Do i have it bckwards

[TripleTime]

Do i have it backwards that i am more willing to accept an extra set of hands from DF's mum & aunt than i am of my own parents? :confused:

Reason why i ask is, DF & I had a kid free day in sydney last sunday while my mum was on kid duty. And for some reason she didnt follow what we have in place. She demand fed instead of time feeding. Gave DD2 her med's on an empty stomach instead of a full one. Among other things.

[PeppaH]

No I think thats fine :thumbsup: Im a bit weird like that too, I trust my (recovering) acholholic father with my son more than my non drinking mum. I dont trust my step mum with my son either.

Its based on trust. I know my dad will NOT give my son anything I have said no to, also he will do something I have asked or not do something I have said no to. My mum and step mum always do ****e that I have said not to with him, they dont listen when I say I dont like such n such etc etc. So yeah, I go with who I trust. That being said, my dad isnt the best on his feet/body. He is a very sick man due to all the years he drunk. But I still trust him more :kiss:

[kezzaskids]

I guess its all a matter of opinion. Your mums parenting style is different to yours. She isnt wrong, just different. If you dont want her to change, question or upset the routines you have set for your children then nope you dont have it backwards at all. Just tell her how you feel and deal with the consequences later.

[*Need~More~Coffee~Please*]

this is not the case for me .....but i can definantly see where ur coming from , my mum and auntys go against what i tell them to do,
ie give DS chocolate and icecream:rolleyes:
but i still trust them more than DPs parents !!

i reckon that our mums think they can do what they want coz they use the excuse "oh i did that with YOU when u where a bub ":hair::laughing:

anyways i hope she starts to listen to u soon coz with the three bubs it would be important that she keeps them in routine as u do at home !

[TripleTime]

We tried to explain to her that things need to done a particular way & made us out to be the worst people in the world to fellow family members.

Mum defiantly has the "i did it with you so its ok", all well & good but it doesnt work like that with us.

[PeppaH]

We tried to explain to her that things need to done a particular way & made us out to be the worst people in the world to fellow family members.

Mum defiantly has the "i did it with you so its ok", all well & good but it doesnt work like that with us.

Oh I know how that feels!! When we first moved back to Perth and wanted to try keep DS in the same routine as before, we got so many rude comments from my mum. She accually cried because of it! Just because we wanted him to be left alone to sleep a certain way (because we knew that he was falling asleep), we didnt (and still mostly dont) want to feed him junk etc etc My mum thinks us so rude to want things a certain way.:no:

[*Need~More~Coffee~Please*]

yea, i know what u mean , my family make me feel bad when i dont do things there way ........they are getting better now that DS is getting older ......so i hope for u that ur mum will start to listen and do things ur way !
have u tryed to explain to her that your routine is important to u and the bubs ?

[TripleTime]

have u tryed to explain to her that your routine is important to u and the bubs ?

Yep, she saw how strict it was in NICU & SCN. We said we were bringing the same routine home.

[kezzaskids]

Maybe she thinks things can relax a bit now that they are older and wanted to relate to them individually rather then as a group. (?)

[spoon]

She may not be a great support person now, but as the babies get a little bit older routine can loosen up a little and are easier to get back on track after you have had some time together. Maybe just use MIL and aunty for now and then keep her for nect year when the bubbas are older.

[mim1]

When my mum started looking after my ds 3 days a week it was a challenge. She was a lot more relaxed and flexible than I was wanting her to be. Eventually I relaxed a bit (my ds was fine, no trouble with her routine) and she did a bit more of what I wanted.

Practically I know that with triplets you must have a routine for yourself and the children or you'd go crazy after a day or two. But for a few hours once in a while is it a real problem if the kids don't have an ultrastrict routine when they are being looked after by grandma? You've had plenty of practice to stick to the routine, she hasn't. I'd say she did well to give them all milk and to give your dd medicine - keeping up with 3 babies is a challenge.

[Wookie1]

I also think sometimes or in my case, my MIL is so happy to be included in her grandsons life that she happily follows the routine.

Apparently she has been worried she wouldn't have much time with him after talking with friends with daughter in laws who never see there grandchildren.

I also find that my mother is a busy retiree so booking her in is much harder.

Anyway, that's my experience.

[SassyMummy]

I think you just do whatever works best for you.

I'd trust my mother with following my orders more than MIL I think. MIL would do a good job with my kids (and by MIL, I'm referring to DPs mother, not DDs fathers mother)... but I'm not sure she'd do what I asked, and instead what worked for her. With some things I wouldn't care, but with others I'd prefer my instructions be followed.

That's as babies anyway. Now that DD is 4, I don't really care.

[sahm]

As other posters have said, I think it's ok to trust who you trust. You have your reasons.

I trust my mother more, my MIL doesn't respect anything we ask of her. We know she doesn't have it in her to follow our ways of doing things because she can't stand to "upset" our 2 year old. He's learnt now that he can play her anyway he wants, and she goes along with it.

We still occasionally leave him with her, but we do so understanding that he won't necessarily sleep, behave or eat properly, but we know how much she loves him and how much he loves her so we just spend a day getting him back to normal afterwards.

That said... newborn triplets are a totally different matter, so I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

Families are so hard to deal with sometimes... :hugs:

[Beachside Mumma]

Nope it's not weird - I trust my in-laws more with the kids than my parents. It's not so much that I don't think they would be safe with my parents because they would, but I have a very strained relationship with them and they tend to like to do things their way whereas MIL is happy to do it whatever way I am.

[FiveInTheBed]

I'd just be happy for a weekend away!!! :laughing:

We are about to head to the central coast fora wedding, and it is the FIRST time I have left the kids all together with someone else (besides DP) for more than one night!!

I know the PIL will do things differently to us - but as long as the kids are being looked after and not hurt..I guess I just gotta be thankful.


In regards to your mum, I would stress to her about the meds - that sounds like something that NEEDS to be done for her health...obviously you've had words re the feeding - hope it doesn't throw the whole week out, babies are pretty good at getting back into their routine when something disturbs them and makes it all go out of whack.

Your mum sounds very controlling :yes: (going on what you told me the other day) ...hopefully you guys can meet somewhere in the middle for T,A&L's sake!!:goodvibes:

[Boobycino]

I think thats totally reasonable.

I'm the other way, as in I trust my mum over anyone else, because I trust she'll do it as I want her to, I dont trust my inlaws one little bit. They try (possible have) to sneak food into bub while we're at their place that I've specifically and repeatedly told them not to, and told them it could make him very sick repeatedly like cold hard boiled eggs and home made egg custard since he was 4 months old (and sugar and crap and this and that and everythind and anything! AHHHH!)

DP has told them point blank if they dont respect me (as in me not him) and my wishes, I'm the one whos in charge of the baby, so even if he wanted to let them baby sit, I'm the one who makes the decisions, and they've shown me repeatedly I cant trust them at all.

Its a pretty simple formula for all parents/family members/friends to remember - if you dont do (or not do) what you've been asked to do, you wont be asked to baby sit again!

If your mother cant follow a routine that I cant even imagine for newborn triplets is SO essential, particularly with medicine involved, I can absolutely understand you dont want to leave them with her! I wouldn't :no:

[sharonnscotty]

ahhhhhhhhhh mums they do think they have the right to do whatever as its their grandchild and their job as grandparents is to spoil them..... i dont know what im in for yet LOL.... goodluck. i normally just have a spat with my mum and if she dosent like it the blah dont offer. goodluck again lol

[TripleTime]

Mum is extremely controlling, always has been & im sure always will be.

We're pretty anal about the routine cause we know it works, when the kids are older we'll bend. At the moment they are very much like a newborn.