Only want to have one kid, feeling judged.

[Oceanbaby]

My husband and I only want one child. However, I feel the pressure from the family and society that people think having two or more makes more sense. Does anyone feel the same way as I do?

[vavavanny]

I feel you.

Dont worry about what people think, they are not going to raise extra children for you.

Follow your heart.

:)

[SuperWoman]

I dont feel the same but it is no-ones business how many children you want to have.
It is only your decision and whatever you and your DH want. Just ignore them and enjoy your life. They are just judging you because they have nothing better to do!!!:hugs: :hugs:

[Ana Gram]

Yep understand completely. I am not interested in having any more children but get told that I am selfish, mean etc by loving family members.

My last partner's (who died 4 years ago) mother who is my DD's "godmother" told me I should have another "Just in case".

[TwoBlue]

My last partner's (who died 4 years ago) mother who is my DD's "godmother" told me I should have another "Just in case".


:eek: Your not for real !!!
Thats shocking

I already have two kids so obviously i planned to have more than one
but each to their own.. having children is HUGE !! You cant just do it because people think you should.. it has to be because its what YOU want (does that make sense...?)

[Oceanbaby]

Thanks ladies for your understandings. Your wisdoms made me a stronger person. I thank you all.

[mumma_jessy]

I'm with the others, do what you think is right, they are not going to be the ones raising them!

[cjb/jbvd]

i have one, not having any more.

but even me, a single parent, has been getting the "when are you having another one" question.

my response is "if you want more babies, you have them!!"

do what is right for you and your family. children are a life committment and if you only want one, then that is your business and your perogitive.

[Rainbowbrite]

We are more than happy with just the one. We always get the "she'll be bored" (just a reason to buy more toys :p ) "she'll be lonely" (thats why i'm here, we go to mums group etc so plenty of socialising).

Just ignore them, as hard as it is :hugs:

[Korderly]

It's your body, your life - do what is right for you. Nobody else lives in your head. Do not have a child that you may resent.

Think carefully also - fertitlity is a limited blessing that has an expiry date.

I always wanted two, but never expected that MOTH would distance himself from my child so much - he wanted children but then retreated in horror.

i knew that I would have to do the lion's (lionesses?) share of the work if I had a second.

it was the death of my grandmother, and the reconciliation between my father and his brother that made my mind up. My father needed his brother, and I wanted my son to have that blessing in years to come.

kate
mother of two

[JATS]

It's up to you, I want a big family but anything over 2 is too much according to most people I speak to:rolleyes:

Seems women are expected to have 2 kids, no more, no less.

Do what is right for you, no matter what you do someone will have something to say about it, but you're the one who has to live with your decision!

[shed]

Just one for us.

I get the comment "you'll change your mind" all the time. I used to get annoyed, now I just laugh.

Somewhere along the line I stopped caring. I have also been called selfish for only wanting one.

Okay, so I'm selfish. Sue me.

[~EmsMum~]

I know what you mean, ive said to many people im happy with one... and the looks I get and the comments really annoy me

[shed]

I know my kid's behaviour will be blamed on the fact that he is an only child.

If people only knew, if I had SIX kids they would all be bratty little sh*ts.

I mean, look at the gene pool!!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Niki]

some ppl should just mind their own buisness i think, its your life and your choice how many kids you want

[Mahjong]

OMG! I Just found this thread!

My husband and I are happy with just one child and the constant "When's the next one?" "You HAVE to have another one" "He'll be spoilt and a brat" comments give me the irrits!! :mad: :mad:

Postnatal depression is one of the reasons why we have decided that we may not be going again, it's not set in stone, but it's looking more that we are only having one child every day.

I never want to go through Postnatal Depression again, although things are MUCH better than the early days, it nearly ripped the family apart.

I love my son to death, Im happy, Wyatt's Happy, Daniel's happy. So be it.

Good on you girls for sticking up for yourselves :thumbsup:

[Briannabear]

Its absolutely no-ones business except you and your husband. Each to their own. You have to do what's right for your family. :hugs:

[Squiggles]

I am an only child and never had any problems, I had the love and affection of my parents and grandparents - I wasn't spoilt and didn't get lonely... I never knew anything different. I would ideally like to have only the one as well, but DH and everyone else seem to be of the opinion that there is something wrong with that. My MIL actually made the comment "oh no you can't have just the one, look how you turned out" - nice huh considering she wasn't making a joke.

Having children is a completely personal choice and you shouldn't feel as though you need to justify your choices to anyone.

Just think if you lived in China you would only be allowed to have 1 child anyway!

[LittleBoysRock]

Its absolutely no-ones business except you and your husband. Each to their own. You have to do what's right for your family. :hugs:


I agree, dont take any notice. :hugs:

I said through my whole pregnancy with DS that I only wanted one, I have since changed my mind but understand the advantages with having one!!

[shed]

My MIL actually made the comment "oh no you can't have just the one, look how you turned out" - nice huh considering she wasn't making a joke.

OMG bl**dy MIL's!! :laughing: :laughing:

[kymmy]

I think it is more important that you do what you want to do.
Having children for other ppl wont make you happy and can not be fair on you or your family.

[Tulp]

We too are also going to have only one. Not planning on anymore.

Before we were married neither of us even thought about becoming mommy & daddy. But after discussing it we decided, ok if it happens it happens. Now we have one on the way and we both feel he is all we'd like. No more.

Yes I am already getting people asking me if we will plan on another one and this one is not even here yet. :rolleyes: People can't seem to understand that what you do in your family is really non of their business.

[meoneo]

i only wanted one too
but have been converted
found alot of resistance to my only one idea
i hear ya
but my little baby boy makes me want another one
he is just such a good little fella but not right now cause he is teething lol

[Roopee]

When i had my first child (i'm now pregnant with baby number4), he was 5 hrs old and my Grandmother in law asked me when the next one was coming! OMG are you kidding me? I had just pushed a 4.2 kg baby out of my you know what- at that point i wasnt having anymore in the forseeable future!

I think if you only want one- then just have one! Your life=your desicion!
No one elses opinion matters and if you feel that your family is perfect just the way it is then that is a gift.

[Sarie]

When we were first married and talking about having kids we decided that 3 was our magic number. After DS1 was born I thought that was it, I didn't want to have any more, just focus all my love and attention on him.
DS2 came along as a surprise, so we didn't end up with a choice. But after he was born we had my inlaws telling us we weren't to have any more children, 2 were enough (not quite sure where they get off they had 3 kids). We were going to stop there and DH was going to get snipped.
At fairly short notice we had to up and move and he never did get his little op, which I'm now glad because when DS2 was about 6 months old we decided that we would like 1 more.
So basically, follow your heart. If you only want one little munchkin stick with it, the only person you have kids for and to please is yourself.
I'm glad for my bundle, but everyone is different, do what makes you and your DP happy!

[bambikins]

Unfortunately that's the way life is........a seiries of Q's like
1.What will you do when you leave school?
2.When will you get married?
3. When will you have kids?
4.And finally after you have one, they will ask when are you having another one? and so it will go on and on even if you've had a bunch of kids. Some people can't accept a straightforward answer such as, "One is enough".

I'm an only child and mum got asked all the time..........even now at the age of 61 she still gets asked............Why did you only have one?..............and she promptly replies,
"Oh, I stopped at perfection." (far far from it of course) Then people don't really know what to say after that, it leaves them a bit gob smacked.

[vavavanny]

DH and I have recently decided that only one will do us too.

I feel so blessed to have my healthy, bubbly little boy and want to enjoy him totally - I dont want to endure the stress of pregnancy and or the risk of miscarriage ever again.

But do ask me again in six months... who knows, I have have emotionally recovered!

[brizbabe]

I am perfectly happy with 1 but DH would dearly love another child-I keep telling him when he works out how to carry a baby for 9 months and all the wnderful things it does to the body he can knock himself out!!!! LOL

Having said that , though if I did "catch" all would be good-just not a priority for me...

My SIL (who I love dearly) once said years ago-we couldn't possibly only have one as DD would be lonely(she is an only child herself). My comment to her was "I was the oldest of 3 and sometimes I was loney-just because you have siblings doesn't mean you can't be alone!!!

Each to their own-stick to your guns-only u know what is right for ur family:)

[damien's mum]

I totally can understand where you are coming from....
I only want one child, as im scared to have to go thru this all again, if someone was to pass me a baby and say.. here you go, i would be fine with that, Lol.
But not going thru it all again, and the pressure that comes from my in laws, and my own family, are doing the guilt trips, of dont you want damien to grow up with a brother or a sister, blah blah... Why cant they just mind their own, its not them that has to raise the children, they get the good times, we get everything else.

