What makes them think they get it?

[MummyDaddy]

Not sure about other single parents out there but i'm a bit fed up of 'partnered' people offering advice or saying things like 'oh i know exactly what you mean' when talking about life as a single parent.

Partnered people seem to think that because they are alone all day with the child / children or when DH / DP does shift work or has to work away for a week that they somehow know what it's like for us.

Here's the thing!

They don't know!

And it's so insulting to have partnered people act like they do know.

Now don't get me wrong - i'm not whinging about being a single parent.

BUT i am having one heck of a whinge about the partnered people who somehow think they know what it's like.

BECOME SINGLE and then you'll know what it's like is what I have to say.

Rant over.

[sandy cheeks]

I have missed all those threads so cant comment.
I feel for some partnered mums, some men are worse than kids so you would have one extra big kid as well.
I get what you mean but some of them might have been single at some stage(with a child) some might have been raised in a single parent family I dont care as long as their nice when providing their insight it doesn't faze me.

[MummaBear03]

I know exactly what you mean there. One of the mums at the school was saying that because her hubby goes away for up to 3 weeks at a time, she knows what it's like to be a single parent. Another day she said how she got so sick she had to call their father and he had to come back early to look after them while she was sick. Ok, how is that knowing what it's like to be a single parent??? We don't have husband's to call on, if a decision needs to be made, we don't have anyone to talk it over with. If anything goes wrong with your child, you have no one for support. When DD was in hospital earlier this year, it would have been great to have someone else come in to give ME a little comfort, even if it was just a phone call to a partner who was away for work. Someone to share that type of fear with when your child gets sick.

As for those saying that single parents have it SOOOOO easy and bludge of the government, if it was SOOOOOO easy then why not quit work and try it for a while??? I sure as hell can't live off the government, only for a couple of weeks at a time and only if I have savings built up from the times I have been working. It's not easy at all.

[MummyDaddy]

I agree MummaBear03 and I had a similar situation recently where a relative of mine who has never experience single motherhood in any way shape or form said it was exactly the same for her when she ran out of milk and had to get the kids in the car to go and get it.

I had been referring to realising i'd run out of milk at 8pm at night and baby was in bed and having to get her out of bed to go to the shops - or go first thing in the morning with her in her pyjamas - as opposed to getting the partner to grab it on the way home!

[MummyDaddy]

I get what you mean but some of them might have been single at some stage(with a child) some might have been raised in a single parent family I dont care as long as their nice when providing their insight it doesn't faze me.

Not referring to those with personal experience.

Referring to those with zero experience.

AND - not referring to BubHub or threads - referring to life in general and our life as a single mother where we get this kind of attitude from partnered people.

ALSO - I agree about some partners being like an extra child :laughing:

And i'd rather be me - any day!

[Maybelline]

i wouldnt know how to cope as a single parent..know idea what its like...hope never to be a single parent!!!!
I hope for single parents that you have family who help you!!!

[Ana Gram]

I know what you mean and I'm one of the lucky single parents who does get time off. I only have DD 24/7 five days a week which is something few of us get.

[Whippet]

It doesn't bother me as much as what a friend of mine does. She feels she knows just what it's like to raise kids because she has three dogs and compares the care for them to the care I give my kids ... That's just stupid! :P

[PeppaH]

That is so rude sorry, just because a person is single doesnt give them the right to complain when someone 'partnered' is trying to help or sympathise. Its like me saying how sick and tierd I am of hearing single people complain about how 'hard' they have it because they are single.
Not every partnered person has it easy going, and these people who your complaining about might of been single at some time. Or they just might have it as 'hard' as you poor singles.

[Bubs'n'Roses]

I'm not single, and I won't pretend to know what its like.

But I did grow up being raised by a single parent - looking back even when my dad was there he wasn't - but it was all on my mum and has been for a very long time.

I applaud all parents who do an amazing job, but I'll clap just a little bit harder for those single parents because I saw how rough it could get for my mum, it was all on her all the time. You've got an amazing strength. Not that partnered parents don't have that, but you get what I mean right?

I may have made no sense... but my hearts in the right place... behind my rib cage... no, but you know. I'll shoosh it now.

[ConfettiGirl]

:iagree:

My own mother actually does this! She goes on a lot about how she was "practically a single parent" because my dad went away a lot for work.

Um yeah what she doesn't seem to remember is the joint bank account they shared with my dad's (more than adequate) income going into it to pay for the cleaner who came around twice a week and we were in daycare 5 days per week! She also used to dump us on dad when he was at home so she could have time with her "girlfriends".

She also doesn't seem to remember the nights she spent on the phone whingeing to daddy about how hard she has it at home.....she still had his comforting voice on the phone telling her she was doing a great job! I never get to whinge to anyone except my other single mum friends.....certainly can't whinge to my ex about how hard it is sometimes!!!

I would actually give anything JUST to have a soothing voice on the end of the phone telling me what a fantastic job I am doing.....I could face so much more if I could just get a little encouragement every so often - instead of the negativity I constantly get from my ex and his family and my mum telling me to like it or lump it because "you're not the only single mum in the world Katie, you chose to have a big family and you chose to walk away from your relationship" yeah thanks mum!

[lachys_mama]

That is so rude sorry, just because a person is single doesnt give them the right to complain when someone 'partnered' is trying to help or sympathise. Its like me saying how sick and tierd I am of hearing single people complain about how 'hard' they have it because they are single.
Not every partnered person has it easy going, and these people who your complaining about might of been single at some time. Or they just might have it as 'hard' as you poor singles.

as OP said she wasn't directing it at people who have had experience and she wasn't saying it to be rude either. Having been a single parent myself I also know how frustrating it is to have a partnered person tell you they KNOW how you feel when you KNOW they don't.

She wasn't being rude IMO she was just saying how she felt.

I also understand about your friend Whippet, ugh I used to have a friend that would act as though she was a parenting expert because she had a puppy and a kitten that were just like DS :rolleyes:

I have to say when i was with my ex I used to think I had it just as hard as a single mum, that is until I became one LOL... NO comparison

[moozle]

I often say I can't imagine what it would be like to be a single parent but it doesn't mean I can't offer support and the occasional bit of advice, does it?

Oh and I know a lot of people WERE single parents and are now partnered so they will know what you go through and some people get very little or NO support from their partners so my guess is, they'd have some idea too.

I do sympathise with you though and understand how frustrating and upsetting it must be for you :hugs:

[lachys_mama]

:iagree:

My own mother actually does this! She goes on a lot about how she was "practically a single parent" because my dad went away a lot for work.

Um yeah what she doesn't seem to remember is the joint bank account they shared with my dad's (more than adequate) income going into it to pay for the cleaner who came around twice a week and we were in daycare 5 days per week! She also used to dump us on dad when he was at home so she could have time with her "girlfriends".

She also doesn't seem to remember the nights she spent on the phone whingeing to daddy about how hard she has it at home.....she still had his comforting voice on the phone telling her she was doing a great job! I never get to whinge to anyone except my other single mum friends.....certainly can't whinge to my ex about how hard it is sometimes!!!

I would actually give anything JUST to have a soothing voice on the end of the phone telling me what a fantastic job I am doing.....I could face so much more if I could just get a little encouragement every so often - instead of the negativity I constantly get from my ex and his family and my mum telling me to like it or lump it because "you're not the only single mum in the world Katie, you chose to have a big family and you chose to walk away from your relationship" yeah thanks mum!

I'm dialling your number right now! haha not really but i will tell you: you're doing a great job Katie, you hang in there!

[ConfettiGirl]

I'm dialling your number right now! haha not really but i will tell you: you're doing a great job Katie, you hang in there!


Aw! You are just the sweetest thing on the Hub! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Seriously, sometimes it really is the lack of encouragement and positive reinforcement that is the hardest thing. I am sure most other single parents agree!

For me that would be the biggest difference between being partned and single (and I have been both). Just to have someone reinforcing your decisions and giving you a pat on the back or a hug at the end of the day. Of course unfortunately not all partnered parents get that either!

In some ways it could be much worse to be partnered - in an abusive relationship for example....but the hardships that a single parent faces are really unique and partnered parents should respect that while they might indeed have their own problems they are not the SAME as single parent problems - not necessarily easier or harder but definitely different.

But thanks again for your kind words.....the internet really has been my saving grace on a few occasions!!!

[SweetSerenity]

I know and sympathise as I was a single parent for 2 years, and it was damn hard.

Now even though I'm partnered I still am drawn to the single parent threads, can't help it :o It will always be with me.

[WorkingClassMum]

I think I do get it just a little bit.

I am my sister's sole support network.

I am the one who takes child #2 to basketball when child #1 is playing at the same time in a different suburb.

I am the one who grabs child #2 from school (shoving my own into after-care) 'cos child #1 has been taken to hospital with a broken arm or needing stitches. I am also the one the kids rang one night when she collapse into a diabetic coma and they were afraid and alone.

I do all that I can for my sis, I am the sounding board for many her decisions, but I know she's ultimately still making those decisions by herself.

I hear the lonliness when she calls at 9.30pm 'cos the kids are in bed and there's no adult to have a convo with.

I sense the frustration when she's trying to juggle "me" time, quality time with the kids, housework, homework, gardening and sheer exhaustion

I see the tears glittering in the corner of her eye when she again gets snide comments about living off the public purse

I know about the frosty stares when the admin/reception staff at school/basketball/music lessons see the concession card.

My heart breaks every time she has to face these hurdles, especially as I know the pain, blood, sweat and tears that she has already faced to end up a single mum of two amazing little people.

I don't think anyone who hasn't been truely alone can really ever really get it though.

[sweetseven]

When I was with my now XH, it was so much harder than being single.

I did everything with the children myself, and merely had the grumpy bear to try and work around.

He would constantly insult me and what I did, often making comparisons to his mother who was ever so fantastic. If she could do it all, then why cannot I?

If I made plans (such as a daytrip with the kids) leaving him out, he would complain about being excluded.
If I made plans including him, then he would complain about being told what to do, and likely fail to attend also.
If I tried to consult him to make plans together, he would complain that he wasn't interested in the discussion at the time, and why couldn't we just be impulsive.

Even I was when sick, he didn't help. One evening, when DD2 was two months old, I started to get very unwell and took her to bed with me. As the night progressed, I got worse and didn't feel capable of getting out of bed. However, when I asked him to call an ambulance for me, he complained that he was too tired so I had to wait until morning. Unable to walk, I rolled out of bed and crawled up the hallway to get to the phone and ring an ambulance. (I was admitted to hospital with mastitis and put on IV antibiotics.)

The one advantage I had in that situation was that DD1 was able to stay with him in the house whilst I and DD2 went into hospital.

That is the one difference I notice with being single. In an emergency where I have to race off to hospital. I have to make the phone calls to organise someone to come stay with the others.

[Crazyfamily]

I think I do get it just a little bit.

I am my sister's sole support network.

I am the one who takes child #2 to basketball when child #1 is playing at the same time in a different suburb.

I am the one who grabs child #2 from school (shoving my own into after-care) 'cos child #1 has been taken to hospital with a broken arm or needing stitches. I am also the one the kids rang one night when she collapse into a diabetic coma and they were afraid and alone.

I do all that I can for my sis, I am the sounding board for many her decisions, but I know she's ultimately still making those decisions by herself.

I hear the lonliness when she calls at 9.30pm 'cos the kids are in bed and there's no adult to have a convo with.

I sense the frustration when she's trying to juggle "me" time, quality time with the kids, housework, homework, gardening and sheer exhaustion

I see the tears glittering in the corner of her eye when she again gets snide comments about living off the public purse

I know about the frosty stares when the admin/reception staff at school/basketball/music lessons see the concession card.

My heart breaks every time she has to face these hurdles, especially as I know the pain, blood, sweat and tears that she has already faced to end up a single mum of two amazing little people.

I don't think anyone who hasn't been truely alone can really ever really get it though.



Iwish you were my sister. i have 5 children under 8 and now suffer severe pnd after having my 4 month old. i have zero support. i think you are wonderful.

[sandy_1902]

i was single for about 5 months when DS was younger but i had my mum

it was hard but sometimes being in a paretnership is harder (but then saying that i only eperianced that 5 months living with my mum)

so i had it pretty easy.. i know i got no way in hell knowing what single parents go through, only advice i usually give single parents is
take the help when its offered(by your parents or soemthing)
and stay strong and positive

[Aussiemummy]

Annoys the heck outta me too!! Especially when friends say they know what its like to be a single parent because there DP works away, has gone on a holiday or they don't get along with there partner. To me thats a load of woloop!!

Absolutely no comparison at all... unless they've been a single parent then they have no idea what its like and can't say i know how i feel. :no:

[sandy cheeks]

I get you now PR
I get this sometimes I dont have it as bad as others (my mum is fantastic and the ex helps out when he can)
But it urks me when a few friends go on about how they can relate as their dp works late, weekends or whatever then they go on about their holiday to xyz and how next year with his tax they will go to abc. Dont get me wrong I am happy they get a holiday but I wish I could afford or had another adult to go on holiday with.

