I am going to be a dad

[BrisDad84]

Hi Guys,

Well it is 4am, and I just finished visting my ex girlfriend. She contacted me a couple of days ago and said she had something important to tell me, and boy (or girl) was she right. She has fallen pregnant to me, 4 weeks ago, just before we split up. The irony, we had been together nearly 2 1/2 years on and off (and I do mean on and off regularly) and we had unprotected (and she wasn't on the pill) sex the entire time, and she had never even looked like getting pregnant, we had concluded either she was incapable or I was shooting blanks. The irony is that after all this time we had finally split for what was to be the last time, and then now she falls pregnant. I don't blame her, I am not angry about it, it was just one of life's little funny moments, and she was definately not one to have done this intentionally.

We are both well meaning people, however we are now faced with a huge challenge that I don't think either of us were prepared for, and as well there are relationship issues. We have decided at this early stage (abortion was not an option) that we should be together for this baby, however I have my concerns about this. If we couldn't have a relationship pre-pregnancy then what is to say that with all the added pressure and stress tat we will be able to now? If we couldn't love each other enough to stick together previously then what has changed just because she is pregnant?

I don't want to end up in a loveless relationship, I don't want for either of us to be stuck together just because we have a child together. At the same time I don't want this child to enter this world with parents who aren't together in a loving relationship, just as I don't want it to enter this world with parents who are in a relationship without love. I do love this girl very much, but I don't know whether she loves me (she says she does, but this could be in reaction to recent events).

This will no doubt be a long road, I welcome any and all to comment or give suggestions/advice.

Thank you.

Scott.

[Mum&bubs]

Well firstly i want to welcome you to bubhub, im sure you will get alot of support here.
I think you should go with your gut and do what really makes you happy. You have to make this life changing desicion not just for your child, but for your self.
Dont just be with your ex girlfriend because you two are having a child together, that is just the same as the child being brought into the world into a loveless relationship. Once again i think you need to have a long hard think about what you really want. All the best hun :hugs:

[Gloominous]

Hi and welcome:wave:

Wow you seem to be taking this really well, but I agree with mum&bub you need to really think about this. Some people are just not compatable. I think your little one would be better off having 2 parents that love THEM, but dont happen to live together, rather than who stay un-happily together for them. Good luck with everything.:)

[bronny-jane]

hey and welcome to bubhub:wave:
parents dont have to be together to be great parents;)
in fact if you both know a relationship wont work, your better of being friends.
its better for a child to have to parents who work together then 2 parents who live together and dont love each other:yes:
i hope it all works out for you 3:D

[bearsmummy]

hi and welcome to bubhub:wave:

like the girls have already said, its better a bub be born into a family that is happy regardless of whether they are together or not. it would be a shame if you both stayed together and wernt happy.
im sure over time you will both figure out whats best for the 3 of you in the long run. at the moment you both have so many emotions running through you that it wouldnt be the best time to make any rash decisions.
you sound like you are going to be a great dad:thumbsup:

good luck to you all:D

[EskimoMumma]

Welcome to bubhub :yelclap:


I have to agre with all the girls here. Its fantastic that you are actually considering all this and thinking about it all instead of just blowing her off. I think you do need to think long and hard about this but If you have been on and off int he past, then being together will cause you guys being on/off again and that would just confuse the baby so much when that comes. I think it sbest if you remain friends and be there for your baby. When the time comes you will both know what to do.

Its best to think on your own, but also good to talk to your ex-gf every now and again and see what she thinks/stands, so you can continue this mutual understanding of what will be happening for this bundle of joy :smiliedance:


Best of luck to you :D




Forgot to add, in case you didnt know, women can become VERY hormonal during pregnancy and have extremely bad mood swings. Be weary of the claws. :rolleyes:

[mich71]

:smiliedance: good for you your about to go on a journey of a life time and it sounds like you have your head screwed on right it took me 2 kids and 2 failed realationshis to get it right and i guess it all comes down to wheather you still love her if you do i would sugest couple counsiling to see if their is anyway you too can resove your issuies it worked for my dh and me 7yrs ago after our dd was born weve been together for neally 11yrs now and never been happerier but at least in doing this you now you have tried . what every you do good luck and be proud of your self becuase any idoit can make a baby but only a man can raise one

[EskimoMumma]

be proud of your self becuase any idoit can make a baby but only a man can raise one


Well said :thumbsup:

[Adria]

Welcome and congrats!!

I would also suggest councilling. You never know, so you may as well give it a shot.
Not only are women hormonal, but a new born baby can be very stressful. The lack of sleep along with every thing else can take a toll on a healthy relationship.

[Hokey Pokey]

Welcome and congrats.

I hope it all works out for you both!

[Poopa]

Sometimes it's better for the baby for the parents to be apart... It's not good for a baby to be around fighting parents.

You are taking this very well, congratulations.

[cjb/jbvd]

have you considered sharing a house as friends so you can be a part of your childs life?? it sounds like the two of have a great deal of affection between you and might be able to be very good friends on a long term basis.

it works for my ex and me............ most of the time. we are good friends but lousy as a couple. neither one of us have a problem with the other person dating or whatever, but at this stage we have agreed not to bring our dates home.
we get along well enough to be able to make these slightly odd circumstances work.

but we both love our DS to bits. and he gets to have two parents that love him very much in as much of a normal life as we can provide. when he gets a bit older, we will review the situation, and see if we want to continue with the current arrangement. but DS and his dad have had the chance to form a good strong bond with each other due to our living circumstances.

it's not for everyone i admit, but give it a go and see if you can cope with it. stranger things have happened.

[InSaneOne]

hello and welcome to bubhub :wave: .

i would do what has been suggested. try living together for a while after the baby is born. they grow so fast inthe first few months. see how things go and maybe in a few years things would have changed or maybe not. try to take it as it comes and see what happens.

[Fairyfloss]

Hi :wave: Congratulations on becoming a dad:smiliedance: . and Welcome to bubhub I am sure you will have lots of fun and great advice in here, but I don't think you need to be a great partner, to be a great dad:yes: , perhaps give living together a try, but don't feel bad, if the relationship does not work out.
good luck:fingerscrossed: