would you be a surrogate for money? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

bronny-jane

25-10-2009, 21:14

* this is just curiosity, and isnt to insight any ill feelings..*

just the india thread got me thinking...
would you be a surrogate for a fee?

personally i dont see it as wrong, i think there might be more people willing to do it if they had a financial incentive... what do you think

also would you prefer to pay an austalian women the same amount you would for an indian surrogate if you had the option...

sorry if this offends, just very curious ;)

MsMummy

25-10-2009, 21:17

I don't think I'd give birth again for love or money.:D

I won't answer seriously. I remember there was a thread like this a few months ago, and it got quite...heated.

IndigoJ

25-10-2009, 21:17

MummaBear03

25-10-2009, 21:17

I wouldn't be a surrogate if it made me an instant millionaire!!!

Reason being, my body doesn't cope too well with pregnancy so it's probably better to find a better candidate.

However, if that were different, I would expect all pregnancy-related expenses be covered, including time off work if I was working as a casual or had run out of sick days from the pregnancy.

I agree, more people might do it if there was monetary incentive.

Opinionated

25-10-2009, 21:19

Yes I would.

I have pretty good pregnancies and enjoy the whole process.

Maybe it is selfish, but I wouldn't be a surrogate for a stranger for free. A pregnancy is a risk and does cost the mother (clothing, food time off work, etc )

I would be a surrogate for free for a family member or best friend.

PeppaH

25-10-2009, 21:19

yeah, but I would be one for free so the money would just be a bonus lol.
I dont know how much someone gets paid to do it...So I cant answer the other question.

PeppaH

25-10-2009, 21:22

Awe I must be cheap lol I said I would do it for under 10k lol. 3 votes for over 20 and Im the only cheapskate :laughing:

bronny-jane

25-10-2009, 21:23

my body does pg pretty well;) last time was a breeze...except those last annoying few weeks when you just want it over:D

would i do it for money... honestly, i would probably consider it.. for a nice sum i'd even do multiples, no more then 4 though:laughing:

if i was to do it for cash that is.. not advertising my uterus ;)

sockstealingpoltergeist

25-10-2009, 21:26

Nope and I don't think people should ever pay for surrogates. It makes me quite mad when a person is exploited like that.

I'm not saying everyone who does it is exploited, however it is a highly likely scenario. Untill women are equal and not likely to be exploited because they are poor and have no options, then surrogacy for money is a very bad idea and unethical.

KatiesMum

25-10-2009, 21:33

see if I was able to pay a surrogate I would.

I am very fortunate in life, and if someone were kind and wonderful enough to do something so massive to make my life better, I would move heaven and earth (including pay them enough to make a substantial difference in their life) to make there life better too.

Note - my DH does not want to have another child even close to enough to think about a surrogate so this is hypothetical only

Pax

25-10-2009, 21:35

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.

Whispers

25-10-2009, 21:50

Ana Gram

25-10-2009, 21:51

Nope and I don't think surrogates people should ever pay surrogates. It makes me quite mad when a person is exploited like that.

I'm not saying everyone who does it is exploited, however it is a highly likely scenario. Untill women are equal and not likely to be exploited because they are poor and have no options, then surrogacy for money is a very bad idea and unethical.

I agree. Once money becomes involved, exploitation usually follows.

I'm glad that there are amazing women out there who are surrogates for the pure want to give someone else a chance at being a parent, but not for money.

PeppaH

25-10-2009, 21:52

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.

I dont understand...Why would it be a designer baby??

Whispers

25-10-2009, 21:53

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.
What do you mean by designer I just thought a surrogate mother was someone who carried the baby who is biological the other parents child but is unable to carry it how is that designer?

bronny-jane

25-10-2009, 21:53

I dont understand...Why would it be a designer baby??

well pep, if it had my genes it couldnt not be perfect:D

AmberMama

25-10-2009, 22:03

I would be a surrogate and not expect any payment (barring medical expenses).

Though if I needed a surrogate, I would be more than happy to compensate them for the gift they were giving me. I would feel awkward with them doing it for free.

That seems a bit confusing now that I look back at it... :(

PeppaH

25-10-2009, 22:05

well pep, if it had my genes it couldnt not be perfect:D

:devil6: Of course.

moozle

25-10-2009, 22:09

Angelmist♥

25-10-2009, 22:41

MummaBear03

25-10-2009, 22:46

I agree. Once money becomes involved, exploitation usually follows.

I'm glad that there are amazing women out there who are surrogates for the pure want to give someone else a chance at being a parent, but not for money.

I agree to an extent, but does that include money for expenses? I wouldn't expect to profit from it, but I wouldn't like to be lumped with all the costs either because my last pregnancy meant lots of time (unpaid) off work and it was a killer because I had no other income, no partner, no centrelink or anything. It also meant some (not many) new clothes and medication to help control HG. I would want those expenses covered, but not get paid on top of that, that wouldn't sit right for me.

HelenHasTwins

25-10-2009, 22:46

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.

Yes I am also currious to find out why you think it would be a designer baby? What do you actually class as a designer baby?

mumma2cubs

26-10-2009, 08:14

I put down that I would do it for $20k.

Reasons being is I would not work for the months that it would take to get pregnant and also for appointments once I am pregnant.

It would also cover the time after the birth that I needed to recover - depending on the mode of delivery.

This would only be different if I were to be a surrogate to a close close friend - but even then I would need something to cover my lost wage......

So they are the reasons I'd ask for money - but I'd love to do something like that once my kids are a bit bigger - not for the money but to give someone else the opportunity to feel the amount of love that is being a mumma

mumma2cubs

26-10-2009, 09:00

........

maybe1more

26-10-2009, 22:22

munchie

26-10-2009, 22:28

Im so undecided. :cool:

Leaning towards No though

nloxton

11-11-2009, 01:43

I would do it for the right amount of money.

I have PCOS and endometrial hyperplaysia though. It's such a shame that my infertility is the very cause of me wanting to help people with the same issue, and the very hinderance at the same time.

Having infertility truely opened my eyes to just how challenging infertility is. It affects everything.

I'm starting IVF soon (after years of trying everyting else, and months and months of stalling due to the endometrial hyperplasia).

In spite of knowing how physically demanding it would be, I would happily become an egg doner for free. I wouldn't be a sarrogate to a stranger for free. Just as I would never expect another person to do it for me for free. It's risky and involves a heck of a lot.

I don't think it's exploitation to pay a woman for it. As long as her reasons are alteristic, and she has the freedom to choose, I don't see how it's exploitation.

Football players risk their bodies for money, electricians risk their bodies too... if a woman is willing/able to do it, and the potential parents are willing to pay her, I think it's fair.

If I ever needed a sarrogate I would find a way to pay her somehow. Even if it were illegal.

spoon

11-11-2009, 05:11

I would do it for money. I have finished my family and I would love to do this for some one but if I were to do it I woould have to pause my plans to study. I think that we were really serious about surrogacy it would not be illegal to pay money to compensate the impact that a pregnancy has on a womans body, the sacrifices that woman would have to make etc.

bfkel

23-12-2009, 07:34

Would I be a surro for money? No.

Would I like to be compensated for my time, risk and skills? Oh yes.

I mean, the doctors, the clinics, the hospitals, the lawyers all get paid for their time and skill, what about me?

Do I agree surrogacy agreements that involve money are subject to risk of exploitation and con artists and extra heartache? H*ll yes!

Would I feel guilty taking any money from a couple that have already spent thousands on various conception issues? Yes, but unfortunately children = $$. When i had mine I had to factor in time off, two incomes to one, risks during pg etc.

As everyone can see, the issue of exploitation comes when women think they have no choice and they choose the $$ before they choose surrogacy. And when the differences between living standards and value of money arise it can often seem like IPs are 'taking advantage'. If money wasn't a problem the IP's I know would pay millions because that's the equivalent they feel they are getting.

Does anyone ever hear of a 'poor' couple paying everything they can to a surrogate who doesn't need to do it for the money?
It probably doesn't make enough sensationalism.

So if anyone ever wants to argue that I have been exploited they better bring a comfy cushion and plenty of tea bags! We're going to be at it for a while. :D

Fuchsia!

23-12-2009, 07:38

I dont know how it all works but i would be a surrogate if all my medical bills for the pregnancy were covered. Like private hospital, ob fees ect.

But not for a sum of money. I would want to give someone a child for approx the same amount as it would cost for myself to have the child, if that makes sense :)

yes i would only ask for expenses only.

Nope and I don't think people should ever pay for surrogates. It makes me quite mad when a person is exploited like that.

I'm not saying everyone who does it is exploited, however it is a highly likely scenario. Untill women are equal and not likely to be exploited because they are poor and have no options, then surrogacy for money is a very bad idea and unethical.

I agree.

CrankyAndTired

23-12-2009, 07:45

If my uterus failed me I would probably be willing to pay someone else to carry our child.

I would WANT to pay them, not that money could ever fully repay that kind of gift that they'd be giving us.

I'd only work with someone who had had their own kids though..

FiveInTheBed

23-12-2009, 08:02

I would be a surrogate for a life long friend, family member or stranger in need that I bonded with and developed a friendship with.
Any costs involved in the pregnancy would be on the list to be paid for - and the only other thing I think I would request would be that our families keep in touch for the future (which if we were that close in the first place I would assume would happen anyway - baby or no baby).
I think any money offered as payment I would suggest goes into a savings fund for the child instead.

Mathermy

23-12-2009, 08:05

No, I find the idea of mixing surrogacy and money distasteful. I really dislike the idea that enough money can buy anything.

Though that being said my attitude comes from the privileged position of a person with no fertility issues, so perhaps I might feel differently about it if I had a different life experience.

1+1=5

23-12-2009, 08:10

i wouldn't be a surrogate for a strainger but if i was, there would have to be some serious cash involved as its an incredibly hard thing to put my body through for no real reward. sorry but the joy of s stranger is not enough for the 9 months of body damage and one of my long labors.

if it were a very close friend or family member, i would do it for free and I have thought about it for my bestie who has been told she may never be able to have children.

FiveInTheBed

23-12-2009, 09:11

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.

Morrigan - whilst I agree with you that there are soooo many starving children in this world that are worthy of a more decent life with a family that loves them...your statement I imagine does nothing for people yearning to fill the gap in their heart with a baby of their own...whether it be by TTC naturally for years on end, undertaking IVF or contemplating a massive venture like surrogacy.
Simply falling pregnant naturally does nothing for those starving mouths, so I fail to see your point.
If you don't agree with IVF, if it goes against your morals and beliefs or emotional feelings - I think that is fine to state.
But to insult the people who simply want a baby of their OWN flesh and blood is 'IMO' seriously lacking empathy.

...so there you go - I resisted the urge to bite for a while - *slaps wrist*...

Little-Pink-Hen

23-12-2009, 09:14

I would do it for nothing esp for my family I know the heart ach of infertility. But if I was doing it for a stranger and they wanted to pay I wouldn't say no. ( I chose the first two options, no actual value)

if a family member or close friend was doing it for me (many offered when we were ttc) I wouldn't expect to pay them, just pregnancy expenses(ultrasounds and mat cloths were my only expenses with dd) and I would pay a stranger (I chose no value again)

WorkingClassMum

23-12-2009, 09:19

I would happily be a surrogate - I had two easy pregnancies

I wouldn't want to get paid, but I wouldn't do it for free - I'd do it for cost IYKWIM

Little-Pink-Hen

23-12-2009, 09:32

NO there are enough homeless, starving orphans in this world without incubating a designer baby for some one.
Surrogates happen for many reasons, eg: You can ovulate and concieve but not carry a baby. Your eggs arnt viable so it's easier for what ever reason the egg donor also carriers the baby. In my cases the biological father is the dp of the couple strugling with infertility.
My sister offered to be surogate for me, which would just of been my dh's sperm inseminated into her or our embryo being transfered to her. In the first scenario dosnt even need to involve doctors
I don't see how any of those are designer babies
and the desire to have to have your own baby that's biologicaly yours is extreamly powerful, that may not be fully understood unless you struggle with infertility.

