Do anti-circ people exist in the real world?

[Father]

For those of you who have circ'ed, and those that are discussing it, have you ever been criticised in the real world?

I know for myself, that noone has said a bad word against the idea to me, both before I had my boy done and afterwards.

It seems that Bubhub is an unusual environment that attracts people who feel they have to criticise the decisions of parents - to line them up with their way of thinking.

From what I've seen in the posts of late, the whole anti-circ movement is really only about half a dozen people who jump on anything that anyone says about the pros of circumcision. I really don't feel that this is in any way representative of the way general society views circumcision.

Ignoring mother-in-laws:), have you seen anything like Bubhub out in the real world?

[MummaBear03]

Yep I've seen it. My SIL had some friends over for a dinner party to celebrate the arrival of a new baby, since the new parents only lived in a 2brm flat that they shared with someone else and couldn't have a dinner party there. The baby was about a month old by this time, and when she mentioned about how he hardly even cried when circumcised, another person at the party said "I can't believe you chopped off half your son's penis and think it's ok" yeah she was a little dramatic, half the penis was not really chopped off but her hubby was circ'd as an infant and is bitter about it.

[Father]

Interesting story Mummabear. Thanks.
Did the dramatic woman rave on about it, or did she let the conversation more to another topic?

[nothanksbye]

I originally wanted my boy done and i cant tell you how many times I was berated or just hit with a stony silence.

I have to admit i struggled to find people to agree with me at all...

I didnt get him done in the end they were that persuasive.

[MummaBear03]

Actually, it got really uncomfortable after that so I helped SIL in the kitchen before making an exit :p but yeah there are people who speak their mind, and others who don't, some who have a problem and some who don't. They exist on and off Bub Hub.

[FiveInTheBed]

when "researching" the idea (pregnant with my first son)...everyone in our small country home town was 'all for it'...except for my besties husband....we had a massive barney - almost fell out over it (we love these guys dearly). He is not circ'd and called us ******** and all the rest.
Some other mums my age were happy enough to say they weren't going to get their boys cut, but didn't oppose us thinking about it.
I think unless you ASK people, you aren't really going to get that topic coming up in general day to day converstaion IRL!

Oh and the doctor we asked for a referal.

[moozle]

How many people do you tell that you've had your son circumcisied? I'm assuming your close friends know and that's about it. They're unlikely to critisize you to your face.

[kel87]

i was going to ask/point out the same thing .. especially after a few particular posts and posters comments.

i have never been criticised (obviously not to my face) however, i would like to think people aren't thinking about my son's penis and what I have/havent done to it. I have only been asked if my son is circd by fathers who have been circd or by mothers who have circd their son or are looking for opinions on the issue.

i had one man telling me how gross an intact penis is and how circ should be mandatory for x, y and z reasons in a room full of about 50% cird and 50% a no one stood up and criticised.

i think this is a personal decision and private. i only ever asked other mums if they had circd when i was researching what decision i was going to make .. i didnt judge mums who chose not to and i am lucky to be surrounded by people who respect others decisions, but i find ppl dont ask me this who are anti-circ.

i just get sick and tired of ppl going on and on and on about how RIC is horrific a human rights issue etc etc no one would know if i circd my son unless they pulled down his pants and had a look.

so i personally believe bub hub exaggerates the anti-circ message but i think this is becuase there is a section dedicted to it (and so there should be everyone is entitled to their opinion) and ppl are always more vocal about the things they DONT agree with. each to their own .. but its getting a bit old the circ bashing threads :)

and its not like you can do anything about it once its done .. what do they want .. parents to feel guilty for the rest of their lives? some sort of punishment? merrr ... every parent has the right to make what they believe is the best decision for their children.

[Little-Pink-Hen]

I have the referse actually
when my mum was pregnant with my lil brother, my stepdads sister was very pro circ. My mum us anti circ so there was no way she was going to circ my brother just like my other brother wasn't done. But Syed dads sister carried right on about it saying all the men in my step dads family done and made it sound like it wasn't mums right to say she wasn't doing it. She even orgnanised an apppointment with a doctor for mum. Crazy woman. Now I'll be circ my boys but respected my mums opinion not to do it for my brother

When I was pregnant with DD I was worried what ppl would say when if circ came up. My BF got a number of a doctor for me and she and her DH are anti circ

But towards the end of pregnancy my DH grandmother asked will we be getting it done I said yes and she said "GOOD!" than when on and on about why she couldn't understand why it's not done anymore. This convo upset me. I see it's our private family decision what happens with my sons penis no ones elses, I never brought it up during my pregnancy just to BF wondering how to contact a doctor. I find it strange that ppl want to know about babies penises. You don't ask every person you meet are they circ so why do you need to ask a new mum or dad did they or not ???

[Mrs Nietzsche]

People are just more reticent in real life and may not tell you their opinions so freely, especially if they are in opposition to your own.

I don't agree with circumcision, I would give my point of view to someone who was wondering whether or not to circumcise their child but if somebody has already done so (already circumcised thier son) I wouldn't comment.

Circumcised children are very much in the minority so I think it's pretty obvious what most people's views are these days.

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Actually I'm not totally sure that they are that much of the minority
when I first started as a preschool teacher there was 1 bub who was
now the boys are almost half

[Mrs Nietzsche]

According to the statistics, they are - at least according to recent newspaper articles - I think 2% was mentioned in the article re the tasmanian law reforms to ban RIC.

I just did a quick google and 10% comes up pretty often (or thereabouts)

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Maybe the 10% live in our area ;-)

[Mrs Nietzsche]

lol, you and the OP might be neighbours

[SassyMummy]

They do exist... but here on BH, it's an open forum. Just by posting, you're opening yourself up to opinions from strangers.

IRL, how often do you discuss circumcision with strangers?

Circumcision has never been heavily discussed IRL for me, but when it has been, it's been with people who are close to me, and whose feelings I care about, and want to spare. Generally, nobody asks "what do you think about circumcision?" either.

People just say, "Oh, I've booked him in to get done on..." or whatever. These are people I care about, and I'm not about to go, "Well I think that's wrong!" to them. My opinion won't change their decision, and all it will do is make them upset and make them angry with me.

Now I am kind of a fence-sitter on this issue, having talked more about it with DP who was circumcised as a baby... but previously, I was anti-circ.

I would say, "Oh, I'd never do it to my baby, I just don't think it's needed," but that's about as far as it got. Nobody ever asked my opinion, and I was careful about giving it to those who had circumcised their children, for fear of offending them.

[~Candy~]

Interesting question father :yes:

99% of the time NO..nothing is ever asked nor said...and I am one not to hide it if something on that track is bought up.
There is one woman i used to be friends with...and she would humiliate anyone who had or supported a "squid d!ck". I was soo embarrased for those ppl who copped it from her.
However...I have never come across a person who has directly confronted me about circ...and g*d help them if they did it infront of my kids!
My boys don't act, look, play etc any different from intact boys...no-one can tell that my boys are circ'd unless they poked their nose where it didn't belong! :)

[WorkingClassMum]

Recently at a family function my male cousin lamented that his wife hadn't circ'd their son.

It become a 2 hour conversation about pro's n con's etc etc

8 out of the 10 adults present where anti-circ, 1 abstained from the convo and one was pro circ, who agreed that when his son hits the age of sexual exploration the option will be put to the boy then.

There was an interesting convo amongst a few mothers at school recently when one of them got a new nephew (and no, I didn't start it) where 5 out of the 6 parents where anti and one only had daughters and had never considered it.

So yes 'Father', there is an anti-circ movement out there. Maybe it's more of a mummies convo and it's all too painful/embarressing for men, or men see it as a baby thing and not many men have baby/children convo's?

[RedPanda]

I am, but I am civil and I would never aim to offend. Whenever I speak against circ, it's because I want the unborn/newborn to have a voice, not because I want to get into someone else's business or upset a new mother.

[mini_me]

DH and myself havent had a bad word said, but have had a handful who just went silent before changing the subject. I feel the fact he had been done before anyone was really told they shrugged it off. Whilst researching it, a few family members calmly expressed they wouldnt do it, but no one has firmly come down or have challenged us for having him circ.

Its an interesting question purhaps making a poll for those who dont wish comment

[LeeJ]

Circ'ing came up at my mothers group a few weeks ago (first time mums)
One had circ'ed her son, as her husband had to be circ'ed a few years ago.

She then went on to say that all boys should be circ'ed, :ecomcity:, there were 5 other mums there, all had girls, I had the only boy.
They all leaned towards getting it done if they have a boy, as there was someone saying that it was so great.

I am anti circ though, and bit my tongue, not to get in an arguement.

Can't say it will be happening again if it gets brought up though.


It isn't a topic that is openly discussed, and you often won't want to be arguementative with freinds or family.

[Mechelle]

In the birth room half an hour after having Liam, DH asked the midwife about circumcision and for phone numbers of where we might be able to get it done. Well he got a lecture from her bout how dangerous it was but ultimately it was our decision so she would get us some numbers. Well she never did get us the numbers and got busy on the paperwork and was way to busy to get it.

[twotrunks]

Clearly there is an anti-circ movement which is why most boys today are not circ'd. Like any other parenting topic, if people are asked their opinion they will usually give it. I beleive it is a human rights issue and so do most of the people I know, including my circ'd DH. And of those I know who were planning it they soon changed their minds after their baby was born.
"Father", to say the anti-RIC movement only exists on BH is naive in the extreme.
TT

[nick's mum]

I think the reason there is a section on it is to help new parents make informed decisions. As someone mentioned above. No one is critisising anyone who has already had it done to their children - it's not something you can undo.

I was under A LOT of pressure from my ex and inlaws to do it but ultimately, i could not go through with putting my infant son through an operation for cosmetic reasons. However, I have a close friend (only one that I know of) who did have her boys done (more for religious reasons) and that is fine. Everyone's situation is different - although I have trouble understanding why people who are pro-circ are so vocal about it (maybe it's a need for reassurance and justification to make you feel that you are right??)

[Father]

i could not go through with putting my infant son through an operation for cosmetic reasons

This should really be in the discuss it section. If you didn't see the medical benefits or had a religious reason, then you probably wouldn't. Most people don't do it for cosmetic reasons.


I have trouble understanding why people who are pro-circ are so vocal about it (maybe it's a need for reassurance and justification to make you feel that you are right

Now, I assume this may be directed at me? As there really aren't too many "non anti-circ" people on here.

The only reason why I am so vocal is because of the propaganda that the anti-circs throw out here. If they didn't open their mouth, mine would be closed. But.... they feel that they have to stop people making their own decisions. Their methods for this are generally scare tactics to change the minds of those who feel they should put some thought into the matter.
I have never told someone to "do it". But the anti-circ's love to say "don't do it".

I am more pro-choice, than pro-circ. I like the idea that parents can make decisions for their families rather than be dictated to by groups who have different opinions.

[andrewJ]

everybody is pro choice. we are pro personal choice. you are pro parental choice.

[Father]

Yes I am. Thanks for the fill in.

[nick's mum]

I was just saying that I don't really understand it - but if that is your decision that is fine.

I think if you believe passionately about something then you are more sensitive to negative remarks about your belief. I think whatever you believe about circumcision you will feel that there is a lot of criticism about your viewpoint because it is such a sensitive issue.

All i was saying is that people who are anti-circ don't bring it up unless they are provoked but pro-circ seem to need others to agree with them - but maybe you see it the same way from the other point of view.

[firsttimemumvmr]

Clearly there is an anti-circ movement which is why most boys today are not circ'd. Like any other parenting topic, if people are asked their opinion they will usually give it. I beleive it is a human rights issue and so do most of the people I know, including my circ'd DH. And of those I know who were planning it they soon changed their minds after their baby was born.
"Father", to say the anti-RIC movement only exists on BH is naive in the extreme.
TT

Unfortunately a very vocal movement is alive and well in England and the US. I come from England and live in New York state and believe me! My DH is done but the decision took monyhs and we did it in the end! There are powerful reasons for. I kept being called 'stupid' or 'misinformed'. I happen to be a lawyer and my husband FBI (don't reckon we're that thick!)I think I pushed it a bit tonight in one of my posts, so if I don't show up agan, my apologies.In the meantime, thank you so much!

[Opinionated]

I tried to persuade a mother in my new mums group to not circumcise her son, but to leave the decision up to him. I provided her with lots of information about it, as unbiased as possible. I told her I would not bring it up again.

A few weeks later she tried to bring it up with me after the procedure, telling me to "look, the stitches are nearly healed". I told her what I thought and she hasn't brought it up since.

As AndrewJ says, I am not anti circ, I am pro choice for the owner of the penis.

[firsttimemumvmr]

I tried to persuade a mother in my new mums group to not circumcise her son, but to leave the decision up to him. I provided her with lots of information about it, as unbiased as possible. I told her I would not bring it up again.

A few weeks later she tried to bring it up with me after the procedure, telling me to "look, the stitches are nearly healed". I told her what I thought and she hasn't brought it up since.

As AndrewJ says, I am not anti circ, I am pro choice for the owner of the penis.

I stated my belief in medical ground supporting this despite all the opposing opinions when I first join and I have no interest in bringing it all up again in every post, but I must say, you sound really nice. You told your friend what you thought was best and left it at that, gave her info, cool!

[Chaton]

I have discussed it with a few of our close friends who have babies (of either gender) to ask what they have/would do because I trust them to be a bit more reasonable and balanced than people on BH. I have found that most were very balanced - most our friends have girls and haven't had to make the choice yet, but even 2 sets of parents have boys but don't have them circ weren't fantatical about it.

I have come across one exception on either side of the debate. One drunk friend who overheard us being asked about it, and went on an anti-circ rant, completely unwilling to consider any reasons for. And one ex-army friend who was quite pro-circ because it was easier to keep clean while away on exercise.

When first trying to decide, I posted in the "Discuss it" (neither for or against I thought) section of BH and was totally savaged.

While it really is no one elses business but ours and our childrens, there will be plenty of people who notice I am sure - day care providers who do nappy changes, family/friends who do nappy changes and what parent doesn't take a few pics of their child that might give it away?

[Opinionated]

I think bub hub makes people who hold a particular view, whatever that may be, seem more forthright in their opinions.

In the real world, I find I tone down my opinions on things because I have to get along with people. I don't have to deal with hubbers whose opinions I disagree with, I can just click away. You also get people who are normally quiet and reserved who let loose on the hub. Anonymity affords the freedom to say what you think without suffering adverse repercussions.

So maybe, the hub is more honest than the real world will ever be. There's a thought for you.

[xkwzit]

I believe this thread has run it's course.
:wave: