Would you accept Cash or Gifts for Egg Donation? Hypothetical

[FOURtunate]

I know this is a touchy subject (and illegal) but, just wondering what would others do. Would you accept gifts, or cash (other than usual reimbursements) for Egg Donation?

Some Recipients like to offer a gift during the process, as a token of gratitude. Would you accept?

[shed]

Yep, I'd accept. that way they might feel like its all fair and square and wouldn't feel indebted to me for something I wanted to do anyway.

Then they can ask again if they want to.

[Little_Toad]

I think a gift of gratitude would be more than welccome, it wouldn't need to be an expensive item. then you would be able to look at something and remeber what you did for someone.

[Roxy]

Definately NOT cash. No way, no how.

I did accept some small gifts from my Recipients - I was given some body shop stuff, a beddy-bear (heat pack in the shape of a teddy), and a family passport to the Melb Zoos/animal parks. For me, that was way more than I wanted, and felt funny accepting it.

However, my recipients and I have become such close friends that we are always buying each other little presents now, like you do for friends, that those small gifts now dont seem quite so huge. I see now that they were gifts of friendship, not of thanks, and to me that makes the difference.

[SassyMummy]

I would accept a small gift/cash amount if I donated my eggs.

In all honesty, my eggs aren't that valuable to me...I've never been DESPERATELY trying to have a baby or anything, so my eggs aren't really of any concern. I wouldn't care if I gave some away...the main thing I would be worried about is the pain associated with needles and such...:rolleyes:

I wouldn't want to get a LARGE gift or payment for my eggs...because, while to someone else they may seem priceless...to me, they're not really worth all that much.

If I was a surrogate however, I'd certainly accept a large gift or sum of money. Pregnancy and childbirth are a bit traumatic...and it's a process that lasts around 9 months. I'd be more than willing to accept some sort of "reward" for it...I have my own family, and anything I could get would only better us.

[annsam]

I intend on being a doner one day if Im still young enough once my family is finished and I wouldn't accept cash or gifts for the eggs but if the recipient wanted to buy me something small to say thanks then that would be accepted with appreciation.

[wa mum of 4]

I wouldn't have a problem accepting gifts any way they came but I wouldn't be taking it as payment.:no:
I think it make some recipients feel better about accepting such a generous donation.:smiliedance:
I am currently starting my journey as a donor for a lovely couple. I don’t expect any sort of gift and defiantly not any sort of payment but if it is something they would like to do then I think it would be rude of me to decline their pressies.

[NatLeah]

Im currently trying to find out as much as I can about donating eggs...
Personally knowing I have helped someone have the greatest love of all would be payment enough.

[PMS]

I would accept a small gift as a token of friendship and thanks but I would never accept money. I think if my Ip's knew me at all then they wouldnt even offer it.
Being able to help someone conceive is a precious enough gift to me.

[~EmsMum~]

yes i probably would!!!!

[sarahstarfish]

Hi

I think the distinction needs to be made between being given a gift in appreciation of the effort you have gone to, and being given money or a large gift that is in some way linked to giving someone your eggs ie. reimbursement.

The question isn't clear on that so won't answer the poll. I think anything other than small gifts is iffy. Cash absolutely not.

Love

Cindy

[Hokey Pokey]

I would not ask for anything, no. I would not accept money at all but if they suprised me with a gift, I would take it as a kind gesture of sincere thanks and more, but then saying that, depends what the gift is hey!! Nothing too big like a car LOL but something small, voucher something like that. I'm sure if the recipient family wanted to give you something they would really want you to have it, so I would accept it on their behalf :yes:

[FOURtunate]

I think the question is pretty simple. The gift could be as small as a voucher, dinner or tickets to an event. I'm just curious as to whether people would be comfortable in recieving something, whether as a small token of appreciation, or otherwise.

[provencein3]

Hi angeldoula

Are you trying to find out whether you should accept a gift or cash?

I remember previously you stated that your recipients had hinted at offering you "payment"

[sarahstarfish]

You are asking two opposing questions in the one sentence..while I have accepted small gifts as a thankyou for effort, I would not in a million years accept cash. So is difficult to answer the poll if you feel they are two completely different things.


Cindy

[leisurly]

I think this is a difficult one because I'm looking for a donor but i know me very well.

I feel so uncomforatable receiving anything I'd actually find it hard to even receive even a thank you present. I might never have been in the position to be a donor but I was a very dedicated nurse and a person who would do anything to help someone in need. I have always been uncomfortable even receiving a compliment, if your able to help someone less fortunate than yourself the greatest gift is knowing that you were able to make a difference. A thank you is quite sufficient for me.

However, when I'm on the receiveing end of help, then I am desparate to show how thankful I am, I think it would be hard to put a price on something as personal as egg donation and I wouldn't like to go there, but i would really show my donor that i think they are really appreciated, so as cindy says - little gifts, to make the donor feel appreciated, treated while having to take all those hormones, is a definate.

Leisurly:o

[bronny-jane]

i would probably donate my eggs for cash, but it would have to be a large amount;)
hmm i guess it wouldnt be donating just selling:D

[Seekrit]

I said "No" but that's not to say I wouldn't accept a bunch of flowers or small token of appreciation, you know? I wouldn't accept a major gift, nor would I want someone who I donated to to feel they needed to give me something.
I definately wouldn't accept money.

[cjb/jbvd]

i actually almost was an egg donor and will be one eventually. and there is no way no how i would ever accept anything as a payment for something that is priceless. about the limit of anything i would accept is a very very small gift if the recipient thought that it was absolutely necessary as i wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. a small teddy would be the limit.

the gift of life is just that, a gift. you don't expect anything back for a gift.

[FOURtunate]

Cindy & Kim - I have refused a "gift" from my recipients, and I am wondering whether others would have done the same.

[PMS]

Hi Angeldoula. It looks like the majority of us are of the same mind. We may accept a small gift in thanks but would definately not accept money. I guess we all see the gift of egg donation as priceless and that is exactly the reason why we donate. To help someone conceive and have their own precious bundle of joy is the best gift of all!
Hope things are on track for you and C!

Take care, Peta :D

[mumma_jessy]

I would accept either. I know it's a touchy subject but the recepients know that you are giving a little peice of yourself up for them, out of kindness, but it would still be nice to get something else in return.

[kiwidoris30]

Personally I would never accept cash for my eggs. To me it is highly unethical and right up there with selling body parts. The only reason I am donating is to help someone else, similarly the same reason that I donate blood every three months and I wouldnt consider payment for that either.

Anyway thats my point of view!

[KarniF00l]

I would sell my eggs for cash because i know if i were to look for a protential donor i would offer cash aswell.. and to knock it back would be silly and somewhat disrepectful because they would want to show you their gratitute and vice versa IYKWIM. I hope that makes sense :o

[bronny-jane]

I would sell my eggs for cash

:D glad im not the only one:D

personally i wouldnt donate anyway, so i doubt i'd sell them at a cheap price....no one would buy them at the price im thinking:D

[KarniF00l]

A reminder to everyone that it is illegal to sell human eggs in Australia. I realise that some of the recent posts have been made in jest, but it's not appropriate to joke about it and potentially highly offensive to those individuals and couples who are involved in egg donation.

Sorry if you took what i said as i joke.. i meant no harm, i'm actually concidering donating (if protential) money or no money.

Edited: I should also add that i wouldn't ask for money.. but if offered i wouldn't knock it back. Thanx

[FOURtunate]

i'm actually concidering donating (if protential) money or no money.

Again. It is ILLEGAL to accept money for Egg Donation. It is offensive to both Donors and Recipients to even joke about it.

Sorry. but it's something that I feel very strongly about. I started this thread to guage public opinion. Not to encourage potential donors to "sell" their eggs.

[KarniF00l]

I did say donate didn't i ? I'm sure i did :yes:

I also said i would accept cash as a gift. This is what the thread is about, is it not ?

edited: You haven't encouraged me in any shape or form. DH and i have spoken about egg and sperm donating. We would love to give couples the opportunity that we have been very blessed for aswell.. it's a nice thing to do as we plan on not having anymore.

[kiwidoris30]

I dont understand how anyone could cash in on someone else's misfortune. Whatever happened to old fashioned values like trying to help someone else just because your in a position to help? This is something I feel really strongly about so I am sorry if it offends anyone out there but selling your eggs would be like selling a potential child. What would you do if that child came back to you at 18 and said "hi ya, so your where I got my genetics from, and I hear you sold me for 50k".

I just hope that all of you out there that would accept money for your eggs are never in a position of great need and the person that can help you says "yeah sure only if you pay me $XXX".

[kiwidoris30]

i hear what you are saying but just because these poor couples are forking out cash left right and centre just to have a child doesnt make it right.

Personally I know that I would have a hard time living with myself knowing that I was cashing in on someone else's unfortuante circumstances.

[Karizma]

I understand where you are coming from aijent. I have always thought about egg donation, but there are quite a few factors that hold me back.

1. Like you said about violence. It is hard because in reality they would be my eggs and I would never be able to forgive myself if i just randomly donated eggs and they went to the wrong people and the child is brought up in a violent situation etc...
2. These days it is not an anonomous donation. Your name and file etc.. is kept on file and the child can contact you later in life if they request to. So to me that is more like adoption terms, and yes I know for medical reasoning too.
3. Recipients are wanting thier donors to be part of the childs life and that to me would cause issues if the donor doesnt accept something about the way the child is being brought up.
There is just so much more to donating your eggs. I would have to really know the people I donate to or get to know them really well first and be 100% sure and not want to have contact because I dont want the child to grow up in a family and later on think it is any less that what it is. The women carried the baby in thier womb, it is thier child so I wouldnt want thier whole world turned upside down.
I would personally except a cash gift, and my reasons for that would be because I have children and I would put it away for thier future education etc... It would be based on helping each other. But in saying that if It would depend on the circumstances and situation, as they are all different :thumbsup:

Thank-you for listening and this is my opinion

[babydreams]

I wrote a long post to this thread yesterday and lost it, but here is the summary (yes, believe it or not this is the short version). I have very strong feelings about this and although I believe in everyone's right to an opinion and a say, I must say I'm shocked by many of the comments here.

First of all...I am so grateful that we live in a country where selling human tissue is illegal and I hope it remains so. There is no moral high ground in saying that you wouldn't ask for money, but would accept it if it's offered...that's like saying "I'm not a thief, but I will accept stolen goods". It is illegal and for good reason. We need to look no further than the damage caused by organ and egg trading elsewhere in the world.

Secondly, we seem to have lost the definition of the word "donation". It is a GIFT, a free contribution without expecting (or accepting) anything in return. The minute someone accepts cash, goods or services in return for their eggs it ceases to be a donation and becomes a business transaction. Let's call it what it is.

Thirdly, we seem to have forgotten about the important people in this process...the children. Someone mentioned that men have been paid in the past for their sperm donations as justification, but have you read the writings of or spoken to any of those (now adult) children about how that makes them feel?

When considering whether or not to try egg-donation in our quest for a child, I did a lot of reading and research into the potential -ve effects on children from being created this way. I was lucky enough to chat to an adult child of an anonymous sperm donation and her honesty really helped us decide which way to go. She said that having access to her donor and honesty about the way she was created would have removed the awful longing and resentment she now experiences. She was very supportive of a known-donation and all the evidence suggests very clearly that when managed well, this is by far the best situation for the child. Children are sensitive to how they are created, which brings me to my next point...

One day I will be proud to explain to our child that a wonderful, kind and generous woman gave us an egg that grew in me to become him/her. I hope the child feels extra loved and special as a result. What a noble heritage! To be born from the genes of someone whose only motivation was to share the joy that she experiences as a Mum. I shudder at the thought of telling a child that the egg they came from was purchased with $$ or a holiday or whatever. We were lucky enough to find our beautiful donor via Bubhub and are thrilled that she is doing this for all the right reasons. Personally, I wouldn't go anywhere near a "donor" who expected (or would accept) cash or gifts in return for her eggs. I would rather remain childless.

As for the argument that payment would attract more "donors" or rather..."sellers", I disagree there too. I have personally met many women who have donated or are planning to. Most of them say that they didn't even realise there was a need until they stumbled across a story in the press or encountered an infertile friend. I truly believe that there are hundreds, possibly thousands of women in this country who would do this for one another if they only knew more about it. I believe that education, not payment is the key. Already via this forum, several women are now more informed about egg donation and a few are seriously on the journey towards giving someone like me a chance at motherhood. Spreading the word, providing good role models and correcting the misinformation is crucial to this cause.

There are no $$ that could ever repay our donor for what she is doing for us and I think it is folly to even try. How much is a child worth? It sickens me to think that we could strike deals over this. For those that mention clinics making money etc. as justification, that doesn't wash with me either. We are lucky to live in a country where we have access to this technology and medical skill...I have no problem paying for this service in the same way I am happy to engage any professional for their expertise. My DH & I cannot become parents without medical intervention, that is sadly part of what we must do to make our baby dream come true, but we count ourselves among the luckiest people in the world to have access to this amazing medicine.

What will I give our beautiful donor when the time comes? Eternal gratitude, hugs, a card or a letter maybe, occasional photos. These things are more lasting and priceless than any cash or gift and I'm so grateful that we have a donor who feels that way too. We are developing a lovely friendship and I hope that continues, but life changes and this might too. What I do trust is that we both have the children's (her existing and ours yet-to-be born) best interests at heart and have vowed to always stay in contact. She has a natural interest in the wellbeing of the child created and deserves to know how we all are, but more importantly our child has the right to know where it came from and will always have access to her...this is essential to us. This doesn't mean that we'll see each other all the time...I want to be free to enjoy my baby and family in a natural way and she understands that. I hope she finds the experience of donation, our joy and the knowledge that she has changed our lives forever deeply gratifying.


Oh, there's so much more I could say, but I'll leave it at that.

Babydreams xx

[sarahstarfish]

Babydreams - all that I wanted to say but was too dismayed to sit down and pull it altogether.

I too agree that paid donation does not automatically put a donor on every corner - experience in the UK has shown that offering a set sum for donors doesn't bring forth a huge rush, hence their recent move to egg-sharing. I too agree that it is sensible and caring education that would make a bigger difference than payment.

***text referring to deleted posts removed***

For those who donate only to do something good for the world, absolute blessings to the wonderful women you are and the difference you make.

xx

[babydreams]

***test referring to deleted posts removed***

Sarahstarfish has been an amazing support to me and many other women who find themselves in need of donated eggs. :hugs: I think what she was expressing was her own, personal dismay at the way this thread evolved and I must say I was shocked by it too.

Joking about selling your eggs in the presence of someone whose own eggs are not viable is akin to joking about selling a kidney in front of someone who needs a transplant. I know that those who were joking were not trying to be malicious, as is often the case it's probably a lack of awareness or sensitivity to the issues at hand. It may not be intentionally cruel, but it still hurts.

Are we hyper-sensitive to such comments? Of course in our situation we are...but surely the "Egg Donation Issues" forum is a place where our wounded bodies and souls should be able to come for respectful discussion and support.

Like Cindy, it took a lot of effort for me to respond to this and it has been weighing heavily on me since I saw some of the posts a couple of days ago. I put a lot of thought into what I wrote and I hope that now some of you will take the time to read, consider and thoughtfully respond to the ideas expressed there.

Babydreams xx

[xkwzit]

Hi All

I'm going to close this thread to try and clean it out somewhat. This is a very sensitive area and I think that we could all do with a little break.

Cheers

[xkwzit]

I have decided that this thread can stay open, provided we keep to the topic and remain sensitive to the feelings of the people who frequent this section of the forum.

I think that it is important to highlight the need for egg donors and our discussion is a great way of raising the profile of this important issue. But please keep to the topic and respect each other's sensitivities, otherwise it will be closed.

[misskittyfantastico]

I would not offer or accept cash or gifts for egg donation. The way I look at it is this: my mother had a kidney transplant and while we will never be able to express our gratitude fully, we would never think of offering anything other than our deepest thanks.

[FOURtunate]

I am glad that this thread has evoked such heated responses.

I never said that I did not want to hear other's opinions. But, I as a member here at Bubhub, also have the right to voice my own opinions. At what point have I stated otherwise?

[leisurly]

I'm a bit confused

Aijent said early today
Angeldoula - you are an angel in human form so please don't expect us mere mortals to live up to your example.

Angeldoula does no posts then we have

Aijent later today
If you do not want to hear both sides then angeldoula you should never have started this poll.

Did I miss something. The moderators not Angeldoula did delete the posts from yesturday that were two members joking about how much they would sell their eggs for.

The risks involved in donating are real but rare in clinics that look after their patients, the problem with paying for eggs is there are many middle men, as presently the problem in eastern europe where young girls are being over stimulated to produce and many eggs as possible and then are sold on to as many recipients as possible paying about $25,000 per cycle. The egg donors recieve a nominal fee

Lx

[xkwzit]

A big clean out mysteriously occured:detective: ...OK, I fess up, I deleted several posts and parts of other posts in an attempt to get the thread back on track:rolleyes: .

Aijent, most of the comments about "selling" eggs referred to deleted posts where ppl jokingly spoke about selling eggs, not just accepting money if offered. Those posts have been deleted, as a few ppl found them offensive. I left the comments in place to try to prevent ppl posting along similar lines again.

There were quite a few ppl who said they would accept thankyou gifts and / or cash. I think that this is a very personal decision, just like egg donation and there is no right answer. It would depend on your circumstances and your own POV.

Edited to add: this thread has now been reopened at the request of a few members. We all think that discussion topics like this help to shed light on the issues of egg donation and assist people who are looking for egg donors to help them build their family. But please treat this topic with the sensitivity it deserves.

Cheers

[leisurly]

Hi Angeldoula

I think it is good to keep it open, I feel that people should say what they want. I think that due to the various posts that did get deleted that there can be some confusion.

Hi Aijent I was not saying that you or anyone was selling their eggs I was showing the problem when it ocures, the donors are actually the ones exploited.

The threads deleted yesturday were a tit for tat bargaining where the 'price' on one persons eggs was $50,000 the other was a million, it was upsetting to some that people were so flippent about the problem people face with infertility.

I think generally we all want to aknowledge kindness and have different ways of doing this.

I think Angeldoula that the start of the thread was an excellent idea and it will resurface peiodically and you don't need to take responsibility for it, on AED a new thread has been posted on the same subject and it is getting varied replies, so just think you were ahead of all the others.

Lx

[Stephany]

Dear Ladies,

Some thoughts from a recipient !

The greatest gift of all knowing that it took a special woman to achieve the dream that has been endured for so long...

An Egg Donor in all likelihood will never ask for money or gifts. There are many women in this wonderful country who are willing to donate their eggs and our special Angel is definitely one.

We have formed an honest relationship with our Angel and her family and we would love it to be a life-long relationship that MONEY cannot buy... If we wish to give a gift for example flowers to our Angel it's because we truly appreciate what she and her family has done for us and remain close to our hearts. It's simply a sign of love and appreciation.

The special qualities of an egg donor is that she does not demand payment or gifts but rather wishes to donate her eggs wholeheartedly so that another family can endure the joy of having a family too.

Love to all
Stephanie

[charlotte8]

Hi everyone,

It's all well and good to say that you wouldn't accept anything from the recipients because just knowing that you've helped them is payment enough... and I agree that the feeling of helping a couple have children is wonderful and deeply satisfying. However, how many of you that are saying you would never accept cash have actually been through a donor cycle? It is no picnic!!

I just finished donating eggs for a couple today (7 eggs were collected this morning. YAY!!), and although I'm so happy and excited for them and looking forward to hearing things went successfully... at times I didn't know if I as going to be able to go on. The injections had some nasty side effects, my hormones went bonkers, the whole process took up alot of my time and effort and left me really fatigued most days, and the stuff you have to drink the day before the collection made me vomit. Not to mention the invasive surgery and the risk involved with the anaesthetic. I'm currently laying in bed with a hot water bottle and can't get up because the cramps are too strong.:eek:

I would never change a thing, and I would definitely donate again... but it must be understood that the whole process is very taxing and stressful on the donor as well as the recipient. My whole life revolved around doating for almost a month. There is nothing wrong with offering or accepting gifts in my mind. They show how much appreciation is involved and give a little compensation to the donor for all they go through.

Charlotte x

[catalicious]

I would accept a small gift/cash amount if I donated my eggs.

In all honesty, my eggs aren't that valuable to me...I've never been DESPERATELY trying to have a baby or anything, so my eggs aren't really of any concern. I wouldn't care if I gave some away...the main thing I would be worried about is the pain associated with needles and such...:rolleyes:

I wouldn't want to get a LARGE gift or payment for my eggs...because, while to someone else they may seem priceless...to me, they're not really worth all that much.

If I was a surrogate however, I'd certainly accept a large gift or sum of money. Pregnancy and childbirth are a bit traumatic...and it's a process that lasts around 9 months. I'd be more than willing to accept some sort of "reward" for it...I have my own family, and anything I could get would only better us.

I agree with everything written here 110%. Couldnt of said it better myself.

[Roxy]

However, how many of you that are saying you would never accept cash have actually been through a donor cycle?

I have done a donor cycle, and there is no way on this earth that I would accept money for it. Appropriate, thoughtful gifts that aren't costing the earth are fine, but not money.

I didn;t actually think that the whole process was that invasive, to be quite honest. Sure, having a trans-vaginal ultrasound isn't many people's idea of fun, but you are more exposed having a pap smear! And if you have ever given birth...well..... :rolleyes:

I am not sure what the stuff was that you had to drink the day before you had your EPU Charlotte. In over 2 years of researching egg donor issues and being a donor myself, I have never heard of someone having to drink a special drink before EPU.


My whole life revolved around doating for almost a month

See, I see a month as such a small speck in time, and a month pales in comparison to the years that women who go to using donor eggs have spent undergoing round after round of IVF treatments.

Sometimes, I just get so sick of our society, where everything revolves around the almighty dollar. And that comment is not directed entirely at ED, but at society in general.

[charlotte8]

[quote=Roxy;669553]
I am not sure what the stuff was that you had to drink the day before you had your EPU Charlotte. In over 2 years of researching egg donor issues and being a donor myself, I have never heard of someone having to drink a special drink before EPU.

I had to drink Fleet... it flushes out your colon and is the most disgusting taste I've ever had to endure. Plus I was running to the toilet every 5 to 10 minutes for almost 12 hours. Please don't tell me that the clinic I donated at is the only one who uses this stuff?!?! :(

[FOURtunate]

No. I will have to drink it too.

I'm kinda scared now.... :eek:

[leisurly]

I'm a bit conserned by this drink rubbish

enamas etc went out yrs ago and i can assure you there IS NO NEED for BOWEL prep for an egg pick up.

I know to get you into labour a good dose of epsom salts can get you going but dizzy eggs is a bit of a worry. Where is the evidence, angeldoula i'd ask what is this for and what is your evidence, ask for academic published papers and i bet they will say oh don't bother dear.

Lxx

[Roxy]

I am concerned too - can't see why you should have to drink stuff like that for a 30 min procedure, when you have been fasting for at least 12 hours anyway!

If it were me, I'd probably refuse it.

[babydreams]

I've had lots of EPUs but have never heard of the drink thing either. Mostly they just brink you out of sedation and offer you a nice cup of tea and some toast! Really, it's not that dramatic! Would certainly question that one.
Babydreams xx

[FOURtunate]

I checked with SIVF and the nurse told me that in some cases they do require you to drink something to settle the tummy.

But in most they do not.

I have only ever had to drink that stuff prior to my Emergency Caesarean. And that was because I had eaten an hour earlier.

So :smiliedance: for me!

[sarahstarfish]

Ewww I agree! Perhaps if they were concerned about any problems during the procedure but they wouldn't let someone with problems donate anyway.

Only need a clear path to your ovaries, not going anywhere else.

Yes, I too would query why it was necessary - your ovaries are going to be niggly, your tum hungry, why add more unnecessary discomfort?

Please let us know - always more to learn!

xx

[FOURtunate]

Back to the topic.

Now that my ED Mission is complete, I want to say to all of those who have been watching this thread - The re is no amount of money, and no gift, that could ever compare to the feeling of knowing that you have changed a life and offered hope.

You simply cannot put a price tag on hearing you Recipients excited voice on the phone telling you how many embryos she now has. No gift could compete with the knowledge that you have given a couple a shot at parenthood.

My dear C sent me a lovely bunch of flowers on the afternoon of EPU. But even that paled in comparison to hearing the excitement in her partner, A's voice when we spoke last night, telling me that "there are EIGHT!!!"

The physical pain I feel due to ovarian access complications, could never be taken away by the promise of a holiday, new furniture, money towards private schooling for my children. But that bunch of flowers reminded me that C and A appreciated what I had been through.

[leisurly]

Michelle

So beautifully put, I have tears in my eyes because I know this tread bit :crying: you a few times and caused you pain you never deserved:gloomy: , but it has been an excellent thread to have begun and you've put the icing on the cake.:hugs:

I hope your recovering and the pain will have been worth it for a lifetime of joy

Lxxx

[mum21plustwins]

at this current time in m life i would accept it but usually i would not.

[amumslove]

Personally knowing I have helped someone have the greatest love of all would be payment enough.

I agree:thumbsup:

[mum21plustwins]

i somewhat agree with jackie7 if there was a limit to the amount of cash for eggs then maybe more people would donate but that would mean you would have to make sure people would be doing it for the right reason not for the money as i said in my post yeah times like now it would be great to get money for it but i would not accept i for one know how hard it is to get pregnant as for me to have another baby i to have to use IVF but i would never take advantage of someone elses misfortune it is the worst news any women wants to hear is that you cant have your own kids its heart breaking but i do know that i would take any length to have a baby no matter what cost involved.

[QTB]

No way, i wouldnt want money and nothing big - maybe a little teddy or something, just that i could look at and know i helped someones dreams come true. but nothing more!

[aida4bubs]

I agree with most here
something little as in flowers ,teddy and a heatpack for cramps is so thought full but cash NO WAY and if you wouldn't donate without cash and large cash at that then what the heck (as a nice word ) a you doing here

just wondering is all :confused:

[pisces00]

Throughout the years i have recieved precious cards and photos etc from my recipients. Also the odd bottle of wine or perfume and i absolutly love these little offerings of thank you although i dont deem it at all necessary. But the biggest offer i ever had was the grand total of $30,000 for the donation of my eggs by someone interstate, and she was desperate.

Not only did it go against my grain, and i could definatly have used it, but i also told her that never ever should she offer $ to anyone to do something that should be done altuisticly. Thankfully she found a donor not long after and as a thank you she gave a voucher to a day spa as a thank you - this kind of present is fine but $ in my own opinion is not.

[helenmac]

I agree a pamper voucher like a massage or facial is a lovely token of thanks to the donor. After all their bodies go though alot to donate the eggs but definately not payment in exchange :shame: I can not comprehend someone accepting cash for something thats supposed to be a gift!!

[jbella]

I know this is touchy, but this is a subject I was wondering about recently..
DH and I are seeking a donor, but would feel better if the stakes were even (if I can put it that way).. We were thinking about maybe paying a donors rent for a year, or buying a small car if they needed it, or an overseas holiday for them and their family..
I would be interested in hearing form other recipient couples who have or are thinking of ideas.. (purely hypothetically lets say..) for ways in which to express their gratitude to a potential donor..

[Roxy]

I know this is touchy, but this is a subject I was wondering about recently..
DH and I are seeking a donor, but would feel better if the stakes were even (if I can put it that way).. We were thinking about maybe paying a donors rent for a year, or buying a small car if they needed it, or an overseas holiday for them and their family..
I would be interested in hearing form other recipient couples who have or are thinking of ideas.. (purely hypothetically lets say..) for ways in which to express their gratitude to a potential donor..


Whilst it's a lovely thought jbella, I think that those types of "gifts" could be seen and classed as payment, and TBH, I'd not recommend you go down that course...for a few reasons too, with the biggest one being what if you aren't successful with that donor, and need to use a new donor? Would you do the same for her as well? I have known ladies who have had up to 4 donors....not to mention the small fact of payment being illegal.

Also, a donor who is donating for the "right" reasons won't accept that large a "gift"...true altruistic donors donate because of a feeling inside of them (the feeling of the joy of motherhood and wanting to share that!), not because a recipient can/will offer them rent payments, new cars or an OS trip.

[beenadonor]

as someone who has donated -altruisticly- 4 times in the past, I came to this site, with the thought in mind of donating agin..

Upon stumbling onto this thread, it made me wonder.. you see, I have recently embarked on a new adventure of being a solo parent to 2. And with current circumstances in mind, and a knowledge of the process of donating, and also that i have always had large collections (over stimulation)... if I was trying to decide between a few recipients, and one offered something as jbella mentioned, eg paying 12mths rent, or clearing my credit cards, then i feel that it would more than likely sway me towards that couple.
Dont get me wrong, i would never ask, and never have, but if the offer was there, I would definatley be inclined to accept..

I hope this doesn't upset anyone, it is mearly an answer to a thread, by someone who was considering donating again anyway...

Good luck to you all!

[jbella]

Hi Roxy..

My thoughts came from a feeling of gratitude - ie: our donor will be giving us something we would not otherwise have... we simply wish to do the same for her.. If that means providing her / her family / or her own children with something, then that is something we would most lovingly give.

I feel that, if our donor feels she is in a position to help us with our dream to become parents, and we are in a financial position to make her (and her families) life better... well.. you get what I mean.. :sunshine:

[Roxy]

I understand where you are coming from jbella - I have contact with a lot of recipients (via the Aussie Egg Donors forum), so I understand the gratitude. I am also on the receiving side of that gratitude (my recipient just celebrated her second Mother's Day, and she sent me a beautiful SMS thanking me for giving her the day to celebrate), but IMO, you don't need to go that far in expressing your gratitude.

Donors get much joy out of seeing their recipients faces when they finally hold their baby in their arms, and the love in their voices when they chat on the phone...I don't believe that they need to be lavished with gifts and eternal thanks....the majority of us are mums who don't get to spoil ourselves, so the thoughtful (small) gifts of flowers (that we don't get anymore), or a spa treatment (that we don't buy ourselves because it's money we use for our children), or the treat of a style cut and colour at a fancy hairdresser (because of the same reason as the spa treatment) are so appreciated, and are accepted with great embarrassment....

[Zoe2]

Smallish gifts are fine,eg perfume etc, but no way giving cars, holidays.
This is payment, if you accept, you are selling your eggs.

I would like to make a friend from this, not feel bad. Besides, it's illegal.

[amumslove]

Smallish gifts are fine,eg perfume etc, but no way giving cars, holidays.
This is payment, if you accept, you are selling your eggs.

I would like to make a friend from this, not feel bad. Besides, it's illegal.
:iagree: That's why it is called Egg Donation.

[MummaBear03]

As with others, I'd accept it but certainly not expect it. If someone wanted to then I would accept but I wouldn't be saying "If you do such and such or give me X amount then you can have my eggs" and TBH I'd love to just have a photo of the happy family I helped to create and nothing more! If the family were ok with that of course, if they weren't then I wouldn't push that matter.

[ellie66]

I'm with Roxy, Sarah and Zoe2 on this one. I wanted to give my donor something that she would remember her experience with us by, so gave her a Pandora bracelet with 1 little charm on it - not expensive, but something that she can wear, look at, and that reminds her of what a good person she is and how grateful we are to her.
Ellie

[Shanaynay]

I know this is touchy, but this is a subject I was wondering about recently..
DH and I are seeking a donor, but would feel better if the stakes were even (if I can put it that way).. We were thinking about maybe paying a donors rent for a year, or buying a small car if they needed it, or an overseas holiday for them and their family..
I would be interested in hearing form other recipient couples who have or are thinking of ideas.. (purely hypothetically lets say..) for ways in which to express their gratitude to a potential donor..
Jbella, that is WAY too much I feel.
An extravagant gift would be, say, a $5000 holiday, not a car!

Responding to the original (and very old!) question, I would not accept cash. Mainly because I feel many people would pay ANYTHING for the chance of a baby and accepting payment would be exploiting their vulnerability.

I would however accept a gift. Obviously flowers/chocolates or something, but I mean I would also accept something a bit bigger, such as a small holiday or lovely piece of jewellery or something.
Not because I would want or expect it in return, but because I would understand that the recipents would probably really WANT to give something in return.
I know that if I were a recipient I would feel so uncomfortable not giving a substantial gift!

[kbcnp]

OK so i understand why this is controversial but in the states people get paid really good money for donating.... people with families of their own to raise who will benefit. personally i have always wanted to and still do donate my eggs. i have two absolutely gorgeous babies and my husband has had the snip so we dont have anymore but i am extremely fertile and here i am just hanging out with great eggs that produce but my family is just getting back on our feet because of bad debt and now we are out of debt by selling our townhouse and moving to the country... partly because the area we live at in the whitsundays is beautiful and a great place to raise my kids. my kids and hubby are american and we are going over to the states for a few months at the end of the year and i am seriously considering selling my eggs. not because i am greedy but because people will pay and this is money that can change our lives. i wouldnt ever try to claim that the baby is mine as i believe your parents are who raise you and i apply that to being the best parent i can be..... but my sister in law couldnt have babies until she was 33 and they tried everything.. and my brother and his wife had my beautiful nephew by ivf. so im asking... with being a good person and open to others beliefs why cant we sell our perfectly good eggs to all the mothers in australia that desperately want them and have to wait for someone who is "good natured". im good natured too. i would love to help someone but i would also love to give my kids everything they need. why wont the govt allow a compensation and cap it at say $10 000 or even $5 000.
you can bet there would be a hell of a lot more people wanting to donate and alot happier couples.
and to all those that think i am outrageous in my views...... well....... try and raise two kids with these interest rates and try and give them everything i never had....... its hard these days.
i am healthy. i am 31. i dont want any more children of my own. i am willing...... i also would like to do something that helps set up my family to buy a home.
im also a good person.

[Roxy]

Hi kbcnp....

Yep - you are right....I don't agree with your POV.

Why? Well - because what price can you put on a life? How do you explain to a child that they were paid for and not "made" via compassion and an honest want to help?

Selling eggs would make the dream of parenthood unreachable for nearly every single woman needing donor eggs - with the average IVF cycle costing around $8000 in Australia, and it more often than not taking more than one cycle to get success, the costs soon add up, and adding a payment of $5000-$10 000 on top to pay an egg seller (can't use word donor - because that implies that you have given something away for free) would see only those who are very wealthy be able to afford a seller.

You talk about the cost of mortgages and interest rates and the high costs of living - well, those undergoing IVF have the same costs, with the added costs of IVF! Most of them have extended their mortgages time and time and time again, until the bank says no more...they have numerous credit cards all maxed out because of the costs of IVF. Why and how should they also pay a woman for her eggs?

In the US, eggs are sold everyday by women who are over stimulated and under monitored. Couples buying those eggs are given little information about the seller, apart from height, weight and IQ. Sellers in the US are not told about the possible implications of their donations - young women just in college are stimmed to the max so that they produce lots of eggs - but that over stimming can have an effect on their future fertility....it is seen as a way to make a quick buck...with no emotion invested in it at all. Ok for the seller - but is that ok for the human created from that sale who will never know their full family medical history? Is that ok for the human created from the sale of those eggs to perhaps feel that part of them is missing because they don't know where they came from?

All those reasons are reasons why I believe that the system of altruistic donation that Australia outstrips the US system for care of everyone involved. I don't doubt that you are a good person, but I do think that you may need to do a bit more research about how the people (who are now adults) feel about being donor conceived and how they feel about not knowing who their donor is and not being able to find them. After you've done that, please search your heart, put yourself in their shoes, and think about how you might feel about everything I have written if you were in that position....

[MissyGill]

I travelled interstate to donate and the day of egg pick up my recipients gave me flowers, chocolates and a voucher to a day spa back home.... just perfect!
I had no expectations, but won't book the day spa until I hear of a BFP.:fingerscrossed:

[shed]

Selling eggs would make the dream of parenthood unreachable for nearly every single woman needing donor eggs - with the average IVF cycle costing around $8000 in Australia, and it more often than not taking more than one cycle to get success, the costs soon add up, and adding a payment of $5000-$10 000 on top to pay an egg seller (can't use word donor - because that implies that you have given something away for free) would see only those who are very wealthy be able to afford a seller.

Why do you feel its acceptable that IVF costs money but egg donors should always give for free?

[Zoe2]

If someone doesn't want to DONATE then go to the USA and SELL the eggs.
Simple.

[Roxy]

Why do you feel its acceptable that IVF costs money but egg donors should always give for free?

I don't like how IVF clinics get to charge whatever they want for the treatment they provide - they hold people who want/need to use IVF to ransom with their exorbitant prices! Why should they charge the literally thousands of dollars that they do - and I'm not sure that they can adequately justify what they charge (again - anywhere from $5000-$10 000 PER CYCLE in Australia, not including fertility specialist appointments, frozen embryo transfers, embryo storage, hospital costs for egg pick up).

Why do you feel that it should be acceptable for people needing eggs to have pay for them or for people wishing to give their eggs away to be paid?

[Harriet]

For me it is not so much a question of whether I could afford to pay for eggs or not.....I couldn't stand the thought of telling my donor conceived child their "story" and then adding in the dollar amount of how much it cost me:no: There is something not quite right about that IMO. It would cheapen the whole experience for me. Donors who donate for altruistic reasons, get a far greater spiritual gift than anything money could buy. You add money into the equation it changes from an act of extreme generosity into a simple exchange of money for goods. I would hate to tell my baby he/she was purchased.

[Samaras Mummy]

Gift Yes, cash No

[A Party of Five]

No as I would not donate my eggs :no:

[Zoe2]

That previous answer is exactly why we moved to Queensland 9 years ago from Tassie, to find an egg donor.:mad:

The mainland has so many generous people.
Love Yous All, :valentine:.

[aida4bubs]

:hugs:its ok Zoe2 theres lots of us here willing to share :flowerz::flowerz:

[bubblebaby]

hi zoe i feel the same frustrated by some things i dont have the power to change its not any of our fault that life dealt such a cruel blow but at least you have the satisfaction that you didnt take having children litely and that they are very much loved and wanted which in initself is a blessing cheers bubblebaby:hugs: we can only thank the generous women who selflessly donote to others!:angel:

[Zoe2]

Thank you Bubbles and Aida for bothering to reply. I just get really stroppy when a Tasmanian makes such a silly comment, :thumbsdown:.
You all would have no idea the negative comments we had when literally begging for someone to help us, I just hope things have changed a little bit and some of those young women are changing their outlook on the world as it is now. Otherwise there will be more couples leaving to get their dream of a family.
At least places like Bubhub and AED are helping so many IP's and ED's get together, like myself and my Bev, we're just so happy to have found each other and be friends, :bee:.
There are a lot of positives in donating.

Zoe.

[hellolu]

Its absolute magic when an ED and IP match up like you Zoe2 and your Bev. Its not for everyone of course but it is so wonderful to know that there are women out there who feel that they can do it. Go girls. :flowerz:

[Zoe2]

Yeah, we're a pretty happy pair of girls, :kiss: !!

When you find THE one, Lu you'll be happy too. :yes:
Life is what you make it, you have to keep going to catch that dream !!
I recon us egg donor people and the surrogate people are the lucky and special ones. :goodvibes:

Zoe.

[aida4bubs]

No as I would not donate my eggs :no:


i don't really understand why would you answer this if you don't intend on donating bc you clearly wouldn't have a clue on what involved and what some women HAVE to go through just to TRY for there dream (i know it does come so easily to some) but when that choice is made up for you then any chance you get would have to be better than none . i agree with the :thumbsdown:on this one:ecomcity::ecomcity::ecomcity:just wanted to add that

[OJandMe]

yep I would.


Even as a teacher you're allowed to accept 'gifts' from students... but you're not allowed to accept it if it's worth over $150.. :laughing:

I can't remember the last time we got anything except chocolates, bath soaps or mugs.:laughing::laughing:

[Mum2Bella]

i wouldnt want or take cash but a little token like a framed photo of little bubba when bubba was born would make my day

[Rating]

I would accept it.. Not from a family member..

But would from a stranger..
In saying that though I wouldnt donate..other than to my sisters..

[allanahsmum]

ABSOLUTLEY...!!!

Egg donating is a very emotional and physical process for all concerned! Women in the US receive over $8000.00 per cycle! Some get a car or a house from their recipients for making their dreams come true...

Here in AU it's illegal to accept it but if it were available to us AU women I bet there would be many many more women willing to donate.

A small gift or sum of money is a token of grattitude, and illegal or not people still offer it. But what would you offer a woman who has provided you the opportunity to have a child you couldn't otherwise?

I think if it's offered then take it. Fertility clinics charge like a wounded bull and get away with it...

:thumbsup:

[elwoodgal]

Fertility clinics charge like a wounded bull and get away with it... (quote)

That is the point really. IVF costs a lot of money. To have to pay for a 'gift' also would mean that having a baby would not be affordable for the vast majority of infertile women. ED is a gift. A wonderful gift that any recipient is forever grateful for.
I would not want to explain to any child that a woman who mummy paid a lot of money to, helped bring them into the world.
ED is an altruistic act in Australia for a very good reason.
ED's are wonderful, generous women whose primary motive is to help another woman less fortunate than themselves.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I wouldn't like to SELL them.. But yes we are not wealthy or well off even.
Not even financially stable.

So yes I would accept a gift as a GIFT.

Not as bribery or anything. :no:

[leesha8293]

i'm not sure if i would but i bet if it was legal to recieve some sort of cash alot more people would be donating

[allanahsmum]

I was an egg donor myself, and for women embarking on the journey to give up their eggs to those less fortunate is something I have gotten SO much praise for...

However, I didn't ask for nor did I make out that I wanted anything for the gift I gave the couple. It was GREAT that they offered and gave what they did, and I am forever thankfull to them for giving me that oportunity to donate at all.

I just don't think it's so fair that different states and countries have the laws about it all as they do, Here in Australia each state has different laws from the recipients age to the donor's family history. The costs are differrent with every state too and if you pay cash to a fertility clinic you're offered more attention and more chances not to mention years off your waiting time than those on a public run fertility hospital.

Getting off the beaten track...

I took the gifts and whatever else they wanted me to have for my troubles as it was a pretty selfless thing for me to have done, not to mention the time I put into the process, as well as time away from my family. I would have done it for nothing, and still would all over again, but grattitude is grattitude no matter how a person wants to thank you!

You wouldn't want to offend the person if they offer!

[kand4]

This is just the conversation I've been having with my best friend for months now! I'm finished having my kids (I have 4 fantastic kids and am still only 30), and always liked the idea of donating my eggs as I couldn't imagine not having children BUT having watched her go though IVF, weeks in hospital with hyperstimulation, injections, appointments, etc, it has completely changed my mind! As much as I still like the idea of donating, I just couldn't put myself and my family through it. By the time I travelled an hour to appointments, the endured the emotional rollercoaster while still looking after my own 4 young children, and the associated costs etc I honestly think there should be some sort of compensation for egg donors. This may make me a terrible person in many people's eyes, but this is just how I feel. I don't think I'm "selling my child" as my child is an embryo made with my husbands and my "parts" and there is no way in the world I could donate or sell an embryo, but I would definately donate if there was payment involved and I do believe if some sort of regulated payment program was brought in, there would be more donors.

It was really interesting reading everyone's points of views and it's the first time I've come across a thread like this, and it's really great to read the discussion on this topic and I do commend the ladies who are able to donate so unselfishly.

[333]

I would not except anything before the agreement, because they could be construed as bribery. I would however except a gift AFTER i was beginning the 'harvesting' and donating stage. I know myself that if i had not been able to have childrenit would have shattered my world. I cannot even imagine what it feels like. And after all that heartache when someone is generous and caring enough to offer such an intimate part of themselves it is obvious that the recipient is going to want to find some way to atleast acknowledge the great deed. Nothing to do with the granduer or the worth of the gift but i think its just something most recipients would really WANT to be able to do. To thank another women for making their dreams come true. In that sense i would except. Not cash though... just doesnt seem appropriate.

[Emsmum85]

The only thing I accepted from my recipient was her paying for my transportation. That's all they are allowed to do, they pay for the appointments, the drugs, the counselling, they paid for me to stay in a hotel, I was on the needles for 11 days, I had 4 trans-vaginal US, they got TWENTY eggs out of me! One being a giant with a 15cm diameter! The pain was like the start of labour, but you know what? We're still friends, that is all that matters.



(Unfortunately she misscarried)

[BreithCuidiu]

BUT having watched her go though IVF, weeks in hospital with hyperstimulation, injections, appointments, etc, it has completely changed my mind! As much as I still like the idea of donating, I just couldn't put myself and my family through it. By the time I travelled an hour to appointments, the endured the emotional rollercoaster while still looking after my own 4 young children, and the associated costs etc I honestly think there should be some sort of compensation for egg donors.



I know I am dredging up an old thread (found via Google while researching IVF procedures). I agree with the above in some ways. Although it is such a beautiful, generous and saintly thing to do - it certainly would not be without it's misery as well.

[ThreeDucklingsDown]

I have to say, that never once has it crossed my mind to receive a gift or money from my anonymous recipient.

I have always, and still believed that if you have the chance to help another, than it is a pleasure to help. I am far from your religious person, but the satisfaction I have gained from this cycle can not beat any gift. It is priceless. Although my first cycle wasn't successful as my couple came back with a BFN (big fat negative), I have taken great comfort in knowing that I have given another couple a chance ... some hope at something they so desire.

I think we too often think about what we should get in society by way of giving. Just one look at these women that have experienced IVF should be enough to inspire us all. The heartache they have endured. Oh my heart goes to them all. They are probably the most committed, dedicated and passionate women I have come across. Their strength, love and laughter would surpass us all. Yet they always hold their heads up high with shear determination to become what we are and sometimes take for granted ... a mum.

Lets not make their burden any more by adding the pressure of gifts or money.

They are, us. We are them. I would encourage everyone I know to take the donation path. The injections .. nah, its a breeze. But the self satisfaction you can from helping another woman become a mother is just ... well priceless.

[pisces00]

as a donor i have recieved thank you gifts like flowers, a bottle of wine, wonderful cards with messages that i hold dear and because of the horrible journey that people go through even just to end up needing a donor i accept these gifts acknowleging thier gratitude. I too would NEVER donate for $$$ - i think that after all the crap couples go through, then have to find a donor, then all the councelling etc whilst hoping that they can trust their donor to stick with them all the way, well i agree with someone else who on this thread that i could not cash in on someone elses misery and misfortune. BUT someone said when i read this thread and stated my opinion, that its easy for me to have this opinion as i am not infertile and desperate for a donor and should the shoe be on the other foot would i be offering someone $$ to donate? As i have not been in that position i can only answer that i would hope that someone would out of the kindness of their heart come forth and offer to help me.