ok the whole story

[upthecreek]

hi everyone
im logged in on another user name cause i need help and advice
and cant use my normal log in name

heres the story ;

2weeks ago i found out my dh was cheating on me had been for a few months i flew off the handle as you would but i cant move on
im obsessed by getting revenge on him and her ive got her mobile and home number ive even rang her parents and told them whats going on

i hang by the phone incase he calls so i can go running
ive got him threatening to get social services involved and to take my baby away
my head is in a million different places at the moment
i dont want him having anything to do with my baby i want him out of our lives completely but thats not fair on my bubba but at the same time in the last year hes shown no interest in our baby
if he on the odd occasion would let me sleep in on a sunday when i would get up he would say bubba need a nappy change hes got a poo
now how can i let this person look after my son

im loosing my mind i just want to see him and her hurt for what they have done to me and my family

im in the prossess of organising mediation so we can work out what to do but i know im not standing for anything less than him being out of our lives

he gives me reasons like he felt lonley at home cause i was giving bubs all my attentiion and that he doesnt want responcibility anymore
so why wont he just sign the papers to give it al up
i dont want my son to met this woman and i know she will be moving in as soon as my stuff is out of the house
this is a woman that doesnt have kids and doesnt like kids so how is she going to treat my son expcially when all she wants to do it go and party and at the moment thats what her and my dh are doing
i dont want my son around that

am i being hot headed or do i have a point ?

in theh past year of ds life he has shown no signs that he could look after him so how am i ment to feel comfortable knowing im leaving him with him

do i go get this woman?
i need a magic answer for all of this to go away

[upthecreek]

sorry its so long haha

[anjsa]

no magic answer for this terrible situation :hugs:

but for starters, stop waiting for him to call! Stop harrassing the 'other woman' - I know you're angry and upset that they did this to your family but it's not your fault and instead of running into the arms of another woman, DH should have talked to you about how he was feeling left out.

How long have you been together? How did he feel about becoming a father? I think you just need to take a step back and a few deep breaths and try not to call him or her and just concentrate on getting yourself on your feet. It will most probably take time but I think you can get through this, and from what you've said maybe you and DS will be better off with him out of your lives for a while?

[Elmopalooza]

Hey hun ;)
Firstly, take a BIG, deep, breath. I am going to tell u what worked for me. (its not exactly the same as ur story, but very similar)

When my Ex and I split it was a mutual thing. He NEVER helped with Amity and was always out partying etc leaving me at home witha new baby. I was basically a single mum but married.

We split and he, at first, had amity every second saturday from 1.30pm til sunday at 5pm. This only lasted while he was seeing someone. It used to tear me to pieces knowing that there was another woman even HOLDING my daughter... How dare she impose! I tried to make life hard for him. And he did the same. He started to visit her less and less, giving pathetic excuses when he remembered. Most of the time tho he just wouldnt show.

HOWEVER, i always said that he is MORE than welcome to see Amity when ever he wanted. All he had to do was call and if we werent busy he could see her. By me allowing him this freedom to see her, he of course did the opposite! I am pleased to say that he now hasnt seen her since Christmas!!

Maybe you need to take that same approach. As hard as it is at the beginning, you reep the benefits at the end. By my ex not seeing amity, this is working in my favour to get a court order for my DP to adopt her, and then HE WILL be out of our lives. For good.

Hope this helps sweets. Remember, it is hard but its worth it in the long run. Men hate it when they are trying to be all clever and yet again are out-witted by a woman!

Big hugs for u and bubs! :hugs: