Ardentwhispers
17-10-2009, 23:59
So. This is probably going to get quite winded...
My partner and I have been together for about 2 years, living together for a year and a half. We're both in our late twenties, and I have an 8 year old son from a previous relationship.
I've been really indecisive about when I want to have another child (and if I do at all really). I'm fairly certain I want more children, but I dread the younger years and giving up my freedom. It actually brings me a lot of anxiety just thinking about going through it all again.
On top of that, I'm not too certain we're in the right place to have babies. It would mean massive changes for our lives. Well, not massive...but lots and lots of little changes. Our house is so far from baby proofed, we have a hatchback 3 door car, and although we're getting a second car soon it's going to be an old doer-uperer so still not too child-friendly. We don't live around any family or have a huge support network, and realistically I'm not sure if we could survive on one income with another child (as we're doing now...but I plan to go back to work full time in the next few months). Not to mention, we've both always said we'd prefer to be married before having children together.
That said...I've been really wondering whether we should just bite the bullet lately. My other half has mentioned it a few times over the last few months. He'd always been very iffy about when he wanted to have babies..had always said he wasn't ready, and he wanted to be financially stable and so on. So, he must be feeling ready now. Only problem is, I'm not sure if I am? lol
My reasoning to go ahead and do it is that if I have another I want to have at least 2 more (and possibly 3). I want them to be close in age, because my son didn't get that and I'd like to be part of that dynamic, kwim? Well, being in my late 20s now I feel like I'm running out of time. I wasn't kind to my body when I was younger, and I have miscarried before...which makes me nervous about how long I have left. Being married first is a fairly big issue to me, but one I think I might be able to compromise on. I guess..if it means we won't be able to have babies for 2+ years (which is the way it'd probably go), I don't think I want to wait that long. And it would be nice to have young children in the house, again. I miss the upsides of it, just not the stress...lol
So, basically I'm really torn and confused over what to do. I want there to be an easy answer, and there just isn't. This is a huge, huge decision for me and I can't make it. I worry that if I hold off too much longer it won't happen, but I worry if I do it now we won't be ready. I know other people are ready with less than we are though, so sometimes that makes no sense, too. I guess I just want to do everything 'right' this time around and I'm coming to this realisation that I can't and does that mean I don't do it at all? *sighs* I'm not making any sense now, huh? lol
Thanks if you got this far..and if you have any advice I'd really, really appreciate it! :confused::confused:
My partner and I have been together for about 2 years, living together for a year and a half. We're both in our late twenties, and I have an 8 year old son from a previous relationship.
I've been really indecisive about when I want to have another child (and if I do at all really). I'm fairly certain I want more children, but I dread the younger years and giving up my freedom. It actually brings me a lot of anxiety just thinking about going through it all again.
On top of that, I'm not too certain we're in the right place to have babies. It would mean massive changes for our lives. Well, not massive...but lots and lots of little changes. Our house is so far from baby proofed, we have a hatchback 3 door car, and although we're getting a second car soon it's going to be an old doer-uperer so still not too child-friendly. We don't live around any family or have a huge support network, and realistically I'm not sure if we could survive on one income with another child (as we're doing now...but I plan to go back to work full time in the next few months). Not to mention, we've both always said we'd prefer to be married before having children together.
That said...I've been really wondering whether we should just bite the bullet lately. My other half has mentioned it a few times over the last few months. He'd always been very iffy about when he wanted to have babies..had always said he wasn't ready, and he wanted to be financially stable and so on. So, he must be feeling ready now. Only problem is, I'm not sure if I am? lol
My reasoning to go ahead and do it is that if I have another I want to have at least 2 more (and possibly 3). I want them to be close in age, because my son didn't get that and I'd like to be part of that dynamic, kwim? Well, being in my late 20s now I feel like I'm running out of time. I wasn't kind to my body when I was younger, and I have miscarried before...which makes me nervous about how long I have left. Being married first is a fairly big issue to me, but one I think I might be able to compromise on. I guess..if it means we won't be able to have babies for 2+ years (which is the way it'd probably go), I don't think I want to wait that long. And it would be nice to have young children in the house, again. I miss the upsides of it, just not the stress...lol
So, basically I'm really torn and confused over what to do. I want there to be an easy answer, and there just isn't. This is a huge, huge decision for me and I can't make it. I worry that if I hold off too much longer it won't happen, but I worry if I do it now we won't be ready. I know other people are ready with less than we are though, so sometimes that makes no sense, too. I guess I just want to do everything 'right' this time around and I'm coming to this realisation that I can't and does that mean I don't do it at all? *sighs* I'm not making any sense now, huh? lol
Thanks if you got this far..and if you have any advice I'd really, really appreciate it! :confused::confused: