I'm not sure why I'm posting this but.....

[havealaugh]

I'M CONFUSED. DP & I have a gorgeous, funny, smart, independant 5 (almost 6) yr old. I love her more than I have anything in my life. She came about from a relationship with my DP...we had only known eachother for 3 months before I fell pregnant (complete accident, contraception was used), at first I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but now.....I don't know how I could bare to be without DD. Six months ago I felt like I wanted a sibling for DD......DP has been wanting a second for ages. I was sure I wanted another......but now I'm not so sure. Is it selfish of me to be only thinking financially??? Because that's pretty much what I'm doing. I want to send DD to a private secondary school, I want to give DD a unit/house when she is 21.....I want so many things for her......
I'm not looking for answers.....not really sure why Ive written all this but I have....sorry.

[delirium]

No you aren't selfish. If you only want one, that's your business and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain it to anyone. Just try and ensure she gets lots of interaction thru day care/play dates/play group and she will be just fine.

[crazymuma]

Good luck with whatever you decide but just remember you don't HAVE to have another baby - having only one for financial reasons isn't selfish at all if thats what you want.

[sunnymummy]

You are not being selfish by wanting to give your child things.

BUT.. I think the best thing you could give her is a sibling :yes:

[Ana Gram]

No, I don't think it is selfish. There is nothing wrong with having one child.

[havealaugh]

She is at kinder this year & starting school next year....she can read, write, do simple maths & has made quite a good friendship group. She has the best sense of humour (can't half tell that she is my world!) She has recently been asking about why she doesnt have a brother or a sister....that's probably been the hardest part. She seems to WANT a sibling.....but I'm just not so sure...yet. YIKES..didin't think all this would be so hard!

[Ana Gram]

DD is 5 and asks for a sibling as well. So I understand.

[havealaugh]

Does it concern you at all??? I almost feel like I'm robbing her of something. She is the only one at her kinder without a sibling, & suspect it'll be the same at school next year. All of my friends around me are only now starting to have their first child & I have a sneaking suspision that I'm beginning to think twice because of that! A year ago I wouldn't have even considered the thought of a second child! Plus with the first child being so perfect I'd be concerned the second one couldn't live up to my expectations!!!

[Ana Gram]

Nope. I don't see why I should have to go through pregnancy and birth and then have to raise another child just because DD wants a sibling. Having a child is a huge responsibility that 5 year olds don't quite understand. I'd rather get her a pet to be honest.

[Just Add Water]

Just a flip side for you .... our 6 year old came home recently and said that she wanted her brothers to move out so she could be the only child in our house :) I remember friends at school who were lone children wishing they had siblings and I remember kids with siblings (myself included) wishing we were lone children.

Make a decision based on what is right for you and your DP, and how you can best provide what you wish to provide for your DD.

[4OnEarth1InHeaven]

I myself could not imagine only having one child (obviously :laughing:), but you need to do what you want and speak to DP about how you are feeling, but don't say you don't just because of financial reasons. I have friends who only want one child and good on them for knowing what they want. Just don't have another baby for your DD or DP otherwise you may despise that baby.
Good Luck and please please talk about it.

[MermaidSister]

I don't think there's anything wrong with only wanting one child and wanting to give them the best. I am pregnant again and totally unsure about it precisely because i worry i will now not be able to provide as well for my first never mind the second. But, straight up, it sounds more like the reason you don't want another is not completely financial...obviously i don't know you and can only read a shallow level of the issue from your post but you talk about your girl being "so perfect" and "your world" so really i get a sneaking suspicion you are worried about this perfect picture being shattered by a new baby who may not be "good enough" in a sense? So perhaps keeping it at one would be best for you if a sibling would be forever living in their sister's shadow. Still i wonder if your girl is starting the feel the pressure of being "so perfect" and her mother's entire world. Just a thought.

[Shepherd]

Theres not much for me to write because you sound just like me - I too have a lovely 6 yeard old DD and am just having the one. I won't be changing my mind and don't feel pressure by society (or by her) to have another. Yes her life would be great with a sibling and yes her life will be great without one. Its not life defining. Its just the way it is and I think she is having the best opportunities, lifestyle and parenting being a single child.

If by any chance you live on the sunny coast lets get our girls together they might have a lot in common and 'only's' need lots of good girl mates.

[havealaugh]

Thanks for the replies ladies!!! I never expected to come to an answer with this post....just some different opinions to consider, & I got those, so thank-you!!! DP & I had a big talk lastnight & agreed that if it happens without any intervention or planning then a second child would be more than welcomed. We are BOTH happy with that decision. If it doesnt come about in the next 5 years then we will look into fostering because we would both love to give to local kids that need some help (& we are in a position to do that). As for me thinking a 2nd child would not live up to DD, as a previous poster wrote....maybe they're right. But who's to say that a 2nd doesn't shine in other areas??? I would rather 2 different personalities, than 2 competitors. And as they say...everyone is different!

[SimplyMum]

Does it concern you at all??? I almost feel like I'm robbing her of something. She is the only one at her kinder without a sibling, & suspect it'll be the same at school next year. All of my friends around me are only now starting to have their first child & I have a sneaking suspision that I'm beginning to think twice because of that! A year ago I wouldn't have even considered the thought of a second child! Plus with the first child being so perfect I'd be concerned the second one couldn't live up to my expectations!!!

I could've written this and all your previous posts myself!

I want to send DS to a private school, want to send him to Uni/overseas etc. Would like to buy a 2nd hand car when the time comes. I would like to put him in various activities to give him ample opportunities. Travel with him, take him to see plays and music productions.
And also, DS was and is such a fantastic kid. Perfect baby, perfect kid. I'd hate not to get such a fantastic kid second time round and be disapointed.

[SweetSerenity]

I hear you loud and clear, I was like you until I met my DP and decided that yes we want one together :goodvibes: My DS was also an unplanned baby but with my ex.

The way I look it at is, money can buy all those things, education, cars, material things, trips overseas etc...but at the end of the day it can't buy that special relationship between siblings.

I think to myself how much I love knowing that DS will still have his sister around once we're gone.

Plus having one more doesn't mean you can't still do all those things, you just may have to work a bit harder or wait a bit longer.

At the end of the day though, you do what's best for you and your family :hugs:

If it's one you decide on then that doesn't matter, if you have another, great :) Go with what's right for you guys.

All the best :)

[Scout]

The way I look it at is, money can buy all those things, education, cars, material things, trips overseas etc...but at the end of the day it can't buy that special relationship between siblings.

I'm not sure if I buy the "special relationship between siblings". My DH hasn't spoken to his sister in 11 years, one of my friends hates his brother, I have 4 step-siblings and they can't be in the same room without *****ing and difficulties. There is nothing special going on there.

As an only child myself, those really close to me are the family that I have chosen. Then again, that is my only child perspective.

I'm wavering with having another but only because I'm worried that I could screw DS up - I'm reading a book at the moment which is not putting a positive spin on an only child at all. Every page further that I get into the book, I keep thinking "Oh my god, that's me!!" :eek:

[1+1=5]

Good luck with whatever you decide but just remember you don't HAVE to have another baby - having only one for financial reasons isn't selfish at all if thats what you want.
:iagree: