Such a bad Experience..Traumatised.

[Leishy]

ok sorry this may get long..but it upsets me heaps and just want it off my chest.

on the monday morning my great nana passed away. very sad start to the week spent alot of time crying..

Wed 6pm my waters broke, kind of sad as i knew nana would never meet her great great grandaughter, hospital said to come in so spent the next 2 nights trying to bring on labour naturally, going for walks etc.. on the fri morning (16th oct 09) woke at 2am with bad contractions was given morphine to help me sleep and help with the pain, (so much for drug free birth) at 7am i was woken up (quite rudely) and was taken to the birth suite as they were to induce me. so DP had to pack up our room while i managed to have a quick shower. once there i was 4cm. i was then hooked up to the drip the contractions were intense from the first one. i couldnt use a bath to help with the pain as i was hooked up to the drip, was to painful to even move out of bed into a different position, so here i was on my back not being able to do anything about the pain. DP was by my side through the whole thing which was really nice. :) after a few hours the contractions were so close there was no pause between them to rest. The pain was so intense i could hardly focus on my breathing and everything didnt seem real.. after a little while i was given the gas, it didnt work for the pain but helped take my mind off of it..i felt really heavy and drowsy but also drunk. it was a weird emotional rollercoaster i couldnt communicate to anyone i couldnt hear them talking to me, i could hear a clock ticking loudly and saw that most things around me had an orange/gold glow and looked hazy...


by this time because i was still in so much pain i was given an epidural, aparently i said yes but i dont remember much about this part i put my thumb up according to DP, i do remember being tested with an icepack if i was numb or not. babys heart rate dropped from 140bpm to 60 something bpm she was distressed, they had to do a blood sample from the baby from her scalp (they did this twice over the day) to test something..not sure what. but once they did it babys heart rate went up again. i was getting prepared for a c-section as baby wasnt coming through as i was wheeled off into theatre they tried with a vacuum.. i couldnt feel anything because of the epidural so a midwife had to feel my tummy for contractions and i had to push (how can you push if you cant feel?) not sure but i managed to with the help of the vacuum our beautiful daughter was born, she was placed on my chest but the feeling was so surreal i knew i was panicking as she didnt feel like mine i still thought she was in me and they gave me someone elses slimy kid.. i kinda looked at her grey body shaking on me before they took her away for oxygen and a check as she hadnt started crying yet..
my right arm had a blood pressure cuff on it and my left arm was being poked by needles, i felt like a lab rat being poked and proded at.. at this point i didnt care that my legs were spread open on stirrips exposing everything, i didnt care i had to get stitches i just wanted my girl to be ok. the cord blood was collected, and DP was holding her while i was being stitched.. the whole day went really fast from the 7am wake up until 2:09pm when she was born. i felt really drained and tired as i was being wheeled into my room. yet i was too excited to rest. i dont know how long everything took like from the first contraction until the last, i dont know how fast i dilated, i dont remember much but what i do remember is enough to make me cry again.

i had always wanted a drug free birth however since my waters broke i only had a limited time before the baby had to come out. i was given antibiotics after 18 hours of my waters breaking to stop infection in the womb. Then i had Morphine to help me sleep so i could have energy for the next day, add gas, and epi, and episiotomy and a vacuum into the picture and it wasnt a happy day. not to mention my great nan dying on the monday before and never getting a chance to meet her great great grandaughter plus staying 2 nights in hospital prior to having my baby and then staying a further 5 nights as she developed jaundice and had to be under an incubator for 3 days.

i have always had a bad back and the hospital beds didnt make it any better, it was upsetting when the midwives would compare me to other ladies who had babies and were up out of bed and walking around and i couldnt even get my own baby out of her cot, i felt as though i didnt get the help or support that i needed through that hospital and they were very unorganised with the discharging etc. but thats another story. overall i was scared, i am upset and i felt alone even though DP was right beside me, im probably over reacting but i felt like i was dying, everything just didnt make sense. but now im happy that my gorgeous Ella Rose Wilson is alive and happy and safe, she pulls the cutest faces and loves having baths.

[sunnyflower]

I am so sorry:hugs:

[sweetseven]

:hugs:

[V8]

Your story sounds much the same as my first which was an awful and traumatic experience. 2nd time around i chose to stay at home which was a far less traumatic experience thankfully. So it can be good after such a shocking experience. I have a bad back too and yeah hospy beds are very uncomfy. :hugs: :hugs:

[LAMmum]

Oh my goodness....I just have to send you a hug :hugs:. Cuddle and kiss that little girl of yours. My first birthing experience was not what I hoped for but at the end of the day my gorgeous little man came into our lives and I still get goose bumps knowing that I have created this little person who is the joy of my life. :):)

[Happy2be3]

Even though I didnt have an epi or the vacuum or the induction.. unfortunately your story of being scared, unsupported, afraid and traumatised sounds so much like my own :no: When oh when will our hospitals start looking after women!?

