Vent! My partners ex is so nasty grrrr

[MyTwoBlue]

Im so so so so over my partners ex she is a manipulative psycho b!tch. Long long long story but to make it short my man and his ex have a verbal parenting agreement regarding their 3 year old daugther. The agreement is that he has her on Sundays. Most Sundays she is 'sick' so he misses out. She cancels whenever it suits her and he misses out, but whenever he wants to see her on a special occasion she will make sure he cant see her. This Monday its her 3rd birthday and she is once again not surprisingly not allowing him to see her. She sends him the message at 9pm when she knows he is going to sleep (he gets up at 3am) so he cant sleep.

He is in the process of getting a parenting plan in place but until then my question is....

He wants to have her on Sunday and not take her back? Thoughts?

[onionskin]

Legally i think he has every right to do this. If there is no order in place.

I would think long and hard though, the damage that this could cause to his relationship with his ex could be irrepareable.

I would be getting a written order asap. It isn't fair the way she isnt letting him see his dd.

[jellea88]

You would want to be very careful doing something like that, because although it is a verbal agreement and she has broken it on many occassions it still stands. If you don't take her back on Sunday you could be looking at kidnapping charges, then any hope of a fair parenting plan would go out the window. Does centrelink and CSA knw of the verbal agreement? if so and you talk to them about her with holding you right to see the daughter, they may be able to fast track the agreement. But I'm not entirely sure, but asking never hurt anyone.

I'm sorry you are in a situation like this, people just get on their high horse sometimes and like to make it hard for others as punishment. I hope the parenting plan comes quickly for your partner so he can see his little girl, it's a real shame that when the dad wants to be apart of their child's life, the mother makes it difficult and then makes the child feel as though the dad does not want them.

Big :hugs::hugs: to help you guys through this waiting period.

[MyTwoBlue]

Thanks for the reply onionskin, and no offence to anyone with bi-polar disorder please dont take this personally but this is what his ex has and it is so so hard to deal with. She is so bizarre sending outrageous messages etc. Anyway my partner is so patient with her, but she walks all over him! And he says things like this, but im sure this time he is serious. Im mostly concerned about his daughters welfare, but then again living with such an unstable women worries me more...his daughter says things to me like 'can i crack the babies heads open' etc! I feel so bad for my partner, he isnt one of those piece of sh!t dads like my ex, but we are fed up :confused:

[MyTwoBlue]

So couldnt we ring the police on Sundays when she refuses my partner his daughter when its his day? Thing is she will always say their daughter is sick so how can you argue with that? Its kind of like i want to say 'well if she is this sick all the time, im going to take her under my care so i can do my best to make her well'??

[mummy2lilly]

his daughter says things to me like 'can i crack the babies heads open' etc!


OMG you serious about her saying this? If she is saying that at this age gord knows what she will be like in another 10 or so years time. I feel so sorry for both of you and this little girl.:hugs:
If she is saying stuff to you like this could the mother be trying to turn her againest you and you dp? I would be seeking legal action. Also i would try and get full custody of her. I know it may sound harsh but it sounds as tho you and your partner would give her a better up bringing. I know no mother should not have there child taken off them. But its really unfair on your DSD and you Dp

[dreamtobeamummy]

I would be taking legal action..

Make sure you document everything that the daughter says ie: 'can I crack the baby's head open'... and also document everything the mother says, keep all texts etc etc.

I would be fighting for full custody if I was him! :)

[MyTwoBlue]

Thanks girls, i rang the police to see what they said and they pretty much said if their is no court order in place she doesnt have a leg to stand on, of course im concerned though as to how this could impact our future plans to have her with us more. She has also said things like 'tricking the babies mummy'....this is awful, i feel so hurt, i love this little girl and her mother is hurting her by doing all this nonsense...far out i wish i knew what to do!

[onionskin]

Thanks girls, i rang the police to see what they said and they pretty much said if their is no court order in place she doesnt have a leg to stand on, of course im concerned though as to how this could impact our future plans to have her with us more. She has also said things like 'tricking the babies mummy'....this is awful, i feel so hurt, i love this little girl and her mother is hurting her by doing all this nonsense...far out i wish i knew what to do!

:hugs::hugs: I don't have any practical advice sorry.

She does sound a little unstable though. Tread carefully.

[Cupcake85]

I would be getting the orders in place ASAP (consent/parenting orders not a parenting plan) and documenting everything that is said/done. At the moment I would not be just keeping the child because it could make things look bad for you down the track. As the police said - without orders she doesn't have a leg to stand on in regards to you just keeping her but then again neither do you.

ETA - a parenting plan on its own is NOT legally enforceable - they need to be submitted to the family law court and signed off to become consent orders which ARE legally enforceable. See Relationships Australia for info

[hsvmum09]

Im so so so so over my partners ex she is a manipulative psycho b!tch. Long long long story but to make it short my man and his ex have a verbal parenting agreement regarding their 3 year old daugther. The agreement is that he has her on Sundays. Most Sundays she is 'sick' so he misses out. She cancels whenever it suits her and he misses out, but whenever he wants to see her on a special occasion she will make sure he cant see her. This Monday its her 3rd birthday and she is once again not surprisingly not allowing him to see her. She sends him the message at 9pm when she knows he is going to sleep (he gets up at 3am) so he cant sleep.

He is in the process of getting a parenting plan in place but until then my question is....

He wants to have her on Sunday and not take her back? Thoughts?


Thanks girls, i rang the police to see what they said and they pretty much said if their is no court order in place she doesnt have a leg to stand on



Ok there are no court orders but there is a status quo and you will not win this in the courts if your partner does not return his daughter! She is this childs mother whether you like it or not! Your partner needs to get a solicitor and organise mediation asap, you need court orders.

The police are unable to become involved in family law matters unless there is a recovery order issued or welfare concerns, your actions in keeping this child will be frowned upon!

Sorry if i am a bit blunt not meaning to sound like a b!tch or offend you!

[SweetSerenity]

I agree, not returning her would be not only traumatic to the mother but the daughter too :yes: It's not a nice thing to do regardless of what's happening.

What she's doing is absolutely disgusting too, but don't go to her level by not returning the daughter, it's just not good, mainly for the child.

Get legal help ASAP and get a parenting order in writing :yes:

Good luck with it all, would be so hard to have to deal with that.

[SimplyMum]

Have a party on the Sunday. The poor little one, it must be so hard for a 3yo to deal with someone who has bipolar. I hope she gets to spend more and more time with you and your family to see a family CAN LIVE lovingly and happily. Just be there for her as much as possible.

[Me]

Perhaps you and your DP could organise some councilling for the little girl(and if the mother doesn't show up then that looks all the better for you in court), it sounds like she is deeply emotionally troubled. The councilling will not only be good for her, but it will also help when it goes to court to show that you and your DP have a valid interest in the little girl being apart of your lives. (ok my thinking is that the mother is possibly going to argue that your DP never see's his DD and never makes an effort, always cancels etc thinking it's her word against his - so please also ask him to keep the text messages when she sends them to cancel).

It sounds like the little girl will benefit greatly from being more involved in your family. To grow up knowing her siblings will benefit her for the rest of her life.

[YMo7]

i didn't have time to read all the posts but i skimmed through them and got the general gist... if i am wrong, please correct me...

i just wanted to let you know, without advising you what i think is best because i don't know the situation well enough to tell you what i would do...

you can not get charged for kidnapping your own child. my dh and i kept his children after a visit 2 years ago WITH having court orders in place that stated that she had full custody of the children and we were to have access once in every fortnight for the weekend. as of that day (due to disgusting living arrangements and lifestyle for my stepchildren whilst living with their mother) we have had sole custody of my dh's children. we went to court AFTER we kept the children and due to the circumstances with the treatment of my darling stepchildren, my dh AND i are both on the court orders to say that we have the sole care of the kids. she see's them every month at her own place for a weekend(when she could be bothered travelling to pick them up) now but in the beginning it was all supervised visits at relationships australia. i was actually the person who picked the kids up at the beginning of the visit without my dh. and neither of us got charged with anything. in fact in our case, we spoke to a lawyer who advised us to keep them in our custody until court proceedings due to the neglect....

anyway - i could go on forever but like i said, our case could be entirely different to yours... do what you think is in the best interest of the child. not because you guys dont get along with the other part of her family or anything like that - but if you do decide to keep her an extra night, do it because you feel that her upbringing is in jeopardy with the other parent, not out of spite.. (even though it would be so easy. LOL) ... and if you do decide to do it, the police can't take her away from you. they can turn up on your doorstep and ask to see her to make sure she is safe and looked after but they will need a recovery order to be able to take her away and that will take a few days and the mother would have to prove to the court that the child resides with her permanently before she got it. if you decide to take her back on the sunday night... you could have a spectacular party during the day before she goes home... i live with all 7 of our kids and we often celebrate on a day when everyone can be there instead of the actual day... (we still have a cake and pressie on the day but its very low key with all the excitement on the party day)

HTH and I haven't said anything to tread on anyones toes int he process.

[mandlsmum]

Again, I haven't read all the posts, but here is my POV.

I would be seeking legal help, before you decide anything, and keeping a diary of EVERYTHING. Every single text message, how the child behaves, how the mother behaves at pick up and drop off, the hygiene of the child etc.

If you were to just take the child, then it is likely the courts would say that you have damaged the child by tearing her away from the mother. Even if it's in the childs best interest. It is horrible that it is like that though.

However if you were to approach the courts with a proposal, showing that the mother is rather unstable, and is determined to block the relationship with father and child, yet you propose the child live with you, and spend substantial time with the mother. So it seems that you do not want to destroy the relationship between mother and child iykwim?

However my cousin was in a similar situation, had his lawyer lodge the parenting order forms in the court registry stating that he intended on removing the children that day for their safety. The Judge allowed the children to remain with him, as he was pro-active on getting the situation sorted out.

Good luck :hugs:

[delirium]

I wouldn't not return the child. Your partner needs to go to court to seek a formal custody order with access plans. That way, if she keeps refusing to send the child, she is in breach of the order. As far as him wanting to keep his daughter full time - as others have said, document everything of consequence to build a case that he is the more suitable parent. Then file for sole custody.

My advice is to do it the formal way, as while it won't be kidnapping, your hubby's ex will probably file for formal custody if you keep the child, and it won't look good in the court that you kept the children.

[MyTwoBlue]

OMG you serious about her saying this? If she is saying that at this age gord knows what she will be like in another 10 or so years time. I feel so sorry for both of you and this little girl.:hugs:
If she is saying stuff to you like this could the mother be trying to turn her againest you and you dp? I would be seeking legal action. Also i would try and get full custody of her. I know it may sound harsh but it sounds as tho you and your partner would give her a better up bringing. I know no mother should not have there child taken off them. But its really unfair on your DSD and you Dp

Yep 100% serious, and i dont doubt she fills her head with crap etc. Another thing is when i ask her what she had for dinner last night she says 'pasta bolognase' EVERYTIME!! and when my DP asked her about it she admitted this is what she eats every night. And when she is at our house she refuses to eat anything but crap...wonder why! We are seeking legal action, she doesnt deserve to have her when she manipulates her...its wrong.


I would be taking legal action..

Make sure you document everything that the daughter says ie: 'can I crack the baby's head open'... and also document everything the mother says, keep all texts etc etc.

I would be fighting for full custody if I was him! :)

Dont you worry, i make sure he keeps every psycho message from her ex etc!


I would be getting the orders in place ASAP (consent/parenting orders not a parenting plan) and documenting everything that is said/done. At the moment I would not be just keeping the child because it could make things look bad for you down the track. As the police said - without orders she doesn't have a leg to stand on in regards to you just keeping her but then again neither do you.

ETA - a parenting plan on its own is NOT legally enforceable - they need to be submitted to the family law court and signed off to become consent orders which ARE legally enforceable. See Relationships Australia for info

We are in the process of getting one, and we are going to take it to the court so if she tries anything tricky...and she will (i.e not letting us see her) she will be breaking the law. grrrr she is so stupid but she thinks she is so smart. She told my DP that now he could see her for half an hour on her birthday LOL what a joke...so i told him to tell her 'no worries, and next year on her birthday ill have her for the day and you can see her for half an hour' LOL she didnt like that at all, took back the half an hour visit she so graciously 'gave' him...but this is good for us in mediation i think.


Ok there are no court orders but there is a status quo and you will not win this in the courts if your partner does not return his daughter! She is this childs mother whether you like it or not! Your partner needs to get a solicitor and organise mediation asap, you need court orders.

The police are unable to become involved in family law matters unless there is a recovery order issued or welfare concerns, your actions in keeping this child will be frowned upon!

Sorry if i am a bit blunt not meaning to sound like a b!tch or offend you!

She might be her mothers daughter but she is also her fathers daughter and she is denying her the right!


I agree, not returning her would be not only traumatic to the mother but the daughter too :yes: It's not a nice thing to do regardless of what's happening.

What she's doing is absolutely disgusting too, but don't go to her level by not returning the daughter, it's just not good, mainly for the child.

Get legal help ASAP and get a parenting order in writing :yes:

Good luck with it all, would be so hard to have to deal with that.

After i thought about it, i agree it would be too traumatic FOR HER MOTHER....her daughter chucks a tanty when we have to take her home cos she doesnt want to go...she wants to sleep over.


Have a party on the Sunday. The poor little one, it must be so hard for a 3yo to deal with someone who has bipolar. I hope she gets to spend more and more time with you and your family to see a family CAN LIVE lovingly and happily. Just be there for her as much as possible.

We had the party, just our family and had an awesome day thanks!


Perhaps you and your DP could organise some councilling for the little girl(and if the mother doesn't show up then that looks all the better for you in court), it sounds like she is deeply emotionally troubled. The councilling will not only be good for her, but it will also help when it goes to court to show that you and your DP have a valid interest in the little girl being apart of your lives. (ok my thinking is that the mother is possibly going to argue that your DP never see's his DD and never makes an effort, always cancels etc thinking it's her word against his - so please also ask him to keep the text messages when she sends them to cancel).

It sounds like the little girl will benefit greatly from being more involved in your family. To grow up knowing her siblings will benefit her for the rest of her life.

Her mother already has her at a pschologist to help her deal with her fathers new relationship with me LOL more like deal with her mothers unstable head!


i didn't have time to read all the posts but i skimmed through them and got the general gist... if i am wrong, please correct me...

i just wanted to let you know, without advising you what i think is best because i don't know the situation well enough to tell you what i would do...

you can not get charged for kidnapping your own child. my dh and i kept his children after a visit 2 years ago WITH having court orders in place that stated that she had full custody of the children and we were to have access once in every fortnight for the weekend. as of that day (due to disgusting living arrangements and lifestyle for my stepchildren whilst living with their mother) we have had sole custody of my dh's children. we went to court AFTER we kept the children and due to the circumstances with the treatment of my darling stepchildren, my dh AND i are both on the court orders to say that we have the sole care of the kids. she see's them every month at her own place for a weekend(when she could be bothered travelling to pick them up) now but in the beginning it was all supervised visits at relationships australia. i was actually the person who picked the kids up at the beginning of the visit without my dh. and neither of us got charged with anything. in fact in our case, we spoke to a lawyer who advised us to keep them in our custody until court proceedings due to the neglect....

anyway - i could go on forever but like i said, our case could be entirely different to yours... do what you think is in the best interest of the child. not because you guys dont get along with the other part of her family or anything like that - but if you do decide to keep her an extra night, do it because you feel that her upbringing is in jeopardy with the other parent, not out of spite.. (even though it would be so easy. LOL) ... and if you do decide to do it, the police can't take her away from you. they can turn up on your doorstep and ask to see her to make sure she is safe and looked after but they will need a recovery order to be able to take her away and that will take a few days and the mother would have to prove to the court that the child resides with her permanently before she got it. if you decide to take her back on the sunday night... you could have a spectacular party during the day before she goes home... i live with all 7 of our kids and we often celebrate on a day when everyone can be there instead of the actual day... (we still have a cake and pressie on the day but its very low key with all the excitement on the party day)

HTH and I haven't said anything to tread on anyones toes int he process.

Thanks for your time and advice and sorry this happened to you...its always the way when your the one trying to make an effort and it just gets chucked in your face by a spiteful person.


Again, I haven't read all the posts, but here is my POV.

I would be seeking legal help, before you decide anything, and keeping a diary of EVERYTHING. Every single text message, how the child behaves, how the mother behaves at pick up and drop off, the hygiene of the child etc.

If you were to just take the child, then it is likely the courts would say that you have damaged the child by tearing her away from the mother. Even if it's in the childs best interest. It is horrible that it is like that though.

However if you were to approach the courts with a proposal, showing that the mother is rather unstable, and is determined to block the relationship with father and child, yet you propose the child live with you, and spend substantial time with the mother. So it seems that you do not want to destroy the relationship between mother and child iykwim?

However my cousin was in a similar situation, had his lawyer lodge the parenting order forms in the court registry stating that he intended on removing the children that day for their safety. The Judge allowed the children to remain with him, as he was pro-active on getting the situation sorted out.

Good luck :hugs:

Like i said above...she doesnt want to go home. Her mum is the one destroying the relationship with her father so we do you draw the line? Thanks for the thougths and advice...will keep in mind.


I wouldn't not return the child. Your partner needs to go to court to seek a formal custody order with access plans. That way, if she keeps refusing to send the child, she is in breach of the order. As far as him wanting to keep his daughter full time - as others have said, document everything of consequence to build a case that he is the more suitable parent. Then file for sole custody.

My advice is to do it the formal way, as while it won't be kidnapping, your hubby's ex will probably file for formal custody if you keep the child, and it won't look good in the court that you kept the children.

It mightnt look good but its nothing to what she does to his daughter. O deary me. Thankyou everyone for the thougths etc. She even baked a cake for us to have to celebrate the birthday yesterday instead of today WTF! Psycho i tell ya. Sorry for the people who have been screwed over and been in a similar situation...just typical that for once a father gives a sh!t and the mother just destroyes it for him. sad. we are working on it. and by the way....

we returned her!

[Esperanza0908]

SIGH -- it's good to know there are others like me out there. I married a divorcee with two kids (I'm YTB a mum)-- so I have a SS16 and SD7. When I married their dad, they too were part of the package. They're wonderful kids (SD7 loves drawing and gives me pictures that say I love you) but what bothers me is they've been/are being raised by a sociopathic mother. When my H was married to her, they constantly relocated to the point where my SS16 had been to 13 schools by the time he was 13! It's no wonder he asked to move in with us a year early because he said he'd had enough of the moving. It wasn't just within a state but consisted of overseas places for NO reason/no job -- WHAT A LOSER. Then when it didn't turn out, blamed my H. The woman has never worked a FT job in her life. She relied on my H when they were together yet belittled him in front of the kids and wanted him to get a 9-5 job. Even though his work was bringing in MAJOR $ that she happily spent on expensive formula for the baby and what have you. At one point when he gave her $1500 for housekeeping $, she returned home with two pure-bred dogs! H was so angry he made her return them for a refund. She has no concept of the value of $ because she's NEVER worked FT or had to support anyone. They've been separated/divorced for five years now and to this day, she has no one in her life (men run a mile once they figure her out) and refuses to find FT work so she can keep blaming my H for her situation and then tell my SD7 that, "It's daddy's fault we have no money." I mean get off your *ss, find FT work so your child has a better future than you. Stop relying on child support. It's not for your living expenses, it's for the child. So many single mums out there work their butts off and send their kids to private school. For now she's managed to stay put so my SD7 is attending a school (some crap rural school) for the longest time ever instead of the usual six mths. It's still a plane ride away from us (which we are footing the bill) but enough for her to turn my H into a stranger to my SD7. I never badmouth her to her kids nor will I ever, that's wrong. But when I heard the words, "Mummy doesn't have money to buy me a hair brush," from my SD7 -- I had to say something - nicely of course. I pointed out that if her mummy can take her to the latest movie as soon as it comes out, then they have money. If they have a pet cat -- then that cost $ (she used to have a dog until H pointed out one day during a heated argument that if she had no $ why does she have a cat and dog?). Then I also added that mummy gets a lot of money from the gov (my SD7 is smart and knows what I mean) and that if she didn't have money, SD7 would not be allowed to live with her. Another time SD7 was asked by her dad whether she had a plant at home since they were studying plants in school and the reply was, "We don't have money". Honestly -- talk about manipulation at its finest. Every time SD7 has come to us, she's had headlice, her hair is long and very messy, she's dressed like a homeless kid and now her mother's started buying her BLACK clothing. Hello? I'm so embarassed to take her out with me because people think SD7 is MINE and she's dressed so badly I know people think I picked out her tasteless clothing. SD7's teeth are a mess but no dental visits to fix them -- and SD7's a gorgeous girl. I'm tempted to report her to DOCS. The thing I'm starting to get fed up with is the "I miss mummy" tears from SD7 when she's been with us during the school holidays. SD7 was on the ball when she returned from their second overseas residence. At 5 she was reading books to us but since going to the current rural school -- I, along with her dad and GM have noticed she's not as sharp. Can't even subtract. SD7 got good grades but hey -- she's 7. Ideally we would like to take her from her unstable environment, have her live with us, attend a private school, see family (who live within driving distance from us) on a regular basis (which her mum doesn't do -- just her aunt who lives close to them) and be exposed to things like piano lessons, dancing and swimming. SD7 has NO confidence and cried when her dad made her buy bottled water for herself in Woolies while he watched her go through the check-out. We're trying to teach her independence and being self-sufficient. That's what I was taught. Scared the hell out of me when I was 7 because I didn't speak English but I did it and I gained confidence and independence from doing it. I'm grateful to my mum for having done it. My H thinks it's too soon to take SD7 from her mum and that we should wait another two years when she finally tweaks why hardly anyone likes her mother. SD7 is so adorable, loving and affectionate but I can see her mother's contaminated her personality. She even talks like her on the phone, chews with her mouth open (since SD7 was 4 I kept telling her off about it but no change), can't use cutlery and likes sweeping food with her left hand. H said that's what his ex used to do at the dinner table. Two visits ago when it was time to leave, my H took SD7 to the airport but when the time came for the hostie to take her, she refused to say good-bye, give her dad a hug or a kiss and said, "I don't want to!" My H was very hurt but I told him she's been through a lot, is constantly hearing lies about you and can't express how she feels at this age. Maybe she doesn't want to leave us and rather not get more upset that's why she didn't say good-bye to you properly. That's another thing, her mother is cold and has NEVER kissed or hugged her own kids even after weeks of not seeing them. She simply says, "How are you," in her monotone voice. No personality this woman. She constantly badmouths their dad and can walk into a room and be fine about not greeting people she knows. Friends of mine with kids have said, be careful what you wish for. I just want the best for SD7 and so does her GM and now her dad. My SS16 is such a basket case thanks to his mother. There's no legal documentation ... my H and his ex just have a verbal agreement that the kids be with her -- well now just SD7 since SS16 has left. It's obvious she wants to stay on NewStart allowance (she works PT) so reasoning with her over custody would be deterimental. SD7 is her cash cow. In the beginning I was willing to have a civil relationship with this woman -- the mother of my SKs but she's a self-saboteur and took care of that one (long story) so there'd be no relationship. Not that I wanted to be her BF or anything - just civil. I can't stand by and watch a train go on a collision course. Seriously. What would you do about your SD7 if you were in my shoes? :banghead:

[Opinionated]

If I were him, I would be demanding to have her when she is sick. Regardless of her health status, I am sure he can parent her. Seeing her father is not swimming lessons:confused:

[eval88]

Hi everyone, that is a lot of complicated stuff I am reading about custody. I am freshly broken up from my partner and of course I had to move out with the baby. My question is, does the mother automatically get physical custody and guardianship of the child until a court order? He wants to see our son quite regularly and have overnight visits for 2 or 3 days in a row, but being 12 months old, our son is in a routine of feeding and sleeping. Until he is at least 2, I would prefer his routines not to get so disrupted. Who gets the final call on visitation, and if we cannot agree, who gets final call in the interim, before a court order is issued?

[brizbabe71]

There really is no hard and fast rules but the bottom line is that its not actually about the parents rightsits about the childs first and foremost.

Apart from the sleeping / feeding routines-is your son at risk by spending this time with his dad? I understand he is very young-if you can sort things between yourselfs to begin with and then have them formalised -mediation for the certificate / parenting plan and get those sealed as consent orders, will make for a much easier co-parenting arrangement for you both-you are going to be linked in this way via your child for a lonnnng way yet :-)

Little ones routines go through a number of changes during these really early years so I feel it's best to be as flexible as you can as you both need to be able to settle / utilise those routines in your own homes too.

It may be worth while checking out the familylawwebguide site for the more "legal implications also etc-a wealth of info can be obtained.

good luck with everything

[eval88]

Thank you for the reply brizbabe. I have checked out all those websites for legal info and it all involves who gets custody and decision making rights AFTER an agreement has been signed or a court order imposed. I would like to know what happens before this is done ie who decides where he goes today and tomorrow if we disagree.

And yes it is about our son's rights. I guess the most pressing issue is that currently he goes to 2 daycares. When we were still together, we were in the process of moving him from Daycare A to Daycare B (where I work full time), but had to wait for availability of days. We got to the point of 2 days still at Daycare A and 3 days at Daycare B when we broke up. Now my ex wants this to remain the daycare arrangement as he lives closer to Daycare A and drops him off and picks him up on those 2 days. I disagree, with the view that our son would be better off at one daycare, not 2, and how could it not be beneficial for him to spend the day with a parent, ie me in this case if he comes to my daycare. I think it is his right to have stability and parental contact as much as possible.

So the question I have is, can I just take him out of Daycare A and enrol him full time in Daycare B, completely against my ex's wishes? And does he have the right to do the complete opposite?

I have an appointment with a lawyer on Thurs for advice, but I would like to get our son settled permanently at his new daycare ASAP!

[brizbabe71]

Heya-Yes you do have the right to cancel his enrolment under your name at A and reenrol him at B. However there is nothing stopping Ex from reenroling your child under his name back at A for when he has the child in his care.

Is he likely to do this? Although it may not be ideal, and certainly wouldn't even consider this at school age-it may be case of picking your battles and although not agreeing directly-telling the ex that DS will be enrolled Ft at B from this date adn seeing what happens then. You have reasonable cause when it goes to mediation (which is the 1st step prior to any formalised court orders) explaining it is your workplace-you are close at hand if DS needs you during the day etc.