Is this just "normal" 7year old behaviour?

[LizzardLover]

My daughter has become MORE than a handful lately and i'm fed up with it. Alot of her behaviours I think are influenced by school. She's at a VERY rough school at the moment and the kids are always in trouble. My daughter behaves at school but I think she's simply modelling at home some of the behaviours she sees at school. I enrolled her in a new school for next year which has a GLOWING report for behaviour and academics so fingers crossed that will help, but until then I need ideas!!

It doesnt seem to matter how many times I tell her or ask her not to do things, she just keeps on doing them day after day. It's like Tomorrow any "rules" I made today just dont matter anymore!

She will NOT do any chores no matter how simple I make them unless I literally stand over her and tell her step by step how to do them.

There are 3 or 4 things she's doing which bother me and I need to stop them.

1) walking on and climbing on the furniture. She climbs on my couches and over them (one is positioned in the middle of the room, and due to poor room set up it cant really be moved). She walks along them and on the arms etc...

2) Eating in the lounge room and getting crumbs EVERYWHERE. I dont mind her eating infront of the TV while I shower, but I can not handle the crumbs. I cant find any way to stop her getting it everywhere?!

3) Needing to be reminded 400 times to "please clean up your bedroom" or "please get dressed for school" etc. She will at least START the thing in question, but within 30 second has lost interest and been distracted by something else.

4) Not caring about anything or it's value. I mean she's not attatched to anything and doesnt care if anything gets broken. She really couldnt care less about anything whether it be a $2 toy or a $200 toy they all get treated the same and tossed about carelessly.

I have tried confiscating toys etc... as punishment for not listening or treating them badly and she just doesnt care!! She's happy to be sent to her room or sit in a corner. There just doesnt seem to be any way to really punish her so I tried rewarding her instead for the good things and that doesnt work either! She doesnt care about money, toys, trips to places etc... none of it is enough motivation for her to behave!

Please help with some suggestions but remember i'm a single mum with little or no family support so need and not much money so need suggestions to be appropriate for our situation.

[FionaV]

My daughter has become MORE than a handful lately and i'm fed up with it. Alot of her behaviours I think are influenced by school. She's at a VERY rough school at the moment and the kids are always in trouble. My daughter behaves at school but I think she's simply modelling at home some of the behaviours she sees at school. I enrolled her in a new school for next year which has a GLOWING report for behaviour and academics so fingers crossed that will help, but until then I need ideas!!

A lot of what you're describing below sounds like pretty normal seven year old behaviour, so I don't know how much difference the change of schools will make. I hope she does well with the change.


It doesnt seem to matter how many times I tell her or ask her not to do things, she just keeps on doing them day after day. It's like Tomorrow any "rules" I made today just dont matter anymore!

She will NOT do any chores no matter how simple I make them unless I literally stand over her and tell her step by step how to do them.Boundary pushing. At this age, she is becoming much more aware of herself as an individual separate from Mum, and of course, as a separate individual, she doesn't have to do what Mum says! She is wanting more independence as she grows up, but isn't necessarily mature enough to handle what she wants, so she takes what she can. Refusing to do her chores is part of that. Frustrating and infuriating, but normal.



1) walking on and climbing on the furniture. She climbs on my couches and over them (one is positioned in the middle of the room, and due to poor room set up it cant really be moved). She walks along them and on the arms etc...The furniture has always been there. She didn't work to provide it and has no need to respect it. I would probably say "If you don't respect and take care of my things, you don't get to use them. Sit on the floor." but I admit I don't know how practical that would be.


2) Eating in the lounge room and getting crumbs EVERYWHERE. I dont mind her eating infront of the TV while I shower, but I can not handle the crumbs. I cant find any way to stop her getting it everywhere?!No eating in the lounge room. Ever. Food only at the dining room table or outside. This has been the rule in my house since my oldest was four, and she's now 22. It has now been relaxed for the adult children once the little ones are in bed, but otherwise it applies to everyone.


3) Needing to be reminded 400 times to "please clean up your bedroom" or "please get dressed for school" etc. She will at least START the thing in question, but within 30 second has lost interest and been distracted by something else.You need to find what her currency is - what she values. TV time? Computer time? Time with friends? Food treats? Whatever it is, she doesn't get them until her work is done. I solve the "get dressed for school" thing fairly brutally. They will only need to be taken to school in their pyjamas or underwear once, I promise.


4) Not caring about anything or it's value. I mean she's not attatched to anything and doesnt care if anything gets broken. She really couldnt care less about anything whether it be a $2 toy or a $200 toy they all get treated the same and tossed about carelessly.She doesn't value it because she didn't earn it. Next time she wants a toy make her earn it. Not with spending birthday or Christmas money, but with actual sweat. Car washing, garden weeding (our driveway pays $1 per metre), dishwashing - anything that is extra to her normal expected chores. It may take a long time, but that's good. She will value that a lot more than anything she is given. Try and get across to her that you or her grandparents or whoever had to work just as hard to earn the money to buy her toys.

And, with things you have taken away, make her EARN them back. If she doesn't earn them, she doesn't get them. If she ends up with nothing in her room but her bed, well, too bad, so sad.


There just doesnt seem to be any way to really punish her so I tried rewarding her instead for the good things and that doesnt work either! She doesnt care about money, toys, trips to places etc... none of it is enough motivation for her to behave!Somewhere she will have a currency, as I said before. It may take some work and observation to work out what it is.

I am coming up to this for the third time (my third child is six and a half) and not really looking forward to it.

:hugs: It's a hard age, and being on your own makes it harder.

[Pax]

1) walking on and climbing on the furniture. She climbs on my couches and over them (one is positioned in the middle of the room, and due to poor room set up it cant really be moved). She walks along them and on the arms etc...

Some children do this others dont. My son did it a lot. But you just have to be consistent and if she does it she needs to be punished till she learns.. 7 mins facing the wall each time will quickly teach her


2) Eating in the lounge room and getting crumbs EVERYWHERE. I dont mind her eating infront of the TV while I shower, but I can not handle the crumbs. I cant find any way to stop her getting it everywhere?!

Kids + food = Mess... no getting around it. Have a no food in the lounge room rule is the only answer.


3) Needing to be reminded 400 times to "please clean up your bedroom" or "please get dressed for school" etc. She will at least START the thing in question, but within 30 second has lost interest and been distracted by something else.

Sounds like your child could have attention problems. I dont think she is lazy or wanting to be in trouble, she just finds it nearly impossible to focus. I am very much like this too. You just have to be patient and accept that you may have to just do things with her. Or reward her for doing each thing... or perhaps minimalise her belongings... and what kid really wants to go to school? I think it is normal for them to slack off getting ready for school..


4) Not caring about anything or it's value. I mean she's not attatched to anything and doesnt care if anything gets broken. She really couldnt care less about anything whether it be a $2 toy or a $200 toy they all get treated the same and tossed about carelessly.

Then stop buying her toys! ;) save that ONLY for christmas and birthdays .. anything else she wants she has to earn by keeping her room clean and getting a $1 for each time her chores are done. That is $7 a week to save or spend on things she wants and if she has to work for it she may treasure it more.. but if she breaks it well that I guess is her lesson.


I have tried confiscating toys etc... as punishment for not listening or treating them badly and she just doesnt care!! She's happy to be sent to her room or sit in a corner. There just doesnt seem to be any way to really punish her so I tried rewarding her instead for the good things and that doesnt work either! She doesnt care about money, toys, trips to places etc... none of it is enough motivation for her to behave!

Sounds like your girl doesn't respond to negative/punishment style of teaching.. I would constantly be re-enforcing her and uplifting her.. Makes a world of difference to my son who is like this. He ONLY responds to positive stuff. If i get angry he gets worse.

[WorkingClassMum]

Yeah - it's all pretty normal. Normal is not 'acceptable' always, but is normal.

Lots of kids are tired by this time of year, and they also feel the build up of the end of year coming on.

There's been a lot of doom and gloom in the news.

MY 8yo needs to be told repeatedly to tidy room, etc etc. I am trying to pick my battles - no kids ever died cos of an untidy room.

Now instead of 'Tidy your Room" I am more specific - " I want all your clothes sorted and put away or in the laundry", and then an hour or so later, "I want all your books straightened up", and there is always "Right, we're leaving fr school in 10 minutes, I want you to spend 5 minutes tidying up your ponies/dolls/leggo etc".

By breaking it down, my frustration has eased, the job becomes do-able in their eyes and it's a win-win

Our hard and fast rule is food only in the kitchen/dining area or OUTSIDE. Food eaten anywhere else is taken off them and tossed, and they are then to sweep (or in your case vacuum) the area (Yes, when they aren't around I re-do it:p)

I intentionally bought a couple of yummy treats, waited until they walked into the lounge or bedroom, confiscated the item and tossed it. Lesson learnt - but it needs re-inforcement.

Make the rules simple and clear.

Make the praise for obeying the rules low-key but known.

Star charts do work well for this age, we have rainbow colors, and 6 colors makes a gold star and a small treat, or treats can be banked for a larger reward.

Make the punishment consistant.

Maybe also check out fish oil to help with concentration.

Good luck :hugs:

[Mrs Potts]

You could have been writing about my DS, becsmum. From talks with other parents of kids around this age it seems to be par for the course.

I also have had trouble pin-pointing my son's "currency" for behaviour, with very little success. So I understand your frustration.

They're going to push our buttons, so we need to find ways to minimise them being able to do this.

I agree with everything FionaV said too. Furniture - respect it or you don't use it.
No food in the lounge room ever. Cleaning her room, that's pretty easy - either she does it or you go in there with a garbage bag and everything that's not where it belongs goes in it. If she agrees to do it you WILL need to micro-manage her. Sadly, it's just the way it is. You'll find you need to say "put your dirty clothes in the laundry", then go back a few minutes later to say "put your books on the shelf", then back again "make your bed", or whatever you need done. It's the only way to keep them focussed on the task at hand. It's pointless and frustrating for everyone if you rattle off 6 things for her to do because they switch off after the first, then you get angry because the other 5 don't get done.

Some kids respond well to a roster of sorts. If there are things that regularly are expected of her, draw up a timetable or a list. She could have a morning list on her wardrobe door - breakfast, teeth, dressed, perhaps tv time if she's ready early.

Similar for after school, perhaps stuck on the fridge where it's easy for her to see. She could help put the lists together, so it's like an agreement. Make sure there are allowances for things she loves to do after her chores are taken care of.

The only other thing to remember is to be consistent. You can't let her eat in front of the tv one day and not the next, for example (once rules are in place). Positive reinforcement does usually work more effectively than negative, although it's not always so easy to ignore the bad stuff.

Otherwise, know you aren't alone. There are parents all over the world tearing their hair out with you! :hugs: