Dreading MIL

[Pixie]

She's due to arrive after or around 4pm today and I am dreading it I could hardley sleep last night. She's OK she is nice enough to me. but carries on and on about her family which really is none of her business!

She loves Eliza but she's always making comments like the other week she said "Eliza is to fat, stop feeding her when she wants you must time it, fat baby = fat adult" I was so annoyed and said "look it's my baby, my way" and the time before that she tried to pull Eliza off my breast as she wanted to hold her. DP got right up her for that one!!

She thinks that I hog Eliza as the last time she came she complained that I held her to much, well she was crying in her arms and staring at me so I took her back. and nursed her.

I just do what feels right, Eliza is my daughter, but DP keeps saying she is her grandma you gotta understand and I do, but why do I feel guilty when I ask for my own daughter back when she's upset?

I just know or I think I know this afternoon is going to be a nightmare!!!

sorry just need to get it out I am sooooo anxious!!!:(

[Taylors_mum]

She is your daughter you do what you think is right :thumbsup:

As for the "Fat baby" thing... i would be more concerned if she wasnt fat... My DD is also a chubba and im sure once she starts walking she will burn it straight off.

Try not to let her bother you... i know easier said then done

[shed]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Your kid, your rules.

You are a fantastic, natural mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. She has done her job of raising a baby and she needs to sit back and relax and trust that she has done a good job and let you do the same.

tell her times have changed. Bombard her with "information" you learnt at "antenatal class" or something. She won't be able to argue with that.

Well, she probably will, but at least it won't be just you saying it.

Just say "well Eliza just has to put up with me doing it my way because I am her mum and this is how I want to do it, but thanks anyway"

[EskimoMumma]

Have to agree with shed.


(you are one smart momma!, both of you!)

My MIL can be bad too and I know shes nice and all but atleast she gives me back DD if she is upset :eek:


Defiantly put your foot down, and if she doesnt like it, tell her to grow up and let her DS grow up!!(Ds being your partner)She needs to understand times have changed and understand just what kind of mother you are!

A GREAT FANTASTIC MOTHER!!!!!

[kacey]

You're right. Trust your instincts. Do what is right for your family. She had her opportunity to do what was right for her family - you didn't tell her how to do it (hehehe) - so she needs to respect your ability (and gosh darn she should realise the extent of your ability) to raise YOUR child in the best manner possible.

Hmmm, better step off my soapbox now.

:hugs: to you.

[Pixie]

Thanks guys, eghh I am soo nervous I need valium lol I have managed to get E down for a sleep so at least she won't be to grouchy when she comes DP is coming home early from work lol bless him!

[Beany]

she tried to pull Eliza off my breast as she wanted to hold her.

:eek:

Holy poo ... and I thought mine was bad!

Hope it's going okay. If she comes too close, you could always just squirt her in the eye :D

[Pixie]

LMAO Beany great idea.....well she was OK she did go on a bit about how she was jealous of Eliza loving me more than her:rolleyes: farkwit I'm her mummy...she screamed blue murder every time she took her so weird I am not being sarcastic either, Eliza has never done that with anyone:o ahhh well that's over until I run out of excuses for her not to come next time lol

[Lunar]

Nat, babies have a very good sense of character.... maybe that's why she was screaming!!! lol. I am glad you survived without tearing her hair out!

[Pixie]

Yeah Very true Kris, I wonder I think she was also very overtired and wanting her big feed before bed!

[Tam-I-Am]

Ohh, you poor love - The dreaded MIL strikes again.

I have no good advice (although I really like Beany's idea! :laughing: )

Sound like she's insecure and is wanting reassurance about her role as a grandmother. Not that its your role to provide said reassurance, but if you want to get her off your back, you could try to good old asking her for help trick - I know it goes against the grain, you just want to tell her to P*** OFF rather than inviting her closer - but it does seem to work!

Feel free to ignore my advise!

(BTW - I just saw that you're TTC #2 and wanted to say - Congratulations!)

[reAllytee]

LMAO Beany great idea.....well she was OK she did go on a bit about how she was jealous of Eliza loving me more than her:rolleyes: farkwit I'm her mummy...she screamed blue murder every time she took her so weird I am not being sarcastic either, Eliza has never done that with anyone:o ahhh well that's over until I run out of excuses for her not to come next time lol


This is what happened when Boof was little also everytime smother in law held her he would scream not just cry scream !!!!
Even now he runs away from her :laughing:
She hates it !!!!
Well sorry but what does she expect i am his mother !!!!
Just like you are E's dont stress you will just learn to ignore her in time & then there is always coming on BH to whinge like the rest of us :D

[Pixie]

how much time Ally it's already been more than 8 years lmao

[NZMama]

This is what happened when Boof was little also everytime smother in law held her he would scream not just cry scream !!!!:D

Oh I like that term, have to remember that one.
I cant believe she tried to take the baby while you were feeding her...that would have really pressed my buttons.
Both my MIL and mum have 'you should do this' opinions...Ive learnt to just nod and oh did I mention I moved country lol *Jokes* we moved for work that was just an added bonus ;)
The diff in my situation is that there is never anything snarky said about my girls....well not to my face I guess (talking about MIL). The comment about a 'fat baby' How rude! What kind of Grandmother says that?
Everyone is right, it sounds like you are doing a great job and shes the one with the issues. Dont let it get to you, our guards always go up when it comes to our children just like a lioness and her cubs, but I think it is wise to pick your fights. I would calmly explain to her this is how Im raising my child and she is happy and healthy and thats all that matters right now. SO BACK OFF! okay might be wiser to say the last bit under your breath....
GOODLUCK!

[reAllytee]

how much time Ally it's already been more than 8 years lmao


I have no idea i just keep telling myself this after 4yrs LOL !!!!!

[Peaceangels]

Is E the 1st grandchild ?
Reason I ask is that I have observed this happening with both mine and DH's family when the 1st grandchild was born.
The grandparents become obsessive about hugging / holding the baby, like they are going to miss out on bonding with the child or something :confused:
We had this problem with DS1 cause he was the only grandchild in Sydney when he was born, but things definately died down after #2 was born ;) :D
I find its always best to say something, let them know you will hand her over for a hug when you think the time is right for E ..... (ie - when she's not tired, hungry)

[Pixie]

Ness E is her 5th grandchild, but the only one in Sydney the others live up north a bit.

smoother in law ah yes perfect term!!!

[shed]

You think you got troubles, my MOTHER emailed last night and said she is coming over after bubby gets here.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[bronny-jane]

wow i wonder why eliza loves you more then her...hmm perhaps cause your her mum:rolleyes:
poor m&p, my mil lives in darwin, shes coming down at the end of october, thing is she doesnt push herself onto me, she's quite happy to kick back and let me do it my own way:D
i cant believe she tried to pry her from your breast:eek: .
perhaps you and my sister can get together and taslk about mil's, hers just walks in and stares at her and b!tches behind her back.
yippee my life is so simple:yelclap:

[FOURtunate]

My MIL actually made my husband and I feel guilty when our babies were born at 27 weeks, and 33 weeks requiring long hospitalisation.

I had general anaesthetic for both births, and made it clear that I wanted my husband to be the first, and only one to see each of them for the first time. So that he could bond with them, and really make a memory of it.

Both times, MIL burst through the doors of the NICU crying and my DH had to comfort her. She asked the nurses questions, and even went into the hospital and tried to talk to the staff about getting priests to christen them, without our consent.

She would go on, and on about how hard it was for her seeing her Grandchild fighting for life, and as they grew up, I too would feel guilty if I asked for them back. The whole family would congratulate her on "her beautiful baby", and some even sent her flowers when Jack was born because SHE had been through so much. Even today, I copped a nasty call because she has two of my children for the day and is upset with their clothes, as she is meeting friends and wants them to look their best. They are KIDS, and they are meeting at a park, so I don't see what the big deal is.

Nnow, I know you feel guilty. But Eliza is YOUR BABY. You sound just like I did. Like Eliza is the property of DH and his Mum. But the reality is, she's yours for life, and her's every now and then. Honestly, I think MILs mean well. But they are also grieving the loss of their boy, their own parenthood, and this new dynamic of family confuses them. Their Grandchild is a part of them, but came from somebody totally unrelated. No excuse I know. But, I guess it's a bit of jealousy too. You have her son. The Mother/Son relationship is pretty strong so there is always a bit of tension. My MIL still tries to compete with me in this stupid game of who knows DH best. You also have her Grandchild. And I guess that these MILs know that the bond is incomparable, between Mother and Baby, and Grandmother and Grandchild.

Do I make any sense???? :confused:

[Pixie]

yes you make sense, the thing is my DP is not at all close to her. I dunno I just thing she has control issues!!! You poor thing WTF is she doing to you. it's not your fault your babies came early! grrrr enough to drive us to the looney bin!!

Shed My mother said she wanted to come out to visit me and Eliza and I said NO......that went down very well as you can imagine!

[Sarie]

My DH applied for a promotion (which unfortunately we didn't get) on the other side of the country. When my FIL found out he whinged and carried on about us taking away his grand children. Then decided that they wouldn't be going on the trip to the same city that we were looking at going to on their already planned trip at the end of the year.
How petty.
He asked me if I were happy to leave my mother (we already live 3 hours away from my parents and only 1 hour away from them) and I said yes. It's what we need to do as a family, we need to make choices for us not for them.
He wasn't too happy about that...

[FOURtunate]

Maybe they aren't close now, but when DH was HER BABY BOY, they may have been. I guess some people just cannot let go of that. Who knows how I will be when my Jack gets stolen away by another woman????

[Pixie]

Heaven forbid you do something for yourself Sarie:rolleyes: why can't parents in-laws just be happy for their kids?

As long as my kids are happy doing what they want where they want that's what is important to me!

true AD I dunno she's just twisted at least DP and I agree on that :laughing:

[FOURtunate]

You're lucky he agrees. Lots of us don't have that, and it can get really difficult at Christmas! :gloomy:

[Sarie]

I know. After my little blow up last Christmas I'm finding it hard to keep my mouth shut. I'm just glad that DH is now standing up for me as well.
When we first moved out here I found it so hard, the boys saw my family all the time and I always had family support. But we knew the only way for my DH to get out of the position he hate was to take a promotion out of the city. I've never lived this far away from my family and it was a really hard step for me to make. But now I know that we have to live for ourselves, not what our parents want. DH is very driven with his job and he can't go any higher here so we will be moving at some point. We're both actually a bit disapointed to find out we're not moving to Perth in August.

[Pixie]

Sarie exactly you have to live for your DH and your kids, are parents are pretty much done with us and have to let go!!!

Oh yes AD we agree on everything almost very little we don't! Ah christmas must be hard his family dont celebrate it and mine are all in the UK and don't talk to one another lol so I sit here enjoying myself :D

[shed]

This christmas will be interesting for us. Usually I go to my family for lunch and then join him at his family gathering for dinner, which is great. But once we have a baby maybe people will expect us to act as an inseparable unit. I dunno.

I'm inclined to keep doing it the way we have been doing it.

[Pixie]

Good luck with that shed:rolleyes:

[shed]

Yeah...pity its not "us" they will be fighting about but his royal highness!

[Pixie]

I can imagine, suddendly my mil loves me as I am the mother of her grandchild...ok lady we all know that's a load of poo