Please make your doula experience a positive one by learning from my mistakes

[TippyTiger]

I'm not trying to discourage those who are interested from hiring a doula. Quite the opposite for some, it is a brilliant option. I hope by outlining my story it will help others considering this option to ask all the right questions up front and clarify the service they are getting.
This is an emerging field in terms of public awareness and utilisation of this type of service and with that there are tradeoffs. I’m sure most doulas are great and very professional, but mine wasn’t.
I fell in love with the idea of using a doula, my way of trying to reclaim some power over my birth in an overmedicalised system.
I found one and she sounded ideal. When I talked to her I was filled with newfound confidence. The service offered several home visits for planning and support and an intenstive block of time where you get phone and email support as well.
However it didn’t turn out well for me at all with my whole pregnancy covered with a cloud of anxiety.
Normally an assertive person I found myself not willing to confront her because I’d paid the full amount in installments upfront and I didn’t want to jeopardise the relationship with the person that was going to share my most intimate event with me at my most vulnerable. So I kept making excuses for her in my mind but worrying that I'd made a mistake.
Even in just lining up our initial visits, this doula never answered her phone and would go for many days and multiple messages before hearing back from her. I made excuses for her that she must be busy with a birth or something. She would claim to not have gotten the messages or something similar every time.
Emails would go unanswered and again she would claim that she never got them or that she’d replied. I never had any problems with the reliability of my email system normally in 10 years of using it.
I also felt misled. Before committing to engage her services she told me she hadn’t yet been a doula in my hospital. It emerged over time that she had been and that she hadn’t been welcomed and had a number of altercations with the nurses there. I felt awkward in my relationship with her and the hospital, feeling like it was going to make it unnecessarily adversarial to have her attend there.
Over time here stories of how long she'd been doing it and how many births she attended as an actual doula seem to change a bit.
Anyway, appointments were put off and the generalized anxiety of trying to get in touch continued on and off. Interspersed with the occasional face to face meeting. She asked me to a birth plan and send to her. She gave me no feedback and said we didn’t need to discuss it at all as I seemed to have a clear idea of what I want and it wasn’t really for her use.
While she promised she’d never missed a birth yet and her schedule was clear she seemed to always be in poor health herself or have medical problems with her kids. She offered no backups if she was to be unavailable. So this was another thing I was anxious about.
In the end, with some medical problems arising, I ended up with a c-section being scheduled. I did go into early labour anyway but I didn’t call her. I couldn’t imagine having her there.
After the birth I fell into severe post natal depression. This is the part that was truly reckless . She offered to come and see me to discuss how we were going. Admist her supportive statements she said to me, ‘some people are just not meant to be mothers’. Of all the crazy things to say to a depressed person, it was practically enough to make me either want to commit suicide or run away and leave my baby. I was already feeling like I had made a big irrevocable mistake and this was just the push over the edge I needed!
As far as I’m concerned this person is unprofessional in her service delivery and dangerous in her overestimation of her counselling abilities.
In the end it was over $1200 I didn’t need to spend and hurt rather than helped me. I have no recourse really, I didn’t speak up at the time for the reasons mentioned, however I felt I needed to outline what happened to both exorcise it out of my system and as an example to clarify all those important aspects up front so you get what you need out of your doula arrangement. Eg.
1 - Meet them before making any financial commitments at all.
2 - Ensure you're going to be able to have them at your hospital comfortably.
3 - Discuss the communications protocols, likely response times etc.
4 - Discuss if there are any backup arrangements if they are unable to make it.
5 - Maybe even check references. I know, who gives a bad referee. But at least make sure they have some!
Good luck to all!

[sarahdoula]

Hi

I just wanted to say i am so sorry to hear you had this horrible experiance. This should not happen.

I agree you need to comfy with your doula the whole way through. if you have any doubt at all speak to them or even look into someone different.

I want to give you big HUGS.

[Rose19]

I am really sorry to hear your negative experience as I really believe in how doulas can be a great help to a less intervened birth.

I certainly agree with your great suggestions and the points you make are really good.

I hope you are getting lots of help with your PND and feeling better soon and my heart goes out to you.

[mumof 2boys]

I am so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience.
I do agree with sarahdoula that you should never have been treated like this. Utterly disgraceful on your Doulas part.

I hope you are doing better now and enjoying your baby. :hugs:

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

Hi I am sorry to hear your experience was not what was expected Hugs to you from me:hugs:. Unfortunately as a student midwife I have seen some doula's lack the professional ability to serve their mummy the way she wants them too. I have had a recent mum in the ward who hired a doula which turned up 5 hours after she went to hospital, the mum had been in established labour at birth suites. This mum had already been persuaded into having epi and was really distressed about her lack of support from the doula. There should be some feedback and accountability that stops slack doulas from practicing. Jodie A name and shame process would stop them from hidding under the guise of secrecy.

[my_lot]

:hugs: That is the worst doula story i have heard.


My doula just didnt turn up at the birth.

Do you think there should be some sort of governing body for this service?

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

Most definately, I have seen patients who's hopes have been dashed by money hungry Doula's who take an on-line course and think that they can rule the birth or disappoint the mother.:no: I am not anti-doula now that I am doing middy but there definitely needs to be some kind of system that addresses doula's practices. I just had an email from one lady who has decided to employ the very doula that my patient was let down by. Privacy prevents me from telling this women. Very frustrating. :hair:Jodie

[moozle]

Oh, how horrible! Birth was such a personal thing for me and I only wanted DF to be there with me and our OB when the time came, of course. DF was amazing and reading this, I'm kinda glad I didn't go down the path of getting a doula. Unless it's someone you know, it's a little hard to know what you're going to get. I think references are a MUST! Hope you're getting on top of the PND now :hugs:

[mumma2cubs]

Most definately, I have seen patients who's hopes have been dashed by money hungry Doula's who take an on-line course and think that they can rule the birth or disappoint the mother.:no:

You've just nailed it. When I posted my experience of interviewing 3 doulas for this birth, I felt I was ripped to shreds by a couple of doulas on this site.

My experience was that the 3 I had interviewed had their 'qualifications' from a self paced online course and they were basically glorified hand holders.

Now I understand that there are doulas that stand themselves out by actually offering a valuable service - I am not speaking of them.

What would help is a registration board not unlike the Nurses Registration Board which means these women need criminal record, working with children checks etc - they also should be accountable for advising women on medically based issues which they have no qualification over.

A doula should be there to be your voice in exerting your birth plan when you are in a stage of labour where it may be difficult for you to do so.

I am so sorry that you had this experience TippyTiger at the least I'd be sending her a major letter of complaint, asking for either a partial or full refund and going back to the source you found her on and reporting to them! :hugs:

[Roopee]

That is absolutely disgusting behavior on her behalf.
I am so incredibly sorry that you were treated this way- its shocking.

I have no idea what these people can possibly have to gain from treating women like you were treated and can't believe there are people out there who do it! Im shocked!

I hope you're ok:hugs:

[Mummita]

Even if you feel you have no chance of a refund I would still write this woman a letter outlining all the things she did that you were dissatisfied with - making particular mention of her comment when she came to see you after bubs was born. That is NOT ok :no:

If nothing else, hopefully it will make you feel better. I hope you are receiving support for your PND and you are getting better. Oh and congrats on the birth of your baby!

[Beahes Doula]

I am so sorry to hear of your story. You made a few very valid and important notes about interviewing and paying your doula. I always insist on meeting my potential clients in person. How can you possibly know if you are going to be the right fit without a face to face interview?

As far as payment goes I like a small deposit at the beginning of our meetings, and then payment after all our visits are finalised, but before the birth. New mums don't need to be worrying about money with a new baby to look after and fall in love with. I missed only 1 birth (only by minutes) because of a precipitous labour and refunded the couple a percentage of the fee as a goodwill jester.

There is very soon to be Certificate IV in Doula Services and I truly believe this will make a huge difference to the cowboy style that some doula's use. Always check where your doula did her training, how many births she attended and her back up options (I have a back up who I can call but have thankfully never needed to use her). Unless she only does 1 birth every 6 weeks there is always a possibility that she may be at another birth (you could go late and her next client early).

Please ladies don't let one or two bad stories about doula's put you off the idea of having a doula the right doula can make the world of difference. Let's face it if let the bad stories put us off doing something we would probably be extinct - no one would ever have a baby again :)

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Cowboy doula's are a minority and having a good doula is well worth it. Jodie:cloud9:

[PunkyDiva]

Do you think there should be some sort of governing body for this service?

Most definitely, there are also some practising under false pretenses giving people a false sense of security for their health and well being that just isn't justified by their abilities or knowledge or experience.
Why should they not be held accountable for their actions like any other professional care giver ? There are those who are also placing themselves in dangerous positions where their abilities can be misinterpreted. There was a case a few years back of a wonderful Doula sued by a couple who freebirthed with her in attendance. She was financially devastated and unable to continue her profession through no fault of her own except trusting these people.

I am so sorry you had an experience like that. Many Independant Midwives offer Doula services and at least you can check up on their credentials.

[fai firinne]

I think it would be valuable feedback for that doula to read what you've written. I'm sorry you had this unsatisfactory experience.

I would hope that if I ever disappoint my clients, that they could de-brief with me. I offer feedback forms to my clients so that they can rate the service they received from me and have a forum to make complaints or suggestions. Every careprovider - hospitals, midwives, doctors, doulas - should offer feedback forms and a de-brief to birthing women - in New Zealand it is mandatory, it's called the Birth Review.

To be a canny consumer is vital. It is so important not to hand over your power or your authority to a doula, a doctor, a midwife, an institution. You have to stay in charge and stay true to your instincts. At least when you hire a doula or a private midwife or private obstetrician, you can fire them if you feel you don't 'click' or are unhappy with what they offer. I wish I had been more assertive to change the midwife for my third birth - my instincts were telling me we didn't 'click' but I just wasn't assertive enough, or honouring my instincts enough, to take action and find a different midwife (live and learn).

[3'llhavetodo]

:hugs: What a horrible experience for you. I agree with some of the previous posts that there needs to be some kind of governing body to prevent this.

On a purely side note I had a student Midwife at my birth... she didn't cost me a cent, she knew her stuff and she had a vested interest in turning up as if she didn't her previous time and efforts would have not counted towards her studies. She was wonderful :cloud9:

[Larski]

I am so sorry to read your story about the way you were treated, particularly the comments she made to you after your birth. I wish I could speak to her and tell her that "some people aren't meant to be Doulas".

I also had a negative experience with a Doula, which I have previously written about on BH so wont recount it. I still love the idea of a Doula but caution others to meet them first, ask questions etc. Unfortunately I wasn't an informed consumer and I believe I suffered as a result.

Congratulations on your birth and I hope things improve for you regadring the PND.

xxx

[deesalie]

The bottom line here is that YOU, as a consumer, are responsible for who you invite into your birth space whether it be doula, midwife or ob.

TBH I don't think a governing body/registration would make an ounce of difference. Midwives, Obs & Drs are registered - that doesn't mean you don't get dodgy practitioners. Take Graeme Reeves for example who butched all those women!

Women- take back your power, leave your inner good girl at the door and listen to your own inner knowing.

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

I agree :iagree:that there are dodgy medical professionals out there and women are caught by them all the time. But if we as women who want to protect our birth space, need to have some kind of governing body to go to if we feel violated. As a midwife has to adhere to the ANMC guidelines of practice so should doula's have to be accountable for their actions and political gungho. Accountability brings responsibility, some want it some dont. Just food for thought. Jodie:wave:

[Noahmischiefsmum]

Thank you all for you honesty.

I was still unsure whether I want a doula or not and I dont think I'm going to (I know that wasn't the point of the thread), but your honesty was inspiring to me. I need to ensure I am outspoken and prepared unlike my last pregnancy. I believe this, with help of the right ob will ensure that I hopefully have a full term pg and healthy labour this time.

Thank you.

[BreithCuidiu]

I think it is sad that this thread is turning women off the idea of hiring a Doula. Hospitals, Midwives, OBs etc etc can all cause this same level of dissatisfaction but women keep going to them.

