Keeping a record

[supa_star323]

Of stuff to do with ex. I can see us ending up in court cause he has been endangering ds safety and I'm not cool with that. So I have started I NEED to keep a record. I'm just not sure what I should and shouldn't record. Any advice?

[Mummy2R&K]

1) I have created a folder under my emails and everything to him and from him goes in there.

2) created a folder on my phone for all his text messages and put them there.

3) Since the day we split, I got an A4 notebook and I write down EVERYTHING. What times I drop DS off, the times he brings him back, what the mood was like, if he abused me etc etc. How long he stays to see DD and what he does with her while here, ie, to form a bond. I also stick my emails in there in date order with my written logs. I doubt a judge will ever say it's 'made up' I've used different pens throughout etc and seriously like someone would go back and be able to make up 10 months worth of stuff :rolleyes:

[supa_star323]

Ok thanks. He doesn't email, but I do keep texts.

[SurfingDadofTwo]

At the end of the day if you walk in with a written account of events and he doesn't, you will be given benefit of the doubt. Also record everything - positive and negative, write a short overview of any phone calls etc just after they happen. I even wrote mine in a word document and sent it via email to my work and personal email adresses so it couldnt get lost.

To answer your question though, there is nothing you shouldn't record - if its irrelevant the court just wont read it, but its easier to not read something than to put something into a record that isnt there.

[bubbleandme]

I just have an A4 notebook into which I write all contact. Texts, e-mails, facebook messages, anything i've sent to him (photos, letters, cards etc.), also info about his visit (the one and only visit). I also put in his contact details.

Basically, i keep everything. :laughing:

I highly doubt anything will end up in court for me, but i like to have it, it helps me remember when we last had contact. 3 weeks and counting lol

:hugs:

emma.

[Sammy76]

Sorry to butt in, but I have kept a record on the computer - does this mean none of it would be valid if anything went to court?

[crazymuma]

I was told to write mine - not do it on the computer - simple facts are anyone can forge a diary in one day on a computer but a handwritten over time - I guess they can see it hasn't been done it one day.

I too keep all text messages - good and bad - I also keep any that I send him just to back myself up in case he tells stories.

In my diary I write date and time of all contact - phone and in person.

For phone contact (with me listening on another handset) I write pretty much word for word what he and the children say. I time the calls and not how long they go for.

Conversations between me and him I write everything - what he said - wether he was happy angry etc. If I believe he is under the influence I write that. If he slips something like he went out drinking I write that - if he casually mentions he has no money to buy food - I write that.

If we have a fight - I write everything - including what I say just in case he one day brings it up in court - then I can just go back to my diary and see my side of things.


I also keep a record of visits - my ex has now missed almost 6 months worth so looking good for me.

I also record my worries - my 5 year old hardly knows this man yet in his eyes dad is a god. I write about my concerns for my child who seems to idiolise him. I spoke to a social worker about this who reasssured me that it was normal and the courts would understand that - I record all of these things as well.

Record all dates and times you contact legal aid - and meeting etc

Sorry to ramble - guess what I am trying to say is record everything - even things that might not seem important cause one day they might be.

[Sammy76]

OH NO!!! So everything I have kept of record of won't mean anything??? :crying::hissy:

[moozle]

Keep EVERYTHING. If you have any really important text messages write them down and get a JP to witness that they are original (you'll need to take the phone) and sign the paper they are on incase something happens to your phone/sim card. Also keep any medical reports if there are any relating to this case and anything else that you happen to come by. You never know what you'll need. The more you have, the better. You should probably also keep a journal of events so that you have exact dates noted. That way if it does come to having to go to court, you'll be organised and prepared and he most likely will have nothing. Looks much better for you. I really hope that it all sorts itself out - no one needs this :(

[Amara]

I know everyone tells you to write it all down (and I do write it down) but I don't know of anyone IRL who's actually had success using anything like this in court.

I even know someone who had previously had AVO's against her ex yet he still got all the access he wanted when it went to court. He didn't even have a solicitor & she did, yet he still got fortnightly weekends & half the school holidays. His behaviour has always been very erratic & he'd always be bringing the child back early etc yet he still got the same access as what a great dad would get.

The courts these days favour the fathers regardless of their behaviour as they believe the child has a right to know it's father. By all means document everything but don't expect too much from it if things end up in court.

[crazymuma]

Sorry but have to disagree - my best friend went through a huge cutody battle not too long ago and the diaries were a lifesaver. In the affidavits he bought up many incidents and told huge stories - the diaries helped in so many ways - each one she was able to answer in her affidavit by looking at the diary. (for the record her ex works hard, always pays child support, never abusive, no drugs, drank a bit and gambled, cared for child but was inconsistent and lived with his parents still at 31 - he only walked away with one weekend a month and half holidays)

In your own affidavits if you can create an exact timeline of things then it will be better for you - the only way to be truly accurate and remember everything is to have diaries.

I agree that fathers have too many rights - however I still believe that in serious cases men don't just walk away with half time. Yes the final goal of the courts is to have the children with both parents half time but they will work towards that goal in serious cases (like mine) to make sure its all good for kids and parents.

[SurfingDadofTwo]

I know everyone tells you to write it all down (and I do write it down) but I don't know of anyone IRL who's actually had success using anything like this in court.

I even know someone who had previously had AVO's against her ex yet he still got all the access he wanted when it went to court. He didn't even have a solicitor & she did, yet he still got fortnightly weekends & half the school holidays. His behaviour has always been very erratic & he'd always be bringing the child back early etc yet he still got the same access as what a great dad would get.

The courts these days favour the fathers regardless of their behaviour as they believe the child has a right to know it's father. By all means document everything but don't expect too much from it if things end up in court.

Sorry but who ever it was needs to get new lawyer or there is a whole side of the story you or we aren't hearing.....
Documentation will over rule memory in any court, not just family court, whether its correct or not. Its very hard to disprove someones written record from your memory....
As for writing it up on the computer it is perfectly acceptable, date your additions, and email a copy every few days to set email addresses - therefore they are backed up and time/date stamped with the email - bit hard to say you made it all up when the email is received 3 months ago.

And as for the fathers having too much rights - I'm sorry but I'm going to jump on my soap box here and get ****ed - there are abusive, erratic, drug taking, drinking, unfit mothers out there and I see them on a regular basis through work, so the stereotype of the deadbeat dad and struggling single mum doesn't fit all cases, and making the assumption it does is ludicrious! The rights in a court of law are the rights of parents - mother or father should not be an issue - and as such the rulings should be equal for either parent. Sometimes people just hear what they want to hear or get told what they want to be told - the world is a whole lot more interesting then all fathers get a favourable decision in court - join the real world, every second weekend is a long long long way from 50% care that they can be entitled to request (and i am one that has) and some would suggest that judgement is unfair to the father of the child.
Anyway my little vent for the day is over, just sick of sweeping generalisations of single fathers that seemed to be spewed forth.
Sorry to any offended.

[Sammy76]

SurfingDadofTwo - I have to agree as well.
It is so easy to generalise when there are so many terrible fathers out there. But like you said there are a lot of bad mums out there too.

I really feel sad for the fathers that actually do a great job. I do think it is so very very sad for fathers who split from the mother and they are only aloud weekend visitation, and all they have ever done is be a wonderful dad to their children. How horrible for a parent to have to wait a WHOLE week without seeing their children, when they are used to seeing them every day. And I am talking about the fantastic dads who are reliable and love their children so much.

Its a shame that the courts are so wrong so many damn times. Sad to hear that useless mothers and father get so many rights when they have proven to be unreliable and not taking any thought what is best for the child.

[crazymuma]

Sorry but who ever it was needs to get new lawyer or there is a whole side of the story you or we aren't hearing.....
Documentation will over rule memory in any court, not just family court, whether its correct or not. Its very hard to disprove someones written record from your memory....
As for writing it up on the computer it is perfectly acceptable, date your additions, and email a copy every few days to set email addresses - therefore they are backed up and time/date stamped with the email - bit hard to say you made it all up when the email is received 3 months ago.

And as for the fathers having too much rights - I'm sorry but I'm going to jump on my soap box here and get ****ed - there are abusive, erratic, drug taking, drinking, unfit mothers out there and I see them on a regular basis through work, so the stereotype of the deadbeat dad and struggling single mum doesn't fit all cases, and making the assumption it does is ludicrious! The rights in a court of law are the rights of parents - mother or father should not be an issue - and as such the rulings should be equal for either parent. Sometimes people just hear what they want to hear or get told what they want to be told - the world is a whole lot more interesting then all fathers get a favourable decision in court - join the real world, every second weekend is a long long long way from 50% care that they can be entitled to request (and i am one that has) and some would suggest that judgement is unfair to the father of the child.
Anyway my little vent for the day is over, just sick of sweeping generalisations of single fathers that seemed to be spewed forth.
Sorry to any offended.


You are definetly right - I think we all know that there are just as many terrible mothers out there who need their children taken from them (and yes I know a few who are either abusing or neglecting their children and family services won't step in)

When I talk about this subject I am usually refering to my situation - yes I am one of the mothers whos ex was doing drugs, drinking, gambling and violent. He has never played an active role in raising our children and after 12 months of being away from them I don't beleive he has the right to demand that now. I will fight like crazy to keep my kids safe. I am sorry if it sounds as though I am generalising - I am just going off all I know - and that is my situation.

On the other hand I truly wish the day would come that he would get his **** together and become a good trustworthy person - if he ever became the sort of father my children needed then I would happily let him have weekends and other times - for my own sanity if nothing more.

[frayzlilso]

Sorry but have to disagree - my best friend went through a huge cutody battle not too long ago and the diaries were a lifesaver. In the affidavits he bought up many incidents and told huge stories - the diaries helped in so many ways - each one she was able to answer in her affidavit by looking at the diary. (for the record her ex works hard, always pays child support, never abusive, no drugs, drank a bit and gambled, cared for child but was inconsistent and lived with his parents still at 31 - he only walked away with one weekend a month and half holidays)

In your own affidavits if you can create an exact timeline of things then it will be better for you - the only way to be truly accurate and remember everything is to have diaries.



:yes:
I agree, my diaries were a lifesaver when it came to documenting the chronology, and also refuting the proffered chronology of my ex, in the court response documents etc. I had all the dates of everything and I could also disagree with things in confidence because I didnt doubt that I had written the correct date. Whereas my ex was relying on his memory and had a lot of things wrong.

Not that that really helped in the end, but insofar as being confident about having all the facts and the evidence there to back yourself up, I think it's valuable even if that's all you get from the diary entries.