[Rebdot]

Not sure about other single parents out there but i'm a bit fed up of 'partnered' people offering advice or saying things like 'oh i know exactly what you mean' when talking about life as a single parent.

Partnered people seem to think that because they are alone all day with the child / children or when DH / DP does shift work or has to work away for a week that they somehow know what it's like for us.

Here's the thing!

They don't know!

And it's so insulting to have partnered people act like they do know.

Now don't get me wrong - i'm not whinging about being a single parent.

BUT i am having one heck of a whinge about the partnered people who somehow think they know what it's like.

BECOME SINGLE and then you'll know what it's like is what I have to say.

Rant over.


I think I can say I know whats its like because I have been a single parent.

Im not now thought but I do know what its like, I think when people say this to you and there not a single parent nor have been, its just because there trying to relate to you, there not being vicous.

[little bean]

I agree with the previous post. I think they are just trying to relate to you, acknowledging that it must be difficult to be on your own with kids.

Of course people who aren't single parents don't know how it feels. Nobody thinks about all the issues until it happens to them - the lack of "me time", never getting a hug or having adult conversation, needing to find a babysitter so you can mow the lawn or get a haircut, the loneliness, the looks you get from people when you don't have a wedding ring on, the difficulty with being able to go out to meet people (and dating, well that's just about impossible!)

"Putting your child first" is taken to a whole different level. I've basically had to put all my plans/dreams on hold for a few years - dating, my career, travelling, even going to the gym (sure, I could go to a gym with a creche but DD's going through a stage where she's scared of strangers so it wouldn't be fair to her). My dream of having another baby has pretty much been squashed - I'm 35 so by the time DD settles down enough for me to get out there and date, it will probably be too late. There really are so many implications to becoming single.

Thankfully, I have my parents nearby but I don't want to burden them too much. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for single parents with no support from family and friends.

[chrysalis]

They might think they can imagine what it's like

I had no idea, until I became a single parent. It's really something that is hard to describe or feel unless you experience it directly

[MommaBear]

I totally understand where the OP is coming from.
Being a part of a couple with children with a hubby that does nothing for the kids etc... is NOT the same as being a single parent.

its not just having to do EVERYTHING yourself from mowing the lawn to feeding the kids or the one income its ALSO the emotional, physical and mental side of being a part of a couple thats missing. Its being completely exhausted and awake in the middle of the night with a sick child while covered in vomit cos theres NO ONE else around to hold the child while you quickly change/shower, or having someone to watch a movie with of a night instead of yet another night alone.
Yes partnered people do similar BUT they also are able to rely on someone else occasionally at least.

Being told by someone who's married oh being single is so easy or someones who partner works away for a week but still comes back for a few days etc... that they KNOW how it is to be single.... has to be one of the biggest insults to single parents

[MummaBear03]

Dont get me wrong I am happy they get a holiday but I wish I could afford or had another adult to go on holiday with.

I'm the same, it's great that people go on holidays, I wish everyone could go on a holiday. We go on holidays, but it's very different going alone. DD loves the time she gets with me while we're away just the 2 of us, but I love the times we go away with other people. Come 7:30, I'm stuck in a motel room with a sleeping child and no internet to even talk to people online. I went on holidays recently with a friend, staying with her family (we know them well, they all used to live a few blocks from us) and it was awesome!! I was able to go out 3 times without my child! We went to the local put over the road and I put $3 into the pokies each night and my friend shouted me a few drinks, because we had 2 other responsible adults in the house who weren't drinking when I was. I don't like to drink alone with her, in case something happens and I need to take her to the hospital. I don't even like drinking with other people unless one of them who is capable of driving and responding to emergency is not drinking.

[MummyDaddy]

[text deleted by moderator]


as OP said she wasn't directing it at people who have had experience and she wasn't saying it to be rude either. Having been a single parent myself I also know how frustrating it is to have a partnered person tell you they KNOW how you feel when you KNOW they don't.

She wasn't being rude IMO she was just saying how she felt.

I also understand about your friend Whippet, ugh I used to have a friend that would act as though she was a parenting expert because she had a puppy and a kitten that were just like DS :rolleyes:

I have to say when i was with my ex I used to think I had it just as hard as a single mum, that is until I became one LOL... NO comparison

Thank you :)


I often say I can't imagine what it would be like to be a single parent but it doesn't mean I can't offer support and the occasional bit of advice, does it?

Oh and I know a lot of people WERE single parents and are now partnered so they will know what you go through and some people get very little or NO support from their partners so my guess is, they'd have some idea too.

I do sympathise with you though and understand how frustrating and upsetting it must be for you :hugs:

As mentioned, i'm only referring to people who have never been single parents themselves or have zero experience of the situation.

Not looking for sympathy as very happy with my situation but thank you anyway :thumbsup:

.................................
I was really just having a little vent because I do get sick of partnered people acting like they understand certain situations - like the one with the milk I mentioned - when they have no idea.

It's just more a pet peeve.

I'd like to add that I have many many wonderful, supportive partnered friends - who would never dare to act like they know what it's like.

You see - they understand that to do that - would actually be quite rude, insensitive and ignorant.

[Teley]

No actually, no, I don't get up people who are trying to emphasise and I don't discount anybody else's POV and experience.

[nick's mum]

I understand. I have repartnered now but was a single parent from when DS was 3 mths to 2 1/2. Even when it's tough now, it is nothing like what it was like on my own.

[Fuchsia!]

Oh don't even get me started, its absolutely sh!ts me to tears.

These are the most annoying

"Oh i know what it feels like, my hubby works away"

"Oh im practically single, my Hubby doesn't do anything around the house"

"Oh i am on my own all day, everyday, hubby doesn't come home till late"

Unless someone has been a single parent, they have absolutely no idea whatsoever. They can't even pretend.

Its something thats really starting to bug me time and time again.

[Amara]

Those types of comments annoy me too. The only way to know what it's like to be a single mum is to be one.

I've had all sorts of comments that have started with "I know what it's like......" & I just want to say "sorry, you don't know what it's like". "You have not lived my life so you don't actually know what it's like". I say nothing & move the conversation elsewhere.

[MissMetal]

Phoenix - I started a thread the same as this a few months ago (when you were hiding lol) and it turned quite nasty from all the partnered parents replying & not liking what i/we had to say :laughing:

[florence]

I think it's all relative. I have some single parent friends that have it much easier than I do.

[MummaBear03]

I think it's all relative. I have some single parent friends that have it much easier than I do.

I what way?

[Deserama]

I actually found it a lot easier being a single parent of 4 than having a husband that hated my guts, who was never there and even when he was he wasn't. To be manipulated and controlled and given the cold shoulder and being spoken to like cr ap every day.

I was very much grateful to become a single parent after that and had it a hell of a lot easier than when I was partnered. And yes the feeling of lonilness when you KNOW that someone who is suppose to love you and can't be bothered with you or give you the time of day is a lot more lonely than actually being lonely. I had a hell of a lot more support from family and friends when I was actually a single mum...than I do now even!

So yes, it's all relative...so don't pressume that because someone is partnered that they dont' know what having no support is or what lonliness is.

[Seacretsquirrel]

I can see that it would be incredibly frustrating for single Parents.
:oMy DH is in the navy and away a lot so I thought I got a tiny taste of what you super strong women (and men) do every day but this has made me realise is how tough it must be to do it 24/7/365 I do have it better cause DH is home sometimes to give me a break and to take some of the load I think that my comparing him being away is not really a comparison at all because he is at least a support via email. :o

My hat goes off to you all you are fantastic and do a great job providing it all for your kids and yourselves.
big :hugs:

[Formerly Mick]

I think the difference there Deserama is that you weren't really 'partnered'. You were in what sounds to me like an abusive relationship. That is completely different to being partnered, in my mind at least.

Squirrel,
Also other little things, like his pay-cheque probably still goes into the bank as well.

It can be tough at times, but I'd not change a thing. I love my boys and will always do the best I can for them, no matter whether I have a partner or not.

[ohmum]

single parents you have the right to whinge (or whatever you want to call it) because you are one parent being both and that would be damn hard work I could not even imagine what it is like and I would be very condensending if I said that I understand! So this is your place to have your feeling said without us who are not single to come in and say "excuse me" Please without me being condensending I would like to say that you are all strong parents doing your best under at times can be very difficult :yes:

[HunterzMummy]

Phoenix - I started a thread the same as this a few months ago (when you were hiding lol) and it turned quite nasty from all the partnered parents replying & not liking what i/we had to say :laughing:

I guess its because if partnered parents started a thread about single parents if would be WWIII.. Because i started one a few yrs ago about why is there an us and them, why cant we all just understand there is difficulties in every way of life. NO one has the right to say who has it harder then another as they have NEVER walked in someone elses shoes. That got shut down before it could even start. Yet singles are allowed to whinge about partnered parents when most of the time they are trying to relate or whatever and thats fine :rolleyes: there are 2 very different rules. Heaven forbid the partnered parents give singles any advice or sympathy.

I just think its all a little high school. We are all mums who love our children dearly and have been through major battles in life one way or another. Why does it matter if they are single, partnered, black, blue or orange there is just no need for all the segragation IMO :no:

[MummyDaddy]

I think it's all relative. I have some single parent friends that have it much easier than I do.

Which is relative to the topic of the thread how?


I actually found it a lot easier being a single parent of 4 than having a husband that hated my guts, who was never there and even when he was he wasn't. To be manipulated and controlled and given the cold shoulder and being spoken to like cr ap every day.

I was very much grateful to become a single parent after that and had it a hell of a lot easier than when I was partnered. And yes the feeling of lonilness when you KNOW that someone who is suppose to love you and can't be bothered with you or give you the time of day is a lot more lonely than actually being lonely. I had a hell of a lot more support from family and friends when I was actually a single mum...than I do now even!

So yes, it's all relative...so don't pressume that because someone is partnered that they dont' know what having no support is or what lonliness is.

Sorry you were in an abusive relationship.

As said - no issue with people with experience of being a single parent offering perspective.

I have issue with people who have NEVER been a single parent or have zero experience of single parenting saying they understand what it's like.

No - they don't understand what it's like.

...........................
The following comment isn't directed at anyone in particular - it is merely my feeling about this kind of assumption.

I would never dare assume to understand what the issues of partnered parents are.

Therefore - I ask those parents with zero experience of my own situation to please not assume you understand mine.

............................
Empathy is fine... but when you get comments that assume to understand the single parent situation with zero intelligence of it that it becomes insulting.

As many have said - nobody can understand a persons situation until they have lived it.

Thank you to all the lovely people who have posted offering support and acknowledging that single parenting indeed can be tough.

BTW - and this is just me - most of the time I find it a doddle ... but there are those times when it is hard ... like rushing your child to the hospital at midnight, terrified your child is unable to breath and not being able to be both driver and comforter.

I understand partnered parents go through this as well.

The main point is that those partnered parents have each other - through hell or high water - whether they love or hate each other - in those times - they have each other.

And it's in those times - that us singles just have ourselves.

And in that situation - all that is required is empathy not a 'oh, i know - i've been there too'.

Anyhoo - hope that all made sense :)

[Deserama]

I think the difference there Deserama is that you weren't really 'partnered'. You were in what sounds to me like an abusive relationship. That is completely different to being partnered, in my mind at least.



That's why I said that it's all relative. It's not right to assume that just because someone is partnered that they don't know what it's like to be a single parent....because not everyone's relationship is hunky dory.

I'd like to say though...that my new dh is wonderful! And although we have our ups and down I at least don't feel like I don't exsist and we really are a partnership when it comes to the kids and finances etc...even though 4 aren't his. So it can work out...it wasn't all doom and gloom :)

[nothanksbye]

I dont get it...

Why is it so bad that people try to understand or try to get some common ground?
They are not taking away from you they are just expressing that sometimes they have hard times too.

Why does it have to be so much worse for you?

My mum died when I was young. I have friends who say they dont see their mums and so they can relate to how it must be.
Its not insulting its just finding common ground.

Kids make friends that way...
My dad works.
Oh wow so does mine want to be friends?

They look for common ground. You like blue? me too

Its human nature and its not done to make someone feel bad.

I say it to my single mummy friend.
DH is away every 2nd week, I dont have family to help and I think that in those weeks I get a little taste of what its like.
I was a single mum with one child and ys it was damn hard, but I do get the same loneliness and tiredness when Dh is away, so yes I get a taste.

That is not saying that single mums dont have a hard time. Its not taking away from you.
Its just saying somedays....I really get it.

[Deserama]

Sorry you were in an abusive relationship.

As said - no issue with people with experience of being a single parent offering perspective.

I have issue with people who have NEVER been a single parent or have zero experience of single parenting saying they understand what it's like.

No - they don't understand what it's like.


But what I'm trying to say here is that some actually do! Some are going it alone even though they're partnered because not all relationships are ideal. And quite frankly, I think it would be worse when someone IS there that IS suppose to be your partner and IS suppose to be your sounding board etc etc....and they're not! Kinda like being in a crowded room but still feeling lonely and helpless, and like no one cares.

Some partnered people really do know what it feels like to have to go it alone. I even had someone ask me what it was like being single now...and I said that it was not much different, only now I get to do what I want, go where I want, spend what I want and I don't have to answer to some twit! LOL

[MummaBear03]

Just on msn chatting with a friend now. For her, the toughest thing is the fact that no other person can measure up to the father of her DD.

She has a 6 year old girl, an only child, and since she has 3 brothers and they are very close to one another, and they have a strong relationship with their mother as well, she wanted to have 4 children.

Her partner was killed when their baby was only 8 weeks old and she has not yet found a person she can be with and refuses to have more children as a single parent. She wouldn't have minded doing it alone, but she wanted her children to have the same father. Those are the issues she's having the most difficulty with.

That, and having to make decisions without the sounding board of another parent. Even many divorced or separated parents still have each other to make a joint decision with.

Having advice and guidance from those around us is very difference to making a joint decision for a child you are both the parents of.

[MummaBear03]

Some partnered people really do know what it feels like to have to go it alone. I even had someone ask me what it was like being single now...and I said that it was not much different, only now I get to do what I want, go where I want, spend what I want and I don't have to answer to some twit! LOL

That's different again. As a single parent, I can not honestly say that I know what it's like to do it alone when in a relationship just because I'm a single parent. That changes the dynamics yet again, and I can't begin to imagine how hard it would be to be so alone when with someone, however I've always said it would be better to be alone when you're by yourself than to be alone in a relationship.

[nothanksbye]

Just on msn chatting with a friend now. For her, the toughest thing is the fact that no other person can measure up to the father of her DD.

She has a 6 year old girl, an only child, and since she has 3 brothers and they are very close to one another, and they have a strong relationship with their mother as well, she wanted to have 4 children.

Her partner was killed when their baby was only 8 weeks old and she has not yet found a person she can be with and refuses to have more children as a single parent. She wouldn't have minded doing it alone, but she wanted her children to have the same father. Those are the issues she's having the most difficulty with.

That, and having to make decisions without the sounding board of another parent. Even many divorced or separated parents still have each other to make a joint decision with.

Having advice and guidance from those around us is very difference to making a joint decision for a child you are both the parents of.


Ohh that must be so tough and the issues she faces are hard ones.

I dont ever pretend to understand everything that a single mumma goes through.
I just want to say that when i say..."I understand a little" it actually meant as common ground not an insult.

[meeka2k]

HunterzMummy, I agree with what you've said, there shouldn't be an "us" and "them" mentality. As you say we are all parents doing our best for our kids :-)

However I also get what the OP was saying too, I was single for nearly 6 years before meeting my fiance and in those times I had plenty of "those" moments where a partnered Mum says something to me along the lines of, " Oh I know what you mean, (talking about difficulty of grocery shopping with two small children, pram/trolley etc), it's so annoying and hard to organise when "hubbys name" works overtime of a weekend and so instead I have to go do my shopping at night once he gets home to stay with the kids."
I just stared at her for a moment, processing what she has said and was just like, mmhmm ok.
Maybe Asabusymum is right and she was just trying to find common ground, but if I'm being completely honest it did p*** me off at the time.

[Deserama]

Look I don't want to argue with anyone, I'm just hoping that some may consider what I've said. No one knows EXACTLY how anybody else feels at any time.....but I think we all can have some idea, one way or the other.

The OP mentions how she can't comfort her child while taking her to the hospital because she has to drive, and perhaps those of us who are partnered don't know what that's like....but a few weeks ago I went through the same thing...I was unable to comfort my child on the way or even AT the hospital because I had other children...and so I had to stay home with them. The reasons are different but the anguish is the same.

As I said, it's all relative. People may have experienced SOME or FEW or A LOT of aspects of being a single parent...some none at all! But to assume that none of us have any idea at all isn't very fair is all. So please just consider that we are only trying to relate to each other and find a common ground :)

[sweetseven]

I totally understand where the OP is coming from.
Being a part of a couple with children with a hubby that does nothing for the kids etc... is NOT the same as being a single parent.

its not just having to do EVERYTHING yourself from mowing the lawn to feeding the kids or the one income its ALSO the emotional, physical and mental side of being a part of a couple thats missing. Its being completely exhausted and awake in the middle of the night with a sick child while covered in vomit cos theres NO ONE else around to hold the child while you quickly change/shower, or having someone to watch a movie with of a night instead of yet another night alone.
Yes partnered people do similar BUT they also are able to rely on someone else occasionally at least.

Being told by someone who's married oh being single is so easy or someones who partner works away for a week but still comes back for a few days etc... that they KNOW how it is to be single.... has to be one of the biggest insults to single parentsI really disagree with this, because my experience with a useless DH was that I was still responsible for everything with the children, and had to consider them in anything. If something came up, hubby was never the automatic default. I remember one day when I was really stuck organising a friend to babysit my daughter at uni whilst I sat an exam, because I couldn't find anyone else. When I tried to participate in school P&C, I had to take children with me and set them to playing just outside.

Also, getting help from other people was extremely difficult because often people would say, "can't hubby do that?" There were also the times that I did ask people for help and then my husband would complain that reflected badly upon him because people assume that is something he should have done. However, he would never do it, so I was left to do it myself.


I actually found it a lot easier being a single parent of 4 than having a husband that hated my guts, who was never there and even when he was he wasn't. To be manipulated and controlled and given the cold shoulder and being spoken to like cr ap every day.

I was very much grateful to become a single parent after that and had it a hell of a lot easier than when I was partnered. And yes the feeling of lonilness when you KNOW that someone who is suppose to love you and can't be bothered with you or give you the time of day is a lot more lonely than actually being lonely. I had a hell of a lot more support from family and friends when I was actually a single mum...than I do now even!

So yes, it's all relative...so don't pressume that because someone is partnered that they dont' know what having no support is or what lonliness is.I felt the same exactly. I didn't even tell anyone for six months after we split. Since it has always just been me with the kids, no-one knew any difference and just assumed hubby was home alone (when I was out) or out (when I was home). When people did find out, they started to comment, "isn't is so much harder on your own?" And I would invariably respond, "No, one less person to look after."

[shelle65]

Hi :wave: I'm single but still have a good relationship (kind of) with my ex and he is still a devoted Dad to DD. I am very lucky to have lots of family support as well.

Do I count as knowing what it's like to be a single parent? Just curious before I say anything that might upset someone :)

[chrysalis]

shelle65, of course you're not really single! every one knows single women are all bitter and twisted, harbour extreme anger and resentment to their ex and secretly envy all married people ....

:rolleyes:

(please read with a pinch of sarcasm)

[shelle65]

shelle65, of course you're not really single! every one knows single women are all bitter and twisted, harbour extreme anger and resentment to their ex and secretly envy all married people ....

:rolleyes:

(please read with a pinch of sarcasm)

:laughing::laughing: Thanks for clearing that up for me!

[Fuchsia!]

I really disagree with this, because my experience with a useless DH was that I was still responsible for everything with the children, and had to consider them in anything. If something came up, hubby was never the automatic default. I remember one day when I was really stuck organising a friend to babysit my daughter at uni whilst I sat an exam, because I couldn't find anyone else. When I tried to participate in school P&C, I had to take children with me and set them to playing just outside, looked after them when you were sick and 1 million other things.



See is still different though, you still have a husband to talk to if you needed to, and you can't tell me he never once bathed the kids, or never once put the bin out, mowed the lawn, changed a lightbulb, played with the kids while you done something, change 1 nappy, done their shoelaces up, Dropped them at school or at someones house.

They all seem like really small things but those small things help ALOT.

Also partnered people don't have to worry about their money and if they are going to get their child maitnance for the month to survive, going through custody battles, crying to you because their dad can't be there, it rips your heart apart. When you have to worry about if this is the year you will miss out on xmas with them cause its the fathers turn? To worry about your exs getting nasty new abusive partners and not being able to do a thing about it?

[Myztik]

Also partnered people don't have to worry about their money and if they are going to get their child maitnance for the month to survive, going through custody battles, crying to you because their dad can't be there, it rips your heart apart. When you have to worry about if this is the year you will miss out on xmas with them cause its the fathers turn? To worry about your exs getting nasty new abusive partners and not being able to do a thing about it?

Actually I go through all of that with my ex and my DS1.. not going to get into the debate, there's no point.

That said I do actually understand what the OP is saying and did at times feel that way when I was a single mother with DS1. It's just not always black and white though.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

I know and sympathise as I was a single parent for 2 years, and it was damn hard.

Now even though I'm partnered I still am drawn to the single parent threads, can't help it :o It will always be with me.

:iagree:
Yep. My time as a single parent shaped me into who I am today..(and i completely understand the OP's point.)
It use to drive me crazy when my also single mother friend use to complain about being a single parent yet still lived at home, had no bills, rent and an endless suppy of hands and support while I had DS 24/7 and was 2 1/2 hours away from my closest family! aarrgghh!

[ICanDream]

I don't get what it's like to be a single parent and to be honest I'm probably guilty of trying to empathise in an attempt to find common ground and I really do assure you there is no malice behind it, just misguided good intentions.

I guess it's the same with a number of circumstances in life. I lost my sister 18 yrs ago and it still annoys me when my friends refer to me as an only child and try to understand what it's like to be an only child. I had a sister for 14yrs of my life till one day I woke up and she was gone, literally she died over night. That's nothing like being an only child. But they don't mean to make me upset and annoyed, they just don't know what else to say at times.

[sweetseven]

See is still different though, you still have a husband to talk to if you needed to,If I wanted to talk about a sci fi TV show, sure, anything important, no way. On top of that, I was forbidden to talk to anyone else about personal things also.


and you can't tell me he never once bathed the kids, or never once put the bin out, mowed the lawn, changed a lightbulb, played with the kids while you done something, change 1 nappy, done their shoelaces up, Dropped them at school or at someones house.

They all seem like really small things but those small things help ALOT.The one thing he did do around the house (and do well) was clean the bathrooms. (And he did a better job than I do now.) But I could easily replicate that by getting a cleaner in once a week. I do recall him retying shoelaces occasionally, but not as regular thing. No more than any visitor would likely do. Even though I was terrified of lawnmowers, I still had to mow the lawn, so bought a manual pushmower, which made the job harder but didn't scare me.


Also partnered people don't have to worry about their money and if they are going to get their child maitnance for the month to survive,Money was another problem. He would just take and spend as he pleased (not even considering the money may be earmarked for some other purpose, such as an upcoming electricity bill for example). If he wanted something, I had to come up with the money for it somehow. Towards the end of the relationship, when he was working, his attitude was that his pay was his money. I was having great difficulty trying to get by on the reduced family payment (reduced due to his income) that I made enquiries to see if I could get a ruling on Child Support to be entitled to use some of his pay for the upkeep of the children, only to be told no, I was not entitled to seek anything from him because we were together. I am sure that there are also other partnerred people struggling due to their spouses being frivolous with money (such as prioritising a hobby, splurging on material possessions, or squandering on alcohol and cigarettes). As an individual, you can control your own expenditures. As part of a couple, you cannot control the expenses your partner chooses, but you still suffer the consequences of them.


going through custody battles, crying to you because their dad can't be there, it rips your heart apart. When you have to worry about if this is the year you will miss out on xmas with them cause its the fathers turn? To worry about your exs getting nasty new abusive partners and not being able to do a thing about it?In this list the only thing that applies is consoling the child who doesn't understand why dad doesn't attend things (because he doesn't like crowds) or lets them down by just not coming home when he has agreed to do something with them.

Okay, I think you've got me with the Christmas (and I'll toss in birthdays as well). That is one difficulty that I didn't have when we were together, that I really do notice now (as a single parent). But when we were together, these events had their own dissapointments. I had to do all the preparations and organisation and was expected to be ever so grateful if he deigned to attend.

[Whippet]

This has been a great thread to read through. I've enjoyed so many of the posts and wanted to comment on all of them but thought that would be a bit much :p So instead I'll just say an open - I love what you've said - comment to one and all!


I think it's all relative. I have some single parent friends that have it much easier than I do.

I agree hun ... I have a friend who is recently single but before she became that way, she had it a lot harder than I at times. Her DH was an interstate truck driver so was only home for a few hours on the weekends and occassionally through the week. She never knew when he'd be home and for how long - I have my kids most of the time but as I co-parent, I have regular respite and I always know when that's going to be.


I dont get it...

Why is it so bad that people try to understand or try to get some common ground?
They are not taking away from you they are just expressing that sometimes they have hard times too.

Why does it have to be so much worse for you?

My mum died when I was young. I have friends who say they dont see their mums and so they can relate to how it must be.
Its not insulting its just finding common ground.

Kids make friends that way...
My dad works.
Oh wow so does mine want to be friends?

They look for common ground. You like blue? me too

Its human nature and its not done to make someone feel bad.

I say it to my single mummy friend.
DH is away every 2nd week, I dont have family to help and I think that in those weeks I get a little taste of what its like.
I was a single mum with one child and ys it was damn hard, but I do get the same loneliness and tiredness when Dh is away, so yes I get a taste.

That is not saying that single mums dont have a hard time. Its not taking away from you.
Its just saying somedays....I really get it.

I thik it's great that you try to get it. Even as a single mother myself, I don't know what it's like to have sole care of my kids. I have family, friends, their Dad is still a huge part of their lives ... I think you're right, a lot of the time people are trying to find that common ground and mean no offense by trying to understand.


Hi :wave: I'm single but still have a good relationship (kind of) with my ex and he is still a devoted Dad to DD. I am very lucky to have lots of family support as well.

Do I count as knowing what it's like to be a single parent? Just curious before I say anything that might upset someone

If you count, then I count cause I get regular breaks from parenting :p

I'm single and I'm a mother - I don't always feel I have the ... right? ... to put those two together.


shelle65, of course you're not really single! every one knows single women are all bitter and twisted, harbour extreme anger and resentment to their ex and secretly envy all married people ....

:rolleyes:

(please read with a pinch of sarcasm)

PMSL!! :laughing:

[Fuchsia!]

Then if he was like that, then why did you stay with him so long? And that questions is for all the people that think staying in a relationship is just as hard, if its that hard then why continue with it?

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Not sure about other single parents out there but i'm a bit fed up of 'partnered' people offering advice or saying things like 'oh i know exactly what you mean' when talking about life as a single parent.

Partnered people seem to think that because they are alone all day with the child / children or when DH / DP does shift work or has to work away for a week that they somehow know what it's like for us.

Here's the thing!

They don't know!

And it's so insulting to have partnered people act like they do know.

Now don't get me wrong - i'm not whinging about being a single parent.

BUT i am having one heck of a whinge about the partnered people who somehow think they know what it's like.

BECOME SINGLE and then you'll know what it's like is what I have to say.

Rant over.
Trying not to offend you I undestand what your trying to say :)
when my dh is on the later shift at work he isn't home until 9pm meaning I've had dd by myself all day and had to cook dinner whilst bfing a reflux newborn
I sometimes think "omg I don't know how single parents do this" when it's 9pmish and I havnt been able to have a shower or go to the bathroom yet
but
I have no idea what it's like to be a single parent. We coupled parents might have a taste of parenting alone when partners are at work or away but we don't know what's it feels like to be single. We eventually have our partners back, we have support emotionaly and finaccialy from them. And don't have to put up with the discrimination and stigma single parents face unjustfully

Sometimes you want to rant what it's like what is being a single parents without support and it would be very frustrating having "oh I know what it's like..." response from a friend who is partnered and dosnt really know and all you do want is a :hugs:

[Annabella]

Apologies in advance for posting in this section (and not being single)....


Then if he was like that, then why did you stay with him so long? And that questions is for all the people that think staying in a relationship is just as hard, if its that hard then why continue with it?

I know my life would be much much easier if I was on my own (yes I have done it before), but I love my husband and we made a commitment to each other and until I have exhausted every possible avenue of making the marriage work, I will keep trying, no matter how 'hard' it is. I chose to give our relationship another shot not because it is easier, but because I wanted to know I had done everything I could to try and make it work, despite it being the 'harder' option at the time.

[delirium]

Why can't everyone just accept that being single and partnered has it's own unique difficulties and complexities? That neither should have to apologise for their situation and that we are all mums trying to do the best we can?

Why must it be tit for tat where we are making assumptions about each other's lives? My mother was a single mum, so are my girlfriends. So I somewhat understand - it's really, really hard. My mother was also in a violent relationship, as have women that I have worked with. There are lots of reasons why women don't and can't leave, so it's also a really hard situation.

Let's cut each other some slack huh? :D

[florence]

Why can't everyone just accept that being single and partnered has it's own unique difficulties and complexities? That neither should have to apologise for their situation and that we are all mums trying to do the best we can?



Why must it be tit for tat where we are making assumptions about each other's lives? My mother was a single mum, so are my girlfriends. So I somewhat understand - it's really, really hard. My mother was also in a violent relationship, as have women that I have worked with. There are lots of reasons why women don't and can't leave, so it's also a really hard situation.



Let's cut each other some slack huh? :D


:iagree::iagree: Great post!

[text deleted by moderator]

[MummaBear03]

Thing is, it's different. Nobody was saying married people have it easy and nobody was saying this is a pity post to say how hard singles have it.

I can't understand what it's like to be stuck in a bad relationship. I just know from endless midnight runs dragging a toddler out of bed to go and help a friend out of a relationship that was unhealthy. I haven't lived it, so can't understand it.

I haven't been in a relationship at all other than dating or long-distance, never lived with another person in a relationship setting so I can't begin to imagine what it's like to be married.

Just like those who have never been single can't know what it's like to be single, even if they are in a relationship where they do it all. Those in such a relationship know what it's like to be on their own when in a relationship, not what it's like to be on their own and not in a relationship unless they've been single at some point. That's what this thread is about.

[delirium]

ITA that unless you've been a single parent, you really don't know what it's like. As you say, the same thing goes for being in an abusive relationship. But there are lots of generalisations being thrown around on both sides, some by those that have never been a single mum, some by those that have never been in a really bad relationship.

I don't usually come into this section out of respect of the fact I am not a single parent. I just wanted to point out that being nasty to each other is only going to widen the divide.

As you were :D:p

[MissMetal]

anyway the point im making is you DO have a choice ;)

[MissMetal]

ITA that unless you've been a single parent, you really don't know what it's like. As you say, the same thing goes for being in an abusive relationship. But there are lots of generalisations being thrown around on both sides, some by those that have never been a single mum, some by those that have never been in a really bad relationship.

I don't usually come into this section out of respect of the fact I am not a single parent. I just wanted to point out that being nasty to each other is only going to widen the divide.

As you were :D:p
:yes:

i just wanted to point out, that yes i have been in a very negative abusive relationship.. that lasted 4 years... so i have seen both sides ;)

[delirium]

:yes:

i just wanted to point out, that yes i have been in a very negative abusive relationship.. that lasted 4 years... so i have seen both sides ;)

I bet you've been asked why it took you 4 years to leave? Then you should understand it's not as simple as 'just leave'. That's fantastic you got out, but just as you took 4 years, other women take years to leave too.

Anyway, I won't post further, I just wanted to add context to the debate and ask that we have some empathy on both sides. :sunshine:

[Larski]

At the risk of boring everybody, I shall repeat what I have said previously about this topic.

I agree with the OP that parents who have a partner who is away alot or present but unhelpful dont get it. Thats not to say that they dont have it tough at times, but as this is a post in the Single Parents section, then thats not really relevant. As I've previously argued, I'm sure that if I went into the ivf thread and said how I understood and that its really not so bad being childless ("and I know because I've done both") etc. that that would similarly be considered as rude and patronising.

To those of you who complain that you may as well be single because your partner does nothing to help you with the baby, let me ask you some questions...

Did you have even a few minutes of joy from your partner when you were pregnant? Or were you screamed at and threatened? Did he ever take you to a doctors visit or ultrasound and share the excitement? Did he help with the baby shopping and set up your cot etc? Or did you have to do this all alone?

Was he there for the birth of your child? Did he hold your hand or stroke your brow? Did he cuddle his newborn child? Or did you have the bittersweet experience of doing this alone? Did he sign your childs birth certificate or did you have to involve lawyers or if you chose not to, do you still feel sick from worrying about the implications for your child?

Does your partner work and support you or contribute financially? Can you afford better housing and a better lifestyle because you have a higher combined income than what you could on your own? Or do you have to work and be solely responsible for your own and your childs financial future, without a cent from their father?

Does your partner help by doing other things around the house? Does he change lightglobes or kill spiders or clean the gutters or put the garbarge out? Would he make dozens of phone calls to your gas company after they mistakenly billed you for over $900 and direct debited it from your account? Or do you have to do all of these things yourself in between caring for your child?

Does he do nice things for you like make you a cup of tea? Has he ever prepared an evening meal or picked up take away so that you didnt have to cook? Has he ever done the grocery shopping for you, or even picked up milk on the way home? Was he there to hand you the remote when you were trying to breastfeed baby and couldnt reach it? Has he been there to answer the phone or doorbell when you were in the same situation? Has he ever given you a back rub or a nice cuddle or tell you that you're doing a great job? Has he bought you a birthday present, or celebrated your childs birthday with you? Or do you get none of this?

Does he help you to make decisions about your child? About their health, discipline, schooling etc? Or do you have to take full responsibility for every decision and endure the anxiety about whether you've done the right thing?

I know that parenting is hard for everyone but I do think that single parenting - and I mean where you have absolutely no respite or support at all - is extremely hard and dont expect others who have a partner or have half the week as respite to understand. Just as I dont understand the anxiety of having a partner away fighting in the armed forces and not knowing if he will ever come back - I can sympathise but I dont truly get what it must be like.

[munchie]

:yes:

i just wanted to point out, that yes i have been in a very negative abusive relationship.. that lasted 4 years... so i have seen both sides ;)


YES we all have choices, BUT its what comes about after THOSE choices. I really cant be bothered going into more detail. It is not just a matter of packing up and leaving and be DONE with it. The choice I made to leave my abusive ex still still AFFECTS me to this day and I knew it would. Abusive relationships are NEVER easy and what makes it even more dangerous is when you have children to the man.

[MissMetal]

YES we all have choices, BUT its what comes about after THOSE choices. I really cant be bothered going into more detail. It is not just a matter of packing up and leaving and be DONE with it. The choice I made to leave my abusive ex still still AFFECTS me to this day and I knew it would. Abusive relationships are NEVER easy and what makes it even more dangerous is when you have children to the man.

i know this... i never said it would be all peachy!!!
you still have that choice tho whether to stay or to leave ;)

[MummaBear03]

Did you not have a choice when you fell pregnant??
Fair enough, the guy you fell pregnant to might be a loser but you still had a choice, right?

:no: I had no choice in that. I think my earlier post was ignored but maybe go back a few pages and read it. It's not about who has it tougher, it's about being able to say how it is without others just saying "Oh I know what that's like" when they haven't been single. I can't know what it's like to be living with an abusive partner, I lived with an abusive father but not a partner and they dynamics are totally different. I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with no support, even though my mother was in such a relationship. I was the child of that relationship, but haven't lived it as an adult, and that changes things again.

This is a single parent thread, and I don't know about other single parents but when married women on here whinge about how hard it is in their marriage at that point in time, I don't jump in and say that we all have it hard, :ecomcity: because that would be insulting and offensive to the OP and all others having a hard time in their marriage.

[Fuchsia!]

Just to clarify my question, i should have made it more clearer, i didn't mean abusive relationships at all. Thats a whole other issue and i totally understand that its a complex situation and its not as easy as just leaving.

I'm talking more about the husbands that are lazy and don't do anything at all, or loveless marriages. People who aren't happy in the relationship.

And Florence sometimes single mothers don't have a choice, for example when a partner leaves, or when a mother falls pregnant and the father leaves late in the pregnancy or when the baby is born. And of course there are some that 100% do not believe in abortions.

[JiminyCricket]

Yes sorry , that was a bit harsh, no I don't know what it's like to be in a situation like that at all, but life is not always peachy for partnered people.

[text deleted by moderator]

[MummaBear03]

Yes sorry , that was a bit harsh, no I don't know what it's like to be in a situation like that at all, but life is not always peachy for partnered people.

[text deleted by moderator]

I think you re-read what the OP was actually saying. People can't understand what others are going through (good or bad) unless they've been there. Advice from people is one thing, but for those who say they know what it's like, they don't know what it's like. Unless they've been there, they don't know what it's like. I don't know what it's like for the OP as her situation is different to mine, we have very different reasons for becoming single parents, but we are both single mothers of an only child, and both girls at that. So we do have that and we can say we know what it's like. I don't know what it's like to be a single mother of more than one child, despite having 5 in my care for months, I was only mother to 1 of the 5.

[sweetseven]

Then if he was like that, then why did you stay with him so long? And that questions is for all the people that think staying in a relationship is just as hard, if its that hard then why continue with it?There are many answers I could give to that, but I'll skip most of them and jump straight to when I did leave.

About a month after I left the second time, he turned up and simply announced, "So where do I sleep?" The third time, it was about two months afterwards that he came by to visit the children and stayed for four days straight. At this point I told him that his name wasn't on the lease, so we could lose the house if he stayed too long. At that point he took great insult and up and left. Neither I, nor the children, heard from him for three months.

[KatiesMum]

I have cleaned this thread, however it will not be reopened.