I hope that other readers of this thread can find some clarity and not have a sour taste regarding Doulas... :no:

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

:iagree: wholeheartedly their are some great empowering doula's out there...Liz Leys is one fantastic doula that comes to mind....Doing your homework will help prevent disappointment....:no::no::no:dont let it put you off....Doula's at births keep the c-section rates down, they are great at supporting both mum and dad. they are a familiar face when it all gets a bit hard at the end and they are a great advocate for you if need be. Jodie:flowerz:

[overitand36]

could someone please clarify what training, registration, insurance doula's actually need if any

i just looked this up its a 20 week correspondence course - seems anyone could potentially call themselves a doula


i agree with warriorPRINCESSdaughter accountability if their is none then what is the point

[Noahmischiefsmum]

I just wanted to mention that I was not "put off" by hiring a doula by this thread. I was more than willing to research and interview to hire somebody, I was more inspired by taking back the birth of my baby.

For me, given that I am high risk, I would rather devote my time to an ob and hospital that is right for me and preparing dp. I would definitely have appreciated a doula at the birth of ds, but I've grown up a little (shock horror) and believe I am confident enough to have my voice heard this time.

I think one obvious fact that has come up is the need for regulation of doula's alike that of modwives.

[PunkyDiva]

could someone please clarify what training, registration, insurance doula's actually need if any

i just looked this up its a 20 week correspondence course - seems anyone could potentially call themselves a doula

Yep. Anyone can call themselves a Doula or Birth Attendant and practise as such.

[BeautifulBoys]

I'm not trying to discourage those who are interested from hiring a doula. Quite the opposite for some, it is a brilliant option. I hope by outlining my story it will help others considering this option to ask all the right questions up front and clarify the service they are getting.
This is an emerging field in terms of public awareness and utilisation of this type of service and with that there are tradeoffs. I’m sure most doulas are great and very professional, but mine wasn’t.
I fell in love with the idea of using a doula, my way of trying to reclaim some power over my birth in an overmedicalised system.
I found one and she sounded ideal. When I talked to her I was filled with newfound confidence. The service offered several home visits for planning and support and an intenstive block of time where you get phone and email support as well.
However it didn’t turn out well for me at all with my whole pregnancy covered with a cloud of anxiety.
Normally an assertive person I found myself not willing to confront her because I’d paid the full amount in installments upfront and I didn’t want to jeopardise the relationship with the person that was going to share my most intimate event with me at my most vulnerable. So I kept making excuses for her in my mind but worrying that I'd made a mistake.
Even in just lining up our initial visits, this doula never answered her phone and would go for many days and multiple messages before hearing back from her. I made excuses for her that she must be busy with a birth or something. She would claim to not have gotten the messages or something similar every time.
Emails would go unanswered and again she would claim that she never got them or that she’d replied. I never had any problems with the reliability of my email system normally in 10 years of using it.
I also felt misled. Before committing to engage her services she told me she hadn’t yet been a doula in my hospital. It emerged over time that she had been and that she hadn’t been welcomed and had a number of altercations with the nurses there. I felt awkward in my relationship with her and the hospital, feeling like it was going to make it unnecessarily adversarial to have her attend there.
Over time here stories of how long she'd been doing it and how many births she attended as an actual doula seem to change a bit.
Anyway, appointments were put off and the generalized anxiety of trying to get in touch continued on and off. Interspersed with the occasional face to face meeting. She asked me to a birth plan and send to her. She gave me no feedback and said we didn’t need to discuss it at all as I seemed to have a clear idea of what I want and it wasn’t really for her use.
While she promised she’d never missed a birth yet and her schedule was clear she seemed to always be in poor health herself or have medical problems with her kids. She offered no backups if she was to be unavailable. So this was another thing I was anxious about.
In the end, with some medical problems arising, I ended up with a c-section being scheduled. I did go into early labour anyway but I didn’t call her. I couldn’t imagine having her there.
After the birth I fell into severe post natal depression. This is the part that was truly reckless . She offered to come and see me to discuss how we were going. Admist her supportive statements she said to me, ‘some people are just not meant to be mothers’. Of all the crazy things to say to a depressed person, it was practically enough to make me either want to commit suicide or run away and leave my baby. I was already feeling like I had made a big irrevocable mistake and this was just the push over the edge I needed!
As far as I’m concerned this person is unprofessional in her service delivery and dangerous in her overestimation of her counselling abilities.
In the end it was over $1200 I didn’t need to spend and hurt rather than helped me. I have no recourse really, I didn’t speak up at the time for the reasons mentioned, however I felt I needed to outline what happened to both exorcise it out of my system and as an example to clarify all those important aspects up front so you get what you need out of your doula arrangement. Eg.
1 - Meet them before making any financial commitments at all.
2 - Ensure you're going to be able to have them at your hospital comfortably.
3 - Discuss the communications protocols, likely response times etc.
4 - Discuss if there are any backup arrangements if they are unable to make it.
5 - Maybe even check references. I know, who gives a bad referee. But at least make sure they have some!
Good luck to all!

I did "train" to be a Doula,I dont do it now....have only supported one birth...
Im very sorry to hear of your bad experience....:goodvibes:

[fai firinne]

Anthing that can't stand up to reasonable scrutiny is not going to be worth it.


The bottom line here is that YOU, as a consumer, are responsible for who you invite into your birth space whether it be doula, midwife or ob.

TBH I don't think a governing body/registration would make an ounce of difference. Midwives, Obs & Drs are registered - that doesn't mean you don't get dodgy practitioners. Take Graeme Reeves for example who butched all those women!

Women- take back your power, leave your inner good girl at the door and listen to your own inner knowing.

Too right. Graeme Reeves, the "Butcher of Bega", used to carve his initials on women's uteri, and whispered to one woman just as she went under anaesthetic, "I'm going to take your clitoris, too". He was under 'governing bodies' ... who did nothing despite countless complaints by midwives, nurses and women. Instead, he was empowered to persecute Midwife Maggie Lecky-Thompson (http://www.pnc.com.au/~cafmr/online/freedom/homebth.html). His sabotage campaign against her resulted in her being de-registered. Since Reeve's conviction, no apology or re-instatement has ever been offered to Lecky-Thompson.

The first step to choosing a safe careprovider is to take personal responsibility. When you take back responsibility, you take back control. Be a canny consumer. This applies whether you are deciding on a doula, midwife, obstetrician, nanny, babysitter, house-keeper, real estate broker, GP, builder, electrician ....

Interview at least 3 doulas, in person. Don't make the decision after just a phone call. Invest more in getting the birth you want.

Trust your gut instinct. Choose the one you feel most comfortable with, the one you feel listens to you.

If you are unhappy with any aspect of her services, complain directly to her and tell her what you need. Doulas are busy mums with big hearts pouring out a great deal, making very little money, and doing it for passion not for money. It's a very difficult job in a culture that is anti-birth and anti-woman. Doulas do need to make sure they do not spread themselves too thin. I rarely take on more than 2 clients per month, in order to keep myself present and available for my clients. Some doulas and midwives I know do 4 births per month - and provide excellent professional service. They know their limits, I know mine.

If your doula cannot meet your needs, dis-continue her service and find a different one who is able to.

Do not pay any money you are unhappy about paying. I only take "happy money" from my clients. I have a set rate, with several generous discounts - but I offer refunds if anything does not go to plan - for example, the two times i missed births despite all efforts to get there, I offered my clients discounts. As it happened, they both said, no, the work you did with us during pregnancy is part of why the births went quickly and well - you earned your money. But I would re-fund cheerfully if any of my clients was not satisfied because I WANT them to feel satisfied - and I am only comfortable with 'happy money'.

De-brief with your doula and be straight-up about offering feed-back about any aspect of her service you think could use improvement, and any suggestions you have. (The most common suggestion I've received from clients is "you don't charge enough") I have a three-page feedback form that I give each client, in which they are invited to offer their candid feedback. In addition to this, we have a face-to-face de-briefing session. Particularly if the birth was challenging or difficult, I say to them that if anything comes up in the months or even years to come, they are welcome to contact me and schedule another de-briefing session, or just a chance to chat, if they would like. I am meeting one client who birthed 18 months ago, only now is she feeling ready to talk some more about her births. I let them know I am available.

Make sure your doula has a back-up arrangement in place. I am a back-up for two other doulas, and I have three who I can turn to if I need back-up. If it looks likely that a back-up arrangement will be needed, make sure you meet the back-up doula or at least speak with her on the phone. If i have to go somewhere close to a client's due date, I speak with her just before I leave to make sure nothing is imminent, and make sure that she can contact me and the back-up. I am on call 24/7 from 37 weeks until when the baby is born.

There should be NO NEED for doulas. Doulas should be obselete. In more egalitarian countries where there is women-centered care and midwives are empowered instead of oppressed and controlled by a medical hierarchy, women can access continuity of care by a midwife they have interviewed and chosen themselves. In such countries, the need for relational, personalised care and continuity of care is met by midwives who are empowered autonomous professionals, so there is very little need for doulas, and there are just a few to provide extra support in the cases of extraordinary clinical or social factors.

This is how it should be. Women should be able to access continuity of care. They should be able to choose between the medical model and the midwifery model. They should be able to choose between an obstetrician or a midwife being their Lead Maternity Carer. (I disagree with RANZCOG that ALL pregnancies and birth must be managed by obstetricians.) They should be able to choose between having the baby at home or in a hospital. Midwives should be autonomous, working with a multi-disciplinary team, but not 'under' medical control or hierarchy (which forces them to do obstetrics instead of midwifery). This is simple human rights and justice. When you have this, there is very little need for doulas.

Doulas are a stop-gap measure plugging in the gaps in an overly-medicalised, institutionalised, corporate style 'system' that is impersonal and not humane, herding birthing women through high-interventionist facilities like cattle - because that is how to make money.

I AM a doula, and I will be very glad when doulas are no longer necessary because women have basic rights and can choose continuity of care if they want it.

Doulas are not clinicians or professionals. I've been a Registered Nurse, I know the difference. We literally are 'glorified hand-holders'. We're up there with Personal Trainers.

Regarding training, doula work is a life-style of life-long learning. The initial course is just the very first stepping stone. Doulas are expected to do courses and units of study every year. I don't do this because I have to, it is my passion and interest that compels me to. We are students of birth, there is so much we don't know and need to learn. I attend every course, conference and work-shop that I can afford. I am always looking to add to my knowledge base and improve my skills. I know I am not 'there' yet, and never will be as long as I am alive. It takes more that just one basic course to be a doula. It is certainly appropriate to ask what courses, workshops, continuing education etc a doula has done in the last year or so during the interview phase.

Regarding a registering body, we should be careful what we wish for. Look what is happening to midwives - asserting the medical monopoly with unilateral right of veto over midwives will force them to comply with obstetric protocols under pain of losing insurance and therefore being de-registered. It means they MUST operate as obstetric nurses and that they cannot practice the specialty of midwifery - which is a totally different discipline to obstetrics. While I agree accountability is important, a governing body here in Australia is HIGHLY likely to be a patriarchal one which will force doulas to be Obstetric Doulas ... and doulas like me will have to go underground along with the midwives. Also, you can't legislate personality.

If you choose an obstetric birth at an obstetric hospital, having a doula is not going to change much. She will be able to 'hold your hand' while you go through the cascade of intervention, and likely feel desperately sorry for you. She can't stop the cascade once you've chosen it and consented to it. It is not a doula's role to advocate for you - actually, we're not supposed to advocate (but we can talk to a couple about how they can advocate for themselves). It is extremely difficult to have a 'natual birth' in most obstetric hospitals. Not impossible ... it can happen. But most of the time, obstetric births happen in obstetric hospitals and doulas are powerless to do much about it, except try and make the experience somewhat less lonely.

Many doulas find it heart-breaking and soul-destroying to see healthy young women not told the truth about their options, then choosing institutions where they think it's safe to have a baby and assumed thier birth plan will be respected. Some doulas may well come across as 'adversarial' because they can't condone what they see going on, knowing it is harmful, not evidence-based, and very likely the woman will be traumatised. But one doula against such a massive, profit-churning system isn't going to make much difference. Doulas need incredible diplomacy skills. If it important to you to have a doula who is not adversarial, you need to make sure that you have chosen an obstetrically-minded doula .... or choose a different model of care that lines up with your intention and preferences better.

I do sometimes support highly obstetric births, when I know the woman wants an obstetric birth and has reasons for that. Such as medical complications, or a strong desire to have an obstetric birth. So long as she knows what she wants and understands the risks, then I feel I can serve her. A woman with outstanding medical needs or complications who knows she will be undergoing an induction or caesarean, may have a great need for doula support. I spoke with a senior doula yesterday (who was a midwife for 30 years) who supported a young woman through an elective caesarean. She had a history of child sexual abuse, hence the EC. Her doula stayed by her side along with her dh throughout, even in theatre and receovery. The support of her doula made a big difference to the bonding and breast-feeding afterwards. The difficulty arises when a woman says she wants a natural birth .... but has chosen a highly obstetric hospital ... and wants a doula to help her have a natural birth .... that can be really, really tricky.

It is important to line up your choices with your intentions, and look hard to see if there's any contradictions there.

Regardless of what model of care you choose, what location, and what members of your birth team you choose, it is vital to be assertive, pro-active and trust your gut, and choose what truly will serve your intentions the best. Your birth space is sacred and you have the right to carefully select who you invite into that space. Keep your responsibility and don't hand over your power. I did that once, trying too hard to be a good girl and not offend anyone or inconvenience anyone - and ended up with the wrong midwife (for me) at my homebirth. Fortunately it all worked out (only because I flatly defied her obstetric-policy recommendations) - but it was conflict I could have done without in my birth space. So, like TT, I learned this kind of thing the hard way.

I'm sorry for your experience TT. I'm not suprised you weren't comfortable to ask her to your birth. I hope you are able to access ongoing support as you go through your healing process.

[annsam]

It sounds like your doula was a bit of a nut-job and Im sorry you had this experience but I totally concur with the PP and couldn't have said it better. There is a large onus of responsibility on yourself to ensure this is the right person for you in every aspect before entering financial agreements.

[deesalie]

I *heart* you fai firinne ;)

[Nbeachesdoula]

Wow, that is a awful story. I know that there are " doula" like this, and feel sad you just had to run into one of them. Did you contact anyone who had a professional contact with her?
I would have done something like that, just so others wouldn't have to have her :banghead:

Big hug, and take care

[Sheer Bliss]

I think it is sad that this thread is turning women off the idea of hiring a Doula. Hospitals, Midwives, OBs etc etc can all cause this same level of dissatisfaction but women keep going to them.

I hope that other readers of this thread can find some clarity and not have a sour taste regarding Doulas... :no:


:iagree: My doula was fantastic!! But that is obvious by her schedule - she is getting referals from prev clients ALL the time, but only taking on a few because she doesn't want to risk missing anyones birth!

TBH I think that is one of the big parts of choosing someone to be part of such a personal thing - you need to know they deliver :laughing: on what they say they will. Personal reccomendations go a LONG way!

OP - I am sorry your experience wasn't good, it's terrible that there are shonky people out there like that.

[birthlovinmumma]

Thankyou so much for your post. Its incredibly important and empowering to share information in regards to our experiences as women when it comes to our sacred births. Your feedback is truly a gift, for Mothers and Doulas alike. I believe honesty, communication and trust are key factors when working with a woman and her family during pregnancy and birth. I am so sorry this was your experience, as mothers and women we deserve to be treated with integrity and respect and those around us whom are supposed to provide us with support and love need to be extremely mindful and aware of the kind of language and behaviour used when working with mothers when they feeling so fragile and vulnerable. You are brave and courageous to express your feelings and share it with others. Thankyou. It does no service to women to be evasive and dishonest, and clearly you were being cared for in a way that left you feeling disempowered enough to not feel safe to speak your truth. It is stories like yours that give me further drive to listen to women and support women from the heart, professionaly, clearly and with intention. It makes me extremely frustrated to know that women are providing this kind of inadequate service to woman. Its heartbreaking. I am so grateful for your words of wisdom, wish you much love and support in your journey, you deserve to be loved and respected as a woman and mother. I am sure you have given women more power and choice in their decision making. Your suggestions for questions when engaging a Doula are excellent. Thankyou again.

[Goldcoastmama]

Hi Tippy Tiger

That's aweful to hear that someone did that to you and also that someone brought down the standard of such an important profession.

When you are feeling like your life is back on track again you may wish to consider the option of taking this Doula to the Queensland Civil and Administrative Tribunal or the Small Claims Tribunal in your state......just google it.

Anyone can lodge a claim and represent themselves in these courts. A tip is to write the notes down now while it is still fresh in your head like what dates she came around, when you paid the money, what she said etc...

Good luck,

I am sure you are brilliant mum, just like all of us who are trying to do the best we can with what we've got....and remember no one is perfect....

Tomorrow is a new day! :wave:

GCMAMA

[Lunar]

I haven't read all the replies yet but I just needed to say this is disgraceful!! Just appaulling!

Yes I agree, self paced online courses with little or no actual qualified support is wrong.

I am so glad that the course I chose is a face to face course, the ONLY VTAB accredited doula course in Australia at the Australian Doula College (http://www.australiandoulacollege.com.au/index.html) They have a wonderful list of qualified doulas as well as student doulas like myself looking for mothers-to-be to fullfil their training requirements. All doulas are supported and need to pass all requirements of the different sections of studies before graduating.
I enjoy every single second of my studies and strive to be the best doula I can be. And that means supporting the mother and her family in THEIR decisions. Doulas (well GOOD doulas) don't take charge and they don't make decisions for families. They support, encourage, calm, nuture, and reassure mothers and her support team and remind them of their birth plan. They are there throughout the WHOLE labour (or whenever it is the mother wants the doula there from) she does not leave the mother's side unless requested by that mother.
What has been described in the OP is heartbreaking. And I am so deeply sorry that this happened to you. This is wrong and this woman should not be practicing as a doula!!! She clearly is in it for the wrong reasons, what ever they may be, and she needs to find another path in life, on in which she can't break the hearts of trusting sisters in need of support and nurturing.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Freya]

That is so heartbreaking, my doula was amazing. She went above and beyond what her duties should only have been. She was just amazing, I get tears when I think about how good she was to me and my sons. Before, during and after the birth.. even now one year on she is still a huge support in my life. I was so blessed. I wish all doulas could learn from her and all women had a could like her... the world would be a different place.

[birthlovinmumma]

I haven't read all the replies yet but I just needed to say this is disgraceful!! Just appaulling!

Yes I agree, self paced online courses with little or no actual qualified support is wrong.

I am so glad that the course I chose is a face to face course, the ONLY VTAB accredited doula course in Australia at the Australian Doula College (http://www.australiandoulacollege.com.au/index.html) They have a wonderful list of qualified doulas as well as student doulas like myself looking for mothers-to-be to fullfil their training requirements. All doulas are supported and need to pass all requirements of the different sections of studies before graduating.
I enjoy every single second of my studies and strive to be the best doula I can be. And that means supporting the mother and her family in THEIR decisions. Doulas (well GOOD doulas) don't take charge and they don't make decisions for families. They support, encourage, calm, nuture, and reassure mothers and her support team and remind them of their birth plan. They are there throughout the WHOLE labour (or whenever it is the mother wants the doula there from) she does not leave the mother's side unless requested by that mother.
What has been described in the OP is heartbreaking. And I am so deeply sorry that this happened to you. This is wrong and this woman should not be practicing as a doula!!! She clearly is in it for the wrong reasons, what ever they may be, and she needs to find another path in life, on in which she can't break the hearts of trusting sisters in need of support and nurturing.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I totally agree, I am currently studying with the Australian Doula College in the first face to face training in Brisbane. It is fantastic and incredible and so professional and thorough, I am so happy that this college exist to train Doula's the right way, from the right place for the right reasons. I feel 150% supported and feel I am getting the best training I could ask for as a Doula.