Single mums positive stories needed

[Notmaternal]

Hi,
I'm wanting to hear some positive experiences from single mums. I'm 34, the donor is a guy I was seeing for 3 mths who wants nothing to do with child or myself. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and struggling to find any joy in the situation. I have the added pressure of having to file for bankruptcy as I will have to give up a decent paying job and won't be able to pay my debts on pension. I feel very alone and miserable and wonder if it might be best to give the child up as I won't be able to provide what I want for the child. I'd love to hear from others who are in or have been in a similar situation. Many thanks

[crazymuma]

I know looking around here you will find a million single mothers whinging about some part of their life - but you have to remember this is our place to vent - life is not terrible 100% of the time.

At the end of the day we go through a lot of drama but we have beautiful children that we love more than life itself.

I think you need to just relax and not make any major decisions just yet - stress and fear tend to make us make the worst decisions.

Look on the bright side - if the father doesn't want to be involved then at least you can parent 100% how you want - you won't have the constant fighting that some of us do with our ex's.

As for the financial side of life - yes its hard but complety worth the struggle - and it doesn't have to last forever - the kids go to school eventually which frees up heaps more time.

Is there anything stopping you from taking maternity leave then going back to work with the baby in daycare?? Least that way you will have enough money to live comfortably. Yes alot of people are against people using daycare for babies or kids in their full time but if thats what you need to do to provide the life you want then go for it.

At the end of the day if you want to give the baby up then that is your choice - but please take the time to talk to a counsellor before making this decision - honestly the money side of it doesn't have to last forever.

Do you have family support??
.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk at all okay.

[MummaBear03]

It's hard to put it all in on post, but if you have msn and want to have a chat then PM and i'll give you the msn address :)

Or have a look in the single parent section and you will find loads of posts from all angles!

[Myztiks#1Fan]

:hugs:, i am a single mum. i dont currently have my son with me as he has been taken off me and will hopefully be back with me full time but you can do it. there are many single parents on here. without the support i have recieved from bh and the friendships i have formed, i would be lost. i have never recieved CS nor has my sons father ever met him but in all honestly, it doesnt take 2 parents to raise a child. one person, whether it be a male or female can raise a child just as well as a 2 parent family can.

:hugs:, you need to do what is right for you, not is right with what everyone else thinks or is best is for you.

[SimplyMum]

I was a single mumma for 3 years. I posted my story as 'DS saved my life'.

I think you'll be fine. You find you make it work because you have to.

Giving up a child would be incredibly difficult and brave of you and something I'm sure you'll need lots of support to get through it. You'll certainly find that here. :hugs:

[two cheeky smurfs]

hi hun!

The best place to probably post this would be in the single parents section!!

so sorry to hear what you are going through! i am a single mum and have been in a similar situation to you! heres my story

my ex and i had been together for a long time... he wanted a baby and we got pregnanct (although we were not actually trying) anyway at first he was so happy but then when i was 8 weeks he changed so much... he all of a sudden wanted me to have an abortion and when he realised i wouldnt he left me and said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby! at first i was so depressed and didnt know what to do. i had a scan at 10 weeks which showed i was having twins... oh my god did i have a breakdown! there was so many times throughout my pregnancy that i considered giving them up but when they were born there was no way i was going to do that... i feel so different holding these two precious lives in my arms!

my twins are now 5 and a half months and i dont regret anything... i have two beautifully amazing babies and i love every minute being with them... they drive me absolutly bonkers sometimes but if i had given them away i wouldnt have expereinced the love i have now!!!

i know its hard hun thinking about being a single mum and it is very hard at times but oh so rewarding!! i personally wouldnt make any decisions until your bub is born and go from there!!

:hugs: hun.. im here is you want to chat anytime... pm me :-)

[Notmaternal]

Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts, it's already lifted my spirits. I guess I'm literally crapping myself that I'll be able to go it alone. Thanks again

[SPC]

You get one of these (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=9543144&l=1e9b45ccce&id=860215533).

I was 34, FOB left the country when was 6 weeks pregnant, and I am doing fine. I work 2 days a week, have a flatmate to help with the rent and babysitting etc, so I still have a bit of a life. Babies are awesome. The joy and delight of being a parent is unimaginable. It's financially challenging and life changed beyond recognition, but so worth it.

[moozle]

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. It may all seem impossible right now but a lot of what you are feeling is due to the hormones. I felt the same way at times and right now I am so happy I have a beautiful son that I get to watch grow up every day. It is the best thing- ever! If you read a few stories people have posted on here, you will see that anything is possible. I wouldn't worry about the financials. The government is actually pretty good when it comes to supporting single parents. I suggest you go and speak to someone at centrelink who can help you find out what you are entitled to and then you can put your mind to rest on the financial side of things. I wish you all the best no matter what decision you make but don't think that giving up your child is the only option. He or she can have a wonderful life with his/her mother. Money isn't everything. As for being 'not maternal' a few friends of mine were that way before having children but they are fantastic mothers. A lot of it comes naturally and a lot you learn on the job :)

[Amara]

I think the happiest single mums are those who don't have the father of baby involved at all as they don't have to put up with any BS from them.

