If you need help with anyone, do you have someone to help out?

[MummaBear03]

I was thinking about this, and have turned down the offer to have surgery paid for in the public system because I have a 6 year old and no one to help out with her or with the house, and she's not old enough to be expected to do everything.

I guess if it came down to it and I was hospitalised after being in a car accident or something, there are local services in the community that can be called on.

There's a place for crisis care of children in that situation, and I have no doubt they are a great service, but I'd love to have someone who was able to drop everything and come to be with my daughter if something went wrong so she had someone with her she knows, loves and is familiar with.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

:yes: My DH.

Other then that, my mum if she really had to.

[Aussiemummy]

Know what you mean. I also need to head into hospital for a procedure and won't be able to drive or look after ds for a while... Its really tough when we're sick or have a crisis & you just gotta pull through without a partner or family close by.

[Oya]

I have people to look after them for short periods of time, but if I was in hospital.. no I don't think so as all my family work full time.

[~Candy~]

No, no-one to help. I can't even go to the dentist because I have my 3 y/o with me 24/7.

[MummyDaddy]

I heard there was overnight care that is available. Do you know about that?

Didn't your mum move closer to you? Couldn't you arrange it with your family - it shocks me at how little support you get.

I mean for surgery! Surely someone can help you! I mean your child is so good - surely someone can help!

[MummyDaddy]

:yes: My DH.

Other then that, my mum if she really had to.

Not to be rude but ...

That's kind of not the point ...

We are single mothers with zero assistance most of the time who have to take our child everywhere. We don't have DH or DP to call on and i'm a bit sick of people crashing our threads with DHs and DPs kind of rubbing our noses in it.

The question was ... as a SINGLE PARENT - what do you do in a crisis!

[MummaBear03]

I heard there was overnight care that is available. Do you know about that?

Didn't your mum move closer to you? Couldn't you arrange it with your family - it shocks me at how little support you get.

I mean for surgery! Surely someone can help you! I mean your child is so good - surely someone can help!

My mum comes down sometimes but hasn't moved closer. She works full time and would have to give up work and come down here unpaid to help out with DD and around the house. Surgery can be put off until she's older, like when she's around 15 or so and can cook a meal for herself, or do a little more with the house. I wouldn't expect it to be spotless, and would probably go out of my way to give it a good, proper clean the week before surgery, ceiling, walls, windows, inside and outside so that she would just have to maintain it for that time and do the basics like the dishes, laundry, floors, benches, toilet and bathroom and keep the place generally tidy. She's just a bit too little to do those things at this stage and it would be unfair to expect it of her. She puts the washing on, puts the dishes away after they've been washed, tidies up after herself, and can fold washers, singlets, knickers, pillow cases and towels now too :yelclap: but that's the extent of her abilities at this stage.

[MummyDaddy]

I'm just hoping the surgery can wait ten years!

Is it not an urgent surgery?

I'm worried about you now!

[MummaBear03]

It's for my shoulder. It does cause a great deal of pain at times, usually when doing repetitive things like wiping down tables, windows, walls, the circular repetitive motion is what causes pain. It can wait, I won't die in the mean time. But it has left me thinking about the "what ifs" of other more urgent things happening, like a car accident or more urgent surgery that might come up, who will be there? There is a care place, like childcare but a bit different that can take them for 2 nights, longer if it's a case of the parent/s being put in hospital. I just don't think I'd want that for my child, I'd want her to be in a place where she is not only cared for, but loved as well. I'd want her to be in her own familiar environment where she won't be scared because she'll already be worried about Mummy, it would be horrible to think of her feeling all alone and scared in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people while at the same time being worried about the only person she really has in this world :(

[Whippet]

I feel for you, having to put off something for yourself. It's a hard place to be and I'm lucky enough to not have been there.

I have my Mum living across the road from me and I have great friends that put their hands up often. Also, as I co-parent there is always there Dad if I REALLY need the extra help.

If you were closer I'd have been more than happy to meet up, get to know one another and help with respite from time to time - especially for your surgery. I have a friend that it a 'true' single mother as she has her two children 24/7 with very little time off and I have her children as often as I can. (I don't neccessarily consider myself a 'true' single parent as I co-parent and get lots of help ... Kinda makes me feel guilty and unworthy of the title at times.)

[chrysalis]

:hugs: mummabear, I don't know how you tolerate it, with the pain. Your daughter sounds like a darling to help you out like that around the house.

I was thinking about this the other day, and talked to a close friend of mine about it. I wanted a plan in case of a crisis or emergency. He knows the kids very well, and said he would be happy to come and stay here if I needed someone to look after them. I have another friend who will also help out. I am in the process of writing up their schedule so he has their routine in writing.

I don't have any family here, so friends are all I can rely on.