A vent and need for some advice!

[laurenmaree]

This is just a vent, but anyone who can give me some advice, please do!!!

I just dont know what to do anymore! Im 22 and a mother of two gorgeous girls and a wife to a wonderful husband. My life has been ruined and controled by anxiety though! Ive been on various medications and im currently on effexor xr.

I study beauty therapy part time..or supposed to. I have defered for the second time because i just havent been able to cope with the stress and anxiety of being around all these young gorgeous girls who are just incredibly confident and very very clickie... they look and treat me like im a boring old women because i dont dress like im a call girl and wear 10 layers of makeup and dont talk about all the guys im seeing.

I know they are just silly little girls but at the time its overwhelming for me and i cant cope. It causes me to lose all concentration and confidence with my clients (im at a very practical beauty school).

I am becoming rather depressed and cant cope with family either. I am under so much pressure from them regarding my studies and obtaining my license (im about to move to the country ontop of it all and relisticly need it). No matter what I say and do I just seem to fail them all. they are incredibly pig headed about my condition...they think i should suck it up and blame it on me just being lazy. My husand IS supportive but I make him continually sad because I keep breaking my promises about finishing things.

I am desperate to do something with my life i have big doubts wether thats ever going to be possible.

Ontop of everything, I have a deadline. I need to be working by mid next year because financially things are getting really difficult.

I have tried seeing psychologists and therapy of various sorts but its been no help. Im at my wits end! Im just so confused and lonely and just dont know what to do anymore! Im so fed up with my anxiety!

[meggie09]

I do know how you feel. I also married young and have small children. I have had to deal with family issues and also being judged by others without kids. Maybe try doing your study by correspondance. If youd like to talk then feel free to pm me :hugs: ps. The country isnt that bad either. I live in the middle of nowhere :laughing:

[laurenmaree]

dont get me wrong, im looking forward to moving I think it will be good for me but as a practical thing I need my license. And unfortunetly I cant do my course via distence..its a practical industry. Plus we cant afford to lose the $5000 we spent on it.

I know im being pretty stupid, but I cant help the way I feel. I cant help the anxiety I get. I cant even justify it to myself because I know better then to let people get me down. It's taking me entirely over like a disease...I just feel so hopeless.

Im sorry for being such a downer. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like im never going to get anyware and im just so afraid of the influence im giving my daughters!

[meggie09]

For starters dont be so hard on yourself :) you have your wonderful kids and dh. I think to give you some advice i would say to take things in steps, set small goals and look at life that way rather than at one massive task. Maybe if you can get a bit of help around the house/daycare etc...so you get time to yourself, maybe even just to go for a walk. With your course i would battle along, you dont have to look like the other girls but maybe get a new hair style/colour, a new outfit etc...to make you feel more confident when you are there. And remember its not forever, just until you finish. Lastly have a chat with you doctor, maybe the medication is not right for you or you need the dosage altered. Good luck and :hugs: hope thing get better for you soon :)

[Hayls70]

Please dont feel as if you are alone to feel this way. You have so much on your plate already with two gorgeous little girls to look after, let alone the pressure of study and having to find a job due to financial issues.
Are you able to defer your course further? Maybe if you see a doctor and get a certificate you could defer due to medical reasons?
Do you have anyone close (other than dh) you can confide in, or maybe try some natural therapies ie acupuncture ( I go for the stress of IVF and it really does help)
http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&ved=0CA4QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.beyondblue.org.au%2F&ei=uBTESuPAPIfSsQOoidSpCg&rct=j&q=beyond+blue&usg=AFQjCNErq0chJnztBKzoIHBa4VFewqKUGg
this is a website you might be interested in checking out- has info on anxiety and depression.
I hope everything works out for you, it sounds like you have placed alot of pressure on yourself with this course because of the financial outlay but it may not be for you. Hope you will find what you are looking for in the country :hugs:

[laurenmaree]

thanks for the replies:) its actually really nice knowing someone cares enough to reply.

I think in going to take your advice and tackle things one thing at a time. Starting with calling my beauty school and telling them ive deferred. I have the letters and medical cert from my GP, but i havent actually called them:o i just stopped going. Ive been far too anxious to call them lol yes, im afraid of making phone calls. (feels heart race at the though of it)

Im going to try and make myself do it though so :fingerscrossed:

the stupid thing about the course is that i love it! its what i have always wanted to do. Its just the other people attending have put me off. AHH!! I want to scream sometimes. I would do anything to make this anxiety issue go away.

anyway, I will do my best with one thing at a time. Lets pray i dont chicken out lol

[meggie09]

I think you are doing the right thing. Let us know how you go with the call - you will be fine. Good luck

[Hayls70]

lauren- good for you! sometimes the thought of doing something and the build up to do it can make it feel sooo much harder! Once you get on that phone and get the ball rolling you will feel so much relief.

Get yourself sorted with all that you have going on then maybe down the track you will be ready to go back! I think once things settle down in your life and you do take the step back to your studies it wont matter who else is in that class,those little things wont bother you as you will be happy to be there for yourself! (if that makes any sense!!)

as meggie said, little steps! I seriously think that when we get so apprehensive about something it is because we are either not ready for it or it is not right for us.

Good luck chicky:hugs:

[meggie09]

Hi, just popping in to see how you got on with the call. Hope all is well. Meg

[Mummita]

Anxiety is such a horrible illness and so very draining. I am currently on Effexor as well however had to try several meds before I found the one that worked for me. Perhaps your meds need adjusting? More importantly, I think meds are just a small part of the treatment IMO. I know counselling does seem to take ages to work but I recommend sticking with it because it can be very beneficial. Or perhaps find a different type of therapy? You sound like a really good Mum and I hope you don't let the other students put you off your studies. I too am always so self conscious about what other people think of me but you'll probably find we are letting our imaginations run away from us and they probably aren't even judging us at all.

Anyway good luck with your studies and all the best for the move - how exciting! :flowerz:

[BornToBe]

Hi :wave: Just had to comment because I truly can empathise with where you are coming from.

Especially in relation to the young-pretty-things comments. I think that we live in a society that (disgustingly) encourages competition between women. Looks especially at the top of that ladder. So, really, it is no surprise when some women feel incredible anxiety over our inability to 'match up' to these imaginary competitions. I definitely did and still do SOMEtimes.

Although I could not have imagined myself doing this at the peak of my anxiety problems, I do now have ways of coping. Instead of treating other attractive girls sort of like an object or something to compete with, I now tackle them as a person, start a conversation, show I am not intimidated, smile etc whatever. It is amazing how many of them respond in an INCREDIBLY unsure fashion, which I think is probably because they have that same 'competition' mentality and are not expecting any kind of friendliness from other women.

This in turn has made me more confident and look at myself more closely - focusing more on 'who I am' than 'who I appear to be'.

How sad is that! How sad that I didn't just have that outlook from the very start and had to practise it. And that it is accepted in society that women should compete through make-up, clothing, and the like to be the 'number one sexiest woman ever!!' (Haha, what a relief it was when I finally realised such a woman doesn't and will NEVER exist!!)

I hope you don't feel I've taken over your topic here it just struck such a chord with me! I know how you feel. And I think a lot of women do also!

Take care and best of luck moving through your anxiety. It can & will pass. :goodvibes: