what do other people say

[jessgray]

what do other people say to you about how you should discipline your child/children?
do you listen to them?

[Sarie]

My inlaws try to tell us how to disipline our kids all the time. I have told them on more than one occasion that I am the mother and I will discipline them how I see fit.
So know I don't listen to what others have to say.

[JeSsIkA]

everyone says i yell and too loud, i dont yell that often but when i do i
REally let it out.

[kymmy]

I don't listen to what other ppl say if it isn't solicited!
When ppl tell me to do something I just ignore them.
Though if they are making a suggestion,
then I will say thankyou and see if it helps.

Last week a older mother was telling me to start feeding my baby finger foods.
"Yes, I know I should but you should stop telling me what to do!"
Is what I wanted to say!
Some ppl think they know it all and they have no right to judge other people and their parenting style.

[jessgray]

i have been told by MIL ds needs to smacked every once ina while :shame: i dont belive in smacking.

so nope i dont listen i actually think its rude to say how to disciplien another person's kid unless they asked you for advice on the subject

[EskimoMumma]

I believe its rude too. I just ignore it and move it on. Whenever id o open my mouth(mother..mil..wheover) i am the one treated rudely and being accused of this and that.

Its a no win situation. People are always going to butt in and it sucks. :banghead:

[kymmy]

Trust in your instincts.:thumbsup:

[shed]

do you listen to them?

:laughing: :laughing: the thought of it....


I am armed and dangerous already and bubby isn't even born yet. I have been reading books on child psychology and have some phrases up my sleeve to spout out whenever the MIL (yes, I have her in my sights, you're lined up lady) criticises me I am going to say "well actually, in the book it says that they've actually found that .....insert technical sounding jargon and statistics in here)".

Can't wait in some ways. I have been subtly brainwashing DP this whole time as well, pointing things out and saying "oh look, it says here etc etc etc" about things like crying, smacking etc.

So as I said, I am armed. Lets see how her opinion stacks up against my statistics and research from leading child psychologists...SHALL we?? ha ha ha ha

[jessgray]

i often laugh when mil suggests doing something she did when her children were younger i mean she had dp 21 yrs ago..and when i said people dont do that now she dont get it

[kymmy]

Its true - things are so different these days compared to back when.
Even my mum said," I put you on your stomach to sleep and nothing happened to you."
And my mil used to say "I smoked , did no harm for the kids."
(Thank goodness now she understands and her house is now smoke free.)

[EskimoMumma]

i often laugh when mil suggests doing something she did when her children were younger i mean she had dp 21 yrs ago..and when i said people dont do that now she dont get it

I tried that, i got accused of me not liking her and then her proceeding to yell at me for 10 minutes.:banghead:


Thing is she looks after her other grandkids 24/7, which is nice of her but at the same time not good considering the things that happen there and the way they have turnd out.

[jessgray]

my ds is the first and only grandchild on both sides:) so i guess MIL is trying to help even though her advice is out-dated

[Tam-I-Am]

My mum is a shocker for this:
"leave her to cry"
"Don't feed her that, feed her this"
"you're spoiling her"

RAH-RAH-RAH.

I've just learned to nod my head and smile and keep doing things my own way, unless what mum does really puts Claire in danger (which I KNOW she wouldn't do) it doesnt' really affect me anymore.

Its my MIL who's the real worry though - there seems to be this power struggle going on. She looks after DD 2.5 days per week while I'm at work, and although she never comes right out and says "I think you're doing something wrong", she'll sneakily do things behind my back, like not put her down for sleep for long enough, or feed her foods I haven't introduced yet, even when I've specifically asked her not to. Its gotten to the point where when MIL babysits Claire, that night we have real problems with Claire's sleep - she won't fall to sleep for AGES, and then she wakes at 1:00 - 1:30am and stays awake for 2 hours! Coincidence? My DH tells me so - but it happens EVERY night that MIL has had her.....Bit too much of a coincidence in my book.

I'm thinking of investing in a nannycam!

Sorry for the vent, didn't realise I'd written a novel! LOL

The short and long of it is - she's my baby, I know what's best for her, and would never harm her, so no, I don't listen to other people who think they know better when my own instincts or common sense tell me otherwise!

[Ana Gram]

The best way to handle it in public I have found is, if DD is misbehaving and someone dares offer (ie lecture) what I should be doing, I offer them a go. I say "go right ahead" and take a step back. Usually gets rid of them quick smart adn if they are really persistant, DD screams even louder for them to "Go away" "Don't touch me" etc, which gets other people looking and gives them a taste of what they have just done to me.

[Beany]

I have no doubt that my hyper-interfering mother-in-law and hyper-annoying sister-in-law will try to get their oar in at every stroke. As it is, they are already telling me what I must and mustn't do. I usually just make a joke of it now but when the time comes, if they expect to just take over, things might get very interesting very fast ...

[kymmy]

Oh yes when I am pregnant and even now I am feeding.
"Come on eat - you need it."

[SassyMummy]

A lot of people like to offer advice...and while it annoys me, I know that it's generally because they care about DD and only want the best for her. So when my mother tells me to do something/not to do something, it irritates me...but I know that she's only saying it because in her eyes, it's the "best" thing for DD. I can't get too mad at her for that.

I have had SOME strangers tell me what to do regarding DD. When I was a new mother (DD only a few weeks old) I was in Woolies when DD started to scream. Checked the bum...nothing. So I figured it must be time for a Breastfeed. I put down everything I'd be preparing to buy and exitted the store really quickly. On my way out, and old woman said to me, "You better feed her - she sounds really stressed out!". I wanted to punch her because not only was ON MY WAY OUT of the shop already, but I was also a new mother and trying to adjust to life as a mother. You don't feel sure of your parenting abilities at hte best of times...so it's no help when someone puts you down like that.

I generally say, "Thanks" and then do whatever I want anyway. If they desperately want to raise children, they can have their own.

[Leez]

My MIL is scared of me - I set clear boundaries with her when DH and I were dating :thumbsup: - I learnt a valuable lesson from my own mother's almost 50 year nightmare with my Dad's mother. My problem person is DH's Aunty, the official matriach of the family who absolutely no-one has stood up to in her entire life. She'll give solid advice on any issue she feels you need help with, usually at the dinner table with the entire family present. Weight loss, relationships, career, religion - she'll get you back on track. I remember one choice xmas dinner when she said to my SIL 'when are you going to lose some weight so you can get a boyfriend?' - that was a real highlight of the day...

Anyhoo, now we've had DD, she's going for gold. In 10 weeks I've been given pearls such as 'babies need to be fed EVERY 4 HOURS' and 'stop talking so loud you'll frighten her' and the classic 'you should talk to her, it helps her language develop' (oh really? I was thinking about raising her in silence..) Also, DH and I don't hold her correctly, we're too relaxed, and we don't change her nappy often enough. All from a woman who has never had children.

I've let it slide to this point, mainly because DH has almost pleaded with me to just let her rave on because she's old, so I've handled it by screaming expletives in my head, but unfortunately, I know the day is going to come when she's going to go too far, and its going to be game on....as I always say:

DON'T F*&K WITH A MUMMY!!!

Lisa

[Beany]

lol Leez! Could you have a camcorder on hand for that occasion? Pleeeeease?? :D

[Manxie]

I've said it before so excuse me for repeating myself but it has kept me sane for the last 12 months.


"Opinions are like ar**holes everyones got one":D - This phrase should be repeated to yourself, under your breath for the duration on any unwanted advice/opinions. Upon completion give the offender a beaming smile and say sarcastically "thanks I never would have thought of that "

[the_queen]

I did a lot of "hmm thanks I'll keep that in mind" when Vally was a bub. These days I seem to give out a "don't f*** with me" vibe because I've had no-one tell me what to do - oh except once, DH's aunty gently suggested I put him in his pj's because he might be cold, and I felt bad because she was right :o

[ashika]

Well i don't mind someone telling me what to do.................as long as i think its reasonable...............that doesn't mean that whoever is giving you advise is trying to put you down. They think that they are only trying to help.

I actually have a really good mother-in-law..................my mum is my worry......lol.

My mil for some reason only praises me instead of pushing her luck. But i am very strict on junk food ( chocolates and fizzy drinks) which she tends to go against my will ...............she knew that it ****ed me off so she started asking me if he Ds should or should not have. But she lives in QLD and my mum lives in NZ so i don't deal with them on weekly or daily basis. :smiliedance:

But if a close friend would give me an advise and i think she/he is right i will take it. I would actually prefer my friends to have the same rules for their kids and my kids as well. And it would be nice if I can apply the rules that I have for my kids and same to their kids. Its not good to confuse kids. I've just recently learnt that if i don't like something that other kids do and would influence my kids behaviour I should really speak up and vise versa.

I don't mind someone telling my son off if he is doing something wrong.