So sorry you were put through that experience.. and NO its not in your head. I would suggest seeing a psychologist.. I did, and it did help:hugs: But it does take lots of time and lots of talking (sometimes it takes a while to find the right people to talk to, as friends and family dont usually understand and come out with things like "at least you have a healthy baby!" etc)

[Marygrace]

How horrible for you.

And THAT is why I am a firm believer in homebirth!
:yes: :yes: :D

[mich34]

OMG that almost could have been my birth story. As with yours, I have been left traumatised and feel like I have been robbed the labour and birth I wanted and could have had.
My water broke at 6.30am and stupidly I phoned the hospital (Burnside Hosp in Adelaide) because it was redish pink and I thought it was blood (MISTAKE 1). Turned out it would have been the mucus plug. I went in just to be checked out and my OB wanted me to stay because my BP was too high and there was meconium in my waters. I was then rigged up to the monitor (MISTAKE 2)and had only dilated 1cm. So then was induced (MISTAKE 3) and needed to get baby out quickly. Stupid me should have said I'll try moving around or something to try to dilate. Hours later I hadnt dilated and because babies heart rate wasnt doing the right thing during contractions, a c-section was organised and stupid me agreed to it (MISTAKE 4). There I headed straight down the cascade of interventions. So there goes my perfect birth and avoidance of interventions.
I too didn't want pain relief. I managed to get to 72 on syntocinon and then took the gas. I had been managing with hypobirthing until the c-section was mentioned then I sucked on it like mad. It didnt help with the pain just made me really dizzy and out of it so atleast I couldn't comprehend what was about to happen.
I too wanted to remain active throughout my labour. MISTAKE 5 not doing so. I started off lying down with the plan just to so for a short time to conserve my energy but everytime I wanted to get up, a midwife would say stay there and wait for the Dr she will be here soon. Soon meant 45 mins. By the time the c-section was suggested, it was too late for me to get up. All I wanted to do was stay on the bed as I could barely move with no break in between contractions.
Finally i was taken off the drip and prepared for theatre. On the way to theatre I started pushing. I said 3 times that I needed to push and no one was listening. Apparently on midwife said 'she does not look like a woman pushing' so no one believed me until finally the OB checked and baby's head was crowning!!! We were right outside the operating room doors at this stage. After a made rush back to delivery room, I pushed my daughter out with a couple of pushes. By this time, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I couldnt feel anything for her. I just remember my partner instintly bonding with her but I was just numb.
I also felt to violated by this time as while i was pushing the paediatrician walzed in and stood there gawlking and me. I had made it perfectly clear in my birth plan that I did not want any males present except for my partner. My partner apparently had to leave my side and ask him to wait outside. Too late then. I barely remember much about the birth but i unfortunately remember him and the look on his face when he was staring at me.
7 weeks on, I can't get over how close I came to an unneccessary c-section because no one gave me options and once on the synto I couldn't barely speak or think. I should never have just gone along with everything everyone else wanted.
It sound like the scratch test on your baby is the fetal scalp monitor which indicates if baby is in distress. Burnside Hosp doesnt have one so there is no way of telling whether the big monitor is accurate or not. Apparently they arent very accurate and often lead to unneccessary c-sections.
I feel so robbed of the labour and birth I wanted and angry about what i agreed to. I just have to keep remind that I did get a natural birth in the end. I had put too much trust in my OB and I now don't think she did enough to avoid c-section. I wasn't given natural alternatives and I think in the end a c-section was more convenient for the hospital. I remember her saying that we would need to do the c-section now as the staff would be finishing for the day soon. So I wasnt given the chance to wait because waiting wasnt convenient. Boy am i angry about that.
The other thing adding to this pain is that I wasnt helped or encouraged to breastfeed and as a result my daughter can not latch on. She was originally put on my chest when she was born and I nurse had 1 go at attaching her but couldnt so gave up. I couldnt even hold her properly as the drip was still attached and I couldnt move my fingers. Next day 1 more go and gave up. I also disclocated my coxxyx during the birth so I couldn't even sit properly. No one again tried or helped me at all. I asked another nurse for help and she said she had drugs to do and walked out without helping at all. She didnt come back or even get another nurse to help. As a result I can not breast feed her. She was also separated from me soon after birth and placed in the nursery because her sugar level was low. They pumped huge amounts of formula in her with a nasogastric tube which she promptly threw up for days along with the colostrum I expressed and was therefore also in hosp longer. Once the tube was out the type of feeding she was given depended on the midwife and their preference not mine. Hence she was given nasogastric, finger feeding, cup feeding and bottle feeding without out permission. They also discharged me a few days before Keeley was so I ended up being separated from her most of the time as they wouldnt let me stay longer than the normal time. So apart from luckely having a natural birth, I feel like I was robbed the labour I wanted and robbed the right to breast feed. Everyone says that i will know more next time but I don't want to consider my baby as a practice run this time so that comment doesnt help at all. No matter how well prepared and researched I thought I was the hospital system still robbed me of my choices and control. I now know why some women prefer home births and hate hospitals.
There isnt anything I can say that can make what happened in your birth feel any better for you. I know, as nothing anyone can say can change what happened. I now can't stand the sight of pregnant women as they still have the chance to have a perfect birth.