Parents should be able to hit their children without being threatend with charges!!!!

[girly]

What's wrong with people!:rolleyes:, FFS. It's HER child. I will hit dd is she is being a little cow, What's wrong with the world these days:shame:, I mean it's not like she is wrapping a jug cord around her neck...






Claire Davidson was warned by police that she risked an assault-with-a-weapon charge after her child revealed in a classroom discussion that her mother hit her with the spoon.
Ms Davidson said she was shocked when a support worker from Yea Public School reported the smacking to police.
"We only use the wooden spoon and that is only when she is being naughty and we give her fair chance to rectify the situation and we talk her through it," she told the Herald Sun.
She said her daughters gets three warnings and, then, "it is spoon time."
Ms Davidson of Flowerdale, north of Melbourne, was told by police she would be charged with assault if another instance of her daughter being hit with the spoon was reported again.
The incident has sparked a debate about smacking between parents and child-welfare advocates.
A criminal lawyer said that whether parents are charged with assaulting their children or not depends on how severe the smacking is.
"Just because you are mother or daughter doesn't make you exempt from the law," criminal lawyer James Dowsley said.

[Blueberry Crumble]

OHH dear... I am ducking for cover..

[gizmoduckus]

Are you looking for trouble today..... :laughing:

[girly]

I so disagree with parents doing it in an abusing way of course, but parents these days can't even disipline their naughty kids without being threatend of this bullsh!t...

[BoyCrazy]

hmm i dont know about this one..

personally, i dont hit my kids. i wouldnt go around hitting my mates, or randoms on the street, so why hit the things that are most precious to me??

there are other ways to deal with bad behaviour, even when your daughter is being a "little cow" (:confused:) rather than just smacking them, or using a spoon etc..how horrid.

[MountainGirl]

seriously, Shiraaa?:(

[~Temet Nosce~]

So much I could say to this. But better :footinmouth:

[girly]

Lmao, ok here we go again....:laughing::rolleyes:

Yes I wil admit it, I do supoort this kind of disipline. There is NOTHING wrng with SMACKING!!!!!!!!!

[CookiesRYum]

I totally disagree :no:

I don't believe in hitting kids full stop - BUT i don't have any so I know things may change - so I don't really frown upon a parent who slaps their bum or legs etc when they are doing something serious that puts them in danger etc.

But to hit a kid with a wooden spoon - what is wrong you ppl???

It's screwed up - if a kid can't feel safe at home and parents are using voilence - verbal and physical to dominate their children and SCARE them into behaviour - it make my blood boil :banghead: ITS JUST NOT OK!!!!

[MsMummy]

No they shouldn't be able to smack their children with wooden spoons.

I would like to smack people (normally adults, often on forums) with wooden spoons occasionally. But I don't. Because I have self control, and I recognise that assault is wrong.

I understand people getting to breaking point and being ashamed after and trying to rectify, but I have no time for planning and unapologetically assaulting anybody (particularly young children).

[CookiesRYum]

I so disagree with parents doing it in an abusing way of course, but parents these days can't even disipline their naughty kids without being threatend of this bullsh!t...

HITTING A KID WITH A SPOON IS ABUSE :mad:

[JustUs3]

Oh dear......Here we go....

[girly]

HITTING A KID WITH A SPOON IS ABUSE :mad:


Ohh it's is not. It's a little smack on the leg, arm or bum...I was hit with the wooden spoon, hahaha my mum needed to I was a horrible child.

[dreamtobeamummy]

Im staying out of this :laughing:

[MyTwoBlue]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion...seriously i thought people would learn that by now.

I will be smacking my kids when they are naughty and i have given them sufficient warnings etc.

I will not use weapons, or force but

I will be smacking them!

[WorkingClassMum]

Nup - but when she can't find the spoon - in her blinded anger I wonder if the jug cord is next?

[CookiesRYum]

Ohh it's is not. It's a little smack on the leg, arm or bum...I was hit with the wooden spoon, hahaha my mum needed to I was a horrible child.

Man - I keep my mouth shut so much on this forum and attempt to tolerate so many different points of view - but not this.. not this point..

I feel sorry for any kids that have parents who think it's ok to hit them - I would love to take each and every one of them away from such horrible environements.

It's completely disgusting - I wouldn't hit my dog with a spoon?!??!?

I literally feel :barf:at the thought of what kids have to endure at the ignorance of parents.

[Solarberry]

I was hit with the spoon a few times when I was a kid. Also got soap in the mouth for swearing... and curry powder once, lol. My dad threatened to use the strap on my brother but he never used it. We turned out alright.

The problem with alot of kids these days is that they have no respect because they arent afraid of anything!! I think its good to be a little afraid of something.

[Leisa21]

Seriously... sigh. If your husband hits you with a wooden spoon is it abuse??

Like MsMummy says I can forgive someone for in the hit of the moment giving a smack on the bum but intentionally using a weapon as punishment is wrong. My parents did it and yes I'm fine but I remember being deathly afraid of my father. Not just scared but really, really frightened. That's never a good thing for a child.

[girly]

LMAOOO remember the soap and curry power haha..I HATED that haha.. But I learnt eventually!

[Chickadee]

Ohh it's is not. It's a little smack on the leg, arm or bum...I was hit with the wooden spoon, hahaha my mum needed to I was a horrible child.
there is nothing in the news story to indicate whether the child is getting a light tap on the bum with the spoon, or is getting walloped with it used as a weapon. When a parent needs to use a weapon to discipline their child, there is something wrong. I know that is how you were raised and what you believe, but I simply don't agree


It's completely disgusting - I wouldn't hit my dog with a spoon?!??!?

Interesting comparison. We adopted a dog who turned out to be afraid of rolls of paper towel and newspapers. She would cower and hide. Easy to guess what she'd been hit with before we got her. :( Too many children live in similar fear of their parents.

[SorenLorensen]

oh yes....YAY to smacking our kids with a weapon, oh no sorry its just a 'wooden spoon' isn't it :rolleyes:

i was smacked once with a wooden spoon,im 26 so back then these things were the norm and my mum made a MASSIVE error in judgment and did it.....21 years later she STILL regrets it.

i pray your child is never a 'little cow', no one deserves to be hit especially with a wooden spoon.

i feel for your child and future children and the abuse they are going to incur an i pray that when you do do it someone reports it :(
actually i pray that you see sense and change your mind !!

[girly]

LOL Sibel will be a terror, One she is my daughter and two she is a scoripio..hehe:dizzy:

[CookiesRYum]

i pray your child is never a 'little cow', no one deserves to be hit especially with a wooden spoon.

i feel for your child and future children and the abuse they are going to incur an i pray that when you do do it someone reports it :(
actually i pray that you see sense and change your mind !!

:iagree: your poor helpless children and you sit there and make it into a joke because your parents did it to you.. WTF???

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Shirraa it concerns me that you have already made the decision that smacking is the punishment you will choose for sibel. I would think you wouldnt be enforcing that at her age she is now? There are many other discipline techniques that can work with persistance and consistency.

I am all for the anti smacking laws. I do not use a spoon to deal with disagreements in adults so why should it be ok to do so with a child?

[MumNeedsCoffee]

I can totally understand why parents smack children.
I'm sorry but sometimes children just won't listen or may be too young to understand, or maybe you're in a situation where 'time out' and other strategies cannot be used. I've witnessed a situation where a child repeatedly kept undoing his seatbelt no matter what the parent tried, and in the end the only way the parent could ensure their child made it home safely with the seatbelt on was to give their child a smack. Of course you could then later look into other strategies like getting a seatbelt the child can't undo.

I can't support smacking though because of those people who take it to the extreme. I've been horrified when out at shopping centres and a mother has pulled her child up by the clothes, holding them in the air, and smacking with all their force.

It's just too hard for anyone to determine exactly where the line is crossed.

[PeppaH]

Alot of people from my generation got belted with a spoon or belt :laughing: I havent heard anything negative from them..Of course only from the people on the hub :rolleyes: Most people thank (or at least understand why) there parents for disiplining them.
I wont be using utensils to smack my children, but yes they will get smacks if it calls for it... I also find it crazy that a parent cant displine their own child without fear of been put in jail.

What about the children (even the ones I have read on here) that are out of control. Ones that have ADHD and ... Down Syndrome I think it was, do they get carted off to the cops when they are out of control belting their parents up? Do they have crimnal charges pressed against them? No. Of course it completely different to society when its a child doing the damage.:(

[Pippi Longstocking]

I can totally understand why parents smack children.
I'm sorry but sometimes children just won't listen or may be too young to understand, or maybe you're in a situation where 'time out' and other strategies cannot be used.

Hitting a child is NEVER justified and there is ALWAYS an alternative.

[RedPanda]

I don't really like smacking full stop. Particularly with objects. I'll admit to smacking DS1's bottom a few times, but it's been out of anger and I've hated myself straight after doing it. Smacking is for the parent, not the child. It takes time and patience to not smack, but I don't think it even works as a form of punishment. I've never smacked DS2 and he's not "naughty". Children are so sensitive to approval and disapproval (some more than others!), so there are many options to help them learn.

[~BEXTER~]

Lmao, ok here we go again....:laughing::rolleyes:

Yes I wil admit it, I do supoort this kind of disipline. There is NOTHING wrng with SMACKING!!!!!!!!!


I agree with you.

I smack Keiara. She does not listen to me when I try and talk to her, and if I just used the naughty chair she would be sitting all day.

So yes I smack her, I WILL never use a spoon or other object though, but I have no problems using a open hand on her bottom, hand or leg.

[Mischief]

Im not going to get dragged into this, but Shiraaa, Im with you on this one. (as no doubt are many other members who are to scared to put their hands up and say they smack! :laughing:)

I dont believe a smack is abuse. Hitting YES, smacking NO.

A smack never did me any harm, and I'd sooner smack my child and have him learn respect and obedience, than be one of the many little monsters Ive met over the years who's parents do not believe in the word NO, or a smack.

I use the naughty corner, and the warning system first up, if that doesn't work, then a smack on the hand or bottom works. Its not hard enough to hurt, but it makes him stop the bad behaviour and act in a nice manner again.

[Chickadee]

Im not going to get dragged into this, but Shiraaa, Im with you on this one. (as no doubt are many other members who are to scared to put their hands up and say they smack! :laughing:)

I dont believe a smack is abuse. Hitting YES, smacking NO.

:confused: But that is not what Shirraa is saying. She is supporting hitting, not smacking. And hitting with a weapon even.

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Alot of people from my generation got belted with a spoon or belt :laughing: I havent heard anything negative from them..Of course only from the people on the hub :rolleyes: Most people thank (or at least understand why) there parents for disiplining them.
I wont be using utensils to smack my children, but yes they will get smacks if it calls for it... I also find it crazy that a parent cant displine their own child without fear of been put in jail.

What about the children (even the ones I have read on here) that are out of control. Ones that have ADHD and ... Down Syndrome I think it was, do they get carted off to the cops when they are out of control belting their parents up? Do they have crimnal charges pressed against them? No. Of course it completely different to society when its a child doing the damage.:(

Are you serious??? your comparing the actions of a child with learning challenges to the actions of an adult that knows better. What is this world coming to??:hair:

[Mischief]

BTW - Ive never used a spoon, nor do I plan too! But the threat of it works, as it did with myself, and my cousins as a child. I can never remember mum actually using the wooden spoon on me, but the threat of it was enough to make me sit back and listen to what she was telling me.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Smacking is for the parent, not the child.

That's so true. It is a way for parents to blow off steam, at the child's expense. :(

[Veritas]

Fear is not an appropriate manner in which to cultivate respect....

Violence is not an appropriate way to enforce discipline...

FULL STOP!

[Mischief]

:confused: But that is not what Shirraa is saying. She is supporting hitting, not smacking. And hitting with a weapon even.
I think Shiraaa worded what she was trying to say incorrectly. Im pretty sure she means simple smacking, not laying into the child with fists, or hitting with an open hand to leave marks!

[WorkingClassMum]

LMAOOO remember the soap and curry power haha..I HATED that haha.. But I learnt eventually!

All you have learnt is to be the same as your parents.

You are an intelligent women - I would have hoped that you had learnt to rise above their ignorance and be a better person.

We also used to burn witches at the stake, and husbands were once allowed to beat their wives, and we once sent little children down the coal mines to work, enslaved black people and put butter on burns. We once pumped people's arms who'd drowned and though that the eart was flat the sun went round the earth and that little green men lived on mars.

We once believed that women who had their menses should be shut away for a week and never wash their hair during THAT time. The Chinese bound womens feet to make them attractive and the English sent criminals to Australia


We have now learnt to open our minds, change the way we think in so many ways.

There are just a few more things that people really need to think about, and I think Shiraaa that this is one thing you do need to consider.

You've already decided your daughter will be a self fulfilling prophesy unless you decided to change it

Good Luck - please don't paint yourself into a corner

[Pippi Longstocking]

A smack never did me any harm, and I'd sooner smack my child and have him learn respect and obedience, than be one of the many little monsters Ive met over the years who's parents do not believe in the word NO, or a smack.



I have met many, many 'little monsters' that come from families where smacking is used. My children aren't smacked, and they are certainly not 'little monsters'. I find that children that aren't smacked are generally more respectful and gentle, actually.

[CookiesRYum]

It just saddens me that this is considered 'normal' to some people - I guess parents need to be re-educated and taught more effective ways to control their children? I dunno.. it's really really sad.

Most talk on the forum is about what is best for bub - but this isn't about what is best for bub - hitting a kid IS NOT WHATS BEST FOR THE KID GETTING HIT!

You can argue to the cows come home about breat milk v's formula or whatever else: but a HAPPY KID is NOT A KID that get hits with spoons no matter how many other kids you are think your doing right for it.:mad:

[~BEXTER~]

The problem with alot of kids these days is that they have no respect because they arent afraid of anything!! I think its good to be a little afraid of something.

Well said we are giving kids to much power soon they will all be out on the streets every night not listening to their parents because they know they don't have to and they know if you hit them they can go to the cops.

We are giving out children to much power these days.

[SorenLorensen]

Alot of people from my generation got belted with a spoon or belt :laughing: I havent heard anything negative from them..Of course only from the people on the hub :rolleyes: Most people thank (or at least understand why) there parents for disiplining them.
I wont be using utensils to smack my children, but yes they will get smacks if it calls for it... I also find it crazy that a parent cant displine their own child without fear of been put in jail.

What about the children (even the ones I have read on here) that are out of control. Ones that have ADHD and ... Down Syndrome I think it was, do they get carted off to the cops when they are out of control belting their parents up? Do they have crimnal charges pressed against them? No. Of course it completely different to society when its a child doing the damage.:(
my mum hit me with a wooden spoon once as i said before, i dont have any negative feelings towards her for it...back then it was the 'norm'
but like you i wont be doing it...why wont you be doing it ????? answer that one and you will find you and i agree with each other on it i reckon.

and honestly i cant believe your second part...WTF, a child with DS and a child with ADHD....i just dont know what to say really, other then what ever point you were trying to get at with the exmple shows nothing but total non understanding for the issue here and those children.

[*babygirl*]

i give DD a quick smack on the hand when she reaches for something sharp or hot... just to "shock" her away from it... because i'd rather give her a controlled smack(which is never hard) than have her cut/burn herself...

but when i really think about it i dont like it because its NEVER ok for DP to hit me when im bad/annoying/being a cow... it sure as hell isnt ok for me to then turn around and smack DD:no: DP refuses to hit either of us and i think its a good way to be! the only time he 'smacks' her is in the same instance... if she is in danger and it is simply to stop her IN THAT SPLIT SECOND before something bad happens... and then i always appologise and explain... but screaming NO DONT TOUCH THAT doesnt always get a response sadly.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Well said we are giving kids to much power soon they will all be out on the streets every night not listening to their parents because they know they don't have to and they know if you hit them they can go to the cops.

We are giving out children to much power these days.

As a former Youth Worker and current Family Support Worker, I can assure you that far more children are on the streets every night because they are too scared to go home in case they get hit than those that are on the streets because they come from gentle homes....

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Hitting a child is NEVER justified and there is ALWAYS an alternative.

Hmmmm did you read my whole post?

I could write a reply to this but I really can't be bothered.

[Chickadee]

Well said we are giving kids to much power soon they will all be out on the streets every night not listening to their parents because they know they don't have to and they know if you hit them they can go to the cops.

We are giving out children to much power these days.
There are other ways to raise respectful children, without needing to smack, hit or use spoons as weapons.

I'm giving up and leaving this thread. It's just making me too angry to hear hitting chidren with a spoon being justified as ok. There is no way anyone will convince me that being hit with a spoon isn't going to leave a mark or bruise, and that it isn't an assault.

I hope the investigation into the mother in the news story is fair and is able to determine whether the child is at risk.

[Veritas]

For all those that have decided that fear and violence are their discipline of choice, I ask, have you actually researched the alternatives???? Are you aware of gentle discipline techniques, have you read anything at all regarding the effects of smacking and conversely the benefits of alternatives???? Or are you simply basing your decisions on a history of that is what your parents did???

There are plenty of tools out there for parents if they are willing to look for them...

[Pippi Longstocking]

Hmmmm did you read my whole post?

I could write a reply to this but I really can't be bothered.

Yes I did. And my point is still valid - hitting a child is NEVER justified.

[PeppaH]

my mum hit me with a wooden spoon once as i said before, i dont have any negative feelings towards her for it...back then it was the 'norm'
but like you i wont be doing it...why wont you be doing it ????? answer that one and you will find you and i agree with each other on it i reckon.

and honestly i cant believe your second part...WTF, a child with DS and a child with ADHD....i just dont know what to say really, other then what ever point you were trying to get at with the exmple shows nothing but total non understanding for the issue here and those children.

All Im saying by that is, you hear about the parents in such distress because they cant control their children. Im not saying to belt them into submission :no: Im simply saying if the tables were turned, would the child get dragged off. Even if they were merely a viloent child without learnign disability, if they were just out of control and beating up on their parents. Would a mother have the right to defend herself? No because its against a child. I feel sorry for parents in that situation. what can they do to protect themself when their own child is throwing heavy/hard objects at them. The police get involved but really, what can they do?

[Mischief]

I have met many, many 'little monsters' that come from families where smacking is used. My children aren't smacked, and they are certainly not 'little monsters'. I find that children that aren't smacked are generally more respectful and gentle, actually.
Your children might not be, most children are not.

However I have met some horrible (and I do not say that about children lightly) little monsters over the years whom no one (not even the parents) want to be around, simply because no one has ever disciplined them in any way.

Personally, everyone says that smacking is evil, but I think all these things like naughty corners, removing toys, etc... emotional discipline is much more unkind than a gentle tap on the bottom.

I'd sooner that than emotional abuse by a parent.

Each to their own... *shrugs* Everyone should be able to do what works for them and their child, every child, every parent is different.

[PeppaH]

For all those that have decided that fear and violence are their discipline of choice, I ask, have you actually researched the alternatives???? Are you aware of gentle discipline techniques, have you read anything at all regarding the effects of smacking and conversely the benefits of alternatives???? Or are you simply basing your decisions on a history of that is what your parents did???

There are plenty of tools out there for parents if they are willing to look for them...

Are you aware though, that other techniques DONT work for everyone!?!?!? To alot of people there is no alternative. Just like the breast v formula. Not everyone can breast feed.

[SassyMummy]

This is such a grey area for me.

For many families, generations past, it's a tried-and-true method of discipline. I was hit with a wooden spoon, so was my brother. I was never fearful of my parents, nor do I feel any anger towards them for doing it... etc etc.

That said, using a "weapon" is not something I ever intend to do. I smack on occasion, yes, but with an open hand on the bum. I have no intentions of bringing weapons into it.

I wonder if perhaps sometimes, people aren't aware that society has mostly changed its views of smacking. I mean, take away the internet, and I wouldn't know a lot of what I do now. Instead, my only advice and information would come from friends and family... all of which smack, all of which have used weapons in the past or had weapons used on them... etc etc. If I came to them with questions, I imagine that it might come up as a suggestion.

How would I know better? It worked for them, nobody hates their parents or is worse off for having it done... I might just take their word for it and give it a go.

[Veritas]

Are you aware though, that other techniques DONT work for everyone!?!?!? To alot of people there is no alternative. Just like the breast v formula. Not everyone can breast feed.

Sorry I don't believe that there ever comes a point where smacking and violence are the ONLY alternative....

And you didn't answer my question...

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Yes I did. And my point is still valid - hitting a child is NEVER justified.

And the alternative for the mother, who one time gave her child a smack on the hand, is to have her child keep undoing his seatbelt and potentially fly through the windscreen in a car accident?!

As I said I don't support smacking, because I don't believe it should be normalised and used as a regular form of discipline.
But I'm not going to crucify parents either who in desperation, after trying all alternatives they can think of, resort to a smack to stop a child putting themselves in a harmful situation. And then research the alternatives.

I really wish people wouldn't take such extreme stances.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Your children might not be, most children are not.

However I have met some horrible (and I do not say that about children lightly) little monsters over the years whom no one (not even the parents) want to be around, simply because no one has ever disciplined them in any way. And once again, I have met some really spirited children that misbehave simply because they have been disciplined violently.


Personally, everyone says that smacking is evil, but I think all these things like naughty corners, removing toys, etc... emotional discipline is much more unkind than a gentle tap on the bottom.Child-rearing doesn't have to incorporate anything that is disrespectfully and potentially harmful to the child. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing. Emotional abuse and physical abuse are both abhorrent. And there is nothing gentle about smacking a child on the bottom. :no:






Each to their own... *shrugs* Everyone should be able to do what works for them and their child, every child, every parent is different.

No, not each to their own. Child abuse is everybody's business.

[Yumster]

Yumster, I get that you are trying to be clever, but its really not helpful.

Ok, but it's getting pretty irritating with these holier than thou parents judging parents who use smacking as a form of discipline. It's not OK to hurt a child (obviously), but a light tap on the bottom/hand/legs is fine. As long as the child isn't shocked or hurt. This is especially important when there is a possibility that a child may injure themselves by touching something hot or sharp.

[veve]

As a former Youth Worker and current Family Support Worker, I can assure you that far more children are on the streets every night because they are too scared to go home in case they get hit than those that are on the streets because they come from gentle homes....

Hmmm Pippi .. I"m relatively sure there aren't many kids on the streets worried about going home and getting ONE smack on the hand or bottom .. I'm relatively sure the kids on the street are BELTED .. or at least hit around the head/ hit with an item/ whipped with a cord (behaviour which I totally deem abhorrant). I can not imagine ANY tween or twenty something staying away from home because of one smack on the bottom ..

I do, and will smack my children. When they are repeatedly rude (with warnings, and instructions on what they should be doing) - or they do something dangerous (e.g road - or power points) they will get a small .. sharp .. smack.


For all those that have decided that fear and violence are their discipline of choice, I ask, have you actually researched the alternatives???? Are you aware of gentle discipline techniques, have you read anything at all regarding the effects of smacking and conversely the benefits of alternatives???? Or are you simply basing your decisions on a history of that is what your parents did???

There are plenty of tools out there for parents if they are willing to look for them...

With all due respect - I'm a trained teacher. My children have tick charts .. we have time out - we have toy withdrawal .. we have reward programs - I have EVERYTHING I usually have in my classroom.

But when my child is doing something DANGEROUS - I would much rather give them a small fright (smack) than a large fright (finding themselves in the pool unable to swim/ or on the road etc).

This is an arguement that will NEVER end. People parent differently - and until we ACCEPT that ... this topic will consistently be an issue. I'm sure that the non- smacking parents do things as parents that I wouldn't agree with ... e.g. circ/ non.. non-vax/ vax ... pierce ears/ not ... car restraints/ minimal...

Is smacking your child illegal ??? no ... and imo there is a BIG difference between a smack .. and abuse..

[PeppaH]

Sorry I don't believe that there ever comes a point where smacking and violence are the ONLY alternative....

And you didn't answer my question...

Have I research alternitive?? I use alternitives :yes: I use a smack on the bum/hand as a last result. I dont just go in for a hit :no: My son is very well behaved so I barely even find the need to. Im not a big smacker, not at all. I just believe in the use of it.

[Yumster]

Hmmm Pippi .. I"m relatively sure there aren't many kids on the streets worried about going home and getting ONE smack on the hand or bottom .. I'm relatively sure the kids on the street are BELTED .. or at least hit around the head/ hit with an item/ whipped with a cord (behaviour which I totally deem abhorrant). I can not imagine ANY tween or twenty something staying away from home because of one smack on the bottom ..

I do, and will smack my children. When they are repeatedly rude (with warnings, and instructions on what they should be doing) - or they do something dangerous (e.g road - or power points) they will get a small .. sharp .. smack.



With all due respect - I'm a trained teacher. My children have tick charts .. we have time out - we have toy withdrawal .. we have reward programs - I have EVERYTHING I usually have in my classroom.

But when my child is doing something DANGEROUS - I would much rather give them a small fright (smack) than a large fright (finding themselves in the pool unable to swim/ or on the road etc).

This is an arguement that will NEVER end. People parent differently - and until we ACCEPT that ... this topic will consistently be an issue. I'm sure that the non- smacking parents do things as parents that I wouldn't agree with ... e.g. circ/ non.. non-vax/ vax ... pierce ears/ not ... car restraints/ minimal...

Is smacking your child illegal ??? no ... and imo there is a BIG difference between a smack .. and abuse..

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I couldn't agree more.

[CookiesRYum]

You hit a dog with a wooden spoon and the RSPCA take it away from you - because are an unfit carer.

I wish we could do the same for all those kids being hit!:mad:

[Pippi Longstocking]

Are you aware though, that other techniques DONT work for everyone!?!?!? To alot of people there is no alternative. Just like the breast v formula. Not everyone can breast feed.There is always an alternative to hitting. If a gentle method isn't working, either stay persistent or try an alternative gentle method.


And the alternative for the mother, who one time gave her child a smack on the hand, is to have her child keep undoing his seatbelt and potentially fly through the windscreen in a car accident?!

.
Actually, I've dealt with the seatbelt issue myself with my now 7yo son. :) It was challenging but we got there. Our rule is that if the belt isn't on, the car doesn't move. I deliberately took him out when I had plenty of time to spare. I took a magazine and a newspaper and sat in the car and read, while occasionally calmly repeating that the car doesn't move until he has a seatbelt on. He got bored eventually, he put his belt on and he didn't do it again. It took time initially. But he was respected, he was taught rather than frightened into submission and the problem was resolved without violence. It can be done.

[WorkingClassMum]

There is always an alternative to hitting. If a gentle method isn't working, either stay persistent or try an alternative gentle method.


.

Unless you've spent time with many children from all spectrums of life - you cannot be quite so black and white.

[Pina Colada]

I smacked DD1 for a period until I decided it that it really isn't effective and is just upsetting for all involved. I still feel terribly guilty that I smacked her at all :o

We now use 'time out' and honestly rarely have to use that, usually only for 'not listening' and not adhering to 2 warnings.

My children are really quite well behaved and besides a little problem with their ears at times:laughing: and I often get compliment when we are in public about how well behaved they are for their age :cloud9:

My parents used the 'strap' on myself and my brother occassionally and I don't harbour and ill feelings towards them, but they had my brother and sister 10 years after us, and they ceased the use of it by then, so I assume they must have come to the same conclusions as I did. I know in that day it was much more common place to use a wooden spoon or the strap, and am glad that it is not the norm anymore.

I don't have anything against parents that use an occassional tap on the bottom or hand, but I really can't stand hearing of parents using utensils etc. and I despise parents tapping/slapping kids on the head or around the ears :banghead:

[PeppaH]

There is always an alternative to hitting. If a gentle method isn't working, either stay persistent or try an alternative gentle method.



:laughing: Thats so funny because I thought I said alternitive dont always work :confused: So lets stay persistent in a disapline method thats having no effect on the child, so the child think "hey she isnt going to tell me off for doing this now" Im sorry but if a child starts getting away with doing something he/she isnt meant to be doing, change to a method that WORKS.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Hmmm Pippi .. I"m relatively sure there aren't many kids on the streets worried about going home and getting ONE smack on the hand or bottom .. I'm relatively sure the kids on the street are BELTED .. or at least hit around the head/ hit with an item/ whipped with a cord (behaviour which I totally deem abhorrant). I can not imagine ANY tween or twenty something staying away from home because of one smack on the bottom ..



In many cases, it's a cycle that escalates. What starts off as a tap on the bum escalates into a beating. This is because the parent hasn't learned any other skills to deal with testing behaviour. Over time, the smack begins to have less of an effect and becomes harder, and then is placed on more vulnerable parts of the body, and then a weapon is used and then....where does it stop?

[MummaFug]

Veve ... I CANNOT agree more ...:iagree:

[Leisa21]

My son knows not to touch things that I say are hot and sharp. He sees people eating with knives and says sharp. I teach him things, he listens because he trusts me. He knows all stoves, ovens and fire is hot. If he reaches for something I tell him no, I don't need to smack him.

[Mischief]

Hmmm Pippi .. I"m relatively sure there aren't many kids on the streets worried about going home and getting ONE smack on the hand or bottom .. I'm relatively sure the kids on the street are BELTED .. or at least hit around the head/ hit with an item/ whipped with a cord (behaviour which I totally deem abhorrant). I can not imagine ANY tween or twenty something staying away from home because of one smack on the bottom ..

I do, and will smack my children. When they are repeatedly rude (with warnings, and instructions on what they should be doing) - or they do something dangerous (e.g road - or power points) they will get a small .. sharp .. smack.



With all due respect - I'm a trained teacher. My children have tick charts .. we have time out - we have toy withdrawal .. we have reward programs - I have EVERYTHING I usually have in my classroom.

But when my child is doing something DANGEROUS - I would much rather give them a small fright (smack) than a large fright (finding themselves in the pool unable to swim/ or on the road etc).

This is an arguement that will NEVER end. People parent differently - and until we ACCEPT that ... this topic will consistently be an issue. I'm sure that the non- smacking parents do things as parents that I wouldn't agree with ... e.g. circ/ non.. non-vax/ vax ... pierce ears/ not ... car restraints/ minimal...

Is smacking your child illegal ??? no ... and imo there is a BIG difference between a smack .. and abuse..
:iagree:

Thank you! Perfectly said!

Yumster - I agree with what you say too! ABUSE is different to a SMACK!

[CookiesRYum]

Actually, I've dealt with the seatbelt issue myself with my now 7yo son. :) It was challenging but we got there. Our rule is that if the belt isn't on, the car doesn't move. I deliberately took him out when I had plenty of time to spare. I took a magazine and a newspaper and sat in the car and read, while occasionally calmly repeating that the car doesn't move until he has a seatbelt on. He got bored eventually, he put his belt on and he didn't do it again. It took time initially. But he was respected, he was taught rather than frightened into submission and the problem was resolved without violence. It can be done.

Hats of to you :thumbsup: Most 'hitters' wouldn't bother with that because they don't have the time or patience - it easier to SCARE their children rather then educate them.

BTW - I do agree that if you kid is about to run in front a bus, jump in a pool, put there hand in a fire - then yes a SMALL TAP for THEIR SAFTEY is appropriate. But hitting them to vent your own frustration does not help!

[Yumster]

In many cases, it's a cycle that escalates. What starts off as a tap on the bum escalates into a beating. This is because the parent hasn't learned any other skills to deal with testing behaviour. Over time, the smack begins to have less of an effect and becomes harder, and then is placed on more vulnerable parts of the body, and then a weapon is used and then....where does it stop?


Ok so what you are saying is that it's OK to use a 'tap on the bum' as long as it doesn't escalate. Am I correct?

[Pippi Longstocking]

Unless you've spent time with many children from all spectrums of life - you cannot be quite so black and white.

I have, yes. Like I mentioned, I am a family support worker. Helping parents cope with poorly-behaved children is my job. :)

[Pippi Longstocking]

Ok so what you are saying is that it's OK to use a 'tap on the bum' as long as it doesn't escalate. Am I correct?

Nope. :)

I am saying it's never ok to hit a child.

[PeppaH]

In many cases, it's a cycle that escalates. What starts off as a tap on the bum escalates into a beating. This is because the parent hasn't learned any other skills to deal with testing behaviour. Over time, the smack begins to have less of an effect and becomes harder, and then is placed on more vulnerable parts of the body, and then a weapon is used and then....where does it stop?

Oh please :rolleyes: Just because someone chooses to smack doesnt mean they are going to belt the crap out of their child. Thats just very insulting :shame:

[SorenLorensen]

All Im saying by that is, you hear about the parents in such distress because they cant control their children. Im not saying to belt them into submission :no: Im simply saying if the tables were turned, would the child get dragged off. Even if they were merely a viloent child without learnign disability, if they were just out of control and beating up on their parents. Would a mother have the right to defend herself? No because its against a child. I feel sorry for parents in that situation. what can they do to protect themself when their own child is throwing heavy/hard objects at them. The police get involved but really, what can they do?
if a child with anger issues is lashing out at their parents then i would hope they would seek professional help because clearly the child has issues...
honestly, you are comparing a child with issues hitting a parent and then a parent hitting a child....odd much ?? they cant be compared, they are different issues.

Ok, but it's getting pretty irritating with these holier than thou parents judging parents who use smacking as a form of discipline. It's not OK to hurt a child (obviously), but a light tap on the bottom/hand/legs is fine. As long as the child isn't shocked or hurt. This is especially important when there is a possibility that a child may injure themselves by touching something hot or sharp.
im actually not supporting

this kind of disipline
you know.....with a wooden spoon...that is NOT smacking.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Oh please :rolleyes: Just because someone chooses to smack doesnt mean they are going to belt the crap out of their child. Thats just very insulting :shame:

Peppah, firstly, please don't roll your eyes at me, it is very rude. Secondly, I clearly said "in many cases..." not in Every Single Case. And yes, frequently what starts off as a smack becomes much more. Once that boundary has been crossed it is harder to know where to stop.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

There is always an alternative to hitting. If a gentle method isn't working, either stay persistent or try an alternative gentle method.


Actually, I've dealt with the seatbelt issue myself with my now 7yo son. :) It was challenging but we got there. Our rule is that if the belt isn't on, the car doesn't move. I deliberately took him out when I had plenty of time to spare. I took a magazine and a newspaper and sat in the car and read, while occasionally calmly repeating that the car doesn't move until he has a seatbelt on. He got bored eventually, he put his belt on and he didn't do it again. It took time initially. But he was respected, he was taught rather than frightened into submission and the problem was resolved without violence. It can be done.


Great that it worked for you. And a good example actually.

But this mother had another child she was on the way to meet her child at the bus stop home from school. She didn't have the time, in this particular circumstance, to wait it out. She did try this method. Continually pulling over, telling her son that the car was not to move until his seat belt was on. But she ran out of time.
So your suggestion is that her 6 year old son wait at the bus stop all by himself for however long it takes? No we didn't have mobiles on us and there was no one else to call anyway who could have met him there.

And my daughter was in the back seat so no room to try sitting there myself to stop him. But had she been on her own?

And in response to your deliberately taking your son out when you had time to spare. This is the first time this child ever did this.

Yes it worked with your son. And hell you may even have 20 kids yourself. But you don't know every child, nor have been put in every situation, to give you the right to take such an extreme stance and crucify other parents for trying to protect their children from harm.

[Yumster]

Nope. :)

I am saying it's never ok to hit a child.


No, listen to me and stop being so emotional. A T-A-P. If you tap someone on the shoulder to get their notice you haven't hit them. If you tap a child on the bum, you haven't hit them. There is a difference. Stop being deliberately combative, you know full well there is a difference.

[girly]

I was S M A C K E D I will say it again smacked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a wooden spoon. I didnt hurt in fact I went upstars prenteding to cry:laughing:...Anyway..I will smack dd, and even if I wrote 'hitting' I meant smacking OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!, Don't try and put words in my mouth puhhlease...:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:


I do not agree I ALSO stated that I think it;s the 3rd post, I do not agree with the abuse type of smacking, go read it again...

[PeppaH]

if a child with anger issues is lashing out at their parents then i would hope they would seek professional help because clearly the child has issues...
honestly, you are comparing a child with issues hitting a parent and then a parent hitting a child....odd much ?? they cant be compared, they are different issues.



I dont think that all children who are violent have 'issues' They might just be very upset or angry at something their parent did, like take away a favorite toy or something. Why does a child have to have something wrong with them to be violent yet a parent is just abusive? And by child I mean up to age of leaving home. Not just a 5 year old, but as I hear they can be very violent and strong for their age.:no:

[Mischief]

In many cases, it's a cycle that escalates. What starts off as a tap on the bum escalates into a beating. This is because the parent hasn't learned any other skills to deal with testing behaviour. Over time, the smack begins to have less of an effect and becomes harder, and then is placed on more vulnerable parts of the body, and then a weapon is used and then....where does it stop?
Very few parents smack as a first line of discipline, and very few smack in anger.

I find it offensive that you would say that smacking leads to beating. I have never, and will never beat my children.

[PeppaH]

Very few parents smack as a first line of discipline, and very few smack in anger.

I find it offensive that you would say that smacking leads to beating. I have never, and will never beat my children.

Yeah I have never smacked in anger:no:

[~Temet Nosce~]

Even though it's off topic because the OP is talking about hitting with an object- not just smacking.
But for me, I was smacked as a child and yeah I get along fine with my parents now etc. etc.

I have noticed everyone who says this, or at least the majority, also smack their own children, even if only occasionally. Or may have smacked their own children a couple of times and regretted it and not done it since.

I always said I would never smack dd but in the past few weeks she has pushed me to my limits physically and mentally and after finally being kicked in the stomach one too many times (not intentionally, she was just being rough and flailing around on the floor while I was trying to dress her) I smacked her pretty hard on the bum. This has happened a couple of times since (for the same reason, the physical struggle) and I feel horrible about it, and have vowed to not do it again because it just isn't sitting right with me.

ANYWAY, the point I am trying to get at here (because there is a point lol).. looking back at my own feelings at the time of smacking, it was from mostly frustration and at not knowing what else to do, or anything that I did simply not working.
I think the reason I did this is because hitting was am automated reaction to frusteration and anger, something which I learnt through being smacked myself as a child. So the cycle basically continues. If I smack my dd, I fear she will in turn not learn how to deal with her own frustrations and instead lash out the same as I did/do (in other areas of life too, like sometimes I will feel like hitting objects and walls when extremely angry)

Sorry if this didn't make any sense, just having a ramble.. :ecomcity:

eta. I don't really care if people smack though.. nor do I think that just because someone smacks, they will become a child beater :no: it just isn't for me.. but I find that ridiculous.

[veve]

In many cases, it's a cycle that escalates. What starts off as a tap on the bum escalates into a beating. This is because the parent hasn't learned any other skills to deal with testing behaviour. Over time, the smack begins to have less of an effect and becomes harder, and then is placed on more vulnerable parts of the body, and then a weapon is used and then....where does it stop?
this might happen in SOME cases .. but I can tell you - as a person who WAS smacked .. I was never smacked more than once .. never smacked anywhere else (as a child) .. and NEVER EVER was I abused...

[PeppaH]

No, listen to me and stop being so emotional. A T-A-P. If you tap someone on the shoulder to get their notice you haven't hit them. If you tap a child on the bum, you haven't hit them. There is a difference. Stop being deliberately combative, you know full well there is a difference.

You have got to of noticed that to alot of these anti smackers that even the slightest tap is full blown abuse. The is no point trying to argue otherwise:thumbsdown:

[Whispers]

I so disagree with parents doing it in an abusing way of course, but parents these days can't even disipline their naughty kids without being threatend of this bullsh!t...
:iagree: As long as your not belting your kid a little smack IMO is harmless

[WorkingClassMum]

Pippi - you help troubled families. You don't get referred to families where the level of disiplin is maintained at a reasonable effective level.

So you see people that do need help, that do need guidence and maybe haven't considered other methods.

You won't ever see inside the front door of a family home where disiplin is tempered by love and guided by educated intelligent people that may use many forms of level handed disiplin that may include a smack on the bum or open hand.


Pippi - I am a child that was beaten and kicked, hit with many things including my Dad's leather belt - and I actually couldn't sit down for several days until the bruises and cuts healed. My stepmonster hit me with what ever was handy and once threw a knife at my brother 'cos that is what was handy.

My childhood has taken a bit of mental sorting out - which leaves me prone to also abusing my kids.

In saying that I do very occassionally smack my kids - it's not my first action, and generally yes it's when all other methods have not worked. It's a hard thing for me to remove my own beaten-in instincts and to apply a bit of intelligence when disiplinning/guiding and punishing my kids.

So, I do understand first hand a parent losing control - from both ends.

There is a huge difference b/w the story in the paper (she gives her kids 3 warnings and they persist and they know what happens when they persist) - to my stepmonster flying into rage at imagined crimes that we kids had committed.

I think that many people need to take several steps back and take a long measured look at the difference b/w the story reported today and the treatment that children like myself endured

[Pippi Longstocking]

No, listen to me and stop being so emotional. A T-A-P. If you tap someone on the shoulder to get their notice you haven't hit them. If you tap a child on the bum, you haven't hit them. There is a difference. Stop being deliberately combative, you know full well there is a difference.

Please don't insinuate that I am arguing from an emotional point of view - I am actually drawing on my professional framework here. :) Hitting/smacking/tapping/whacking/slapping...no matter what name you want to give it, it isn't ok. It is never justified.



Very few parents smack as a first line of discipline, and very few smack in anger.

I find it offensive that you would say that smacking leads to beating. I have never, and will never beat my children.
Mischief, you're shooting the messenger here. All I am saying is that frequently smacking escalates because the behaviour escalates. If you want to be offended by that than there's not much I can do about it. :)

[SorenLorensen]

I dont think that all children who are violent have 'issues' They might just be very upset or angry at something their parent did, like take away a favorite toy or something. Why does a child have to have something wrong with them to be violent yet a parent is just abusive? And by child I mean up to age of leaving home. Not just a 5 year old, but as I hear they can be very violent and strong for their age.:no:
your making my brain hurt.

Even if they were merely a viloent child without learnign disability, if they were just out of control and beating up on their parents. Would a mother have the right to defend herself? No because its against a child. I feel sorry for parents in that situation. what can they do to protect themself when their own child is throwing heavy/hard objects at them. The police get involved but really, what can they do?a child 'out of control' and 'beating up on their parents'
this is what you were saying...YES they wold have issues and WHERE did i say that a parent who uses objects to hit their child does NOT have issues ?? yes it is abuse and YES they clearly have issues :)

[PeppaH]

So the cycle basically continues. If I smack my dd, I fear she will in turn not learn how to deal with her own frustrations and instead lash out the same as I did/do (in other areas of life too, like sometimes I will feel like hitting objects and walls when extremely angry)


I dont think that in all cases the cycle continues as alot of people on here have said they have been smacked but will never hit their child so thats good news :thumbsup:

Im worried that my children wont learn how to deal with their frustrations and anger also but not because I smack :no: Because I personally and also with DF we dont know how to deal with ours (not talkign about towards our children) So Im worried that I wont have anything to teach my children in that department :thumbsdown: I used to self harm out of frustration and still I get the urges to do so. That is not something I want my children to go through and I will be looking at all possble help when it comes to helping my children with frustration.

[sharonnscotty]

this is why there is soooo many unruly children at school disrupting the good ones that want to learn.... we are not talking about a flogging here, but a tap on the bum.... if you spent all day saying 'thats not a good decision little johnny' please sit down little johnny blah blah blah kids just dont care and know there are no consquences for their actions.... i would never flog my child but am sure one day he will get a tap on the bum and told to go to his room.... thats life ppl

I do feel sorry for those kids whose parents abuse and beat them, for that there is no excuse !!!

[Pippi Longstocking]

Pippi - you help troubled families. You don't get referred to families where the level of disiplin is maintained at a reasonable effective level.

So you see people that do need help, that do need guidence and maybe haven't considered other methods.

You won't ever see inside the front door of a family home where disiplin is tempered by love and guided by educated intelligent people that may use many forms of level handed disiplin that may include a smack on the bum or open hand.

Once again, nope. :no: Our client base is made up of families - the only requirement is that they reside in the catchment area and that the children are a certain age group (I don't want to say to much as I'd rather not reveal my workplace to all of bubhubland). They aren't necessarily troubled, although some certainly are. They come to us for a variety of reasons, some self-refer, others are referred by other agencies.

[Yumster]

Please don't insinuate that I am arguing from an emotional point of view - I am actually drawing on my professional framework here. :) Hitting/smacking/tapping/whacking/slapping...no matter what name you want to give it, it isn't ok. It is never justified.



Mischief, you're shooting the messenger here. All I am saying is that frequently smacking escalates because the behaviour escalates. If you want to be offended by that than there's not much I can do about it. :)


So if you tap a child on the shoulder to get their attention that is OK. But using the same amount of force as discipline is abuse? Is that correct? Can you see how what you are saying doesn't make sense.

[Mummy2R&K]

Smacking a child with a wooden spoon etc - well there is no excuse for it..

I will admit that I 'tap' my DS on the hand only when he is REALLY naughty, especailly touching the TV as I don't want it to fall on him. Actually that's the only time I've tapped him and he doesn't go near it now. But last week he got a small smack on his bottom for running down the street when I went to put the two kids in the car. I doubt he even felt it through his nappy.

I do not like smacking but will RARELY do so if needed.

[SorenLorensen]

ok here is a question, a onest one that i would not mind hearing the answer too.
back to the op

What's wrong with people!:rolleyes:, FFS. It's HER child. I will hit dd is she is being a little cow, What's wrong with the world these days:shame:, I mean it's not like she is wrapping a jug cord around her neck...

^^^ in regards to a mother smacking her child with a wooden spoon.


I so disagree with parents doing it in an abusing way of course, but parents these days can't even disipline their naughty kids without being threatend of this bullsh!t...
now the OP is not for 'this kind of discipline' in an abusing way...ok cool.

so my questions is.

How does one hit ANYONE with an object in a non abusive way ???

(not including 'play fights' of course..just thought i would add that for any smarty ants out there :p)

[onionskin]

Firstly there is a huge difference between hitting with an implement and a smack.

Secondly please stop putting a smack from a loving parent under the blanket of child abuse. It does nothing for the kids that are actually being abused.

I have used a smack when all other methods are not working. Am I a bad parent? I guess in some people's eyes I am :confused:

[Leisa21]

Here is what I don't understand you say its just a TAP. Now I would think in order for a smack to be effective it would have to hurt??? If I tap my son on the bum for misbehaving surely he'd just shrug and think whatever. So in order to shock him or punish him it would have to hurt?? That is abuse. I dont understand how someone can say it's just a light smack. If it hurts, it's not light, if they're crying after you hit them then it's no longer a tap on the bum.

[PeppaH]

ok here is a question, a onest one that i would not mind hearing the answer too.
back to the op

^^^ in regards to a mother smacking her child with a wooden spoon.

now the OP is not for 'this kind of discipline' in an abusing way...ok cool.

so my questions is.

How does one hit ANYONE with an object in a non abusive way ???

(not including 'play fights' of course..just thought i would add that for any smarty ants out there :p)

lol I think she means she wouldnt hit with an object at all :confused:

[Yumster]

Here is what I don't understand you say its just a TAP. Now I would think in order for a smack to be effective it would have to hurt??? If I tap my son on the bum for misbehaving surely he'd just shrug and think whatever. So in order to shock him or punish him it would have to hurt?? That is abuse. I dont understand how someone can say it's just a light smack. If it hurts, it's not light, if they're crying after you hit them then it's no longer a tap on the bum.


And like I said before, are you saying a tap is therefore OK?

[Pippi Longstocking]

Great that it worked for you. And a good example actually.

But this mother had another child she was on the way to meet her child at the bus stop home from school. She didn't have the time, in this particular circumstance, to wait it out. She did try this method. Continually pulling over, telling her son that the car was not to move until his seat belt was on. But she ran out of time.
So your suggestion is that her 6 year old son wait at the bus stop all by himself for however long it takes? No we didn't have mobiles on us and there was no one else to call anyway who could have met him there.

And my daughter was in the back seat so no room to try sitting there myself to stop him. But had she been on her own?

And in response to your deliberately taking your son out when you had time to spare. This is the first time this child ever did this.
.
Hang on, so you were there, in the car, with her? If it had been me driving, I would have asked you to wait with the children while she went to pick the child up from the bus stop.

The trick is though is to get onto it before you are in a situation where you need to rush. This may well have been the first time the child did it but if it wasn't, it's a really good idea to set aside some time to teach the child proper car behaviour. Hope that helps. :)

[BigRedV]

this is why there is soooo many unruly children at school disrupting the good ones that want to learn....



So, when your child is at school, you think it will be ok for the teacher to tap them if they are misbehaving?

Hitting doesn't work.

How many times were you all smacked as a child? Thse who say they were smacked of course.

Well clearly you didn't learn because you were smacked many times, even though you knew smacking was a consequence of your "bad" behaviour.

[girly]

SorenLorensen. I don't see why I have to explain myself AGAIN!, but I will ..

I support other parents smacking their children, I also don't see a problem with smacking with a wooden spoon. Not hitting hard abviously. I don't think i'll ever hit dd with one, but I won't EVER judge a parent if they do. I understand how children can be. Very nuaghty, disobedient.

Some children need that extra disipline. I was smacked nearly 3times a day, my sister on the other hand was smacked maybe 1once a week. I was TERRIBLE she was just naughty. Some kids are worse than others..

SorenLorensen you knw it is possible to smack your child with a woonden spoon WITHOUT IT BEING ABUSE. It's a simple tap...I was never and I'm sure most hubbers that have admitted being smacked with a spoon were NEVER beaten with it ...

[Leisa21]

And like I said before, are you saying a tap is therefore OK?
Depends on the tap. I've tapped my son on the bum before. He runs up to give me a cuddle, I cuddle him back then tap him on the bum and say cute bum. I don't have a problem with that. If it's used as dicipline then I don't believe it would be a tap and even then I don't think it's right because it teaches that hitting or 'tapping' for punishment is ok. I don't want my son 'tapping' his friend because because he stole his pencil at school.

[SorenLorensen]

lol I think she means she wouldnt hit with an object at all :confused:
the OP is in regards to a mother not 'smacking' her child with a hand but with an object...the OP stated it was her child and its not like she was wrapping a jug cord around her neck....so the in the OP it was saying there was nothing wrong with what the mother did (hitting with a spoon)

[Mischief]

Firstly there is a huge difference between hitting with an implement and a smack.

Secondly please stop putting a smack from a loving parent under the blanket of child abuse. It does nothing for the kids that are actually being abused.

I have used a smack when all other methods are not working. Am I a bad parent? I guess in some people's eyes I am :confused:
Oh no! You are a MONSTER!

How dare you smack your poor innocent child! You should allow said child to do whatever they want, and use their underdeveloped conscience to decide if its right or not.

*insert sarcasm*

Im a "monster" too BTW under this blanket of child abuse because of a smack that does not leave a mark, and is less forceful than when we play wrestle....! :D

[PeppaH]

the OP is in regards to a mother not 'smacking' her child with a hand but with an object...the OP stated it was her child and its not like she was wrapping a jug cord around her neck....so the in the OP it was saying there was nothing wrong with what the mother did (hitting with a spoon)

Sorry but what I understood is that she is saying the mother should be allowed to disapline her child, she has stated that she is against using objects though.
I could be wrong of course but I thought she has repeativly explained that :confused::confused:

[BigRedV]

Some children need that extra disipline. I was smacked nearly 3times a day, my sister on the other hand was smacked maybe 1once a week. I was TERRIBLE she was just naughty. Some kids are worse than others..



I'll ask you Shirraaa, how did smacking work for you then if you were smacked 3 times a day, clearly it was not a deterent for your "terrible" behaviour, which demonstrates that smacking doesn't work.

[girly]

Sorry but what I understood is that she is saying the mother should be allowed to disapline her child, she has stated that she is against using objects though.
I could be wrong of course but I thought she has repeativly explained that :confused::confused:


I have explained it many times...:rolleyes:

[BigRedV]

Sorry but what I understood is that she is saying the mother should be allowed to disapline her child, she has stated that she is against using objects though.
I could be wrong of course but I thought she has repeativly explained that :confused::confused:

no, she said wooden spoons are ok

[Yumster]

Depends on the tap. I've tapped my son on the bum before. He runs up to give me a cuddle, I cuddle him back then tap him on the bum and say cute bum. I don't have a problem with that. If it's used as dicipline then I don't believe it would be a tap and even then I don't think it's right because it teaches that hitting or 'tapping' for punishment is ok. I don't want my son 'tapping' his friend because because he stole his pencil at school.

Ok, there is a huge hole in your logic and rationale What you are saying does not make sense and is contradictory. If you are just trolling or looking to win an internet arguement, then congratulations. I can't debate you.

[Pippi Longstocking]

[Some children need that extra disipline. No child ever needs to be hit with a wooden spoon.



I was smacked nearly 3times a day, my sister on the other hand was smacked maybe 1once a week. I was TERRIBLE she was just naughty. Some kids are worse than others..

I wonder why, if smacking works so very well, why did you need 3 smacks a day? :detective:

[Whispers]

Sorry but what I understood is that she is saying the mother should be allowed to disapline her child, she has stated that she is against using objects though.
I could be wrong of course but I thought she has repeativly explained that :confused::confused:
She stated that she believes lightly tapping with a spoon is ok although she wouldn't use one, I tend to agree with her in a way I wouldn't use one myself but I do not see tapping on the bum with one as abuse

[girly]

I'll ask you Shirraaa, how did smacking work for you then if you were smacked 3 times a day, clearly it was not a deterent for your "terrible" behaviour, which demonstartes that smacking doesn't work.


Smacking does work, lol. If I was being bad my mum would raise her hand or say "Chris(dad) get the strap!! I would run and stop what I was doing and behave.:laughing:

The reason i was smacked sometimes 3times a day I would backchat my mum, I would hit my sisters, we would bash the sh!t out of each other everyday...I would throw things, just the usual. I was a very bad child. But everytime I was hit I would behave and go to my room, until the next eppisode came along, like swearing or something

[PeppaH]

Oh no! You are a MONSTER!

How dare you smack your poor innocent child! You should allow said child to do whatever they want, and use their underdeveloped conscience to decide if its right or not.

*insert sarcasm*

Im a "monster" too BTW under this blanket of child abuse because of a smack that does not leave a mark, and is less forceful than when we play wrestle....! :D

I could say the same though about parents who choose not to disipline or who dont inforce punishments etc to their children. Because you see alot of children out there today that get away with so much crap. I see it every time I go to the shops, children having a tantrum because they dont get their way and the parent giving in etc. Isnt that being a bad parent? Rasing spoilt brats that never learn a d!ck of whats right or wrong.....

Of course you can have the same for children who have been smacked etc Im not saying you cant. Im just throwing a exsample around.

[WorkingClassMum]

Smacking does work, lol. If I was being bad my mum would raise her hand or say "Chris(dad) get the strap!! I would run and stop what I was doing and behave.:laughing:

So then you never misbehaved ever again?

[Mischief]

Im sorry, but I need some light humour, otherwise Im going to have a brain melt.....

But Im suddenly feeling very sorry for all those eggs Ive ever beaten with my wooden spoon! :laughing:

[Pippi Longstocking]

Smacking does work, lol. If I was being bad my mum would raise her hand or say "Chris(dad) get the strap!! I would run and stop what I was doing and behave.:laughing:

If it worked, you wouldn't have been smacked three times a day.

[BigRedV]

Smacking does work, lol. If I was being bad my mum would raise her hand or say "Chris(dad) get the strap!! I would run and stop what I was doing and behave.:laughing:

Yes, but you were still smacked 3 times a day, doesn't seem like effective discipline to me.

I believe you must have been terrified of the strap, how awful that children live in fear of their parents.

[PeppaH]

She stated that she believes lightly tapping with a spoon is ok although she wouldn't use one, I tend to agree with her in a way I wouldn't use one myself but I do not see tapping on the bum with one as abuse

Ooooohh Ok :thumbsup: Thanks for explaing.

[onionskin]

I don't like to be told that just because I smack my children that I will eventually beat them that to me is a load of crap. :)

I agree :yelclap:


Oh no! You are a MONSTER!

How dare you smack your poor innocent child! You should allow said child to do whatever they want, and use their underdeveloped conscience to decide if its right or not.

*insert sarcasm*

Im a "monster" too BTW under this blanket of child abuse because of a smack that does not leave a mark, and is less forceful than when we play wrestle....! :D

Monster :no: a loving mum who wants the best for her kids. Doesn't sound like abuse to me.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Hang on, so you were there, in the car, with her? If it had been me driving, I would have asked you to wait with the children while she went to pick the child up from the bus stop.

The trick is though is to get onto it before you are in a situation where you need to rush. This may well have been the first time the child did it but if it wasn't, it's a really good idea to set aside some time to teach the child proper car behaviour. Hope that helps. :)


I'm just trying to make a point that sometimes in certain circumstances a parent will smack/tap because it is the best option at the time.

And in response, yep good point again.
However my daughter was only a few months old at the time. Her son is 2, and is terrible for running. I don't know how I would have controlled him and attended to my daughter at the same time.
And it was an incredibly hot day. And potentially harmful to my daughter and my nephew to be left on the side of the road while my sister travelled 45 mins away to pick up her son and 45 mins back to pick us back up. Even then how was she supposed to pick us all up with her older son in the car as there would be no more room?

She was dropping me and kids off at her house, where my car was. The bus stop is a short walk from her house.

I actually agree with you. I don't support smacking or anything else like it. I was just saying this was one circumstance where the mother chose to smack on the hand and it was the best option at the time. So I'm not going to say what you're saying that it is never ever justified. But I agree that alternatives should be sought.

[PeppaH]

Im sorry, but I need some light humour, otherwise Im going to have a brain melt.....

But Im suddenly feeling very sorry for all those eggs Ive ever beaten with my wooden spoon! :laughing:

LMAO! Oh I wish I could stay but I need to go out. So I will leave you ladies to argue amost yourself. Probably be closed by the time I get home :(

[Pippi Longstocking]

Im sorry, but I need some light humour, otherwise Im going to have a brain melt.....

But Im suddenly feeling very sorry for all those eggs Ive ever beaten with my wooden spoon! :laughing:

I don't get the joke? :confused: What am I missing (I'm juggling writing a boring uni paper and posting here which might explain why I am missing bits :o)

[BigRedV]

The reason i was smacked sometimes 3times a day I would backchat my mum, I would hit my sisters, we would bash the sh!t out of each other everyday...I would throw things, just the usual. I was a very bad child. But everytime I was hit I would behave and go to my room, until the next eppisode came along, like swearing or something

Again, it didn't work, you have just stated that you were in trouble for the same thing everyday. That smacking and the strap worked wonders by the sounds of it.

[Mischief]

Depends on the tap. I've tapped my son on the bum before. He runs up to give me a cuddle, I cuddle him back then tap him on the bum and say cute bum. I don't have a problem with that. If it's used as dicipline then I don't believe it would be a tap and even then I don't think it's right because it teaches that hitting or 'tapping' for punishment is ok. I don't want my son 'tapping' his friend because because he stole his pencil at school.
I smack my boys lighter when they get a smack, than when we play fight. :)

[girly]

Yes, but you were still smacked 3 times a day, doesn't seem like effective discipline to me.

I believe you must have been terrified of the strap, how awful that children live in fear of their parents.


I was sh!t scared of it, I would scream and cry beggin my mum...Ok ok ok ok i'm sorry" LMFAOOO I can laugh about it now at how 'good' I would suddenly become. I was never hit with the strap, or maybe once or twice but that always worked a treat. I always listend to my mum...I wasn't living in fear i knew what I was doing and I knew I would get the strap if I kept doing it, but I always loved ot push my mums buttons...I even got the book over my head a few times...:dizzy:

[Whispers]

Im sorry, but I need some light humour, otherwise Im going to have a brain melt.....

But Im suddenly feeling very sorry for all those eggs Ive ever beaten with my wooden spoon! :laughing:
:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:

[Pippi Longstocking]

No you're not obligated to.
I'm just trying to make a point that sometimes in certain circumstances a parent will smack/tap because it is the best option at the time.

And in response, yep good point again.
However my daughter was only a few months old at the time. Her son is 2, and is terrible for running. I don't know how I would have controlled him and attended to my daughter at the same time.
And it was an incredibly hot day. And potentially harmful to my daughter and my nephew to be left on the side of the road while my sister travelled 45 mins away to pick up her son and 45 mins back to pick us back up. Even then how was she supposed to pick us all up with her older son in the car as there would be no more room?

I actually agree with you. I don't support smacking or anything else like it. I was just saying this was one circumstance where the mother chose to smack on the hand and it was the best option at the time. So I'm not going to say what you're saying that it is never ever justified. But I agree that alternatives should be sought.

Sorry, I was probably a lot more terse than was warranted. :shakehands: I totally understand that sometimes parenting is hard work and we sometimes feel trapped and as though there is no alternative. But if hitting is the only solution, we need to keep looking.

[WorkingClassMum]

I was a very bad child.


I've got news for you - you were not a BAD child - you were A child.

I got sold the same crock of sh!t - then one day I realised I was just a child. :(



I even got the book over my head a few times...:dizzy:

and that IS illegal

[CookiesRYum]

SorenLorensen. I don't see why I have to explain myself AGAIN!, but I will ..

I support other parents smacking their children, I also don't see a problem with smacking with a wooden spoon. Not hitting hard abviously. I don't think i'll ever hit dd with one, but I won't EVER judge a parent if they do. I understand how children can be. Very nuaghty, disobedient.

Some children need that extra disipline. I was smacked nearly 3times a day, my sister on the other hand was smacked maybe 1once a week. I was TERRIBLE she was just naughty. Some kids are worse than others..

SorenLorensen you knw it is possible to smack your child with a woonden spoon WITHOUT IT BEING ABUSE. It's a simple tap...I was never and I'm sure most hubbers that have admitted being smacked with a spoon were NEVER beaten with it ...


The fact that you even started this post, called your daughter a little cow, laugh at the idea of washing children's mouth out with soap, hint that its better to hit them with a wooden spoon rather then a wrapping cord around there kneck speak volumns about your attitude toward discipline.

I absolutely believe you when you say you think you are doing no harm - that's the scary part because you are. Anyone who using fear and domination to control their children is harming their children.

It suprises me - you seem to want whats best for your kids - you are passionate about the belief that those who want to do the best by their kids should give them breast milk (all other things being equal etc) but you see abosolutely nothing wrong with raising a hand to your child.

Lots of other ppl on here obviously think the same thing- it's not just you. It is just this horrible notion that they are your kids and you can do what you want with them. That smacking/tapping/hitting is a parental choice like all that others choice you make and we should all respect the parents choice.

But I don't think it is!!! Fear and domination is the result of smacking/hitting/tapping - you are FORCING your children to act as you want because they are AFRAID of the consquences and have learnt that BEING HIT is not a pleasant thing. You aren't giving them the building blocks to access risk, danger, appropriate social conduct etc and make proper decisions. All you are doing is teaching them that I better do what mum wants or I'll get hit. And chances are they will just model that behavour through out childhood and kid their brothers/sisters/school mates etc. Worst case is they repeat it on their own children, just like you do. :no:

[Mischief]

I don't get the joke? :confused: What am I missing (I'm juggling writing a boring uni paper and posting here which might explain why I am missing bits :o)
Lets just say, I'm a little cracked! :laughing:

[girly]

Im sorry, but I need some light humour, otherwise Im going to have a brain melt.....

But Im suddenly feeling very sorry for all those eggs Ive ever beaten with my wooden spoon! :laughing:



:laughing::laughing:

[MyTwoBlue]

I agree :yelclap:



Monster :no: a loving mum who wants the best for her kids. Doesn't sound like abuse to me.


she was being sarcastic...then called herself a 'monster' for smacking her kid.
im a monster too!!

[Pippi Longstocking]

I was sh!t scared of it, I would scream and cry beggin my mum...Ok ok ok ok i'm sorry" LMFAOOO I can laugh about it now at how 'good' I would suddenly become. I was never hit with the strap, or maybe once or twice but that always worked a treat. I always listend to my mum...I wasn't living in fear i knew what I was doing and I knew I would get the strap if I kept doing it, but I always loved ot push my mums buttons...I even got the book over my head a few times...:dizzy:

:( I'm sorry shiraaa. Your childhood was abusive.

[veve]

see shiraaa .. I dont like that ... I dont like the feeling I get in my stomach when I read that post ..

there should NEVER EVER be a delay between behaviour and consequence .. EVER .. its bullying ..

To make a child wait .. (e.g. for your dad to come home .. or for the adult to go and GET something to hit the child with) .. is more horrid than ANYTHING .. its mean .. its bullying .. it extends the drama of the moment .. and it makes me incredibly sad :(

I will NEVER EVER have my child beg not to be hit .. the fact that they feel so helpless .. that they need to BEG .. is just wrong ..

your post has made me extremely sad .. :(

[dillydAlly]

I respect every parents right to discipline their child however as someone who grew up in an "iron fist" house hold and am now a Child Care Trainer and Assessor I pose these questions is response to the OP.

- Is it not the next generations responsibility to learn from the mistakes of the past and try and improve for the better?

- Hearing the "I was hit with a wooden spoon as a child and I turned out alright" phrase really makes me :confused: For me it makes me (who was hit with a wooden spoon) more determined to find better ways of dealing with "my" frustration!

- How is it that Child Care workers and Teachers, who look after abusive and badly behaved children everyday and ARE NOT permitted to lay a finger on a child, still manage to get through a day of caring for that child?

- Have they obviously not had to learn techniques and stratergies that allow them to discipline the children effectively?

[Mischief]

Discipline should bring respect, not fear. :no:

I think a light smack/tap does not bring fear.

Hitting, belting, whipping, punching.... those bring fear.

[Whispers]

Lets just say, I'm a little cracked! :laughing:
:laughing::laughing: Stop it I'm gonna pee my pants

[girly]

I love my mum, I would NEVER ever resent her for the hits, slaps, books over head and what not. My childhood was perfect, NOT at alll abusive. I would laugh after being hit. EVERYTIME. My mum was a great non ausive mum. I serzly don't even care she would do that. That's her way of parenting and I don't mind it one bit!:yes:

[Mischief]

see shiraaa .. I dont like that ... I dont like the feeling I get in my stomach when I read that post ..

there should NEVER EVER be a delay between behaviour and consequence .. EVER .. its bullying ..

To make a child wait .. (e.g. for your dad to come home .. or for the adult to go and GET something to hit the child with) .. is more horrid than ANYTHING .. its mean .. its bullying .. it extends the drama of the moment .. and it makes me incredibly sad :(

I will NEVER EVER have my child beg not to be hit .. the fact that they feel so helpless .. that they need to BEG .. is just wrong ..

your post has made me extremely sad .. :(
I agree with Veve, and WCM.

Your childhood sounds abusive. A child should never fear their parents disipline.

Oliver knows as soon as he's gone past the point of no return. But there is never FEAR there.

[onionskin]

Lets just say, I'm a little cracked! :laughing:

:laughing::laughing::laughing::D

[girly]

I know there are children out there are ARE ACTUALLY abused I know my childhood was not abusive. Ide go back and live it all again...:yelclap:

[dillydAlly]

I was sh!t scared of it, I would scream and cry beggin my mum...Ok ok ok ok i'm sorry" LMFAOOO I can laugh about it now at how 'good' I would suddenly become. I was never hit with the strap, or maybe once or twice but that always worked a treat. I always listend to my mum...I wasn't living in fear i knew what I was doing and I knew I would get the strap if I kept doing it, but I always loved ot push my mums buttons...I even got the book over my head a few times...:dizzy:

I can't believe you can laugh about it now Shiraa. You have obviously allowed yourself to rationalise it now but surely you can see that there are people on here who care enough to tell you that you deserve better!!!!!!

IT is NOT ACCPETABLE to treat a child this way......... not matter what anyone says!

[kezzaskids]

The cycle of abuse continues and history repeats its self. I f shiraa cant stop the cycle from continuing I hope there is someone that can help her daughter to stop it when she has children.

Stop and look at yourself and childhood. Dont you want better for your children? Do you want them to be scared, abused and submissive? I really dont think so. Try to get some help before its too late.

[WorkingClassMum]

I know there are children out there are ARE ACTUALLY abused I know my childhood was not abusive. Ide go back and live it all again...:yelclap:

I hope that Sibel never has to live it though...

[girly]

You know why I can laugh about it. I'm cracking up here thining about haha. Because I was from a good home. I wasn't in one of those abusive homes, We were never beaten, puched or anything like that.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Lets just say, I'm a little cracked! :laughing:Ok, we will. :p


I love my mum, I would NEVER ever resent her for the hits, slaps, books over head and what not. My childhood was perfect, NOT at alll abusive. I would laugh after being hit. EVERYTIME. My mum was a great non ausive mum. I serzly don't even care she would do that. That's her way of parenting and I don't mind it one bit!:yes:

Shiraaa, what really worries me is that because you cannot see that what happened to you was abuse, there is a very real chance that you could perpetuate similar abuse. That is not to say that you will deliberately be abusive to your child, but you may unwittingly harm her because you are unable to see what is abusive and what isn't.

What a worrying scenario. :(

[girly]

I hope that Sibel never has to live it though...


LOL well she better be good...;):p

[veve]

I love my mum, I would NEVER ever resent her for the hits, slaps, books over head and what not. My childhood was perfect, NOT at alll abusive. I would laugh after being hit. EVERYTIME. My mum was a great non ausive mum. I serzly don't even care she would do that. That's her way of parenting and I don't mind it one bit!:yes:
sorry babe .. you might adore your mum .. but there is never ever a reason to hit a kid on the head .. ever ...

The head and neck are far too easy to irrepairably damage .. hearing ... sight.. even brain function can be damaged with a simple knock - even a knock that doesn't seem scary.

If anyone ever touches my child on the head - they will receive my wrath .. its just completely unacceptable to do.

[dillydAlly]

You know why I can laugh about it. I'm cracking up here thining about haha. Because I was from a good home. I wasn't in one of those abusive homes, We were never beaten, puched or anything like that.


Just because someone doesn't "punch you" or "beat you" doesn't mean there was no "abuse"....


You got hit with a book! I would classify that as a form of abuse........ I am glad that you can be so positive about it now! I hope your little one is able to have the same opinion of anything that happens in her life!

[bronny-jane]

i have a serious issue with adults hitting kids..
now i wont lose it over a little smack so long as its with a hand and not too hard...

i think people who do hit kids are p@ssies, simple..

[CookiesRYum]

Geez - I am reading all this and it's so overwhelming.

Sheraaa - I was EXACTLY like you until the age of around 20. Your experiences at home sound so similar to mine and the voice of my stepmother rings in my ears "An eye for an eye: you need to learn: my parents did it to me: I want what's best for you: if you behave I don't need hit you: it's your fault"

And I believed it all for years and thought that is was NORMAL - I used to yell and fight and scream and hit as a teenager/adult because it was all I knew how to do.

I meant my now DH and when I didn't like what he did my first reaction was to hit him (not abuse just a little TAP?? WRONG!) It was all abuse and it took me along time to see.

I have worked hard to change my responses and it's scares me that when I have a kid, under pressure it will be my gut reaction. BUT kids deserve more and my children will never ever ever be hit because I don't know what else to do.

[kezzaskids]

Is this thead a joke and Shiraa is just laughing at us all because Im very concerned for her child with all of the comments being made about the child behaving herself. Its not on.

[sandy_1902]

Lmao, ok here we go again....:laughing::rolleyes:

Yes I wil admit it, I do supoort this kind of disipline. There is NOTHING wrng with SMACKING!!!!!!!!!


i only read up to this part lol.

but i agree.. i smack my DS when is does something he knows is wrong..

and just to clarify i dont smack him hard enough to leave welts or hand marks more of a tap


but i dont hit him with things unless im just throwing a shirt to him or somethign

[sambojambo]

hmmmm......... i think this is a question of intelligence.....smacking a child because you the adult has lost it....... probably because of many other life factors/worries ect and now a child not doing what you want it to is done due to a low intelligence that cannot think of a more "humane" way of educating that child...... when i think of all the times a child ends up in hospital from"so called smacking" that went too far.....its disgusting. Your only as good as the teacher you have in this life.....our precious children need to be nurtured and corrected in a gentle way........what happens when your kid goes to school and pulls the hair of another , smacks another.....hits another with a spoon? what you going to do then? smack them back when in the first instance they learnt violence from you, there mother who is there for hugs....for safety.......? i totally have never and will never smack my beautiful boy ........he is not stupid he lacks the worldly experience......it is my job to guide him and love him........violence and being a mum are so opposite here........when i think about my mum who was verbally abusive at times....sometimes lost it and would hit i feel sad, its taken a long time to grow to love her, those times she lost it i know i needed a hug and told that im loved and then told why my behavior is wrong.........I hope your "little cow" can be disiplined in an intelligent non violent way.

[bronny-jane]

I've got news for you - you were not a BAD child - you were A child.



i agree.. my kids can be full on.. they push me, they fight, argue. swear.. just really test the limits.. one more then the rest... but they arent bad kids, their just kids, im pretty lenient on them too:D

i get told by others that i need to be firmer, but i see where they are coming from.. just noisy, silly, test our boundaries kids...

now i'll admit, anytime i have smacked them, it was more to do with me being so angry...
now i take a time out, before i yell, i stop, take a few deep breaths... but i still yell.. ;).. mainly yelling stop that, dont, get back in the yard..

[crazymuma]

I smack my children occasionally - on the bum or hand - but even I can't agree to someone hitting a child with a weapon of any sort - thats really messed up.

Also can I add I don't smack my kids if I am angry or frustrated - I know that smacking in that moment could lead to too hard a hit so I only smack as a last resort and when I am calm - honestly though I think my 5 year old has had maybe 1 smack in the last year (if that) and my daugter only a handful!

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Sorry, I was probably a lot more terse than was warranted. :shakehands: I totally understand that sometimes parenting is hard work and we sometimes feel trapped and as though there is no alternative. But if hitting is the only solution, we need to keep looking.

:iagree:

Hey, sorry I probably pushed it too far in trying to make my point as well. :)
Just that my sister was accused of child abuse for this, and gossip spread like wildfire that she beat her kids.

[Deserama]

Hmmm Pippi .. I"m relatively sure there aren't many kids on the streets worried about going home and getting ONE smack on the hand or bottom .. I'm relatively sure the kids on the street are BELTED .. or at least hit around the head/ hit with an item/ whipped with a cord (behaviour which I totally deem abhorrant). I can not imagine ANY tween or twenty something staying away from home because of one smack on the bottom ..

I do, and will smack my children. When they are repeatedly rude (with warnings, and instructions on what they should be doing) - or they do something dangerous (e.g road - or power points) they will get a small .. sharp .. smack.



With all due respect - I'm a trained teacher. My children have tick charts .. we have time out - we have toy withdrawal .. we have reward programs - I have EVERYTHING I usually have in my classroom.

But when my child is doing something DANGEROUS - I would much rather give them a small fright (smack) than a large fright (finding themselves in the pool unable to swim/ or on the road etc).

This is an arguement that will NEVER end. People parent differently - and until we ACCEPT that ... this topic will consistently be an issue. I'm sure that the non- smacking parents do things as parents that I wouldn't agree with ... e.g. circ/ non.. non-vax/ vax ... pierce ears/ not ... car restraints/ minimal...

Is smacking your child illegal ??? no ... and imo there is a BIG difference between a smack .. and abuse..

Common sense prevails!!! :smiliedance:

I've been both smacked (as a form of discipline) and 'hit' (abused) as a child! I so know the difference that if this thread wasn't so funny I'd actually cry that people can put 'smacking' in the same basket as 'abuse'...it's offensive to me as I was an abused child!

[Kayangel]

:eek: I dont agree with smacking, i found it very sad and sick that any parent could actually hit there child, i seriously dont understand how a parent could want to hurt and upset a child in that way, wats wrong with using words? or other forms of discipline eg. time out. IMO its never ok to hit a child. :mad:

I would never lay a hand on my own child. :no:

[SimplyMum]

Hmm, well- I've expressed my views on smacking often enough so I wont really go there. But one thing that will interest me. I often hear people say 'my parents did it to me- I grew up fine', yours/mine/theirs will never learn if they don't get a smack', 'they need to be taught', 'use violence and that's all they'll learn' etc etc etc. Well, I'd love to have a chat to a sample of parents and kids whose parents did and didn't use smacking as a form of descipline and get their thoughts on the whole smacking debate and if their opinions have changed or stayed the same. It'd be very interesting.

[Whispers]

but i still yell.. ;).. mainly yelling stop that, dont, get back in the yard..

Yes I am a yeller :o, When I am inside and the kids are in the yard I'm often screaming out the window "leave your sister alone" "turn of the tap" "give her back her bike and ride your own" "stop teasing the dog" :ecomcity: The list goes on and on Sometime my neighbors see me chase the kids around the house when they are trying to hide from me so they don't have to come inside for a bath :laughing: I do often think of what they may be thinking when the kids are running from me.
However I don not smack for those reasons, they make me angry when they don't listen but they are punished in different ways like say for instance when they are fighting over the bikes I get my dp to put them on the garage roof for the whole day the kids can see them but can't get them so next time they know, they better behave with the bikes or they go :laughing:.

I do smack my kids, not often but yes sometimes, I smacked my DD for opening the front gate we live on a main and busy road and almost let our 18mth old daughter out on the road, I think in them instances the punishment needs to be firmer so that it won't happen again and it hasn't.

[bronny-jane]

Well, I'd love to have a chat to a sample of parents and kids whose parents did and didn't use smacking as a form of descipline and get their thoughts on the whole smacking debate and if their opinions have changed or stayed the same. It'd be very interesting.

i know this guy, anyway his dad told him, i once smacked your brother, it was the first and only time i did it, it just felt wrong, like stand over tactics and bullying ;)

so i thought about this, and i agree...
i wouldnt smack an adult for doing the wrong thing, so why a child who is still learning the ways of the world

[becca022]

What's wrong with people!:rolleyes:, FFS. It's HER child. I will hit dd is she is being a little cow, What's wrong with the world these days:shame:, I mean it's not like she is wrapping a jug cord around her neck...


Would you like to be hit with a spoon if you upset someone????????

[Kayangel]

I love my mum, I would NEVER ever resent her for the hits, slaps, books over head and what not. My childhood was perfect, NOT at alll abusive. I would laugh after being hit. EVERYTIME. My mum was a great non ausive mum. I serzly don't even care she would do that. That's her way of parenting and I don't mind it one bit!:yes:

:eek::eek::eek: U have to be joking right? sounds to me like u were abused, hits, slap, books ova the head is all abuse, doesnt sound like a perfect childhood to me, sorry.

[girly]

Would you like to be hit with a spoon if you upset someone????????



Let em try haha...

[bronny-jane]

Let em try haha...

thats the whole point though, you can defend yourself.. a child cant...
the world is bad enough, home should be a retreat, where you can feel free to be yourself with out fear.. just the comfort of knowing, no matter what the world throws at you, you still have your family to keep you safe

[Pina Colada]

Yes I am a yeller :o, When I am inside and the kids are in the yard I'm often screaming out the window "leave your sister alone" "turn of the tap" "give her back her bike and ride your own" "stop teasing the dog" :ecomcity:



:laughing: This sounds exactly like me! :o

I usually stand at the steps of the patio and shout out to them. Now when DD1 and DS are playing outside, DD2 (1 year old) stands at the steps of the patio, waves her arm about and shouts 'rah, rah, raaaaah, rah, RAH!!!' :laughing:

[kezzaskids]

I would like to get a great big spoon right now!................................











and eat some ice cream.
Just stop it Shiraaa and think about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

[Deserama]

Pippi - you help troubled families. You don't get referred to families where the level of disiplin is maintained at a reasonable effective level.

So you see people that do need help, that do need guidence and maybe haven't considered other methods.

You won't ever see inside the front door of a family home where disiplin is tempered by love and guided by educated intelligent people that may use many forms of level handed disiplin that may include a smack on the bum or open hand.


Pippi - I am a child that was beaten and kicked, hit with many things including my Dad's leather belt - and I actually couldn't sit down for several days until the bruises and cuts healed. My stepmonster hit me with what ever was handy and once threw a knife at my brother 'cos that is what was handy.

My childhood has taken a bit of mental sorting out - which leaves me prone to also abusing my kids.

In saying that I do very occassionally smack my kids - it's not my first action, and generally yes it's when all other methods have not worked. It's a hard thing for me to remove my own beaten-in instincts and to apply a bit of intelligence when disiplinning/guiding and punishing my kids.

So, I do understand first hand a parent losing control - from both ends.

There is a huge difference b/w the story in the paper (she gives her kids 3 warnings and they persist and they know what happens when they persist) - to my stepmonster flying into rage at imagined crimes that we kids had committed.

I think that many people need to take several steps back and take a long measured look at the difference b/w the story reported today and the treatment that children like myself endured

Huuuge difference! :iagree:

If smacking was the ONLY thing my parents did to me,,,I would have been a happier child and young adult.

[onionskin]

:laughing: This sounds exactly like me! :o

I usually stand at the steps of the patio and shout out to them. Now when DD1 and DS are playing outside, DD2 (1 year old) stands at the steps of the patio, waves her arm about and shouts 'rah, rah, raaaaah, rah, RAH!!!' :laughing:

Your dd sounds very cute. :yes:

[Whispers]

:laughing: This sounds exactly like me! :o

I usually stand at the steps of the patio and shout out to them. Now when DD1 and DS are playing outside, DD2 (1 year old) stands at the steps of the patio, waves her arm about and shouts 'rah, rah, raaaaah, rah, RAH!!!' :laughing:


:laughing: I often hear my 18mth old trying to repeat me when I'm yelling out the window, she will run up to the other kids and be yelling at them lol

[Deserama]

So if you tap a child on the shoulder to get their attention that is OK. But using the same amount of force as discipline is abuse? Is that correct? Can you see how what you are saying doesn't make sense.

Or slapping a child on the back to say "Well done" or high fiving your child. The other day I was playing the slapping game with my kids....I hurt 'em too :p

[SimplyMum]

One thing I do find a bit......odd is the comment of 'I wouldn't hit my collegues/friends for doing the wrong thing so why would I hit my child?'. I don't think it's really a comparable situation. Their behaviours aren't compareable. Obviously you don't descipline the same. And obviously you don't have the same responsibilities to to your friend as to your child. Whether I agree or disagree, I don't see how these 2 are comparable. What do you think?

[Whispers]

One thing I do find a bit......odd is the comment of 'I wouldn't hit my collegues/friends for doing the wrong thing so why would I hit my child?'. I don't think it's really a comparable situation. Their behaviours aren't compareable. Obviously you don't descipline the same. And obviously you don't have the same responsibilities to to your friend as to your child. Whether I agree or disagree, I don't see how these 2 are comparable. What do you think?
:iagree: And just because I think it is OK to smack my own child I do not think it is OK for me to smack anyone elses child.

[sandy_1902]

:eek: I dont agree with smacking, i found it very sad and sick that any parent could actually hit there child, i seriously dont understand how a parent could want to hurt and upset a child in that way, wats wrong with using words? or other forms of discipline eg. time out. IMO its never ok to hit a child. :mad:

I would never lay a hand on my own child. :no:

because sometimes all of those things do not work.

i did not smack.. i wouldnt even call it a smack... i didnt tap my DS until he was about 2 and the terrors came thorugh and i tried everything else. now i only do it when he hurts him baby sister or does something he knows is wrong several times even after being in the naughty corner..

good for you that your child listens to you and does what you say.. but dont

[tweedledee*tweedledum]

I was hit with a wooden spoon a few times when I was a child, not hard enough to do any damage, but it was hard enough for me to know that I didn't enjoy it. I certainly didn't laugh about it after it happened. I can only count 3 times that it was used, so I would not call my mother an abusive parent, because I know that she wasn't using the spoon to cause me severe hurt, it was for discipline, like a hard smack.

I think also that I respect that back in the 80's, using a wooden spoon was a pretty normal thing for a lot of families and it was not taboo like it is now, so I am not going to hold that against my mother.

These days though, because we know that using anything other than the palm of our hand (and even that is debateable) is considered to be over-the-top, unneccessary and deemed abusive in some instances, we should understand why teachers, carers and other parents will make a big deal of it. Nobody wants to see a child having pain inflicted upon them and nobody wants to be the person who stood back and said nothing and then the child is seriously injured or becomes a fatality.

The mother in this case may very well have just been smacking her daughter lightly with the spoon, but I guess the teacher felt they had a duty to report any suspected abuse and the authorities have a duty to follow up that report.

It may seem extreme, but that is the world we live in now and unfortunately we have to accept that spoons, belts, books and any other utensils are not acceptable forms of discipline any more and we need to find a better alternative.

[onionskin]

One thing I do find a bit......odd is the comment of 'I wouldn't hit my collegues/friends for doing the wrong thing so why would I hit my child?'. I don't think it's really a comparable situation. Their behaviours aren't compareable. Obviously you don't descipline the same. And obviously you don't have the same responsibilities to to your friend as to your child. Whether I agree or disagree, I don't see how these 2 are comparable. What do you think?

I think you are absolutely right Extraordinary, not comparable at all.

[Kayangel]

because sometimes all of those things do not work.

i did not smack.. i wouldnt even call it a smack... i didnt tap my DS until he was about 2 and the terrors came thorugh and i tried everything else. now i only do it when he hurts him baby sister or does something he knows is wrong several times even after being in the naughty corner..

good for you that your child listens to you and does what you say.. but dont

Dont really no the point of ur reply or wat ur trying to say but anyways, my son doesnt always listern to me, like every other child, he does naughty things, tests me etc. but never will i hit him.

There are many forms of discipline not just the time out im sure u could find something that worked insted of hitting.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

I was hit with a wooden spoon a few times when I was a child, not hard enough to do any damage, but it was hard enough for me to know that I didn't enjoy it. I certainly didn't laugh about it after it happened. I can only count 3 times that it was used, so I would not call my mother an abusive parent, because I know that she wasn't using the spoon to cause me severe hurt, it was for discipline, like a hard smack.

I think also that I respect that back in the 80's, using a wooden spoon was a pretty normal thing for a lot of families and it was not taboo like it is now, so I am not going to hold that against my mother.

These days though, because we know that using anything other than the palm of our hand (and even that is debateable) is considered to be over-the-top, unneccessary and deemed abusive in some instances, we should understand why teachers, carers and other parents will make a big deal of it. Nobody wants to see a child having pain inflicted upon them and nobody wants to be the person who stood back and said nothing and then the child is seriously injured or becomes a fatality.

The mother in this case may very well have just been smacking her daughter lightly with the spoon, but I guess the teacher felt they had a duty to report any suspected abuse and the authorities have a duty to follow up that report.

It may seem extreme, but that is the world we live in now and unfortunately we have to accept that spoons, belts, books and any other utensils are not acceptable forms of discipline any more and we need to find a better alternative.

:iagree:
Whether you're of the opinion that a light smack is ok or that it is never ok. The teacher and police have the responsibility to take action if a child advises they have been smacked, however lightly, with a spoon.
They are not to know how hard or light the action actually was. And how often are the police, docs etc crucified for not taking action and preventing situations from becoming worse.

I know there have been similar news stories of parents going to court over a smack, because someone has seen it and said it was excessive.

I'd hate for bubhubbers to be the jury on cases like this.

[SuperGranny]

hi, I came in to this thread much earlier and posted some words of wisdom that went out into cyberspace, so here i am with a second attempt. I just want to add, to all who have posted from whatever side of this debate, I believe until you have walked a mile in the other persons shoes, we have no right to judge. Any person can say, I will never smack my child, and perhaps that will be true, but there is no way one mother can say to another, there is NEVER any reason to smack a child. There is a world of difference between a smack and a beating, and the beating should never be allowed. I dont believe that a smack will become a beating, and I dont believe that smacking a small child will led to a beating as the child gets older. I have found with my children, there was much less discipline needed as they grew older, because they would understand and respond very quickly. Discipline is for teaching, once the lesson is learnt , there is not more need for discipline. I think there is some confusion between discipline and punishment, these two things are not the same. anyway, that is my opinion. Marie.

[tweedledee*tweedledum]

hi, I came in to this thread much earlier and posted some words of wisdom that went out into cyberspace, so here i am with a second attempt. I just want to add, to all who have posted from whatever side of this debate, I believe until you have walked a mile in the other persons shoes, we have no right to judge. Any person can say, I will never smack my child, and perhaps that will be true, but there is no way one mother can say to another, there is NEVER any reason to smack a child. There is a world of difference between a smack and a beating, and the beating should never be allowed. I dont believe that a smack will become a beating, and I dont believe that smacking a small child will led to a beating as the child gets older. I have found with my children, there was much less discipline needed as they grew older, because they would understand and respond very quickly. Discipline is for teaching, once the lesson is learnt , there is not more need for discipline. I think there is some confusion between discipline and punishment, these two things are not the same. anyway, that is my opinion. Marie.

:iagree:

Not every parent who smacks their child is an abusive parent. It's disappointing that these days though, 'normal' smacks and even yelling are having the word abuse attached to them. It will get to the point where parents will be powerless to discipline their children and then what will we be faced with in the future? A bunch of teenagers, young adults who think they are untouchable and will be more reckless and have more offensive behaviour.

Then you know what will follow? 'Why didn't the parents discipline them?' 'How could their parents let them get this way?'

:rolleyes:

[Whispers]

:iagree:

Not every parent who smacks their child is an abusive parent. It's disappointing that these days though, 'normal' smacks and even yelling are having the word abuse attached to them. It will get to the point where parents will be powerless to discipline their children and then what will we be faced with in the future? A bunch of teenagers, young adults who think they are untouchable and will be more reckless and have more offensive behaviour.

Then you know what will follow? 'Why didn't the parents discipline them?' 'How could their parents let them get this way?'

:rolleyes:

:yes:

[onionskin]

:iagree:

Not every parent who smacks their child is an abusive parent. It's disappointing that these days though, 'normal' smacks and even yelling are having the word abuse attached to them. It will get to the point where parents will be powerless to discipline their children and then what will we be faced with in the future? A bunch of teenagers, young adults who think they are untouchable and will be more reckless and have more offensive behaviour.

Then you know what will follow? 'Why didn't the parents discipline them?' 'How could their parents let them get this way?'

:rolleyes:

I agree, especially with the bolded paragraph.

[Deserama]

I know there are children out there are ARE ACTUALLY abused I know my childhood was not abusive. Ide go back and live it all again...:yelclap:

Sweetie, what you have described is abuse.


I hope that Sibel never has to live it though...

Me too, I have grave concerns.


You know why I can laugh about it. I'm cracking up here thining about haha. Because I was from a good home. I wasn't in one of those abusive homes, We were never beaten, puched or anything like that.

They don't have to hun...



Shiraaa, what really worries me is that because you cannot see that what happened to you was abuse, there is a very real chance that you could perpetuate similar abuse. That is not to say that you will deliberately be abusive to your child, but you may unwittingly harm her because you are unable to see what is abusive and what isn't.

What a worrying scenario. :(

It is indeed.


sorry babe .. you might adore your mum .. but there is never ever a reason to hit a kid on the head .. ever ...

The head and neck are far too easy to irrepairably damage .. hearing ... sight.. even brain function can be damaged with a simple knock - even a knock that doesn't seem scary.

If anyone ever touches my child on the head - they will receive my wrath .. its just completely unacceptable to do.

:iagree:

[SalTheGal]

Wow I finally got to the end of this thread!!


I'll admit to smacking DS1's bottom a few times, but it's been out of anger and I've hated myself straight after doing it. Smacking is for the parent, not the child. It takes time and patience to not smack, but I don't think it even works as a form of punishment.

:iagree:

Before I had children, I used to say I would smack my kids "I got smacked and it never hurt me" yadda yadda....

And I have smacked DS1 on a few occasions- and each and every time it has been because I have lost MY temper and not being able to take a step back...each time I have felt soooo bad afterwards, and actually apologised to DS for doing it.

We now have a rule in our house that there is no hitting- and rules apply to ALL of us- not just DS, so the last time I smacked him- he demanded an apology from me!!! :D

That said- I happen to have a very compliant and well behaved boy, I would NEVER judge another mum for smacking her child when I have not been around to witness the appropriateness of the action taken.

[mumbron]

:hissy: NO Comment

[Mischief]

Dont really no the point of ur reply or wat ur trying to say but anyways, my son doesnt always listern to me, like every other child, he does naughty things, tests me etc. but never will i hit him.

There are many forms of discipline not just the time out im sure u could find something that worked insted of hitting.
I dont mean to sound patronising, but... according to your signature your son is one year old...???

1 year olds are not naughty.

You wait until you have a 3 or 4 year old who is wilful and knows what they are doing is naughty, but couldn't care less about you trying to explain to them that it is wrong, or dangerous.

Then you can come back and judge me.

[Mischief]

:iagree:

Not every parent who smacks their child is an abusive parent. It's disappointing that these days though, 'normal' smacks and even yelling are having the word abuse attached to them. It will get to the point where parents will be powerless to discipline their children and then what will we be faced with in the future? A bunch of teenagers, young adults who think they are untouchable and will be more reckless and have more offensive behaviour.

Then you know what will follow? 'Why didn't the parents discipline them?' 'How could their parents let them get this way?'

:rolleyes:
:iagree:

And funny enough, those same children who have never been smacked, or disciplined, will not worry about using violence against others, because THEY are untouchable.

What makes me angry is to see smacking called HITTING... there is a huge difference between a smack and a hit.

A H U G E D I F F E R E N C E !!!!!!

[HunterzMummy]

Nup - but when she can't find the spoon - in her blinded anger I wonder if the jug cord is next?

How is it that she gives her 3 warnings and then its "spoon time" 'blinded anger :confused: hrrmm interesting..It seems to me that its more rational thinking of a process that has been implemented that all parties are aware of..

I have heard researchers at a university conference talk about pro smacking and the hands always being for love and hugs and using a wooden spoon as discipline instead... My mother used the wooden spoon and i dont even remember it because you learned very quick if it got to 3 strikes your out. It was never hard or out of anger, as she always explained afterwards why she did so, followed by a hug.

So tell me, our parents generation and the generations before used smacking as discipline (and yes ppl i said smacking not abusing etc) and they NEVER had the problems we have today with this generation. It is detreriating rapidly becasue PARENTS put no boudaries in nor to they discipline. Children have no respect these days and think everything is handed to them on a silver platter..

AND NO im obviously not talking about your child or the majority of parents on here, as why else would you be on a parenting forum if you didnt care...

End of the day pro smackers vr non smackers, bottle vr breast, controlled crying vr natrual attachment etc are NEVER going to agree nor change minds so i dont know why we keep having these debates ;)

And i know all you smackers are staying quiet for fear of repremand lol :p

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Smacking with impliments is illegal, thank fullly, so is hitting on the head or neck. It is abuse and classed as such, so anyone who does it can be charged.

IMO smacking is wrong, it doesn't work and it harms children.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

So tell me, our parents generation and the generations before used smacking as discipline (and yes ppl i said smacking not abusing etc) and they NEVER had the problems we have today with this generation. It is detreriating rapidly becasue PARENTS put no boudaries in nor to they discipline. Children have no respect these days and think everything is handed to them on a silver platter..



Crime rates would indicate that children are not worse then they were a few generations ago. We just have much more media spotlight on the issue.

Besides most parents still smack, so if children are worse as you claim it is obviously not working is it?

[Mischief]

How is it that she gives her 3 warnings and then its "spoon time" 'blinded anger :confused: hrrmm interesting..It seems to me that its more rational thinking of a process that has been implemented that all parties are aware of..

I have heard researchers at a university conference talk about pro smacking and the hands always being for love and hugs and using a wooden spoon as discipline instead... My mother used the wooden spoon and i dont even remember it because you learned very quick if it got to 3 strikes your out. It was never hard or out of anger, as she always explained afterwards why she did so, followed by a hug.

So tell me, our parents generation and the generations before used smacking as discipline (and yes ppl i said smacking not abusing etc) and they NEVER had the problems we have today with this generation. It is detreriating rapidly becasue PARENTS put no boudaries in nor to they discipline. Children have no respect these days and think everything is handed to them on a silver platter..

AND NO im obviously not talking about your child or the majority of parents on here, as why else would you be on a parenting forum if you didnt care...

End of the day pro smackers vr non smackers, bottle vr breast, controlled crying vr natrual attachment etc are NEVER going to agree nor change minds so i dont know why we keep having these debates ;)

And i know all you smackers are staying quiet for fear of repremand lol :p
I agree.

There weren't the same issues now that we have had with the SPOCK generation.... this generation of adults, young adults, and teens are unruly, without affection or respect for anyone or anything!

[kezzaskids]

I agree.

There weren't the same issues now that we have had with the SPOCK generation.... this generation of adults, young adults, and teens are unruly, without affection or respect for anyone or anything!

Yes so lets abuse them all and smack them til they do!

[Mischief]

Yes so lets abuse them all and smack them til they do!
Smacking is not abuse. A smack is a form of discipline that does not leave a mark, or hurt.

Abuse is leaving a mark, hitting, slapping around the head, neck, etc.

[RedPanda]

One thing I do find a bit......odd is the comment of 'I wouldn't hit my collegues/friends for doing the wrong thing so why would I hit my child?'. I don't think it's really a comparable situation. Their behaviours aren't compareable. Obviously you don't descipline the same. And obviously you don't have the same responsibilities to to your friend as to your child. Whether I agree or disagree, I don't see how these 2 are comparable. What do you think?

Children are people though, so asking yourself whether you'd treat another adult in the same way may put your intentions into perspective (and I'm referring to more than just smacking here).

At what age is smacking not ok? Is it ok to smack a niece or nephew if they're doing something dangerous and need immediate reprimanding? How hard is a "normal" smack and how many times can you do it before it's abuse? Too many questions and too much of a chance that I'm doing the wrong thing.

I was smacked (not often enough to even remember so it wasn't the standard form of discipline in our house) and mother regrets it, even though it was mild.

[HunterzMummy]

Crime rates would indicate that children are not worse then they were a few generations ago. We just have much more media spotlight on the issue.

Besides most parents still smack, so if children are worse as you claim it is obviously not working is it?

Im sorry but where is your supporting evidence? Cause when i go to uni on monday i cant pull you all the stats. Im actually covering this in uni atm for an assignment in social behavioural science. So i find it a little hard to believe that scholars are wrong along with there thesis and research and references. Thats why i can be so certain in what i am saying is right...

[WorkingClassMum]

So tell me, our parents generation and the generations before used smacking as discipline (and yes ppl i said smacking not abusing etc) and they NEVER had the problems we have today with this generation. It is detreriating rapidly becasue PARENTS put no boudaries in nor to they discipline. Children have no respect these days and think everything is handed to them on a silver platter..


There wasn't the TV/media bombardment, the internet, mobile phones pr house phones in fact, pubs closed at 6, shops shut at 5 and NEVER opened on Sundays, people knew their neighbours, the butcher, baker and milkman delivered food, the ice man deleivered ice, there were less pressure for mums to work, many people went to church (the fear of purgetory :eek:), there was less preservatives in food, food was less processed, children were sent to work in mines, there was less disposable income, people married earlier and stayed regardless of domestic violence, a man could beat his wife and a man owned all his wife's property, there weren't vaccines, life expectancy was less, infant deaths were greater, we locked away challenged people, mental illness was treated with fear and suspicion, we burnt witches at the stake, education finished at about 13 or 15 if you were blue collar and 21 if you were wealthy, we have child slavery...

The last 100 or so years weren't really that rosey, but we had the kids beaten I suppose...

And it's the 'kids' of those years that are now our politicians, judges, uni lecturers and law makers - so we are reaping what we sewed back then.

[Oya]

Smacking, hitting, belting a child... all abuse.

And seriously Shirra??? Your daughter is a baby!:no::no:

[Mischief]

Hit is defined as - Striking (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strike_%28attack%29) someone or something to cause physical harm;

Smack is defined as - It typically consists of an adult (usually a parent) striking a child's buttocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttocks) without producing physical injury.

Courtesy of Wikipedia.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Im sorry but where is your supporting evidence? Cause when i go to uni on monday i cant pull you all the stats. Im actually covering this in uni atm for an assignment in social behavioural science. So i find it a little hard to believe that scholars are wrong along with there thesis and research and references. Thats why i can be so certain in what i am saying is right...
Well where is yours? I attend uni also.

If you want to see some violent crime go back and live in roman times, or 200 years ago when settlers first came to Australia.

Crime wasn't reported or recorded in the same way, and historicaly speaking people are the safest they have ever been.

I have also read alot of acedemic studies on what smacking does to children and how it harms them. I guess you know about that and take it all into account?

[HunterzMummy]

Yes so lets abuse them all and smack them til they do!

Why do you ppl all think that smackers are abusers, that we smack out of anger, that we are beating them.. As a victim of DV im offended that you would put violent abuse in the same boat as smacking...until you have been smacked around by a man beaten black and blue and then come and see how us non angry abusive parents smack after rational warning and i repeat NOT OUT OF ANGER....then have your say :)

[Areca]

Granted I haven't read through all twenty pages but are people really defending the right to hit a child with a wooden spoon? Is that what the arguement for the last 21 pages has been about?

[SimplyMum]

hi, I came in to this thread much earlier and posted some words of wisdom that went out into cyberspace, so here i am with a second attempt. I just want to add, to all who have posted from whatever side of this debate, I believe until you have walked a mile in the other persons shoes, we have no right to judge. Any person can say, I will never smack my child, and perhaps that will be true, but there is no way one mother can say to another, there is NEVER any reason to smack a child. There is a world of difference between a smack and a beating, and the beating should never be allowed. I dont believe that a smack will become a beating, and I dont believe that smacking a small child will led to a beating as the child gets older. I have found with my children, there was much less discipline needed as they grew older, because they would understand and respond very quickly. Discipline is for teaching, once the lesson is learnt , there is not more need for discipline. I think there is some confusion between discipline and punishment, these two things are not the same. anyway, that is my opinion. Marie.

Oh, I am so glad you came in and posted. I saw you in another thread and actually contemplated asking you to come in here and comment.

I love reading your posts. You look at things from a 'real world' point fo view.

By the way, do I need to say :iagree:?

[Whispers]

Smacking, hitting, belting a child... all abuse.

And seriously Shirra??? Your daughter is a baby!:no::no:
That is your personal opinion you have no right to accuse a parent of abuse for smacking their child.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

There wasn't the TV/media bombardment, the internet, mobile phones pr house phones in fact, pubs closed at 6, shops shut at 5 and NEVER opened on Sundays, people knew their neighbours, the butcher, baker and milkman delivered food, the ice man deleivered ice, there were less pressure for mums to work, many people went to church (the fear of purgetory :eek:), there was less preservatives in food, food was less processed, children were sent to work in mines, there was less disposable income, people married earlier and stayed regardless of domestic violence, a man could beat his wife and a man owned all his wife's property, there weren't vaccines, life expectancy was less, infant deaths were greater, we locked away challenged people, mental illness was treated with fear and suspicion, we burnt witches at the stake, education finished at about 13 or 15 if you were blue collar and 21 if you were wealthy, we have child slavery...

The last 100 or so years weren't really that rosey, but we had the kids beaten I suppose...

And it's the 'kids' of those years that are now our politicians, judges, uni lecturers and law makers - so we are reaping what we sewed back then.:yes:

Absolutely history is very violent. it was legal to beat women and children. People were hung and sometimes tortured and their heads displayed in public as a warning to others. There was a lot more theft because there were no social support systems and people were starving, which led to even more voilent crime.

If people think things are worse they are kidding themselves.

If they don't want things to be bad, we should think about hitting children and what it teaches them, violent video games and movies etc. violence against others is violence, i don't care how "soft" it's still abuse.

[Whispers]

Granted I haven't read through all twenty pages but are people really defending the right to hit a child with a wooden spoon? Is that what the arguement for the last 21 pages has been about?
No a lot are against this the debate has become about smacking.

[RedPanda]

Why do you ppl all think that smackers are abusers, that we smack out of anger, that we are beating them.. As a victim of DV im offended that you would put violent abuse in the same boat as smacking...until you have been smacked around by a man beaten black and blue and then come and see how us non angry abusive parents smack after rational warning and i repeat NOT OUT OF ANGER....then have your say :)

That's awful HunterzMummy. Well done for getting out of that situation.:yelclap::hugs:

I've not used the word abuse to describe smacking, however I don't like the ideas it may give children. I am much larger than my children and I'd hate to think that I was using my physical power to "win". I read books to my eldest about standing up to bullies and in the book, the bully is a bigger person standing over the child using physical force and threat to get the child to comply. I just don't want to confuse my child about what is acceptable. I want him to know that if anyone hits him, it isn't right instead of him thinking "Well, Mummy does it so it's ok that Aunty/Uncle/teacher/cousin/neighbour/childcare worker/kid at school does it". Child logic can be very simplistic.

Also, DV doesn't have to mean being beaten black and blue. If my husband smacked me in a menacing way (not playful!) on any part of my body, he would have some serious consequences because that is completely unacceptable. This isn't about the smacking thing, but I just wanted to point out to anyone who may be reading this that DV can be mild as well as extreme, as your case sounds HM.

[Jakois]

Ya konw, in this day and age, with all the knowledge we hold now, I find it so hard to comprehend that ANYONE would condone hitting a child with any form of implement:(.

It is wrong, it it hurtful and it is ABUSE.

[Areca]

No a lot are against this the debate has become about smacking.

Ok. The smacking debate I have said my peace on plenty of times in the past so won't bother going back and reading and getting involved with this one.

Thanks for saving me time.

[Whispers]

Physical abuse

This is when a child's body is hurt or injured. This can be through punching, hitting, beating, shaking, biting, burning or any actions which result in a child's body being harmed. It can be seen in bruising, swellings, welts, broken bones and in extreme cases, death.


A tiny smack on the bum is none of the above.

[Oya]

That is your personal opinion you have no right to accuse a parent of abuse for smacking their child.

Err, if your husband smacked you...that's abuse.

So you believe a living, breathing child/baby has less rights then the adult? ;)

[Pippi Longstocking]

I dont mean to sound patronising, but... according to your signature your son is one year old...???

1 year olds are not naughty.

You wait until you have a 3 or 4 year old who is wilful and knows what they are doing is naughty, but couldn't care less about you trying to explain to them that it is wrong, or dangerous.

Then you can come back and judge me.

The PP may have had a 1yo but I have five children aged 4 years and above - surely that means I can judge? :cool:

[spoon]

Firstly :no: I would never in a million years call my child a little cow or say she is being one. I think that is a pretty damaging attitude to take with your child especially when she is just a little baby.

Secondly, there are other much more effective ways of discplining a child that does not use humiliation, pain, and shame on them. Especially when they get to school age.

There are ways to deal with situations besides smacking. Many more ways, and if you are calm but dishing out a smack anyway I urge you to explore more options.

We teach our children that violence is okay under certain circumstances when they are raised being smacked and it is not. I am very happy to see that society is evolving.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Why do you ppl all think that smackers are abusers, that we smack out of anger, that we are beating them.. As a victim of DV im offended that you would put violent abuse in the same boat as smacking...until you have been smacked around by a man beaten black and blue and then come and see how us non angry abusive parents smack after rational warning and i repeat NOT OUT OF ANGER....then have your say :)
I have been in a violent relationship.:(

I can see so many pralells between hitting children and abusive relationships.

My Boyfriend hit me, because I wasn't behaving in the way he desired. Or because I was annoying him, or because he asked me three times to do something and I refused, then he hit me out of frustration. He seemed calm when he hit me sometimes too. It was for my own good, how was I going to learn to behave in the correct manner if he didn't hit me?

[*babygirl*]

You know why I can laugh about it. I'm cracking up here thining about haha. Because I was from a good home. I wasn't in one of those abusive homes, We were never beaten, puched or anything like that.

i think you are kidding yourself just a little bit,
You say you were never beaten or anything LIKE that.... smacking, especially with wooden spoons, straps and getting books slammed down on your head is definitely LIKE abuse!! it IS abuse!

and you're laughing about how you used to PLEAD with your mother to not hit you.... i can see the image in my head of a small girl cowering under her MOTHER.. the one person who is supposed to nourish and love and forgive...

imagine for a second if someone else treated your DD like your mother treated you.... would you try and charge them for ABUSING your child? or would that be ok too??:gloomy:

[HunterzMummy]

WCM your talking about and entirely DIFFERENT eera then I.

Socks - He was doing it out of anger..the majority of us smackers dont. And i can vow that for myself. Ive never once hit out of anger... 2 complete different sticks

No one is ever going to "convert" one another or we aint going to change there minds that we are angry non selfcontrolling parents.. So think what you will im out :footinmouth:

Happy debating and going round in circles :p

[Oya]

Why do you ppl all think that smackers are abusers, that we smack out of anger, that we are beating them.. As a victim of DV im offended that you would put violent abuse in the same boat as smacking...until you have been smacked around by a man beaten black and blue and then come and see how us non angry abusive parents smack after rational warning and i repeat NOT OUT OF ANGER....then have your say :)


As I have said before, being punched by my father came with the same emotions that being smacked for discipline came with. The didn't hurt as much physically, it left no physical mark either. But the marks it left on the inside hurt like hell. I have also been abused and beaten by a partner and this is exactly why I am so against smacking, just as he had no right to hit me. I have no right to smack my children. Unfortuntely I have lashed out at my eldest before.. I have to live with that guilt. :(

[Whispers]

Err, if your husband smacked you...that's abuse.

So you believe a living, breathing child/baby has less rights then the adult? ;)
err yeah right so if my husband tapped me lightly on the bum he is abusing me umm ok then.

[Jakois]

A tiny smack on the bum is none of the above.


See, now I dont get the logic in that.
Why do it at all then? What benefit is it in any way?

I used to smack when DS1 was younger. I now know better. Smacking does not help. I hate the thought that it may have damaged his self esteem or his image of me in any way:(.

[Chickadee]

err yeah right so if my husband tapped me lightly on the bum he is abusing me umm ok then.
If the intent behind the tap is one or more of:
- disciplining you
- humiliating you
- to reinforce a threat of stronger punishment

then yes, I would consider it abuse.

[Leisa21]

How does a light tap stop them misbehaving?? If several other forms of punishment aren't working I fail to understand how a so called light tap on the bum is going to stop them?? I would have to assume you're hitting them hard enough to cause them pain?? That's not a light tap.

[Jakois]

err yeah right so if my husband tapped me lightly on the bum he is abusing me umm ok then.

If your husband tapped you on the bum to discipline you, than yes it is abuse.

[SimplyMum]

Children are people though, so asking yourself whether you'd treat another adult in the same way may put your intentions into perspective (and I'm referring to more than just smacking here).

At what age is smacking not ok? Is it ok to smack a niece or nephew if they're doing something dangerous and need immediate reprimanding? How hard is a "normal" smack and how many times can you do it before it's abuse? Too many questions and too much of a chance that I'm doing the wrong thing.

I was smacked (not often enough to even remember so it wasn't the standard form of discipline in our house) and mother regrets it, even though it was mild.

But my intentions for an adult are very different to my intentions for my child. I'm not looking to guide my friends or collegues to appropriate behaviour.

It depends on the severity for my neices and nephews. Just like, it would depend on the severity for reporting an adult to police about certain activity.

I think the force of the smack is common sense. Surely people can see this.

Well, I'm sorry your mother regrets it. It doesn't mean it's wrong though. Parents regret allot of things, doesn't mean any of them are wrong. Just not what worked at the time.

[Mischief]

The PP may have had a 1yo but I have five children aged 4 years and above - surely that means I can judge? :cool:
You have already made your thoughts very clear, to you, I must be an abusive monster setting out to murder my children by beating them to death with uncontrollable anger, all because I choose smacking as ONE FORM of discipline (a last resort). At least, that is my personal interpretation of what you are saying.

To those of you who said if your husband smacked you, it would be abuse, my husband and I do smack eachother, we do it with love, as a game. I dont consider it abuse. If he were to HURT ME, then yes, but what no one is willing to try to understand is that abuse and a smack are very different.

One causes pain, the other does not, and is a tap to let the child know they have gone to far.

If its causing pain, bruising, torment... that is abuse, and Im pretty sure that none of us who are saying that we smack are condoning abusive.

[poppie]

I rarely ever smack DD1 and have never smacked DD2. I smacked DD1 so hard that it left a red mark on her hand for about 20 minutes the time I turned around and she had a fork almost inserted in the power point! I don't think that one counts as it was not out of anger. I don't think that using words would have got her away quick enough.

I am a fence sitter. I was hit (rarely) as a child and only ever with a bare hand and only on the hand, bottom or thighs. I was the type of child who did not respond to anything else. Time out was a joke for me, reasoning...well that didn't work but as soon as I got a smack (after every other form of discipline) I would NEVER do it again and I knew it was serious.

I agree that to hit out of anger is wrong but I think it is very hard to judge another parents actions unless you know them and their child.

[spoon]

How does a light tap stop them misbehaving?? If several other forms of punishment aren't working I fail to understand how a so called light tap on the bum is going to stop them?? I would have to assume you're hitting them hard enough to cause them pain?? That's not a light tap.

:iagree::iagree:

[Oya]

err yeah right so if my husband tapped me lightly on the bum he is abusing me umm ok then.

What's the point of a 'light tap' on the bum then? Even if you believe that smacking is effective and will teach the child to not do/touch whatever it is you don't want them to what's a 'light tap' on the bum?

I highly doubt those that use smacking as a parenting took only do a 'tiny tap' on the bum.

In your quote it mentioned harm, a smack is harmful. If someone smacked me I would charge them with assault.

Oh and yes, as others said if your husband tapped you even lightly out of disclipline... that would be abuse.

[RedPanda]

What if you did need to "guide" adults in your life? When my grandfather had dementia, he had to learn a lot of things anew. As his new caretaker, should my mother have smacked him when he went wandering off one day and we had to call police to find him? He would have had the same intent as a wandering four-year-old (looking at interesting things). He was capable of learning new things (he remembered recent things but not years ago, or sometimes he'd just mix up what era of his life he was in). Just food for thought.

My DH tells a story of his brother being whacked with a wooden spoon as a teen and the brother stood up and was much taller than the parent, at which point the parent stopped smacking out of the realisation that they were no longer the "biggest" or "strongest". Any power that relies on the child being physically weaker than the parent is not sustainable or right IMO.

But that's how I choose to raise my children, and people still have the legal right to smack and "threaten" with a wooden spoon (but not smack apparently). FWIW, I don't see how threatening with a wooden spoon is any more right than an adult threatening another adult with a baseball bat. What's the message? "As long as the weapon isn't used it's ok?"

ETA: Hey Mischief!! I haven't been on BH regularly for a while, so it's my first sighting of you on the boards and my first non FB contact for ages! Hi! In terms of the smacking, most people have clarified that it is only smacking that is not a sex/cuddle/love game - we are referring to smacking that is designed to punish or humiliate you, which I know your lovely husband would never do!

[bumMum]

oh my, 225 replies already??
this wasn't even up yesterday!
I don't support smacking. violence is not the way I would like to teach my children to deal with anything. even someone who is behaving badly. I do not want my kid to be the one who grows up to be the guy who punches someone at the pub for being a bit of a ********..
there are so many other ways to discipline without smacking.
I can understand of course, instant reactions to things like a child reaching up to the stove top etc.. that is more for the childs safety than anything else.

[kezzaskids]

Why do you ppl all think that smackers are abusers, that we smack out of anger, that we are beating them.. As a victim of DV im offended that you would put violent abuse in the same boat as smacking...until you have been smacked around by a man beaten black and blue and then come and see how us non angry abusive parents smack after rational warning and i repeat NOT OUT OF ANGER....then have your say :)
Ha! I have had my say! You dont know me or the abuse or not I went through as a child or an adult. A smily face doesnt cut it.
I am a mum of 5. I teat my 17yo with respect and I treat my 1yo with the same respect.
Hiting, smacking, striking or hurting someone in anyway at all out of fear, fustration or just because you like it is wrong.
Im sorry that you suffered abuse but it does not give you justification to hurt your own children.

[Jakois]

You have already made your thoughts very clear, to you, I must be an abusive monster setting out to murder my children by beating them to death with uncontrollable anger, all because I choose smacking as ONE FORM of discipline (a last resort). At least, that is my personal interpretation of what you are saying.

To those of you who said if your husband smacked you, it would be abuse, my husband and I do smack eachother, we do it with love, as a game. I dont consider it abuse. If he were to HURT ME, then yes, but what no one is willing to try to understand is that abuse and a smack are very different.

One causes pain, the other does not, and is a tap to let the child know they have gone to far.

If its causing pain, bruising, torment... that is abuse, and Im pretty sure that none of us who are saying that we smack are condoning abusive.

Mischief, I dont think anyone is calling you an abuser.

I was under the impression that to smack was to cause at least a little bit of pain. Your description of a tap on the bum would not actually do that.

[Whispers]

I highly doubt those that use smacking as a parenting took only do a 'tiny tap' on the bum.


You are accusing people of things you don't know how would you know if they are smacking lightly on the bum or not.



What's the point of a 'light tap' on the bum then? Even if you believe that smacking is effective and will teach the child to not do/touch whatever it is you don't want them to what's a 'light tap' on the bum?



Well what else would it be?? it's a tap on the bum.



I don't know why it is effective for us but it works for us, and as I said only on rare occasions do I smack my children and that is not out of anger but fear of their safety.


I am not ignoring reply's if anyone does reply but I have to pick my son up from school. Thread will prob be closed by the time I am back anyway.

[Pippi Longstocking]

You have already made your thoughts very clear, to you, I must be an abusive monster setting out to murder my children by beating them to death with uncontrollable anger, all because I choose smacking as ONE FORM of discipline (a last resort). At least, that is my personal interpretation of what you are saying.



Well clearly you are quite wrong, as I'm sure you'd know by the over-the-top description of your interpretation of my opinion. :)
Firstly, my opinion on you is separate to my opinion on smacking. What I am objecting to here is the act of striking a child deliberately, not you as an individual. What I believe (subjective anecdata to refute this point is unnecessary ;)). It is potentially a first step towards an escalation of violence. It is ineffective. It is a form of coercion through fear. Etc etc etc.

What I think of parents that smack:
I think that generally, most parents that smack their children do so because they simply haven't any other skills to help them cope with poor behaviour. I believe, therefore, that many smack out of good intention. I feel that if parents that choose to smack were receptive to more information, they would find they were armed with a 'toolbag' of tricks that would help them avoid the need to smack. I feel that most parents love their children and many struggle to admit, even to themselves, that they may have unwittingly harmed their child.

[Phyllis Stein]

I'd like to know what other classes of people or animal we are allowed to hit? Hmm.. I do believe there's none!

Seriously, people of all descriptions - from 'normal' adults through to dementia sufferers, those with intellectual disability or mental illness all act in ways that are confronting, silly, antisocial, reckless on occasion... and we are NOT entitled to lay a finger on them! We simply must find other ways of guiding or coping with their behaviour, and this is no different for children.

Smacking/ hitting/ "tapping" are all expressions of power and violence, and as Shiraaa's post illustrate all too well, they are very likely to lead to more violence. :(

[poppie]

Just another thought... this is not saying that smacking is right but my friend has a (don't want to use the wrong word here) 'challenging' DD. Her favourite line is "adults can't hit kids so what are you going to do about it!" I am sure she is going to grow up into one of those smug little people who fear nothing and who have a total disregard for wrong vs right. She has never been hit (to my knowledge) yet she is a violent child herself. She has been through time out etc and nothing has worked. Her mum, who is lovely, constantly says just "use your words not your fists" and she just laughs. The day she floored my DD and bit her on the arm (drew blood) I can tell you it did cross my mind to hit her myself! (I would never do it before anyone gets upset with me).

[Jakois]

What I think of parents that smack:
I think that generally, most parents that smack their children do so because they simply haven't any other skills to help them cope with poor behaviour. I believe, therefore, that many smack out of good intention. I feel that if parents that choose to smack were receptive to more information, they would find they were armed with a 'toolbag' of tricks that would help them avoid the need to smack. I feel that most parents love their children and many struggle to admit, even to themselves, that they may have unwittingly harmed their child.

As a parent that USED to smack, I feel that your interpretation is spot on.

Had this conversation happened 8 years ago I would have defended my methods to the death.

Now armed with more knowledge and understanding, I do admit that my smacking my child was not only ineffective but wrong.

[kezzaskids]

I find a loud stop a very effective way to stop my chidren immediatly. No need for a tap on the bottom then as the loud noise will achieve the same thing. I would rather raise my voice out of fear then my hand.

[SassyMummy]

I smack, on occasion.

Others can think what they like, but unless they are willing to come to my home and figure out a better way to deal with my very stubborn, very pig-headed daughter, then I really don't think they have much right to judge.

Time out used to work. Now it does not. Time out is actually almost enjoyable for DD... it's hardly a disciplinary measure. Discussing anything with her when she's in a foul mood is pointless... it gets you nowhere, she doesn't even pay attention. Of course, there are those times when she's on the ground screaming like a banshee over nothing at all, and at risk of harming herself, others or objects around her.

Being 22kg, wriggling in a screaming heap, it's not as easy as simply moving her. She's quite heavy to carry when she's willing to be held... much more so when she's unwilling. And going in for a loving cuddle to comfort her? You're likely to get nothing more than a kick in the guts and a rake to the eyes.

The smack seems to be the best port of call in these situations - it's quick, and usually stuns her for a second, so she's more willing to listen to reason or whatever.

I'll also point out the "if your husband hit you..." arguement, because I'd also find the relationship abusive if my partner were to send me to time out, or remove priveledges, or similar "gentle methods."

Quite frankly, it's not my partner's job to discipline me. It is my job, however, to discipline my daughter.

I just cannot make the correlation.

[CookiesRYum]

I'd like to know what other classes of people or animal we are allowed to hit? Hmm.. I do believe there's none!

Seriously, people of all descriptions - from 'normal' adults through to dementia sufferers, those with intellectual disability or mental illness all act in ways that are confronting, silly, antisocial, reckless on occasion... and we are NOT entitled to lay a finger on them! We simply must find other ways of guiding or coping with their behaviour, and this is no different for children.

Smacking/ hitting/ "tapping" are all expressions of power and violence, and as Shiraaa's post illustrate all too well, they are very likely to lead to more violence. :(

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

As a parent that USED to smack, I feel that your interpretation is spot on.

Had this conversation happened 8 years ago I would have defended my methods to the death.

Now armed with more knowledge and understanding, I do admit that my smacking my child was not only ineffective but wrong.
Me too.

I used to smack my DD. Now I feel so badly about the harm I caused. I only ever used my hand and smacked her on the bum. it never led to anything positive.

If parents really are calm when they smack, then why not just calmly use other tactics?

My daughter was a huge handful, she was smart and argumentative. It's just the way she is.

Since I stopped smacking our relationship is better and her behaviour is better. I havn't smacked in such a long time.

What are smackers going to do when their children are teenagers? Are they going to continue to hit their children?

[WorkingClassMum]

So tell me, our parents generation and the generations before used smacking as discipline (and yes ppl i said smacking not abusing etc) and they NEVER had the problems we have today with this generation. It is detreriating rapidly becasue PARENTS put no boudaries in nor to they discipline.


WCM your talking about and entirely DIFFERENT eera then I.




Nup - my parents are in their 60's and 70's - my grandparents were born in the late 1800's and early 1900's - and back then most of what I posted still happened.

And it people of your parents and my parents generation that are making the laws these days, doing the studies and realising that just 'cos it was done historically doesn't mean it was ever OK.

[V8]

My personal view is that no you should not be able to smack your child, but it should not be made illegal either. I don't feel parents have the right to smack their child as much as they don't have the right to go ahead and smack some stranger that particularly annoyed them. I don't think parents that smack their children are monsters or anything of the sort, i think if its a form of discipline that is used when they are out of ideas. I have occasionally smacked my DS1 and i felt absolutely sickened thank goodness i had the frame of mind to ring someone to get them to deal with the kids cause i was just not coping at all. But as an everyday occurance it should just not happen.

I have smacked and vow to do better for my child, noone deserves it, i got smacked when i was younger infact it would be now classified as beaten as it left marks on my butt, i got smacked with a wooden paint stirrer that was a thick piece of wood that had a handle and my dad was very happy my uncle suggested this as a tool for smacking us. I was the one that it was used on the most. I don't doubt i deserved some sort of discipline, and it was what was done in those days, but when you know better, you do better. So i am choosing to do better for my kiddies.

The main point why i think you shouldn't smack AT ALL is because everyone has different interpretations of a 'little smack on the bum'. Some children may get a smack on the bum once in a blue moon, what about the children that its a daily occurance to get a smack on the bum, what if sometimes the smack on the bum goes to far, what if the kid continues this behaviour anyways?? I just feel that it's not only an innappropriate way to discipline your child, it's also pretty ineffective. I was stubborn as anything and knew i'd get hit, but i still did the bad behaviours and my parents will even admit it didn't do anything for me. My brothers and sisters it was effective, but not for me Misses Stubborn pants!

When it's having to be justified for an array of reasons or justified by only a tap or whatever i just think it's sending the wrong message to other parents that have a different interpretation of smacking. It's like far too great a slippery slope for what happens in one household to what may happen in another, it's too open for interpretation, just as this thread shows so many have such different views on it. Thats why i feel that it should just be a flat no, you should not do it. I hope that made some sense.

[mum2bubba]

I've changed my post:

I do smack my kids every now and then and feel bad about it. I am really trying all the time not to. I don't use wooden spoons or anything but my hand, I don't belt the cr@p out of them, just a light tap on the hand or bum, but like I said I don't want to do that anymore. I use other ways of discipline.

[poppie]

A lot of people are implying that the bigger issue is the "fear" of being smacked and using that fear as a form of discipline. If it is using fear as a form of getting their children to do the right thing is the issue, then I certainly hope that none of them are part of a mainstream religion like Catholicism! I was raised a RC and it was the fear that you would go to hell that scared us into doing the right thing most of the time.

[sweetsugardumplin']

Are you aware though, that other techniques DONT work for everyone!?!?!? To alot of people there is no alternative. Just like the breast v formula. Not everyone can breast feed.

Haven't read all posts yet (...gotto go to work :rolleyes:) but...............Peppa how can you say this???

You have worked in child care, where you would have been taught, shown and expected to use positive guidance approaches to misbehaviour...and yet to choose to use and condone physical punishment.

Surely, someone like you who has the skills, knowledge and tools could be using alternative methods to smacking and encouraging others to do so!

I can understand people smacking when they know no different, but when you have the tools and still smack.......what does that say? :no:

[Deserama]

What I think of parents that smack:
I think that generally, most parents that smack their children do so because they simply haven't any other skills to help them cope with poor behaviour. I believe, therefore, that many smack out of good intention. I feel that if parents that choose to smack were receptive to more information, they would find they were armed with a 'toolbag' of tricks that would help them avoid the need to smack. I feel that most parents love their children and many struggle to admit, even to themselves, that they may have unwittingly harmed their child.

I think you're generallising a bit too much here, I have a huge toolbag of discipline, my main tool is 'natural consequences' I love this one!...this works most of the time, I rarely have to resort to time outs or removing of priveledges or smacking...but sometimes I do. That does NOT, by any means mean I am uneducated and lack parenting skills. That does NOT by any menas mean that I am abusing my children....AND it does NOT mean that it is 'violent'.

[Fuchsia!]

I've changed my post:

I do smack my kids every now and then and feel bad about it. I am really trying all the time not to. I don't use wooden spoons or anything but my hand, I don't belt the cr@p out of them, just a light tap on the hand or bum, but like I said I don't want to do that anymore. I use other ways of discipline.

Hang in there, its really hard to break the cycle and your kids will thank you for it when they are older. Its really hard to not smack when thats all you have known

Goodluck :hugs:

[Veritas]

I'd like to know what other classes of people or animal we are allowed to hit? Hmm.. I do believe there's none!

Seriously, people of all descriptions - from 'normal' adults through to dementia sufferers, those with intellectual disability or mental illness all act in ways that are confronting, silly, antisocial, reckless on occasion... and we are NOT entitled to lay a finger on them! We simply must find other ways of guiding or coping with their behaviour, and this is no different for children.

Smacking/ hitting/ "tapping" are all expressions of power and violence, and as Shiraaa's post illustrate all too well, they are very likely to lead to more violence. :(

:iagree: Very well said....

[delirium]

I'm not a perfect mother. DD we have never smacked, but we have smacked DS when he is at his naughtiest. But you know what? That was bc my frustration levels were so high I wasn't thinking straight. Often smacking comes when people lose their patience, and that's not good. I have felt terrible the times I have smacked DS, and I have acknowledged it is my problem, not my child's.

My main issues are firstly that you are teaching children when someone annoys you, you use violence. Not a good lesson. The other issue is that it instills fear into the child. My mother ruled with fear, and let me tell you,i t worked a treat until about 12. That's when I went off the rails. Of course it was more than just that, I had a terrible home life, but there comes a point where fear doesn't work anymore. Then what are you left with?

A few people have raised a valid point about the fact it is not ok to hit a woman, but it is for a child. I agree that it's one and the same.

[Fuchsia!]

My other post seems to have disapeared!

Anyway, Shiraa are you sure you aren't a troll???

Or maybe its the immaturity that is showing through?

Smacking does cause emotional harm, i have been there and im still suffering from it 20yrs later. I have see a psychologist and a lot of my problems stem from that abuse.

If you want to risk your daughter disliking you, having no respect for you and blames you for all her problems and being emotionally scarred, then go for it. But from where im sitting it is not worth the risk.

Sure your daughter might turn out fine and may thank you for it, but she might hate you for it too.