[ellie72]

I have one son, a toddler, and have found out due to fertility problems I probably can't have anymore. I'm constantly getting asked when I'm going to have another one - it drives me nuts! I don't want to tell people I'm infertile, but if I say nothing then I'm seen as being selfish for only having one child.

People are very judgemental and insensitive! Having a child is such a responsibility, and if you only want one, well that's your business. I think it's great you know who you are:) I've a friend who doesn't want to have any children at all!

Go with your heart

best wishes
allie

[Leez]

It never fails to amaze me how other people, friends, family and strangers feel so comfortable giving you all this casual advice and opinion on such a huge personal issue. Who says you HAVE to have more than one? If thats so important to them, then go right ahead, have 10 - knock yourself out!!! One is a perfectly acceptable number of children to have!!

God what a boring world it would be if everyone had the same number of children!!

Like someone else said - having more than one just so no.1 can have siblings is not the best rationale to have a child I think (if its your only reason) - there's no guarantee that they will grow up getting along or even liking each other.

Have as many or few as you feel right having - having another kid because of outside pressure is just wrong on every level.

Lisa

[AquaDevil78]

Hey its your life, your decision, we are in the same boat, one is just fine for me and my partner. Everyone else can get stuffed! I was a only child (not by choice but because mum couldbt have any more) but regardless of that i was never lonely, or bored, and i wasnt spoilt either and if i do say so myself , turned out to be quite a nice young lady (well not as young anymore LOL).. so raising an only child is not a crime :) and p.s mum did it solo too... :thumbsup: to my mum! :yes:

[Mahjong]

Just wanted to also add that most likely Wyatt WILL be an only child also due to the fact I had a shocking pregnancy with a kidney stone and TWO Ovarian cyst ruptures when I was 6 months pregnant :( I was so sick from then on till Wyatt was born, I dont ever want that t happen again LOL!

[spiritedfamily]

If you feel you are being true to yourself when you make this decision then so be it. :thumbsup:

I think it can go both ways, I have experienced alot of prejudice from smaller families and judgement because I choose a larger family. I think its important that every person in society has respect for another...its ok to express your own opinion so long as it doesn't impinge on another person's personal space or right to make choices.

[blessedmummy]

hey.. dont worry, its your decision to have just one child, and nobody elses! i feel for you, just ignore what people think i reckon! for myself, i have two beauitful girls,everyone is different, so do whatever you please! :thumbsup:

Me25
DH25:wave:
Emily3:smiliedance:
Clare22months:smiliedance:

[SamanthaJane]

Have as many or as few as you like! Its your decision, no one elses :hugs:

[moomoosmummy]

i am the victim i was only going to have one and i got all that now i have changed my mind and i dont know whoes idea it was hang in there:eek:

[shed]

I wrote that I only wanted one and I have been adamant on that point for years and years and years.

But now that I have done it and he's here.......ummm......I have caught myself talking about "next time".

oooooh :eek:

its just coz he's SO cute and I am treasuring every day and the newborn stage is the one that scared me but its wonderful, but this newborn stage will be over soon and maybe I will miss it so much I will want to do it again...

So THIS is how it happens LOL!

[spiritedfamily]

I think I know what you mean...about doing it again...wait till they talk to you, hug you and tell you that they love you:hugs:

The newborn stage is very full on, but once you know what each cry means its a beautiful stage...I actually miss it the most....I wish sometimes my 10 year was a baby, then I could just hug her and know that when I talk to her she won't backchat me :ecomcity:

[danik]

My friend and her DH have always known that they were only going to have 1 child and it suits their situation fine.

I have some friends that don't want to have children and that suits their situation fine.

Everyone is different so you do what you think is best for your family. Can't please everyone so don't bother trying!

[Mrs J]

it's your choice, but id jsut like to say i was an only child and i HATED it although my mum would have had more if she could but i grew up alone and it was so aweful. It's your choice though and yours only :) just wanted to tell you what i felt.

[cap]

I'm with you Oceanbaby but unforunately my wife is not. I am more than happy to settle for one (my beautiful boy Charlie now 11 months) but my wife is desparate for another one. I had a pretty rough time just after Charlie was born (yes, I know it was probably tougher on my wife) but don't want or need to live through that again.
I would not swap Charlie for anything and I don't want to feel pressured into doing something because society expects it. I would hate to say yes to saitsfy everyone and then resent the decision.

[Cheekychops]

So totally none of any one elses business - one very loved baby or two because you felt like you had too??? Definately one if that's all you want!!!