Besides from all acounts I have heard and read about adoption can be more harder and cost more money. Australia has extremly hard adoption laws, I think less than 200 children are adopted nationaly every year. International adoption is not as easy as flying to another country going to an ophanage and picking up a child and flying home. Adoption is a possibility that we would probably never afford but surogate is for seeable to afford.

Little-Pink-Hen

23-12-2009, 09:34

I would happily be a surrogate - I had two easy pregnancies

I wouldn't want to get paid, but I wouldn't do it for free - I'd do it for cost IYKWIM
will those cost also include your 6 weeks or mat leave? That would be a hard cost not to ask for for us, but at the same time I know how expensive it would be iykwim

bfkel

23-12-2009, 18:16

It pleases me to see the general reaction of this thread. Women don't really want to get into the whole commercialisation of surrogacy they just don't want to be out of pocket.

Does it seem that way to others?

I wish we could live in a world where govt would listen to this kind of reality and legalise the procedure. ATM every state is different. There's some new legislation that cover some issues of compensation but not others. QLD is just coming out of the dark ages and decriminalising it, while NSW sticks it's head in the sand and says 'if there's no legislation then there's no law to break'. I don't know which is more frustrating.

My agreement - a verbal agreement because a surrogacy contract is not worth the paper it's written on - covered contingencies. If we got lucky with a problem free preg - as I did with my 2nd - then everything would be just fine. But if things went belly up and I needed bed rest, or if there were multiples and I had to take it easier, then the subject of replacing my lost wages would need to be addressed.

I think WA's new laws cover loss of wages and maternity compensation...

We got very lucky and I was back at work within a week.

Booo

23-12-2009, 18:20

I dont see it as wrong to get money for it, the use of your body and medical bills and inflictions to your own health. I see it as fair.

Babblings

23-12-2009, 20:13

As much as I would love to do something this selfless for someone, I would never be able to carry and give birth to a child and give it to someone else. I was so attached and bonded with DS before he came out. I just couldn't do it...
:iagree:

I'm the same.... i would consider it for family or a best friend but it would still be a hard decision to make

BitterSweet

23-12-2009, 20:18

Yes. I would carry a baby for someone for money, but then again I would probably do it for free as well providing all medical costs were covered by the parents to be.

mumb

23-12-2009, 20:34

As some one who is hoping to be a GS for a my last IP, who has become a good friend. There is no way I would expect any money, except out of pocket expenses.

A Party of Five

24-12-2009, 09:03

I know that I could be a surrogate for anyone because I know I'd grow attached even if I was in no way biologically connected to the child.

Carrying a child is so intimate for me!

Chaton

24-12-2009, 12:22

I don't think I would ever be a surrogate for a stranger or as part of a commercial transaction. If a close friend or family member really needed my help, I'd consider it. I wouldn't accept payment, but if they wanted any special care (obstetrician, private hospital etc) then I would assume they would be paying for it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a surrogate as a form of income, but I couldn't do it myself because I personally don't like being pregnant. I'm very excited (read: impatient) that my hubby and I are having a baby, but I think if I were carrying another persons baby, I wouldn't have the same bonding feelings and excitement at feeling movements etc.

Yummy_Mummy

24-12-2009, 13:52

I dont think before I had my DD I could bring myself to surrogate for someone but since having her & knowing how much of a special gift I could give someone else I would be willing to help them out.

My DD has changed my life for the better & the love is just incredible, so giving that gift to someone would make me very happy :) however Im not sure about the money debate, i guess it would depend on each individual situation like who it was, the reasons for doing it etc

The Girls Only Club

25-12-2009, 08:34

As long as the parents paid all medical costs i wouldn't expect any form of payment.

I couldn't carry a child with any biological connection to me then give him/her away I would feel like I was giving away a part of my soul.

Their egg and sperm I could because although I would grow attached to the baby(how couldnt you when it grows inside you and moves)for want of a better word I would just be the incubator.

tomtom

26-12-2009, 23:08

My last pregnancy was the most difficult for me, the only way I could do it for a stranger would be to be financially compensated.
Although for a family memeber or close close friend I would consider doing it for free. At least you would have the pleasure of possibly watching the child grow up.

:santa::reindeer::xmas:

Guest

26-12-2009, 23:34

Hperthetically it would have to involve money for compensation. Not just medical expenses and out of work expenses, but your body and mind go through alot during pregnancy, delivery and long term damage like scarring, back aches etc. It's different when your pregnant for yourself, it's your child, but to put your body through all that for someone else including family? No sorry, my body is not a gift for anyone. And I don't think someone wanting to do it for money is a bad thing, if they enjoy pregnancy, are healthy and can bare and love to bare many children, then why can't they do it for people and be well compensated for it? Life doesn't have to be so black and white.

jo-anne.36

27-12-2009, 10:22

hello girls. us ips of surro. is the last way for couples like me.
to have a baby after many years of heart breaking infertility and failed cycles and breaking the cash cow
and adoption and age gets away as here in aust you can'nt adopt a baby if you or your partner is 43 and over and the laws to adopt a baby over seas is even more harder for couples like us

then to do surro here in aust
:xmas:jojo

WorkingClassMum

27-12-2009, 10:43

will those cost also include your 6 weeks or mat leave? That would be a hard cost not to ask for for us, but at the same time I know how expensive it would be iykwim

I wouldn't expect to need maternity leave - it's not my baby and I wouldn't be taking care of it to need maternity leave.

I was working at home within a few days of having each baby, and the only reason I needed time off work was because I had broken sleep due to feeding - so maybe a couple of weeks off work, but not 6 or more.

...

As much as I would love the child, I wouldn't bond with it the same as my own 'cos I would have become pregnant knowing it wasn't MY child, and I was just babysitting it for 40 weeks or so...

I also wonder, would a surrogate breast feed? Even for the first week to get all the intial goodness of BM. Then I would start to bond I think...

Buy hey - it'd mean I could dontate BM...

I'd have to express I think - I couldn't carry a child, birth it AND then feed it and THEN hand it over to it's parents

jo-anne.36

27-12-2009, 10:49

hello working class there is tablets the ips can take to make your own b/milk so the ips can breasted feed :)jojo

RHJ

27-12-2009, 15:03

I could carry one for someone i knew... but i don't think i could for a stranger, just because i wouldn't honestly know what sort of people they were. But for someone i knew i would, and all i would ask for is any of the costs to be covered, as well as any time off work that i needed. But over all i wouldn't charge them for me to actually carry their child. I would have loved to have offered to do this for someone i once knew, but my husband is dead against it, so i couldn't :( but if it was just my choice then i would.

Lemonhead

27-12-2009, 15:44

I said over 20k. Think about it, 20k for 9 months work is nothing!

On top of that I would want a boob job and tummy tuck paid for :laughing: Im deadly serious too.

girly

27-12-2009, 15:47

I would for over 20k, if twins it would b. 35k

girly

27-12-2009, 15:48

I said over 20k. Think about it, 20k for 9 months work is nothing!

On top of that I would want a boob job and tummy tuck paid for :laughing: Im deadly serious too.

Haha aye,

naiwen

27-12-2009, 15:59

Not for any amount of money or love, a bad idea for me I think!

Frozentissue

28-12-2009, 22:11

Hi All,

Just to put a fly in the ointment................it is illegal to pay a surrogate in Australia. It is expected the the IP's would cover all medical costs ( I would also expect to cover any costs I would incurr if I were pregnant). I have been looking at this for a long period of time and given that it is so strictly monitored and there and lawyers and courts involved I think that it would be difficult to pay someone without being caught out.
As it stands with me and DH we would not pay someone due to the legalities.
FT:flowerz:

conorexnz

07-01-2010, 13:15

I put that I would accept money - who wouldn't! But in saying that, I wouldn't expect it except to cover costs.

crazymuma

07-01-2010, 13:21

I must admit that I wouldn't hesitate to have a baby for someone for a large chunk of money.

8isenough

12-01-2010, 17:37

Im currently pregnant with twins.
The way I feel right now there's NO WAY i'd do it for free!
But i would do for money if it wasnt my egg or my DH sperm.
I just know I wouldnt feel any connection with the child cause its not mine.
And could very easily hand it over.

~Candy~

12-01-2010, 17:40

There is no-way I'd be pregnant for anyone but me. I know it's selfish, but OMG, I suffer M/sickness 24/7 for the whole 9 months and no amount of money would make me feel any better.

SweetSerenity

12-01-2010, 17:42

I couldn't.

Pregnancy and Birth for me is such a personal thing.

I could not go through all of that and not have my own baby to take home.

Plus, pregnancy is not kind to my body :no:

Not that I wouldn't WANT to help someone become a mother, but I could not do it that way :no:

MimiGrace

12-01-2010, 17:45

i'm not going to read all eight pages

but while i would pay for someone to be a surrogate for me, i don't think i could accept money from someone if i was to be a surrogate for them.
I would want to remain in the childs life (as a distant aunt though).

there are several people that i've already offered surrogacy to though (namely my brother, his best friend and my best friend) should they ever need it, and provided i am able to carry a child without too big a hassle. again, not for money though.

donnie1973

25-01-2010, 17:36

I am intrigued how the word exploitation loosely comes to hand. Surrogacy has effectively been operating in the US since 1981.....does it even get a mention over there any more? Hardly, as it is just an extension of IVF, and where perfectly capable US women make a decision to carry a child for another unfortunate couples who are unable to carry, then where is the exploitation, where is this unethical and thirdly, where is the poverty element. Many US surrogates are wives of serviceman, posted o/s in Iraq, Afghanistan etc. They only do it for the $, as they do in India. It is nieve to think that the Indian women are also exploited....they may not be wealthy nor middle class Indians, but, they are not poverty stricken either. They understand exactly what they are becoming involved in, and are very well compensated, relatively, better than US surrogates.

The proposed law changes in Aust in the future, note that a payment up to $10,000 will be allowed to be provided to the surrogate.....ummm, the moment there is $ involved, it is commercial, full stop. I see no problem with this either way, as at the end of the day, policies should be about enabling families, but not to the detriment of others; apart from isolated cases, who really loses out with surrogacy? It is a win win in most cases, whether altruistically in Aust or commercially in US, India, Ukraine etc.

It is high time the Australian laws changed to allow surrogacy to prosper here, and enable the unfortunate growing % of Australians who are infertile, yet desperate to have a family. If adoption was a solid option, I dare say surrogacy would not be in the spotlight so much.

Finding solutions is the key, not just throwing in old and tired arguments from the past. I am sure most people would agree, that we need to find solutions for infertile couples, and surrogacy for thousands of people, is providing that opportunity to have that long desired family.

Chris

Frozentissue

25-01-2010, 19:05

The proposed law changes in Aust in the future, note that a payment up to $10,000 will be allowed to be provided to the surrogate.....

Chris

Chrissie

I am interested to know where you are getting this information about the $10k payment. I have not seen that anywhere in my research.
Thanks

Mum2Mimi

25-01-2010, 21:25

i choose 10,000+ to be a surrogate,simply to cover the loss of wages and time off for recovery and all medical fees and obs ect to be covered

Is it legal in australia to pay somebody to be a surrogate? I didnt think it was

I would love to give somebody the gift my dd has given me :) if somebody contacted me ild seriously think about it

Random question but would the baby go straight on to formula at birth or would the surro express the colostreum for the first 3days while bub is in hospital? How does all that work? Suppose it up to the parent ay

bfkel

27-01-2010, 05:52

Mia, defintely up to the mum.

Some mum's try to induce lactation with herbs and stimulation - sometimes it works sometimes not.

Some surro's feel like it would be too much and use the birth as their closure or hand back day.

Other's feel like it's just an extension of the babysitting. I fed Lachlan in the hospital until my milk came in and then expressed for a few months. ( It helped that I'm just a big jersey cow :laughing: )

It really depends on what they all agree to.