View Full Version : has having a baby affected your relationships?
I was just wondering if having a baby affected your relationships with your partner, family and friends? Or if you are pregnant has it changed your relationships with people as well?
Because with me it killed most my friendships, but really improved it with family (particularly in-laws!) And was wondering how it was for all of you!
It has made our relationship much stronger. And it has bought the family alot closer together especially my sister and I (who has a little girl herself). As for the friends we have lost a few (not our doing) as they don't seem to want to associate with people who have children as they have none themselves but at the same time we have gained alot more as well.
My Dh and I were inseparable then came our DS1 who was a really difficult baby. He felt left out which I had never made him feel before. My very best friends (with no children) and friedns with baby's still stuck around and made an effort with me so I was thankful, Mym mum and I become very close because we are both mothers. I think all the support you can muster from those around is a plus. You really find out who your real friends are.
[QUOTE You really find out who your real friends are.[/QUOTE]
I would totally agree with you there!!!:yes:
One of our friends who had twins 4 months before we had DD, have become really close friends and we do lots of things together with us and the girls. And yet another set of friends we have nothing at all to do with anymore which is sad.
My friends were gobsmacked when i invited them to our wedding.
I was 21 - not really old but I was the first to marry.
They had little understanding of children and its only now that they are starting to catch up....I mean settle down!
I felt very alone back then but now I have experience and knowledge so they look to me which is nice I think.
My relationship with my mil has definitely been bettered.
I respect her so much.
As well as my mum who brought us up on her own.
Well, I lost ALL of my "best friends". The Hippy Mummas I know, are more closer to me than before... my family... well- I think we are growing apart. DF and I certainly havent gotten closer...
haha, Im not really having a good run with the people in my life!
Having a baby, being pregnant is a huge life changing experiences.
Me and DP have been through ALOT. Yet here we are still. ITs changed us, defiantly. and every pregnancy keeps him on his toes and fopr me too working out new ways in cleaning the house
i made friends with younge mums wen ds was born, i dont really have much in common with my old friends, i only keep in touch with 1 really! with df and me our relationship is great now and it was great before but its so much better now i love being a lil family
It has brought DF and I even closer because we have been through so much together.
With my family we have always been close so hasn't really changed.
With the in-laws we were pretty close then I got pregnant and now we are heaps closer. I don't think it has much to do with bubs I think its just coz we know each other really well now.
I don't have a lot to do with most of my old friends now. We have different interests and stuff. They are out drinking, partying, hooking up, wasting money on stupid stuff. I am engaged, have a daughter, we are paying off a house etc.
But I have made a few friends recently who are a bit more similar to me. They are mummies too :D I seem to get along with them heaps better.
I find I'm quite mature for my age so I tend to get along better with other mature people or older people. :yes:
When I first found out I was pg, alot of my freinds were shocked and decided to stop contact with me, but there were a few that acutally stuck by me and very supportive. My family have all been supportive and I find that I acutally have a closer relationship with alot of my family members
yeh i am pretty simmilar to that :rolleyes:
my partners side of the family have been EXCELLENT
my side of the family have taken a while to get over it and when i call them for support or advice they kinda give me a bad vibe and impression that "if i was ready to have a child..i should know what to do." my mum tries to stay in touch but my bros and sis's and dad dont really care. 3 or 4 months will go by and then theyll realise they are missing out on my daughter growing up. then it will be another month or 2 before they call again.
my boyfriend and I get along ok. but its more like a best friend relationshp (that we stick at parenting as the main perogative) and not looking after ourselves as lovers etc
there, thats my 2 cents !!! :wave:
Just be4 i had my little man my sister got reall jellous which i dont know why as shes got her 2 children,my mother asked her to watch my lil bro and sis why she came in with me and she wouldent but i watcherd her kids while mum went in for her while she was in labour...and she always telling me or every other member of my family that im doing this and that wrong which really deppress me i feel like telling her at times but i bite my tounge...when i was breast feeding him she told every one that i was doing it incorrectly as i was feeding him under my arm ikwim they call it twin style feeding i found that more comftable....oh sorry im ranting and raving just had to get it of my chest
I was pregnant through most of my HSC year at school and even then most of my friends started alienating me. Like I was pregnant so I couldnt go to the movies?!?!
My relationship with DF didn't change much. I got pregnant after being with him for only 1month (we'd known each other for years tho.) so the exciting "new" part of our relationship never wore off.
My relationship with my parents improved SO MUCH! I never used to talk to them. My dad gave me a credit card when I was 16 so my money flow was always high so I was never home. Now I dont go a day without talking to either my mum or dad.
My inlaws.....they've always been a little difficult! hehehe!
My best friend of 15years still calls me nearly every day at a respectful time (when DS is asleep) but most of my school friends have disappeared.
Ive made new friends now (most of which r older than me) and i do think once ur a mother, u have so much more in common with other mothers than just ppl ur own age.
My relationship with my husband has just strengthened so much since the birth of Hugh. Of course I always loved my husband and thought he was fantastic but now I realise this even more than ever.
Angus was fantastic as a support person in the labour ward, considering he had 3 hours sleep then drove 4 hours down to the hosp in the middle of the night. He stayed in hosp with me for 5 days and helped as much as he could with the feeding. He is great when I'm tired and been trying to settle a baby all day, he'll take Hugh off me and give me a break. He'll get up in the night to get Hugh for me to feed, once I had some ebm in the fridge and he got up changed and fed Hugh without waking me.
it certainly changed my friendships. i was living in townsville with most of my friends being on the sunshine coast so i hadnt seen them in a couple years, and by the time i came back down to brisbane i was 6mths pregnant. it really made me realise which friends were truely sincere.
one of my friends baisically said i had ruined my life coz not only did i not finish school and wasnt at uni like her, i was having a kid and i was only 19! big friggin woop! fact of the matter is i am happier with my life than she is with hers! so i try not to let it get to me. but it is hard sometimes.
I have lost all my friends from school.... well they dont really see it like that but when they only every bother to contact you once or twice a year and mainly to tell me something about them... i think that classifys as a lost friendship. i invited them to my hens party the other weekend as a big effort on my part and the stayed for an hour and a half and i havnt heard from them since. Probably wont hear from them again till the wedding and i have decided that after the wedding im not going to bother with them anymore as i dont need the stress.
Having kids has put alot of strain on my realitionship with df at times but then it has also brought us alot closer.... tho having 2 kids so young means there isnt alot of time for Us but hopefully when they get a little older will will get more time together.
As for my parents.... i have gotten alot closer with my mother since i got preg and i love that because i never really got alot of attention when i was living at home but since having the kids and moving out things have gotten alot better. The inlaws are still about the same and i probably only see then now because i have to. If i didnt have the kids then i think i would be avoiding them all together:devil6:
Well my baby has even arrived yet but its already changed things...
With my partner... changed dramatically... i feel like im not connected to him at all anymore. Actually... right now, if he were in a reasonable distance, i'd probabaly throw bricks at him :devil6: :D
With my friends... most are happy just going out getting drunk and sleeping with randoms... not somethin i'm interested in at all! So we differ in what our "hobbies" lol are at the moment.... but i still have my two besties! They are a great help... Now theres just a baby to chat about! lol :hugs:
Family- Improved... i've never had any major problems with my family... but i've definitley become ALOT closer with my mum, my dad has proven yet again how loving he is, i swear his the most nicest person i have EVER met in my life. I dont think i'll meet anybody that ever even comes close to how generous and giving he is :hugs:
My relationship with my husband completely died pretty much as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He decided that he no longer wants to be married and actually moved out two weeks ago. On the brighter side, Im feeling closer to my parents and relatives and have made a couple of friends who are mums.
My close friends have families and are married now anyways so nothing has changed there. Although when I had my first, I was left in the lurk but found who my true friend were ;)
As for relationships, DD #1, her bio had other priorities :( But I met DF shortly after and I think if I had not of had Olivia, I would have gone to a different college and would not have met him! Then Bella arrived and it has made things change of course, but the good times outweight the bad times by far! And it isn't the "kids" that have changed things, it is just we tend to slack off and don't stop to think that relationships have to actually be worked on, we can't just sit back and expect things to be rosey if we don't try to keep the romance happening :D
My family and DP's family have been really good, all of my friends are still around (including the ones that are travelling or have high flying jobs and no kids or are bachelors-still keep in constant contact) we catch up whenever possible even trying to time trips back to NZ at the same time just to do so.
DP and I have been to hell and back....but we are still here standing strong....the dynamics were what changed the most with every relationship.
DP found it hard that his priorities needed to change with the wee one and once he realised I was 'for real' so to speak about walking out the door if it didnt change he woke up to himself. 13 years after our relationship first started here we are with our 2 beautiful girls ;)
So all of relationships are stil fully intact....
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