How do you cope????

[motherlylove]

Just wondering how those with constantly naughty or "spirited" children cope????.

Do you have help or get time out for yourself?:banghead:

[WorkingClassMum]

straight jacket and a sense of humour...;)

[sunnyflower]

Too many swear words and shouting unfortunaltely.

I can't wait for him to go bed at night usually.

He just exhausts me.

Sigh.

[motherlylove]

Too many swear words and shouting unfortunaltely.

I can't wait for him to go bed at night usually.

He just exhausts me.

Sigh.


I know the feeling

[Lil07]

Too many swear words and shouting unfortunaltely.

I can't wait for him to go bed at night usually.

He just exhausts me.

Sigh.

Me too.

I know yelling at them only encourages them to yell at you and continue carrying on, but frustration gets the better of me most days and I let the inevitable expletive fly. I'm trying to be more patient but it's bloody impossible some days. :hair:

[OJandMe]

Before I respond with what we do.. I just want to point out that having a 'spirited child' is NOT synonomous with having a naughty child.

I have 2 spirited, strong-willed, full of attitude 4yr olds. And if I let them, they would be naughty all the time.

BUT... there is more to behaviour management then just 'management' A lot of the time we try to dicipline without directing, and it just makes it worse.

I have found in my experience, through trial and error (LOTS of errors)

What works best in our house is removal and choices.

They know how I expect them to behave. They can either choose to behave in the way we expect in our house... or they can choose to remove themselves until they think they can behave in a courteous, considerate, respectful, peaceful way.

Though mine are older.... and have the ability to make that choice.

I think when they're younger it's just about keeping them so positively engaged and busy that they don't have time to be naughty. And as much as you can, don't respond to disrespectful behaviour... just say something like " Oliver, be respectful. When you are ready to talk to me politely, I'm more than happy to listen."

If that doesn't work I remove them, put them in their room and say "The rules in our house are: We are considerate, we are respectful, we are courteous. I expect you to speak to me politely and to be considerate of my feelings. You are more than welcome to join us again when you are ready to make peace."

And apologise a lot. If you're beahviour is unacceptable (as mine is a lot) make sure you model apologising for not behaving in a way which makes the house a peaceful place for everyone to be.

Model cooling down. If you're angry.. model saying "I need some time to calm down. I'll be back when I can be courteous, considerate and respectful."

It depends on the ages...

under 1: I don't believe a child under 1 can be 'naughty'

1-2: disctract them, remove them to a different activity in a different location. Use positive language (we are gentle, let's be peaceful, it's polite to share, let's look after the puppy, teddy looks sad: "are you alright teddy?"

2-3: keep them busy.
- remove them from the trouble areas
- allow space and time for them to 'help' you
- create your house to be a 'yes' zone, minimise things and spaces which require over supervison to manage safety and preservation.
- time outs: brief times of sitting out, or being removed for dangerous and unacceptable behviours, model making peace and apologising. Encourage them to make peace and 'make it better'
- use the language of you rules. such as "inside we walk. outside is for noisy games. That's an outside toy. We use gentle hands. We talk politely. That's very considerate.. etc etc etc

3-6:
-Explain the house rules and the expected behaviour. Explain the processes that will take place when house rules are not adhered too. Be CONSISTENT

- model expected behaviour

-apologise when you are out of line

- keep them busy

-allow them opportunities to succeed

- acknowledge good behaviour without being false (eg: if they are playing peacefully, say "it's lovely to see you playing peacefully (naming the expected behaviour)" don't say "Oh I'm so happy that you're all playing well together. Well done. I'm so proud of you" .... behaving well should not be attached to your happiness... but what is expected as being a participating member in society and your household)

- communicate with them. Let them know ahead of time what behaviour you're expecting and give them a 'fire escape"
eg: "We are going to the bank today, and there might be a long wait. You're going to have to be very patient. Let's choose a colouring book to take with us. If you feel you can't be patient anymore, squeeze my hand and we can get out the colouring book."

OR
" we are going to playgroup and there will be lots of other children there. You will need to be considerate and courteous of them and be friendly. If you feel that you can't be friendly anymore, come and tell me and we can go and read a book together until you feel ready to play again."

- do not make excuses for bad behaviour such as "oh they're just tired" being tired is not an excuse for being rude, aggressive or destructive. Allow them an exit from the situation, but be firm about the expectations for their behaviour.

It is hard work, but worth it in the end.