense.. ;)

[Baldie's Mum]

Thanks so much Sarah!!!! :hugs: I am actually thinking about seeing a counceller, just to get everything out and have a different perspective on things!

I am clearly a little sensitive to dreams and everything thats going on........:o

Thank you for all your help! xoxoxo

[Baldie's Mum]

hey mate, i know the feeling of tragic dreams coming true... ive been there myself.. horrible..you think why didnt you stop it, but i think its just a glimpse into the future..personally i think our path is pre written..no matter much we think we have free will;)

as for your ex dreams.. maybe its not the person, but perhaps the passion of the relationship.. not for him, just the emotions, or even personality traits.. i mean you were with the guy for 2 years, must have been some redeeming qualities...

now forgive me for being so forward;)
how are things now in with your dh, are you guys having any issues, that perhaps you'd rather some part of him, or his actions were more like the ex..

not talking in a sexual sense.. ;)

Things with Dh are fine.......but then ya know there is family things that annoy me, and the whole TTC and IVF thing is there! But in saying that he is REALLY good to me and when he has gone too far (like not coming to a D&C with me) he knows and he really makes up for it. I am spoilt by him, but then he expects me to handle his family company.....so we have a lot of mutual respect for one another and a lot of love as well.

The ex actually leaves his GF behind and works on board a MASSIVE private super yatch in the mediteranian for most of the year, and i definatly dont like that idea. I have never wanted to go travelling/backpacking and so his lifestyle doesnt appeal to me at all. We are so different these days, even down to music choice and i am pretty sure he and i would be stumped for conversation if we met up! Sex wise, with the ex it was great, loads of it.....but hey we were 16,17 and some of 18! so..........;) With DH it is great! We have it often but i do wish a little more........:rolleyes: He works REALLY long hrs and has alot on his plate, but no way am i unsatisfied.

Thanks so much for all your help!!! :hugs:

[Baldie's Mum]

I had the dream again last night! This time we ended with a passionate kiss! WTF?!?!?

I thought maybe i had this dream when things were getting a little tough with DH but things are really good at the moment and i am now out of ideas!!!! LOL

:hair: :hair: :hair: :hair:

[~Temet Nosce~]

I dunno, maybe it's the season for it, I had a dream about an ex last night too. But thankfully, I turned him down and stuck with my dp :yes:

wish I had an answer for you.. must be bloody annoying! Maybe you need closure on something, and should contact him? It's touchy though, I guess.

[Baldie's Mum]

i have often thought i needed closure, but what about???? I havent seen or spoken to him in about 5 years!!!!! :rolleyes: And if i was to contact him, it would be through FB PM but what the h3ll would i say?????? Hi i have been dreaming about you and i am sick of it???? LOL

[~Temet Nosce~]

Maybe just hi, how are you, long time no see, what have you been up to :) etc. etc.

[Baldie's Mum]

yeah we both know what we had, and the last time i saw him (which was at my best friends funeral) i acted like a total idiot and it was bad!
So contacting him for me even by PM is totally scary! Even though he isnt in the country! :o

[RoarsomeMum]

I STILL dream about my first love.. (and for a while it WAS cause things were crap with DH and I, not connecting on sooooooooooooo many levels..)

I think I was missing that *passion* as in the first love spark.. my past, my family, my home town.. I was missing heaps of things that were connected with him..

Actually DID end up adding him on FB, and the dreams escalated for a while :o (he is darn attractive, must admit that! lol) and then dwindled off.. (I think the magic was broken seeing him as he really was, instead of how my memory painted him!)

As for the premonition :hugs:god, that must have been scary.. and so very sad... but considering the varied amount of subject matter dreams use, if you sat down and wrote out every bit of any given dream some of it will inevitably come true.. - from the simple things like having a cup of tea with too much sugar, to horrible deaths... Does not mean your NOT Psychic, but it's a common (and often scary) occurrence for every day people like me too..

[CookiesRYum]

Hey

I am SOO relate to what you are saying - EXACTLY the same thing has just happened to me!!!

I just had a miscarriage around the same time as you; my marriage is pretty good and I have no intention of getting back with my ex etc.

But then about two weeks after the miscarriage I started dreaming about my ex (my first love too and the one I lost my virignity too). The dreams lasted on and off for around two weeks - we would hook up in some, others I would say no but really wanted too, he has a girlfriend and im married and we talked about that in the dream and it was kind of like we shouldn't but we should??? - it was soo wierd - I would wake up feeling guilty and then wondering if I still had feelings for him???

In the end I contacted him on FB and asked how he was. I do have strange dreams and sometimes dreams about what is happening, so he wasn't surprised when I told him. I didn't say oh I had a dream we should hook up and was wondering if we should. I didn't want to say CRAZY!!!!

I basically told him I had this dream where we ran into each other; and had discussed how our lifes turned out and how things may have been different if we were together. That I knew we SHOULDN'T be together, but that there was more something unresolved between us. I told him about the miscarriage and explained that it was probably in relation to that, but what did it mean.

Basically; for me I think it was some sort of closure for that FIRST LOVE - but it definately had a connection to my miscarriage - I am still not sure why but I just know it was.???

I pretty much told him all the things I never told him when we were together/just broken up - I was surprised that I really thought them - but it was healing I guess and as part of healing from the miscarraige the pain/ideals of first love attach to that is some way???

For me it was hard, becos he STILL thinks I am the one and would love to be with me etc.. but it's not how things should be. There was alot that was never discussed when we broke up and I guess it had been playing on my mind - I still didn't really get the answers but it was like by talking to him I FINALLY put HIM BEHIND ME.

I think EVERYONE holds onto their first love for various reasons, and I think at some point we need to mourn them; for me this obviously happened when I had a misscarriage.

I was relieved that for me it didnt mean we should be together and I had to leave my husband. But I swear the dreams where pretty intense and I was questioning if I had lost the plot!!!

Oh and I haven't dreamt about him since!

[Baldie's Mum]

oh thats exactly how i feel Cara! I dont have any intention to be with him, but these dreama are so vivid it scares me a little (cause of my best friends car accident) I wouldnt know what to say to him. We did the e-mail thing when he first added me on FB but the dreams were before then. They have been going for about 3 years! They have just become so so so frequent now that when i wake up i feel so guilty and gross.
RM- the dream i had about my best friend was pretty much down to the last detail on what he was wearing ect, so to have these that re occur and all of them have similar 'story lines' it just gets me a little........:(

[CookiesRYum]

Ains

Ahh darls I know how you feel - but mine was only for a couple of weeks!

Honestly, I have had some dreams that seem to foretell the future and some dreams that are just messages that I can't quite hear from myself when I am awake. Most of them though are my own messages and not fortelling the future. I think foe the vast majority of ppl who dream (even those who are pyhsic) most dreams are something INTERNAL rather then EXTERNAL.

When you are dreaming are you ever aware that it's a dream? I can always tell that is a dream and have some ablitity to ask what it means while its happening or change the outcome. Like in the dream what is your feelings/needs: are you happy, sad, confused, excited, lost, hurt, afraid???? And Why?

It is a really vague thing so I don't know how to explain it, but when I dreaming about my ex for like the 5th night in a row - I was like right what is the FEELING - and although we were hooking up the actual deeper feeling: was excitement as this POSSIBILITY a PERFECT LOVE. In my dream I just wanted to be loved, safe and NOT WORRIED. I was looking for a place where nothing went wrong and I never got hurt. Where I loved as much as I wanted and it never went 'wrong' -

For me when I thought about it and after I had spoken to my ex - the dream was me trying to re-connect with some NOTION of a PERFECT LOVE; you know the innocence of a first love where nothing is a problem and ignorance is bliss kind of thing. That's what I was seeking in my dream - not actually my EX - but what my ex reprsented in my mind - innocence, love and possibility. In reality he is not that person, but because it was my first love, it was my minds ways of telling me this feeling of love, safety, etc was what I was needing.

And in reality I was looking for that - all the sh*t those goes with me m.c: I just wanted that innocence and possiblity back. It was exactly like having my heart broken with my first love and somehow in my mind if I could make that work it would restore some faith in the "universe" and "love" all that stuff that I guess I was obviously feeling cheated of in real life. REally, when I had the m.c I felt pretty similar things to what I felt when I broke up with my ex - that loss of innocence IYKWIM?

I see from your signature that you have been TTC for a while - did the dreams start around the same time???

Perhaps, it is all those emotions comign to the surface. That in your reality you want that feeling (like you have in your dreams with your ex) It not that you WANT YOUR EX because if you had him it wouldn't actually be liek the dreams like you said, but it's that feeling.

I don't know you so I don't want to tell you how you feel etc, but perhaps that feeling you are seeking is just actually in relation to TTC. I mean do you really think your EX is the one who got away???

Maybe it would be a good idea to talk it out with a councellor??

:hugs:

[WorkingClassMum]

Check This (http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art39117.asp) Out

[delirium]

Maybe this isn't really about your ex as such. Maybe he is a reminder of a time in the past when you were carefree and had no responsibility. You have lost a child, gone thru the strain of IVF so many times, you have a lot of 'adult' stresses. Just maybe you are escaping to a time in your mind when you didn't have those stresses???

[spiritualmama]

Maybe this isn't really about your ex as such. Maybe he is a reminder of a time in the past when you were carefree and had no responsibility. You have lost a child, gone thru the strain of IVF so many times, you have a lot of 'adult' stresses. Just maybe you are escaping to a time in your mind when you didn't have those stresses???
:iagree: totally!

[Baldie's Mum]

Ains


When you are dreaming are you ever aware that it's a dream? I can always tell that is a dream and have some ablitity to ask what it means while its happening or change the outcome. Like in the dream what is your feelings/needs: are you happy, sad, confused, excited, lost, hurt, afraid???? And Why?

I see from your signature that you have been TTC for a while - did the dreams start around the same time???

Maybe it would be a good idea to talk it out with a councellor??



I am never aware that it is a dream. The dreams involve people of the past and the present. In the dreams i see him (ex) and i can feel the butterflies in my tummy. I am so relieved to see him, hold him, touch him and most of all to have him hold and touch me. I am married to DH in all of these dreams and i say clearly in all the dreams "i know i am married but i want to be with you" :eek: Sometimes i ask him "what about Venessa" (his current GF) and he just kisses me.
There is a relief that i feel in the dream when we embrace. That i am complete with him.
(I hate these dreams.......)


The dreams started after my best friend died. EX was an a$$ at the funeral, i was so dissapointed in him for not helping me through it all........but we werent together, we hadnt spoken for nearly 2 years.


I will be speaking to a IVF counceller but i dont know whether she will be happy to deal with my clearly f***ed up dreams! :rolleyes: ( i know i am not wanting to!!!)



Maybe this isn't really about your ex as such. Maybe he is a reminder of a time in the past when you were carefree and had no responsibility. You have lost a child, gone thru the strain of IVF so many times, you have a lot of 'adult' stresses. Just maybe you are escaping to a time in your mind when you didn't have those stresses???


It is possible..........but the love i feel for him in the dreams is just so strong and its like deep, passionate, everlasting, eternal, perfect, need....like i would die without him....LOVE! :hissy:

[CookiesRYum]

there were lots of ppl in my dream too.. and then across the room I see him and we like levitate towards each other - like some bloody mills and booms novel and I feel like im on cloud nine; but like you wondering becos I know im married and I know he has a girlfriend. In fact both his g.f and my hubby are in the room somewhere too. but it doesn't matter - its like we are the only two ppl on the planet and things will somehow magically work out.

That's why for me I can see that its not ACTUALLY my ex - but what he represents; maybe that anything is possible in love, or that I want to feel this love etc.

It's not even the SAME love that I felt with I was going out with him.

I don't know .. what do you think it means??

Do you think it's HIM or do you think its something he represents? or do you think its somethign you need from him - like beign there when your friend passed?

[delirium]

It is possible..........but the love i feel for him in the dreams is just so strong and its like deep, passionate, everlasting, eternal, perfect, need....like i would die without him....LOVE! :hissy:


Well then maybe it's more literal. Is your DH as romantic as he used to be? Maybe you want him to yearn for you like he used to... for it to be this passionate love you are not getting now? Could you feel deep down that you had that with your ex?

[Baldie's Mum]

There are 2 thoughts in my head.

1. Is that i just need closure. I need to tell him how hurt i was that he didnt believe me. I need to tell him that i was really angry that he didnt help me through Todds funeral. And maybe there is a part of me that misses him, but i am 99% sure those feelings are from the dreams! :rolleyes:

2. Is that i am just so overloaded with the hurt and dissapointment that comes with TTC. I also struggle with DH's family business and how i often feel that i am not the 1st thing on my husbands mind when it comes to his life. It wasnt always like that though. I used to work in the family business with them, then BIL got a GF (now his ex) and she was a gold digger, so i was asked not to be involved in the company.......and then when they broke up i was told that i could come back in and be a part of the company......then once again when BIL got his current GF who is a bit 'complicated' (already has kids and finacially involved with her ex for the kids.....ect) i was told once again that the company "was none of my business". So i am a little pi$$ed at that.

So i think you will all probably say "i think you have just solved your dreams....." Maybe i have, maybe i havent.....only the dreams will tell! :laughing: :rolleyes: :dizzy:

[Baldie's Mum]

Well then maybe it's more literal. Is your DH as romantic as he used to be? Maybe you want him to yearn for you like he used to... for it to be this passionate love you are not getting now? Could you feel deep down that you had that with your ex?

When i was with EX he was the IT man at school. He was the hottest guy for years! LOL! (somehow i scored that) So there was a sence of pride that came along with dating him, iykwim! With DH, there isnt anything like that, its not a "showy" relationship, that sounds aweful!!!!! Its not on the same shallow grounds that EX's relationshop was. Me and DH dont need to "show" around. There isnt much passion or dating or romance in our relationship. He works hard so, i dont expect that at all.


OH GOD I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! :dizzy:

[delirium]

Maybe you are getting to the core of it then ;)

[CookiesRYum]

I don't know - but I think your on track to sorting it out.. just wait and see if you have another dream - now that you are thinking about what it means, rather then feeling guilty for shaggin your ex in your dreams it should get easier and easier to desifer (sp) what it means..

I take it from your post; that your ex didn't believe you about Todd - do you mean about the dream you had? Maybe you need him to accept that or at least tell him how you feel about those things? And about how he acted at the funeral - that you feel he let you down??

Good lucks sweets, just keep being aware of your dreams; I'm sure they will reveal themselves eventually.

It sounds like you have had a rough time with the TTC, as well as the family business. It seems you have a whole tonne on your plate - does your DH understand what all this really means? I know he didn't go to the D&C with you; that must have been hard. You said he makes things up to you which is great, but does he understand the general pressure you are under? My DH doesn't understand the whole m.c thing let alone what it would be like for IVF. I am sure he is madly madly in love with you; he seems to want this just as much as you do even though its a tough road - he wouldn't do all that if he didn't love you. But maybe he just needs to understand a bit more, and maybe you feel like the burdon is yours alone to carry.

I don't really have any answers so here is a :hugs: instead.

I probably made NO SENSE!!!! But what I think I mean is see what your next dream is like and let us all know and we can all see what we think? Maybe it will change slightlynow you have started ID some things it may be???

[Baldie's Mum]

I take it from your post; that your ex didn't believe you about Todd - do you mean about the dream you had? Maybe you need him to accept that or at least tell him how you feel about those things? And about how he acted at the funeral - that you feel he let you down??


Not that he didnt believe me about the dream but at the funeral he stood behind me and didnt comfort me when i started bawling. I chose to stay out of the lime light of the funeral (iykwim) and stand at the back.....I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me cause he was the only one who would have realised what Todd meant to me..and what his death did to me....cause he had to not compete, but Todd was always in my life, every day........so Ben (ex) had to deal with him! iykwim!!!!!