Time for a new approach??

[Sheer Bliss]

DS is a bit of an attention seeker ATM, I can't really blame him as he has a 4yo sister who always has to be first for everything and twin 5months olds to contend with too. The main problem is he has taken to hurting the other kids when he wants attention, and he's been getting it....unfortunately. When he hits/bites/steps on one of the babies he has been sent to the naughty corner and often yelled at (when you see yet another bite mark on your 5mo's cheek it's hard to control the urge to shout out.....or when he is stepping on one of their chests) and then tols to stay there until he appologises, and then when he says he will say sorry we take him back to the bub and he says sorry and hugs them. BUT isn't all of that taking the focus off them and onto him for 5mins? I'm trying to see things through his eyes, and I know he just wants his mummy all to himself. I have moved daycare days around to get more time with him without his sister, but the babies are b/f so being away from them for too long is out of the question at this stage.

So.....the new plan of attack is to have a milkshake with DD, DH and I when the bubs are alseep at the shops once a week, try and cook/play one-on-one where I can and IGNORE inappropriate behaviour....I am thinking totally ignore, as he knows it's wrong to hurt the bubs, he often runs off to the corner after he does it as he does understand it's wrong, but he keeps doing it anyway to get our attention. The babies have a playpen and swings to keep them safe and out of his way, but I can't have them in there all the time, it's not fair to them. I remove the temptation where I can...but he needs to learn to interact with them.....DD2 is sitting on DD1's lap for a cuddle ATM, and DS1 jsut went and headbutted her....because I am on the computer and not with him :rolleyes:. I have stopped the computer as much when he is awake, but I had a visitor today and wanted to ask this question.... So we plan on ignoring him and picking up the bub he hurt and making a fuss of them, not him at all. Then when he is playing nicely with them, making a massive deal of what a lovely happy boy he is being.

My issue is when we are out....how do i tackle the behaviour then? I have read so many posts on here from parents really peeved about the horrible mum who doesn't even reprimand her child when he hurts another....but I dont' want him to get mixed messages because we do different things when out, but I need something that gets the message loid and clear to him, that hurting others is NO way to get my attn..... :confused:

[Areca]

We went through this with E when A was a few months old. It was like the jealousy kicked in, she realised that A was here to stay and it was her intent to hurt her in any way possible. I tried everything and then was given some absolutely wonderful advice and the behaviour stopped altogether after two weeks.

It was suggested to me that she was actually sick to death of hearing about how she was a big sister, and hearing about the baby etc. etc. and to just completely take away the attention from the fact that she was a big sister altogether and to actually stop her from hurting her sister before she actually got the chance to do it.

This meant never leaving them alone together. If E wanted to be near her sister then I was with her. Even though they could play nicely together for up to half an hour at times I wasn't to take the chance of her hurting her and I had to sit and play with them both. If E went to hit or hurt A, I just physically stopped her from doing it (she liked to hit and put A in headlock and ram her head in to the ground so it meant grabbing her arms as they were going towards A and placing them back by her side) but ignored that she was going to do it. If she kept trying then I'd distract her.....stand up with A and say 'oh come and look at this E' etc. just to take her mind off the fact that she wanted to hurt A.
When they were playing nicely together instead of commenting on how well she was playing with A, I'd just comment on what they were playing with. so if it was a doll it would be 'oh wow E, you're being so loving and gentle with that doll' and not even acknowledge that she was showing A her doll etc.

Two weeks and the issue was solved and we've never been back there. We didn't really go out much in that time but they were kept seperated so it was a non issue. Then I just had to be careful if strangers were giving A attention and not talking to E because E would make herself known by slapping A across the face. So as soon as people started talking to A (cause lets face it, people are more drawn to babies than the 2 year old) I'd acknowledge what they were saying and then include E in the conversation myself. So 'oh what a cute baby' 'thanks we think she's pretty cute, we also think that her sister is cute too. Her name is E.' That kind of thing.

Sorry, not really answering the question you specifically asked but I went down the path you're headed down, thinking it was a good way to get the positive attention going but it just made things worse.