What am I doing wrong?

[MamaBleech]

I am a first time mum, my beautiful daughter is 5 weeks old and I am really struggling. Let me preface this by saying that I have not made a conscious decision to baby wear or follow attachment parenting per se. However I do not believe that babies manipulate, I do believe that they only cry if there is something wrong and therefore require a need to be met and I will not leave my baby to cry.

With all of the above in mind, my problem is that DD will NOT settle or sleep during the day. She will fall asleep on me but as soon as I try to put her down she wakes and cries, I have reluctantly tried her in both a baby bjorn and sling with no luck. I am more than happy to cuddle, rock, breastfeed her to sleep but I draw the line at carrying a sleeping baby. I am happy to wear her in a sling but she won't settle in this either.

Today she slept between 8.30am-9am in her bassinette and apart from a few catnaps in my arms (I even tried to go to bed with her) she FINALLY went to sleep at 9.30pm. That means I spend 12.5 hours with her in my arms. Now I adore my daughter but I am a wreck! Is this normal? What am I doing wrong?

She is sleeping through at night so I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth I know, but 12 hours without a proper sleep at 5 weeks old? Any reassurance that this will get easier or suggestions for settling greatly appreciated!

[MsMummy]

What about if you lie down in (your) bed with her and breast/bottle feed her to sleep?

[Herchy]

My son was like this, although he didn't mind the sling after the first few goes.
Have you got a vibrating bouncer? That thing has saved my sanity with both kids. My DS would sleep only in the bouncer for a while. He did grow out of it and since 12 months of age has slept 12 - 14 hours every single night ( and also has a few hours a day every day still at 26 months of age).
I hope you find something that works.

[Poppetfish]

I used to just lay down on the couch for a few hours in the middle of the day with DS on me asleep and read a book.:yes: This stopped at 16 months.:laughing:

It was nice and cuddley:goodvibes:

[justmum]

It's Ok it's normal and it will pass eventually or at least lessen a little. You could try and get a hug a bub or a mei tei (is that how you spell it?). I haven't used either but I now people rave about them - I personally used the ergo with infant insert and loved it.

I'd also try just going to bed with bubby. Feed her off to sleep and just lay with her in your arms. Eventually (maybe not the first day but perhaps in the first week) you'll be able to scoot your arm out and then she'll gradually get used to sleeping alone.

It's hard but it will pass. She just wants to be near you - it's all she's known her whole life. It won't always be like this. :hugs:

[Just Add Water]

My DS wouldn't lie down to sleep either, he'd fall asleep in the bjorn and I tried to keep him there but it was so hard to get anything done. If I didn't want to lie down with him I figured out how to unclip it and lie him down on top of it without him waking. I had him in a bassinett in the loungeroom so could keep an eye on him. But if I tried to take it completely away from him he would wake up.

[OJandMe]

Julian was like this.

I seriously reccomend getting an electric swing and/or a vibrating bouncer.

Have you tried a baby hammock? You can hire them for relatively low prices. He might like that.

I have to say though, Julian only really started sleeping at 12 months old... and still has his days where he only cat naps.

Oh.. and a wrap like the moby wrap or the hug-a-bub would work too. I used those a lot with J2.

You don't have to buy them online though... just a 500cmX50cm piece of cotton t-shirt material would work.. get one with a little stretch, but not too much :) (50 million times cheaper too) there are great instructions for baby wrapping on the mobywrap web site.

[MamaBleech]

Thank you so much for your replies ladies, it is nice to know this is normal. Everyone around me is very routine and 'leave her to cry it out' orientated which makes it that much harder to cope with. After a good nights sleep (which she is allowing me thank goodness) things look a lot more positive in the morning!

I have tried to go to bed with her and breastfeed her to sleep but as soon as I have moved she wakes up again.

I will look into baby swings/bouncers and ergo carriers.

Hopefully today is a better day and at least it is Saturday so Daddy can help more too! Thanks again.

[kar]

My boy was the same too except minus the sleeping through bit :laughing:

You will probably know whether this is a factor for you at all but our boy had undiagnosed reflux until around 8 wks - he would scream every time I tried to put him down because it hurt him not to be upright. He would pretty much only sleep lying on our chests because it was a good angle. It then became a sleep need for him even after we got the reflux sorted out.

[allycat06]

Hi..I had a very similar problem with DS when he was around 5 weeks old. Not sure what kind of sling you have but I would highly recommend the Hug a Bub or Sleepywrap (a great cheaper alternative to Hug a bub)...they are a great close fitting carrier, very womblike. A great book you might want to check out is Sleeping Like a Baby by Pinky McKay, has some great advice on gentle ways to get a baby to sleep. It saved my life! (and sanity)

[saram]

Yep I would recommend an upright wrap carrier. You don't need to spend a fortune just get a single piece of fabric around 5 mt in length - either jersey cotton or even muslin and google wrapping instructions. It is a sanity saver. This will allow bub to feel secure like they are inyour arms, gives good spinal support for both of you and allows you to get on with your day ! It does get better, hang in there! The more you lather attention now the less attention seeking they will dvelop later.

All the best

[Aries7]

When my DD was a newborn, she slept practically every day sleep in a sling. I would be cooking dinner, hanging the washing on the line, doing the grocery shopping, etc all with her fast asleep in the sling. It was a surefire method of getting her to have a sleep at that age!! I had an Infantino sling which hangs a bit lower than a normal peanut shell sling. She used to hang against my belly, which I think really soothed her early on as that was where she'd just come out of!! It was really good as it has a really sturdy velcro harness inside, so she couldn't slip down or fall out. Can highly recommend it.

[tomtom]

I have a 5 week old as well, he sounds similar to your bubs. The only way he'll sleep out of our arms is if he is swaddled. Even in this heat he won't sleep alone unless he's wrapped tight.
I'm with you on the crying thing I can't leave my bubs to "cry it out", at this age they cry for a reason even if it is for a cuddle.

[jane42]

Unless you are deeply religious you might accept that we are primates.. but we are the only primates to put our babies in a separate room!!!

Can I ask why you draw the line at carrying a sleeping baby? is it something you have been told is unnecessary? is it something you dont want to do? perhaps you might reconsider if it means baby will develop longer sleep patterns, like mine did.

it sounds like you have a very alert baby and if coaxing her off to longer sleep habits is helped along by carrying her then i imagine any smart person would just do it. especially if you have a sling to do it with.....

if you insist on not carrying a sleeping baby then you will have to wait for her to be ready to sleep by herself as there is no foolproof method for 'making' babies sleep.

:yelclap:

[MamaBleech]

Thought I might give un update since there have been a few more responses :)

DD is 12 weeks old now and still doesn't sleep during the day. However we're both coping reasonably well using the following methods. Fisher Price swing in the morning after feed so that mummy can have 2 handed coffee (its going to be a bad day if I don't get my coffee!). Lots of time in an Ergo carrier when I want/need to get stuff done, and she will nap briefly in this. Walk in the pram most afternoons. Bath, booby bed by (normally) 7pm. Having these couple of hours to myself in the evening is my saviour and has made the biggest difference in my ability to cope.


Unless you are deeply religious you might accept that we are primates.. but we are the only primates to put our babies in a separate room!!!

Can I ask why you draw the line at carrying a sleeping baby? is it something you have been told is unnecessary? is it something you dont want to do? perhaps you might reconsider if it means baby will develop longer sleep patterns, like mine did.

it sounds like you have a very alert baby and if coaxing her off to longer sleep habits is helped along by carrying her then i imagine any smart person would just do it. especially if you have a sling to do it with.....

if you insist on not carrying a sleeping baby then you will have to wait for her to be ready to sleep by herself as there is no foolproof method for 'making' babies sleep.

:yelclap:

I've pretty much accepted that she needs to be held while she sleeps and have found myself falling more and more into the realm of AP. At this point I can't imagine putting her in her own room to sleep...makes me wonder why we bothered setting up a nursery :laughing:

I think I do have a very alert babe who wants to be part of the action. She started rolling over at 11 weeks 3 days so I guess the upside of all this awake time and interaction is that they learn quicker? :thumbsup:

Thanks again for all the support and suggestions ladies!

[Merla]

Thought I might give un update since there have been a few more responses :)

DD is 12 weeks old now and still doesn't sleep during the day. However we're both coping reasonably well using the following methods. Fisher Price swing in the morning after feed so that mummy can have 2 handed coffee (its going to be a bad day if I don't get my coffee!). Lots of time in an Ergo carrier when I want/need to get stuff done, and she will nap briefly in this. Walk in the pram most afternoons. Bath, booby bed by (normally) 7pm. Having these couple of hours to myself in the evening is my saviour and has made the biggest difference in my ability to cope.



I've pretty much accepted that she needs to be held while she sleeps and have found myself falling more and more into the realm of AP. At this point I can't imagine putting her in her own room to sleep...makes me wonder why we bothered setting up a nursery :laughing:

I think I do have a very alert babe who wants to be part of the action. She started rolling over at 11 weeks 3 days so I guess the upside of all this awake time and interaction is that they learn quicker? :thumbsup:

Thanks again for all the support and suggestions ladies!


Glad to hear everything is going well now :)

I read a book when pregnant called the continum concept, I would really recommend this if your interested in learning a little more about human/infant phycology.

Sounds like your doing a great job, the Hug a Bub and ergo were/are my saviour, as I too had a baby who liked to he held constantly (I mean constantly!) and have company to sleep. I just accepted that she needed to be "in arms" for a while, now at 8 months she is quite happy to crawl off and play with her toys whilst I watch a movie or sit on bubhub. It will pass, and she will sleep on her own one day, and then you will be sad because she no longer wants to sleep on you.

Enjoy your snuggly little girl, if she is rolling already she sounds very bright (my little one was rolling at 2.5months, sitting unaided at 4months and crawling at 6months) your going to have some fun times ahead of you :)

[moozle]

DS was exactly the same! I leterally could not put him down for 3 months. He only napped in my arms while I was moving him so I would have to hold him if I wanted him to sleep. Even in what seemed like the deepest sleep if I put him down, he'd wake up! It was SOOO annoying and I didn't get ANYTHING done. It was a phase and he was a lot better at 3 - 4 months and I was able to just rock him to sleep and then put him down and he'd sleep but only for 40 mins. Better than nothing. Then at 7 months, this magically turned into 1 1/2 hour sleeps :) Just do what you need to do for you. If you really need her to sleep in a bed, you may need to give her a few days of rocking and patting in bed through the screaming, eventually, she'll get it, but it's emotionally draining and quite distressing and I could never do it.