View Full Version : Help!!! How do i tell my friend........
Hi Ladies,
I have a friend of mine who disiplines her son, i believe, wrong. I know its each to there own and thats exactly why i dont want to say anything, esp bcoz she never says anything about the way i disipline my bub.... though my disipline is nothing compared to hers!!!!
Basically, she swears at him (calls him a little c.nt!!), if he is crying or sooking at something she will "tut" at him and laugh at him, making him rather upset and irate and he'll get even worse!!!! She smacks him (thats a personal one i know some ppl do some dont!), ive seen her push him before.......
If anything wouldnt this be seriuos mental abuse for the little man????
Please help i dont know what to do but it breaks my heart when i see it :(
Thanks girls! :o
I think this is a situation where someone needs to stand up and be honest with her. You're right, it's not good for her DS. How old is he?
Perhaps you could suggest the triple P program(Positive Parenting Program).
How close are you? As in best friends? I'm assuming you are looking for ways that aren't as full on as calling docs on her? Perhaps suggest an anger management class - would you go to one with her, you could word it that you're going and could she please go with you for support? Do you think she'd go along?
It's not going to be an easy thing to do, but I do think that you need to do it, her poor DS:(
I think this is a situation where someone needs to stand up and be honest with her. You're right, it's not good for her DS. How old is he?
Perhaps you could suggest the triple P program(Positive Parenting Program).
How close are you? As in best friends? I'm assuming you are looking for ways that aren't as full on as calling docs on her? Perhaps suggest an anger management class - would you go to one with her, you could word it that you're going and could she please go with you for support? Do you think she'd go along?
It's not going to be an easy thing to do, but I do think that you need to do it, her poor DS:(
DS has just turned 3, but she has been like this for at least the last year!
I wouldnt say best firends.... just friends. long story LOL But our partenrs are cousins thats how we met so it makes it hard yet again!
Even her partener doesnt trust her i dont think.... i get the vibe!
It makes me so sad, esp when she will laugh at him when he is upset...... coz you see the rage in the poor guys face and theres nothing he can do :(
I could try what you suggested, not sure if it will work but it has to be worth a shot!!!!
Would this disipline, as he is only 3, impact when he grows older??? I feel so useless!
mum2bubba
27-10-2009, 18:02
She calls her son a c.nt and laughs at him when he cries???? What the heck?
She calls her son a c.nt and laughs at him when he cries???? What the heck?
Yup!!!! I KNOW i should say something i just dont know how as it really isnt my business :( Though, mistreating a child is wrong so im stuck :(
I think its more emotional abuse than anything, and after some threads i read today, emotional abuse seems to be the one to scar more than the physical (dont get me wrong they are both so wrong!)
I just dont know how to go about it..... and coz she is known to all our friends as the "phyco" one, i guess most ppl just assume thats her..... sure thats her alright but its still NOT RIGHT!!!!!! :no:
mum2bubba
27-10-2009, 21:05
I just feel so sorry for that poor little boy. I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids. I know how he feels cos my step mother was like that towards me.
Could you make an anonomys (sp) call to DOCs or whatever? I guess its a catch 22 situation because if you say something to her she just might take it out on her son, but if you DON'T say anything she'll keep doing it.
~BEXTER~
27-10-2009, 21:09
Maybe she is depressed and needs help.
I know some parents just do those sort of things but maybe she is having a hard time with the child's new stage at growing up.
If this is just her then I don't think anything you say will change what she does but if this is new then something is happening and I think she needs help and support. Maybe offer to babysit and give her a night off and give that child some love?
Emsmum85
27-10-2009, 21:11
What does her husband do about it? It would be better coming from him IE: Don't call our son that! Don't laugh at our son.
Happy2be3
27-10-2009, 22:22
One day that child wont be 3, he'll be 30 and HE'LL be the one saying to his kids "shut up you C&*T!"...... something to think about... do your part to try and stop the cycle of abuse, for the childs sake:hugs:
Maybe you could bring it on lightly. If you hear her call him a c*** maybe half laugh and say "you cant call him that" then giggle or something does that make sense? If she gets all serious and asks why ask her what shes going to do if he calls her that one day.
My DH use to laugh at our eldest son if he fell over or something cause he didnt want him to cry and be a 'sook'. It use to make my son laugh and not cry. Then he got to an age where he started getting upset and angry when DH laughed at him. I just told him he cant do that anymore. He has to teach him compassion etc. He has to teach him he cant laugh at people when they get hurt. He doesnt laugh at him anymore and theyre both happy.
Is there some way the partner can bring it up? Would come across better and not someone interferring with their parenting.
Yup!!!! I KNOW i should say something i just dont know how as it really isnt my business :( Though, mistreating a child is wrong so im stuck :(
I think its more emotional abuse than anything, and after some threads i read today, emotional abuse seems to be the one to scar more than the physical (dont get me wrong they are both so wrong!)
I just dont know how to go about it..... and coz she is known to all our friends as the "phyco" one, i guess most ppl just assume thats her..... sure thats her alright but its still NOT RIGHT!!!!!! :no:
Firstly any child being abused is your business. It is all our business if a child is being abused and what she is doing is abuse. You have said you don't think her partner trusts her and you are probably right so perhaps you can speak to him. Perhaps you and him together can speak to her; is he the father of the child? If he is willing to back you up and to stand up for what I assume is his child by telling her it is not acceptable when she starts abusing him either verbally or physically such as pushing then perhaps she will begin to mend her ways.
She will not begin to mend her ways if you continue to think it is not your business. Yes it will be hard and she may choose not to see you anymore and this is why you need to talk to her partner first.
halloweenmum
27-11-2009, 09:44
ok i think that if you are just friends and not best friends, then you need to act in the child's best interests first and hers second.
First thing I would do is find out if the mother is depressed etc and needs help and talk to the father and see what he has to say. If that does no good, then you need to be upfront with her, even if it means having an argument and losing her as a friend.
If you still get nowhere, then its time for the authorities to step in and investigate. Its child abuse hun. Might not be too bad now, but once that child hits 5yrs old, he will remember it all and it WILL get worse. Make an anonymous call if you want.
And lastly, IMO you shouldnt hang around someone like that anyway.
BabelFish
28-11-2009, 00:13
Oh reading this made me so sad. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to sit there and listen to her speak to her son like that.
Next time, I would just ask her straight out `don't you love him?'. And see what she says. If she says she does, I would then say `then why do you make him feel as though you don't?'. And see what she says again.
Although - the answers could be worse than you expect.
sockstealingpoltergeist
28-11-2009, 00:44
What she is doing is physical and emotioanl abuse, and if she does in front of others I hate to see what happens behind closed doors.
That child has no recourse and no way of getting help. Abused children deserve to have others look out for them. Please call DOCS, they will not remove the child unless the abuse is severe and they may just get her the help she needs to be a better parent.
It is anonymous.
Perhaps this was the parenting example she was shown by her parents? I think doing a parenting course is a good idea. Like a PP suggested you could make out like you want to do the course and ask her to come with you for support if you don't feel comfortable asking her outright? That poor little boy, that's so bad lauging at him and bascially humiliating him in front of others. Now wonder he gets so mad - I'd get mad too :no:
you really need to say something....if I knew someone that spoke to their child or anyone for that matter I would say something straight away. I would not want to be friends with someone like that either so is it any loss if you say something and she has a go at you?
please say something for the sake of the child.
sandy cheeks
30-11-2009, 17:22
I would say to her (next time she is mean to her ds) " listen you stupid c.nt you are nothing but a bully, you look like a deadsh!t/scumbag treating your child the way you do. I think you need to take a long hard look at how you mother." I would then ask her if she likes being called a c.nt and degraded the way she does to her son.
I'm sure she will be shocked I said this to one of the ex's friends who thought it was funny to let his child hit adults, call a 3yo choice words and laugh at the poor mite till the kid almost explodes turns out he didn't like being spoken to like that either :p
smileygirl
30-11-2009, 17:42
I would talk to the hubby...maybe with your DH there too?
Something needs to be done and fast. If she does that in front of you...then behind closed doors god knows what is going on.
If your hubby won't get involved...then you need to.
Maybe buy her the super nanny book/insert other parenting book you like here and insist she reads it. Tell her you are really uncomfortable with the way she treats her son and that you want to help her find a better way.
It is going to be awkward and hard...but you have to save that little boy
I know I've stumbled onto this thread a little late but I wanted to share what MAY happen if there is no intervention when it comes to this "mother" and the way she treats her son.
Someone I know, who I won't name or mention how I know her, is like this with her son. The difference here is he's 15...not 3. I have only known her for a couple of years so I'm not sure how she treated him when he was little (although his leg was broken when he was a baby during a nappy change by his father whilst his mother was apparantly present..hmm..accidently apparantly).
She humiliates him on purpose - whether it's in front of people she knows well or hardly knows at all, whether it's in front of family or friends. She'll put him down at the drop of a hat and find excuses (especially when he's around) to insult him and almost "gossip" about him to whoever will listen. Her husband (the stepdad) doesn't do a thing about it and sometimes helps her out when she's verbally slaying him. I find it repulsive and disgusting yet I don't say anything to her about it...nobody does...because if anyone sticks up for the poor kid (whether he's in ear shot or not) she becomes hostile, defensive and basically a whinging kid herself.
Luckily, these days, this boy spends most of his time at his fathers and his stepmums...where he's treated with respect, love, compassion...and where NOBODY humiliates him. When he's being a "terror" over there, he's simply disciplined.
His mum has a toddler who she smacks regularly (which results in her toddler smacking her back), she also encoruages the child to use foul language as she thinks it's funny and "cute" to hear her 3 year old swear. She often also mocks the toddler when she's upset.
Parents like this make me absolutely sick. I hope your friend is seeking the help she needs and I especially hope her poor child is OK.
Opinionated
19-12-2009, 01:01
What she is doing is physical and emotioanl abuse, and if she does in front of others I hate to see what happens behind closed doors.
That child has no recourse and no way of getting help. Abused children deserve to have others look out for them. Please call DOCS, they will not remove the child unless the abuse is severe and they may just get her the help she needs to be a better parent.
It is anonymous.
:iagree:
Totally agree with the last post. You MUST say something or at least report
it. This IS definately a form of child abuse and to be honest I would find
it hard to have a friend that treated their child like that knowingly.
Please, please for the childs sake and before it's too late.. speak up or tell
someone so they can.
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