If you are entitled to maternity leave take it & go back to work again afterwards. Day care for single mums with one child is really very affordable. If you can negotiate part time hours you will be entitled to a part parenting payment & FTB A & B. I work 3 days per week & we live quite well.

[Veritas]

DD's father left when I was roughly 10 wks pregnant.... he has met her a whole of two times in her life, once shortly almost a year ago, and once this year for a couple of hours on her 3rd bday..... he has chosen not to be involved....

I left a good paying job to have DD, my choice.... I worked for roughly 6 mths part time just after she turned one, then again for 6 mths last year, beginning of this year..... I left that job when I realised that the little extra I was making was not worth the time I was missing with DD....

I absolutely adore her... she is my everything, and she has only enhanced my life.... I love the fact that we have the ultimate of consistency.... I love knowing that the wonderful little girl I have in my arms is all thanks to my actions and choices.... I love that I only have to devote my time to her, and on occassion myself.....

I have not found single parenting a drag, anymore than the occassional moment of frustration which is part and parcel of any parenting journey no matter which form it takes....

We live pretty comfortably, DD's dad pays child support, but I also live by a fairly decent budget and make smart money decisions.... we definitely don't struggle.... although I do know it's not always that easy...

I wish you the best of luck!

[mumof1andanother]

Congratulations, There is no doubt being a single mum is hard but being a single mum is also very rewarding. My son will be 8 next year and his father left me when he found out i was pregnant he told me, When i was 8 months pregnant he said he wanted me back and wanted to be a dad to his son it was then i found out that he had 2 other girls expecting his child one was due 2 weeks before me and the other due 2 weeks after me so it was obvious he had been cheating on me in the time we were together. After i questioned him about this he told me he didnt have room in his life for another child and that if he ever met him he would stomp on his head.
The first 18 months of my sons life i was alone i then met a guy and was with him for about 5 years we split up when my son was 6 and a half and was single until about 6 months ago when i met my now fiance.
You can do this girl, Once you meet your little one you will automatically want to do everything you can to support your baby. Thing i had to learn was to live within my means before i had my son i was earning $55,000 a year and had build a life dependent on that, So things had to change i rented a 2 bedroom flat instead of the 3 bedroom house i was renting so i saved money there and a big thing was learning to budget i got rid of my credit cards and only got things if i had the cash to get them if not i went with out. I hired a lady who came into my home 2 days a week and looked after my son so i could still work part time and my employer allowed me to to do alot of my work load from home.

[Bubmum]

I would look into the bankruptcy asap....I went back to work, taking DD with me, when she was 6 weeks...and worked until she was 7 months. Then I went bankrupt, handed in my resignation, and moved states to be with my family. My only regret is that I wish I had done it earlier.
I really thought that DD would fit into my life, and I was determined that nothing would change. Well, everything did. I had a baby! An amazing little person who has eclipsed everything I have ever done before. When a child is born, a Mother is born. I thought to hell with earning loads of money...my baby does not need to work 53 hours a week. My baby needs to be at home. There is childcare, so you can go back to work..and SPP, so you can have time off to spend with your baby.
Don't stress about the money. It turns up in the most unexpected places. Please don't doubt your ability to be a Mother. It will be the making of you.
Come and join us in the single parent threads. There is a lot of support/advice/information ther.

[allanahsmum]

I would have to say, that I too am a single mother of 4 children, 3 different dads, and each time I entered into a new relationship with the father, they very soon showed their true colours and soon I was pregnant and depressed, unhappy and vulnerable facing life alone and lonely... each time!!! with each dad!!!

All I can tell you is that I found my determination to create a life for my child and myself more of a positive experience than any partner I had could have offered.

I too found myself at times questioning my suitability and capabilities to care for yet another child!!! who would grow up without the daily influence of his/her father..., while in the relationships, I would incur bills and large debt, not be able to work, and have no support over any of it!

I found my feet, I created my OWN path, and even though I too seem to be looking down the barrell of bankrupsy, it is now only very tempoary these days, and there are services to help you which are free to use!

I see this as MY chance to take controll over my life, and believe it or not, I have more time for my children, I have more persistance for them, and I know I can offer them a secure environment even being on the pension!

Life is not over just because you're going to be a single mother, take from it a learning experience, let it make you stronger, let your despair over the situation take you through all it needs too and don't quit life before it's taught you the lessons it needs to teach you!

There is a reason you are going to be this childs mother... you just have to be patient enough to find out why!


Allanahsmum :valentine:

[Issey]

Im having a bit of a rough patch as my job ended last week but up until this point it has been quite good.

so I will just tell you the positives....

Working 2-3 days a week really provided me with enough to live comfortably. Childcare was affordable at $21.50 per day and I had overnight care arranged when I needed it for 'me' time.

Remember you will get the baby bonus to help you and you may be able to make that last to live off if you are able to take maternity leave.

In other aspects of my life it has been much better and I have been happier than I was when married to DS's dad.

I have met a wonderful man now who I am dating.

I am learning to be budget conscious and find other ways to make money so I can enjoy a better lifestyle.

Keep positive....you can do it :):hugs: