View Full Version : Did you experience gender disappointment?
:detective:
Poll is multiple choice :yes: for those with more than one child :)
sandy cheeks
18-10-2009, 11:06
Yes when i was preg with ds I was convinced he was a girl. I wouldn't even believe the ultra sound when it clearly showed he was a boy, right up until I had him I was calling him a girls name and I was so scared I would continue to be disapointed when he was born lucky for me as soon as he was born I feel in love with my wonderful little man and was glad he was my boy.
With dd I wanted and thought she was a boy with her it didn't faze me as much what sex she was just that she was ok (I had a heap of preg probs and sometimes didn't think she would make it)
crazymuma
18-10-2009, 11:09
I was so dissapointed with my first when they told me I was having a girl - for some reason I spent the whole pregnancy not connected (if that makes sense) to the baby only because I thought it was a girl.
Thankfully they had made a huge mistake and I had a little boy :smiliedance:
With my second while I would have rathered a boy I wasn't overly worried when they told me it was a girl.
sockstealingpoltergeist
18-10-2009, 11:14
I have difficult pregnancies, so I found it really hard to bond. I was worried I would have boy and I'm not sure why. When I found out I was having boy I was so worried I wouldn't bond with him. I was irrational about the whole thing. Then as soon as he was born I fell in love with him. I think it was just my hormones and sickeness that made me so wierd.
In other words I got over it, because it was about my ridiculous irrational fear, and not about my baby.
CrankyAndTired
18-10-2009, 11:15
I ticked "other" because I experience/d gender desire more than gender dissapointment so to speak..
I've never been dissapointed with my son, but my heart does also long for a daughter..
How bout you OP, ever experienced GD?
When I found out I was having boy I was so worried I wouldn't bond with him. I was irrtionl bout the whole thing. Then as soon as he was born I fell in love with him. I think it was just my hormones nd sickeness that me made me so wierd.
In other words I got over it, because it was about my ridiculous irrational fear, and not about my baby.
I was exactly the same.
If I have another baby, I don't think I'll care. Another boy would be fine, a girl would be fine.
In any event, there's no guarantee that your much wanted girl/boy child will deliver the characteristics you were hoping for.
onionskin
18-10-2009, 11:26
Yes very badly. Did I get over it, yes the moment I saw my dd.
My reasons weren't as simple as some might think...
I had lost my previous son in the third trimester. This put me in an emotional position where I desperately wanted my next child to be a boy. I mean desperately, not just a want or a whim. not sure if that will even be understandable to some.
It had nothing to do with the sex of the baby or what I thought a baby boy would be. It was wanting the essence of a male child...wanting what I felt fate had taken away from me. To be honest I still feel this way.
This has nothing to do with not loving or wanting the child that i was given, because I would have regardless, I was just so happy to be pregnant.
Anyhoo, I definitely felt gender disappointment. Hope that explains it.
Yes very badly. Did I get over it, yes the moment I saw my dd.
My reasons weren't as simple as some might think...
I had lost my previous son in the third trimester. This put me in an emotional position where I desperately wanted my next child to be a boy. I mean desperately, not just a want or a whim. not sure if that will even be understandable to some.
It had nothing to do with the sex of the baby or what I thought a baby boy would be. It was wanting the essence of a male child...wanting what I felt fate had taken away from me. To be honest I still feel this way.
This has nothing to do with not loving or wanting the child that i was given, because I would have regardless, I was just so happy to be pregnant.
Anyhoo, I definitely felt gender disappointment. Hope that explains it.
I am sorry for the loss of your son. It must be extremely difficult:hugs::hugs::hugs:.
In regards to the OP, no I havent really experienced gender dissapointment.
onionskin
18-10-2009, 11:44
I am sorry for the loss of your son. It must be extremely difficult:hugs::hugs::hugs:.
In regards to the OP, no I havent really experienced gender dissapointment.
Thank you Jakois
I voted no gender disappointment and other
with #1 & #2 i knew i was having boys both times (instinct not scans) so there was no gender disappointment at all
this time im feeling very much like this is a girl, so although i dont *think* i would be disappointed in having another boy, i also *think* i may experiance gender disappointment for a few seconds if this is a boy.
time will tell i guess!
3BoysBlue
18-10-2009, 12:10
this pregnancy yes
I had a gut feeling it was a girl
with both boys I had feeling they where boys and I was right
and when we found out it was another boy
my heart sank a little :(
this is most likely our last bubba and yes I will admit I wanted a girl
I'm still disappointed not that bubs is a boy
but the fact I will never get to experience a little girl
It took a few day for me to get over that he was a boy
(I did think a few things I probably shouldn't have:o)
and now I cant wait for him to arrive and be able to play with his big brothers
Kind of, at the start i didnt care what so ever but my mum convinced me that i was having a boy, then at 3 months the sonographer said i bet you have a boy so then I was convinced i was carrying a boy, i bonded with him as a boy and everything, then at my 20 week scan she said she couldnt see and that i might be having a girl but she coudnt say
I wouldnt say i was upset at the thought of having a girl rather i felt that i had bonded with my son and that this possible girl was a stranger IYKWIM, anyway i had a gender scan 3 weeks later and was so relieved that i was in fact having a boy
I think for me the dissapointment would have been more that my instincts failed me if that makes sense
Next baby i dont care either way and i wont be finding out until the birth
How bout you OP, ever experienced GD?
I haven't but I know a couple of people who have. I can sympathise with their disappointment but don't know if I will ever understand :o
When I was pregnant with DD - which was my first pregnancy, I was terrified of something going horribly wrong so baby's gender was the last thing on my mind. I was probably a tad irrational about it, but with good reason.
Long before I was even thinking about starting a family, my brother and his partner were expecting their first baby. My SIL didn't feel movement one day so went up to the hospital. They couldn't find a hearbeat and their son had died. She was 38 weeks (from memory.) She had to go through labour and give birth to her baby, via induction, knowing that he was dead, knowing he wouldn't cry or even take a breath. Liam (they named him) had the tiniest coffin you could imagine, and with my 6"6 brother carrying it, it looked even smaller. It was devastating.
A couple of years before I had my DD, a friend of mine gave birth to a boy. The cord was wrapped around his neck. The baby died 3 days after birth when they decided to turn the machines off.
After seeing these people that are very close to me go through such heartache, I was scared something like that would happen to me. I didn't care what sex my baby was, as long as she arrived safely. If I didn't feel movement for a few hours, I got paranoid. I had nightmares about my baby being strangled at birth.
Since my DD was born, I have had 2 failed pregnancies. I would love just to have a healthy and sticky pregnancy and healthy babies :yes:
LuvMy4Babes
18-10-2009, 17:39
I was extremely lucky to get a mix so no disappointment here. I'm sure if I had 4 of the same I would experience it though.
Sunnygal
18-10-2009, 17:42
Yes and No :)
With our first, I wasn't fussed at all, it was my first pregnancy and I was more excited at the thought of having a baby then a particular sex
When we had the ultra sound with our second to learn the sex and see if he was healthy, I was a bit dissapointed, but it was over in about 10 minutes I was just glad he was healthy :)
Now I am desperate for a girl! I wouldn't change the boys for anything, but I would love a girl and if we were to TTC again, I would sway the odds in favour - BUT I won't be TTC again until I want a baby and not a girl - IYKWIM :)
Myztiks#1Fan
18-10-2009, 17:45
i think if coop was a girl, then yes i would of been extremely disappointed as i was really hoping for a boy. i am sure i would of got over it but i really was wanting a boy.
No I didn't because I got both genders which I was happy about. I was convinced my first born was a boy, I thought I just "knew". Well clearly I have no maternal instinct because she was a girl and the girliest pinkest girl I know! When she was born I was a little surprised and I didn't believe the doctor until I'd checked myself! So surprised yes, disappointed no ;)
No i wanted a boy and i got a boy, i do think i will be a bit dissapointed if i dont have a girl.
faroutbrusselsprout
18-10-2009, 18:10
Yes very badly. Did I get over it, yes the moment I saw my dd.
My reasons weren't as simple as some might think...
I had lost my previous son in the third trimester. This put me in an emotional position where I desperately wanted my next child to be a boy. I mean desperately, not just a want or a whim. not sure if that will even be understandable to some.
It had nothing to do with the sex of the baby or what I thought a baby boy would be. It was wanting the essence of a male child...wanting what I felt fate had taken away from me. To be honest I still feel this way.
This has nothing to do with not loving or wanting the child that i was given, because I would have regardless, I was just so happy to be pregnant.
Anyhoo, I definitely felt gender disappointment. Hope that explains it.
I could have written your post.
We lost a baby girl in the 2nd trimester and I was desperate to have a daughter.... I had a boy a year later.
He is my world and my joy and I love that my boys have a brother, however I will never stop cursing the universe for denying me the right to keep my baby girl.
We want another baby and I won't deny I am hoping to have a girl.... I want so badly what was taken away from me.
*sigh*
BlessedWithBlue
19-10-2009, 12:21
Well after having five boys i definately have the desire for a little girl of my own, i wasnt disappointed one bit with my first 2, i was a little when i found out my twins were both boys but that passed very quickly. But when i found out boy number five was on his way i will for sure admit i was disapointed but once i saw him i totaly fell in love with him. He is the absolute light of my life and i wouldnt swap him for a girl at all. You know what, yeah i would love a little girl in the future but i love having boys too so i'm happy and content and feel totally blessed with five healthy little boys.
RedPanda
19-10-2009, 14:22
No. I have two sons, and I'm pg again. I suspect this one's a boy also, however I'm not worried at all. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a single-gender environment (my family is single gender) that I am not concerned with balance? I'm not sure of the reasons, but I honestly don't care. Sometimes I think I must be a weirdo because people say things to me like "Oh, you must really want a girl" or "We'll be praying for a girl for you". It makes me want to ask why I *have* to want a girl? I am more than happy to have a girl or boy - I like that I cannot choose because I honestly don't know what I would choose. I've always just longed for healthy babies. I had a woman at the bank look at my pregnant stomach and my boys and say "Oh, how lovely! I didn't have a to have a third baby because I had one of each". I just stared at her and stammered out some stupid, polite response, but it was really a stupid thing of her to say.
I don't judge women who do have gender disappointment though. I think it's a real thing and as long as you just let yourself feel it, let it pass and not affect your child there's no real harm. I don't like it when people insinuate that I'm just being defensive or in self-preservation mode when I say I don't care. I geniunely don't care and I find it astounding that there are people out there who refuse to believe me.
Penis, vagina... who cares? I'm not going to live their lives for them so it doesn't make one iota of difference to me what's lurking under the nappy!
I did not care at all with either of my pregnancies. We have 2 beautiful girls. I think that I may be disappointed if we have #3 and it is a boy. I would really love another girl. I know I would love a boy all the same though.
boysrgr8
19-10-2009, 16:05
I chose not at all disappointed, however, if I was to fall pregnant again as it would be my last I would love to have a girl so it may be a different story then. Will just have to wait and see.
I know I would get over it though. Both my boys have had 'issues' and I would give up everything just to have a healthy baby.
SassyMummy
19-10-2009, 22:51
No. I wanted a girl, and got a girl. I was expecting a boy though... I seriously thought that's what I was having.
I wonder if ultrasounds determining gender have more impact on gender disappointment... because, I mean, the reality of a beautiful baby to cuddle and love is a bit different to a little blob that sort resembles a baby on a screen... I'd think it'd be much harder to be disappointed if you waited until birth to find out hte sex... because then it's your lovely baby, not just the idea of a baby.
I never knew the sex of my baby until she was born... and like I said, I wanted a girl but expected a boy. There was never real "disappointment" though, because I had heaps of time to think about what I MIGHT have, and got a chance to be happy with either result... long before I had the chance to discover which it actually was.
Yes I have experienced gender disappointment. I have 4 boys and was counting on one of them to be a girl! lol.
I dunno, I always pictured myself to be a mother to a girl, so it's been hard not having that.
Of course, I got over my disappointment and I love my little boys to death.
I am currently pregnant with number 5 and this will be our last baby(I know I've said it before, but it really is this time!!!), I'm not counting on a girl. If we have a boy, I know I'll be upset that I'll never get that mother daughter bond like I've always wanted, but it won't make me love my baby any less!
I choose other because in all 3 pregnancies I got what I had wanted.
In this pregnancy I would have been upset if I had a girl but I would have gotten over it.
We lost a boy and I wanted another boy, that was my main reason and my DP wanted a son and after loosing one I wanted him to have another.
For me, i certainly wish i had been able to experience a daughter.
With my first 2 pregnancies, I wanted sons. We waited till their birth to find out what they were and I was thrilled when I saw they were boys. 3rd time wasn’t planned, but I really REALLY wanted a girl. So this time I found out at the 20 week scan. I was so sad when I found out Joel was a boy, but not sad that he was a boy as such, more sad that I would never have a daughter. I loved my little man just as much, and that didn’t change at the scan because he was a boy. It is just my feelings toward the fact I would never experience being the mother of a girl that upset me.
I still long for a daughter even though i don't want anymore children. There is a lot of things i feel i will miss out on being the mother of boys. I adore my sons, and am so proud of them and love them to death, but i do mourn the fact that i will never have a daughter. I just pray that the girls my boys marry become like daughters to me, and think of me as they do their mothers...but how rare is that. :(
I just feel mostly that i will miss out on those big events in the lives of the boys. The mother of the bride gets most involvement and asked for help with weddings, the mother gets asked to be at the birth of her grandchildren (rarely the MIL) the mother of the girl gets called for on first to baby sit or for advice. Just those things really.
For me, i certainly wish i had been able to experience a daughter.
With my first 2 pregnancies, I wanted sons. We waited till their birth to find out what they were and I was thrilled when I saw they were boys. 3rd time wasn’t planned, but I really REALLY wanted a girl. So this time I found out at the 20 week scan. I was so sad when I found out Joel was a boy, but not sad that he was a boy as such, more sad that I would never have a daughter. I loved my little man just as much, and that didn’t change at the scan because he was a boy. It is just my feelings toward the fact I would never experience being the mother of a girl that upset me.
I still long for a daughter even though i don't want anymore children. There is a lot of things i feel i will miss out on being the mother of boys. I adore my sons, and am so proud of them and love them to death, but i do mourn the fact that i will never have a daughter. I just pray that the girls my boys marry become like daughters to me, and think of me as they do their mothers...but how rare is that. :(
I just feel mostly that i will miss out on those big events in the lives of the boys. The mother of the bride gets most involvement and asked for help with weddings, the mother gets asked to be at the birth of her grandchildren (rarely the MIL) the mother of the girl gets called for on first to baby sit or for advice. Just those things really.
I totally agree with you about this topic. I feel VERY blessed to have 2 happy, healthy boys who I hope will grow up to be good mates. I am now 30 weeks along with our 3rd and we have chosen not to find out the sex. I totally expect another boy, but deep down would love a little girl. As you said, its not that I wouldnt love and want THIS baby if its a boy, but as its our last baby, I will be sad that there are no more chances to have a girl and experience the things you mentioned. Wishing you all the best with your 3 little men!:wave:
maybe1more
20-10-2009, 17:51
With my first pregnancy, no, i was so happy to be having a boy.
My second pregnancy i really really wanted a daughter and my 19 week u/s thought girl, and at 32 weeks said 100% boy :eek: so to be honest i cryed for about 3 days, and althought i knew i was being silly, i just could help it. It all change thought the minute he was born, i was over the moon.
When TTC bub number 3 i was hopeing a praying for a girl, but was convincing myself i would have another boy ( so i would take it better if that makes sence) i did the so called "girl diet", ph testes, before ovuation, temping, ect, and ive had 2 u/s to say its a girl :goodvibes:
I have another one in 4 weeks and ill check again just to be sure :laughing:
I still long for a daughter even though i don't want anymore children. There is a lot of things i feel i will miss out on being the mother of boys. I adore my sons, and am so proud of them and love them to death, but i do mourn the fact that i will never have a daughter. I just pray that the girls my boys marry become like daughters to me, and think of me as they do their mothers...but how rare is that. :(
I just feel mostly that i will miss out on those big events in the lives of the boys. The mother of the bride gets most involvement and asked for help with weddings, the mother gets asked to be at the birth of her grandchildren (rarely the MIL) the mother of the girl gets called for on first to baby sit or for advice. Just those things really.
These are the same feelings that I have felt. But there has always been a little hope, we had planned to have one more after DS4, just not this soon! So I guess I will keep hoping until we find out the sex of this baby. I know I will be gutted for the same reasons that you mentioned.
Poppetfish
20-10-2009, 18:54
I voted that i was not disappointed. I knew the second that i was pregnant what i was having both times. I was a tad upset about having a daughter. I have always wanted all boys. Now I just dont mind. Children are children. I do hope any other children i have though will all be boys.
pinkishbunny
20-10-2009, 19:11
not once was I disappointed, Never crossed my mind, As I was happy to Have children, As long as the baby is healthy that's all that matter's, The sex of a baby doesn't matter... :)
JackzMumma
22-10-2009, 07:52
I did. In a big way. When the 1st sonographer told me it was a boy for my third child I was convinced he was wrong, and that if I didn't see 'it' how could ge claim he had and that it was a boy?
Then I had a 4d ultrasound done, the sonographer said boy again, but still didn't get a clear view. But I broke down in the nursery that afternoon. And then I did an IntelliGender, and that said Girl. I was so wanting a girl after two boys. I was really worried I would resent him.
But when he was born it didn't matter, he's just gorgeous! I went through a little relapse about 2-3 weeks after he was born. But at time has gone on I'm about 99% over it. I think there will always be a bit of disappointment? Sadness? That I didn't get a girl. But I just don't care anymore. I even went through the whole mental rollercoaster after realizing that I'll never be pregnant again too. But now I'm happy to move on. I can't wait fo the next chapter.....buying land and building our home! :)
I voted that i was not disappointed. I knew the second that i was pregnant what i was having both times. I was a tad upset about having a daughter. I have always wanted all boys. Now I just dont mind. Children are children. I do hope any other children i have though will all be boys.
Why didn't you want a girl? And why do you want boys in the future?
84zsazsa
22-10-2009, 08:39
I voted No as gender TBH never crossed my mind that much...I looked at bubba as a wee human not a gender...not sure why but always thought more of 'wonder what my child'...etc. Plus with all the problems we had during the pregnancy we were over the moon with a healthy & safe result in the end that it didnt matter what gender the baby was...:)
Danni
nugglyboysmum
22-10-2009, 20:00
yes, I had gender disappointment and as much as i hate to admit it, I occasionally still look at him and think I would not have had PND if he were a girl. Dont get me wrong, him being aboy has taught me so much about the opposite sex and I love his boyishness and all the dirt and trucks and stuff.....but I love pink girly clothes and dolls more. We are TTC ATM and are both really hoping for a girl but if we get a boy we will still be over joyed to be blessed with another child
singlemumma82
22-10-2009, 20:17
i'll admitI did in a huge way :gloomy: I never saw myself the mother of a little girl, growing up I abused quite alot and could not imagine bringing a girl into the world who may be subjected to something like I was.
We found out at 22 weeks what we where having aminly for this reason, so I could prepare mentally, when it was discovered it was definitely a girl i under went counselling for the remainered of my pregnancy.
And don't get me wrong, I love my DD with all my heart, she is my world, she is also the reason i choose to remain single after breaking up with her dad. But I do still worry how I will cope once she is older and out in the 'real' world.
Hello,
I voted that I wasn't disappointed with the gender. In my family there are 6 girls and I am also a twin. So I really wanted a boy.
I have always been a tom boy and I love motorbikes & cars and 10 weeks ago I had my baby boy. Me and my husband feel that we are blessed in having such a nice calm happy boy.
:) I wouldn't mind having a girl next in a few years but if I have another boy I wouldn't mind.
Emmz
I desperately wanted one gender but am having the opposite. We had the sonographer write it down and put it in an envelope to give me more time to figure out if I wanted to know. I was so scared of how I'd feel if it wasn't what I'd hoped for.
But as soon as I peeked, even though it wasn't what I'd hoped for, I felt no disappointment. Just "I knew it" followed by leaping excitement. I realised that the reason I'd been hoping for one thing was pressure from both sets of grandparents, not what I wanted.
That said, I would like at least one of each so I am hoping that our 2nd or 3rd child will be the other gender :fingerscrossed:
I desperately wanted one gender but am having the opposite. We had the sonographer write it down and put it in an envelope to give me more time to figure out if I wanted to know. I was so scared of how I'd feel if it wasn't what I'd hoped for.
But as soon as I peeked, even though it wasn't what I'd hoped for, I felt no disappointment. Just "I knew it" followed by leaping excitement. I realised that the reason I'd been hoping for one thing was pressure from both sets of grandparents, not what I wanted.
That said, I would like at least one of each so I am hoping that our 2nd or 3rd child will be the other gender :fingerscrossed:
:iagree: The pressure from others can be overwhelming and frustrating at times..... I wish you all the best for your soon-to-be little bundle of joy! :)
I got exactly what I wanted for my first 3, but I was hoping for pink with # 4 and got blue instead. I wouldn't say I was disappointed about him being a boy, I was just disappointed I wasn't having a girl IYKWIM? Needless to say, I never loved him any less, during pregnancy and after the birth. He is my little man and I adore him and wouldn't change him for the world.
DH and I will probably go for #5 down the track sometime and I will be hoping for a girl again. I may be a little disappointed if it's another boy - I would prefer a family of more girls, than more boys. I would have been happy to have a family of 5 girls and no boys! When I see mothers on here having their 3rd, 4th or 5th daughters I feel a little envious, but all in all, I adore my sons [and I was hoping boy, for #2]and am glad that I get to experience both genders.
Bubs'n'Roses
25-10-2009, 12:04
With DD1, we were told at every ultrasound that we had "a healthy baby boy". Cool.
Birth time. Out comes our beautiful girl. "It's a girl!" DP and I are like, 'ok, they must've got it wrong, weirdos' and that was that. I was annoyed that I had a bunch of boy clothes that wouldn't suit my princess but that was it.
DD2... we were hoping for a boy. Ultrasound, they said girl. We went okay, but didn't put a lot of faith in it just in case.
Birth time. Out comes another girl. Was a bit like, 'oh well'. Got over that.
I believe gender dissapointment is real though and its why I didn't place all my hope on DD2 being a boy.
sandy_1902
25-10-2009, 14:04
found out with Ds that he was a boy early on and we were happy as
we didnt find out with DD i thought she was a boy so i was a bit but she came out a girl and i was beyond happy
i probably would have been a bit dissapointed if she was a boy but i woulda got over it
mumma2cubs
25-10-2009, 20:46
I didn't have a preference with my first baby (little boy) but we were only ever going to have two children.
So with my first we didn't do anything at all to sway - we decided we'd just sway for the opposite for baby 2.
Then we swayed for a girl and got our girl.
I know I would have felt a bit disappointed if we had a second boy BUT the funny thing was at our 18 week ultrasound, I said to my DH I really wouldn't have minded a little boy. He is such a sweet little darling that I wouldn't have minded another one!
peanutbutter&jelly
25-10-2009, 20:50
Somewhat, but more concern.
My case is most likely very different than most, my partner has Asperger's, and it possibly has a genetic factor and is more likely to occur in boys. Luckily, we seem safe with our DS, but I still worry a lot for him. I was over the moon that we were having a boy, but at the same time, scared. I still don't know how I would deal with a DS and DF with Aspergers :no: This time, with my DD I was just shocked, not as worried, but still... weighs on my mind.
xlouxloux
25-10-2009, 22:10
no and no but i chose other as i dont think i wasnt disappointed at all when i found out #2 was another girl, i knew/expected from very early on that she was a she so when they said it at the 20week scan i was just like yeh i know i would have been pleasently surprised if she had of been a boy but i was happy to be having another girl :)
FullMoon
25-10-2009, 22:22
I was disappointed not because of what I was having but because I was told I was having the opposite sex then felt like it was taken away from me!
No way, I cant understand gender disappointment and dont think i ever will, If i have any more babies I will just be thankful if they are healthy and if not then I would love him or her all the same.
Littleyorkshirepudding
26-10-2009, 16:16
Hi,
I choose other because with my first once I had found out I was pregnant, I really wanted a girl up until then, I always said I wanted a boy first, but the moment I found out I was pregnant, that was it I so wanted a girl and a girl I got, so there was absolutely no gender disappointed there, but with my 2nd and this is why I ticked other was because although I wasn't bothered what sex this baby was, I thought I preferred another girl until the 20 week scan and we found out we were having another little girl I immediately was very happy to be having a girl but also very sad for the boy I wasn't going to have this time round but it only took to the end of the scan to feel that - if that makes sense
We will have a third not sure when and again the decision to have a 3rd is based on the fact we want another child girl or boy to love and cherish and now I find myself anchoring over having another girl and not a boy which I though I would want - maybe it is better the devil you know who knows.......
LYP
No dissapointments here :)
MellyMumma
26-10-2009, 16:31
I ticked "other" because I experience/d gender desire more than gender dissapointment so to speak..
I've never been dissapointed with my son, but my heart does also long for a daughter..
How bout you OP, ever experienced GD?
I'm pretty much the same except I have girls and really long for a boy. Am thinking of having another bub but if its another girl I will still love and cherish her all the same.
jessali mum
02-11-2009, 11:12
My first inlaws were horrible horrible nasty people, my new inlaws aren't much better though, gee I can pick em. My first lot kept going on that I had to have boys to carry on the family name. I thought this quite funny as they aren't rich, famous or anything special just your average middle class family. They were so adamant I was to have boys and were getting quite nasty about it. I was determined to have girls, I think both my girls were meant to be boys but were too scared to come out boys LOL. I am really hoping for a boy this time and hope when I have my 20 week scan to find out the sex I am ok with it being a girl.
I am 14 weeks pregnant and just had an ultrasound to determine gender. It was a boy. I am angry, disapointed and feel sick to the bottom of my stomach to have this thing growing inside me that I don't want. I hate it and it's not even born. I want a termination. This pregnancy wasn't meant to happen, I had breast cancer and I was still taking my tamoxifen and I was meant to be infertile. I'd broken up with my husband about 6 months later I'm pregnant to someone else. I'd convinced myself I could manage this as a single mother, but now I realise that would only be true if it were a girl. I have a daughter and she is beautiful. I don't like boy children, I don't like my friend's boys, I don't like my nephew and I don't like the boys in my daughter's class. I sound so cruel but I am being totally honest with myself, and that hurts. I wish I could change, but I can't. My friend was disapointed to find out she was carrying a boy, and she's assured me it will all change once it is born as it did for her. But I'm not her and no ammount of councelling will change the fact I will resent this child forever for being what it is. I wish I could swap this child with someone else who didn't want to have a girl.
lovemybabies!
28-09-2011, 15:10
I had a girl, then a boy, wasn't upset at all, while pregnant with no 3 I was sure he was a girl. So did DH. Not sure why, we just really thought he was, and since there was getting to be a big age gap between DD and him I wanted a girl.
I wasn't disappointed that he was a boy, I was glad DS had a little brother. BUT it took a few months for me to stop saying she :D. Oh and while I really want DD to have a sister, if this baby turns out to be a boy too, I wont be disappointed, just means girl time in our house will be extra special for my DD
sweetseven
28-09-2011, 15:10
I'm not sure how to answer your poll.
When pregnant with #5, I wanted another girl and was expecting to get another girl, but my mother was insistent that she was a boy. Every day she would talk to Daniel and ask how Daniel was doing. When DD5 was born, Daniel just vanished. It really did feel like I had lost her twin. DD5 is 8yo now, and I still get the occasional sad feeling about a reminder of the baby boy that never was.
When I was pregnant with #7, I had morning (noon & night) sickness, which I hadn't experienced with the others. Therefore I thought it was going to be a boy this time. The prospect of a boy was terrifying and I spent a lot of the pregnancy coming to terms with the concept and accepting the potential little boy into my life even though another girl seemed so much easier. Then when DD7 was born there was a little sadness that I would never have the son I'ld just come to accept. The occasional sadness in this case seemed to last about a year.
So it is odd because I didn't actually ever want a boy, but there are two occasions where I experienced a sense of loss in not getting one. So does that classify as gender disappointment or not?
Zombie_eyes
28-09-2011, 15:15
I am 14 weeks pregnant and just had an ultrasound to determine gender. It was a boy. I am angry, disapointed and feel sick to the bottom of my stomach to have this thing growing inside me that I don't want. I hate it and it's not even born. I want a termination. This pregnancy wasn't meant to happen, I had breast cancer and I was still taking my tamoxifen and I was meant to be infertile. I'd broken up with my husband about 6 months later I'm pregnant to someone else. I'd convinced myself I could manage this as a single mother, but now I realise that would only be true if it were a girl. I have a daughter and she is beautiful. I don't like boy children, I don't like my friend's boys, I don't like my nephew and I don't like the boys in my daughter's class. I sound so cruel but I am being totally honest with myself, and that hurts. I wish I could change, but I can't. My friend was disapointed to find out she was carrying a boy, and she's assured me it will all change once it is born as it did for her. But I'm not her and no ammount of councelling will change the fact I will resent this child forever for being what it is. I wish I could swap this child with someone else who didn't want to have a girl.
:eek: i think u need to see someone anyway, even if u think it wont help.
PuppyGuts
28-09-2011, 15:50
I am 14 weeks pregnant and just had an ultrasound to determine gender. It was a boy. I am angry, disapointed and feel sick to the bottom of my stomach to have this thing growing inside me that I don't want. I hate it and it's not even born. I want a termination. This pregnancy wasn't meant to happen, I had breast cancer and I was still taking my tamoxifen and I was meant to be infertile. I'd broken up with my husband about 6 months later I'm pregnant to someone else. I'd convinced myself I could manage this as a single mother, but now I realise that would only be true if it were a girl. I have a daughter and she is beautiful. I don't like boy children, I don't like my friend's boys, I don't like my nephew and I don't like the boys in my daughter's class. I sound so cruel but I am being totally honest with myself, and that hurts. I wish I could change, but I can't. My friend was disapointed to find out she was carrying a boy, and she's assured me it will all change once it is born as it did for her. But I'm not her and no ammount of councelling will change the fact I will resent this child forever for being what it is. I wish I could swap this child with someone else who didn't want to have a girl.
Sorry you feel this way, you need to see someone ASAP even if the end result is you getting a termination, doesn't matter but i think you need to let someone know you are feeling this way, because to hate somethign so much there must be an underlying issue then just hating boys.
Hope it works out though.
Boobycino
28-09-2011, 15:55
:hugs: even if counciling won't help you not resent the baby maybe it'll help you come to terms with what you're feeling. :hugs:
For me I try not to be worried about 'what if' this is a boy. We were told it was likely a girl at the 12 week scan.
It's not that I wouldn't love and cherish a boy but I'd be heartbroken to never have a girl. I just try not to think about it. I find out in 2.5 weeks at the 20 week scan and whatever we are having can't be as bad as stressing about it.
the girls mum
28-09-2011, 16:04
Dimi77.
Massive hugs. I have never experienced what u are feeling although i definitely have a preference for girls. I however don't dislike boys. I have a gorgeous nephew and my bestie has a darling boy too.
Do u know where your dislike for nous is coming from? I think u should see someone x
the girls mum
28-09-2011, 16:06
Nous is boys sorry. On phone x
~ElectricPink~
28-09-2011, 16:08
Yeah, to be completely honest...I was a little shocked and disappointed to find out that I was having a boy. I am very "girly", and I always thought that it would be so nice to have a little girl to dress up all pretty, and do girly things with - a little girl to take after her mummy.
Also, I really hadnt had experience with boys, there are a lot of girls in our family. So when I found out that I was having a boy, pretty much my first though was "BOY?! Omg, what do I do with a BOY???". But I got over this soon enough...and now I think that having a son is just lovely :) I still yearn to have a daughter, but to be realistic, I probably wont have that chance, and that does make me a little sad.
I am 14 weeks pregnant and just had an ultrasound to determine gender. It was a boy. I am angry, disapointed and feel sick to the bottom of my stomach to have this thing growing inside me that I don't want. I hate it and it's not even born. I want a termination. This pregnancy wasn't meant to happen, I had breast cancer and I was still taking my tamoxifen and I was meant to be infertile. I'd broken up with my husband about 6 months later I'm pregnant to someone else. I'd convinced myself I could manage this as a single mother, but now I realise that would only be true if it were a girl. I have a daughter and she is beautiful. I don't like boy children, I don't like my friend's boys, I don't like my nephew and I don't like the boys in my daughter's class. I sound so cruel but I am being totally honest with myself, and that hurts. I wish I could change, but I can't. My friend was disapointed to find out she was carrying a boy, and she's assured me it will all change once it is born as it did for her. But I'm not her and no ammount of councelling will change the fact I will resent this child forever for being what it is. I wish I could swap this child with someone else who didn't want to have a girl.
Hugs. As previous posters have said you really do need to speak to someone about this (a professional), which I am think is part of the termination process anyway (a more knowledgeable poster might be able to answer that!). Also, 14 weeks is very early, I found out at 20weeks and the sonographer would only give us a 70% assurance/gaurantee...
For me, I had always wanted a boy first, and I got him. But I yearn for a girl now, and I know if I dont get one I will have gender disapointment....
MothersMilk
28-09-2011, 16:29
dimi77 - I agree with previous posters, you really need to speak to a professional about this. Your feelings are quite extreme and alarming and i think it very important that you receive some counseling to work through this and decide what you will do next.
Also i am not sure a scan at 14 weeks is very reliable - is it possible for you to get an amnio which would tell you the gender without any doubt?
Please don't just sit on this - please organise to see someone today.
I wouldnt say disappointed. I thought DD was a boy, i was so sure. Then the scan said she was a girl and i kinda freaKed out.
Dirty and cars, i can do no worries. Pretty hair and makeup is what i suck at. I dont really do "fashion". Im a complete tomboy. Even when i get "all dressed up" takes me about 30 min, i just straighten my hair and quickly put on some makeup, sometimes i go all out and wear coloured eye shadow ;):laughing: So i was thinking what on earth will i do with a little girl.
So not i have this little girl that loves pink and pretty hair ( THANK GOD my friend can braid and one is a hairdresser/makeup artist) but she also loves dirt and bugs, cars and mud :) So all turned out well
I only have the one and not sure if I'll ever have another but he is my everything. I really didn't even give a second thought when I found out he was a boy, I love him with all of my heart and soul regardless of what's between his legs (although I do understand those who do suffer GD mostly feel the same love for their little ones :goodvibes:).
I'm not one to have more children purely to have a girl iykwim. I'm considered a very "girly girl" but I figure that's what my girlfriends are for :)
babyspice
28-09-2011, 21:51
this probably sounds really stupid to lots of people, but years ago i had a physic reading and i was told that i would have two boys by two different men, which at the time shocked me, as i was smitten with my bf and obviously had no plans to ever break up with him. a few years later we concieved and i was convinced that i was having a girl (just so the physic reading could be wrong) then i found out i was having a boy, i was a bit taken a back as i thought, oh, this cant be happening, the prediction is coming true... and so far it is... i split with FOB long ago and im craving another baby, i told my current b/f that i would want another baby within the next 5 years, and i really dont care if i get a girl or a boy. (but it would be freaky if i got a boy)
i dont think i was dissapointed when i found out i was having a by, just shocked that im letting a strangers prediction play on my mind so much.:yes:
faroutbrusselsprout
28-09-2011, 22:03
this probably sounds really stupid to lots of people, but years ago i had a physic reading and i was told that i would have two boys by two different men, which at the time shocked me, as i was smitten with my bf and obviously had no plans to ever break up with him. a few years later we concieved and i was convinced that i was having a girl (just so the physic reading could be wrong) then i found out i was having a boy, i was a bit taken a back as i thought, oh, this cant be happening, the prediction is coming true... and so far it is... i split with FOB long ago and im craving another baby, i told my current b/f that i would want another baby within the next 5 years, and i really dont care if i get a girl or a boy. (but it would be freaky if i got a boy)
i dont think i was dissapointed when i found out i was having a by, just shocked that im letting a strangers prediction play on my mind so much.:yes:
That is the same as me! She predicted 2 boys then a girl. She said she saw a bigger boy then the next two close together (which is spot on)... I still am devestated to this day that I only get one girl!! I had always dreamed of my daughters having a sister... And I'd always dreamed of 4 kids but looks like that won't be happening either!
If DD had of been a boy I would have definately experienced some pretty severe GD.
No, I never have. Though, I have people who have told me, or assumed that I would be disappointed with having 3 girls!
oleander
28-09-2011, 23:25
Nope. I really wanted a girl for my first child and it was a girl. Then for my second I wanted (and my daughter wanted) a sister for her. I would have had a small amount of disappointment if #2 was a boy although I think upon meeting the baby, whatever the gender, I would fall madly in love with him/her :yes:
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