Known sperm donor issues?

[lucinda7]

Hi everyone :)

My sister and her partner have been looking into having a bub and have asked my DH if he would consider being a sperm donor.
We have one bubba on the way and while we are both willing to help them out (I know my sis would be the first to offer her eggs to me) the family and friends we have mentioned this to have been quite negative about it.
They seem to think that we will regret doing this and I don't see why...?

DH would relinquish all rights to the child apart from if something was to happen to my sister and her partner we would become the legal guardians for the child (they are already listed in our will as the legal guardians for our child).

Perhaps we aren't looking at this the right way, can anyone share their experiences with me so I can see any possible problems with this scenario?

Thanks, I know this may seem a contentious issue.

[lovethekid]

Hi

Maybe before making a decision both parties should have a look at http://www.dcnetwork.org/

which gives some very useful information regarding this type of thing and I also recommend reading

"Building a Family with the Assistance of Donor Insemination" by Ken Daniels

which I found to be invaluable at looking at the issue from the point of view of a child born this way.

Good luck with whatever decision you make

Karen

[cariandkristy]

Hi Lucinda,

We're trying to get pregnant using a known donor. There are a lot of things to consider however it can also be very rewarding. Before we started to try to conceive we saw a lawyer as a group to find out where we all stood legally and we had a contract written up to cover our specific situation.

I think so long as you’re all aware of what is and will be expected it can be a rewarding process. You and your partner will have the shared joy of helping to create new life and the child will have some contact with their other biological parent (even if it's not in a parenting role). That means that when they want to know answers to questions about their ancestry they will be able to find out – they won’t be left wondering who makes up the other half of them. Even their medical history would be available. These are the reasons that we have chosen to go ahead with this process. However we did consider using an unknown donor (for equally valid reasons) and if we can’t conceive with the donor we have chosen we still might.

I have sadly heard stories where people have been hurt or disappointed. You would have to be sure that you have all the bases covered and everyone would have to be absolutely sure that this is the path that they want to take. For example have you discussed when you would tell the child who their biological father is? How would the child that you’re expecting respond to that? What if the recipients want to have more children?

I know that there are some questions that can’t be answered until you’re in the situation, but so long as you have all your bases covered and you and your partner are happy and comfortable with the situation it shouldn’t matter what other people think. My partner and I are not even telling people who our donor is – I just don’t see that it’s their business.

I hope this helps and I wish you all the best of luck.

Kristy

[2girlsandababy]

Hi Lucinda

This reply may be coming too late but for what it's worth I think you are looking at it exactly the right way!

If it were your sister or your husband that had problems with the idea that would be different. The feelings of the four of your are really the only ones that matter. People will always be negative about anything that challenges their feeling of what's usual. But I think you and your sister and your respective partners are incredibly blessed to care for each other and respect each other the way you do and you shouldn't look that gift horse in the mouth. What you are thinking of doing is generous and wonderful - I reckon you should go for it!!