Irrational fear??

[ChubStar]

I have a 21 month old DS and was wondering if I am being weird or if others feel the same way.

I am really concerned about men looking after my boy. Obviously I'm not talking about strangers, because we don't leave him in childcare, but I'm talking about family and friends. We have a friend and her hubby coming over tonight to look after DS while DH and I go out to dinner to celebrate our 3 year anniversary, but I'm feeling anxious about a male being here and bathing DS and so forth. I totally trust my female friend and am sure that I am just being irrational, but I can't help but feel anxious. I am worried about abuse and there is no reason to worry. I don't feel comfortable leaving DS with ANY males, not just this one (except DH and Granpas).

DH and I never suffered any abuse, so I have nothing to base this fear on, but I just can't seem to shake it. How do I get over it? Does anyone else feel the same way?

[Oscar's mum]

I know exactly where you are coming from! I feel the same way. I wish I could tell you how to shake the feeling but I can't I am sorry.

[Sarie]

I would normally say go by your gut, but if you feel like this about all men I would say yes its very irrational. I hate leaving my kids to be looked after by anyone, but that's because I feel it's my job. But I'm not worried about their safety with the people I do leave them with.
We had one lot of friends where I was more concerned about leaving them in her care than her husbands, because she just doesn't pay attention to her children let alone anyone elses.
I'm going to do a Dr Phil now, why do you think your worried about his safety when being left with men? Not all men are child molesters.

[Percy]

It may be irrational, but i feel the same way as well.

I have never been abused either, its something i cant help feeling.

[Milliner]

I can totally understand how you feel I am the same there is only about 2 people I would trust to leave my DS with!! My DP and my best friend!!!
I worry about anything!!!

[SassyMummy]

I understand what you're talking about...I feel similarly.

I dunno if it's irrational or not...but it's definately a product of society and such. We're continuously hearing about abused kids, and the men who abuse them(granted, women abuse too, but it's not as common...or at least the news doesn't report on it all that much...and when they do, it's always an older woman and a teenager...not a woman and a child).

One of the things that makes me not trust males in general, is the fact that you hear about people CLOSE to the kids abusing them (like Grandfathers/Fathers/Uncles/Neighbours/Friends). It's near impossible to protect them from this without not allowing them to be alone with someone else.

I feel horrible for men - if a lady was to smile and wave at your little kid, you'd think she was clucky. If a man does it, you'd think he was a paedophile.

Still, I'd much rather be suspicious and distrusting (and potentially hurt the feelings of adult males) than end up with a raped child.

[ChubStar]

I know not all men are child molesters, the vast majority are decent people. I don't know what it is that I am concerned about. :confused:

I guess it's not ALL men, because I feel comfortable with all three granddads, my sisters's DF and a couple of male friends. Maybe I'm just concerned because you can never tell who is a molester and who isn't. I want to protect DS but I guess I need to work out what is rational and what is irrational and try to deal with it.

[shed]

Go with your gut for the moment and let the future take care of itself.

I don't trust anybody.

[Mumshmum]

Is there something about this particular male that you aren't comfortable with?

[Sarie]

I second this and feel a bit ashamed that I'm like this but a person I loved and trusted betrayed it by abusing emotionally and physically (not sexual thank god) my kids so I don't consider these feelings irrational just sad and guilty that this happened to my kids.
I don't think that your feelings are irrational and nor should you feel guilty. You have been through a horrible situation and you are justified in your feelings.

[ChubStar]

I don't think there is anything in particular about this guy, just a general feeling I guess.

Sassymummy - you are so right about men smiling at kids, my DH never waves or smiles at kids because he doesn't want the parents thinking he is a molestor.

[Sarie]

Sassymummy - you are so right about men smiling at kids, my DH never waves or smiles at kids because he doesn't want the parents thinking he is a molestor.

I just think that is so sad. My DH is a lovely fella and he is always smiling at other kiddies or chatting to them at the supermarket checkout. I really dread to think what the world is coming to.

[shed]

I agree there is nothing to be ashamed about.

My mother's trust was betrayed by someone she loved abusing her child and I am determined that it won't happen to my little boy. I don't care what people think, I am quite defiant about it, but I do have the history of abuse to back me up I suppose, so my fear is not irrational in my eyes.

Better to be safe than sorry.

[Tam-I-Am]

This is the exact reason that I won't let any male look after DD on his own - there must always be at least one other person, of the female persuasion, there to help.

Very sad. But you can't be too careful with your baby's safety either. There is no-one else to look out for them but their parents.