Bringing newborn to dinner "family nights" [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

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singa06

13-09-2009, 17:34

Before DS was born (he will be 3 weeks old on Wednesday) we used to have dinner at our parents. Usually we arrive around 4pm and leave by 7pm.
My MIL and FIL want us to start going again, but I feel a little nervous about bringing bub at that time as usually after 6/7pm he is very unsettled (witches/arsenic hour) and also he isn't in a routine yet. He feeds 3-4 hourly and his bottle could be at 5pm/8pm one day and then 4pm/7pm the next.
I am not sure if I should go or make the inlaws wait a few more weeks.
Also bub doesnt like to be transported around in his sleep (capsule etc) and maybe once he is a little older (not sure how many weeks) it would be easier???

What do you do???

Emi

13-09-2009, 17:40

i think you have to feel comfortable going out.. if your not comfortable doing it then bubz will pick up on that and then he'll be uncomfortable...

i think it will be a little difficult taking any baby out around dinner time, expecially when they're are unsettled... but sometimes you jsut dont have an option!!!

im sure your mil fil will understand whatever you decide on... if your not comfortable doing it then dont.. and wait a little bit longer... or if its easier... invite them over to your place... that way bubz is still in a familiar enironment, he has his bed there for him when hes sleepy... etc... only thing with that is it also might be abit harder if hes really unsettled and they wont leave...

good luck hun!!!

just remember to do what feels right and comfortable!!!

NonnyMouse

13-09-2009, 17:49

If it were me and they really wanted me there, and I wanted to be there, I'd have taken DS, but with the proviso of "don't say I didn't warn you!" so if he started crying it was expected.

If wirst comes to worst and he has arsenic hour while you're there, they won't be hassling you to come visit again until YOU are ready. :-)

singa06

13-09-2009, 17:51

Haha, true, I guess if he has an eposide of crying from 5pm-7pm then I could tell them that it is not a good idea anymore. But then again, they could take over for a couple of hours!!! Oh well, i might wait until he is 4-5 weeks and a little more alert after feeds!

em1984

13-09-2009, 17:56

yeh whatever YOU are comfortable with! Maybe wait a couple of weeks and re-assess. The one positive about going, though, is that you may have some extra help during that unsettles/witching period. Its sometimes nice to have someone else to help here and there and get a little break yourself.

kar

13-09-2009, 17:59

If you don't want to go don't. We still don't take F out between 6 and 8. At first it was because of witching hour (until around 8 wks) and then because his evening sleep was the only one he went down for without drama - we don't want to mess with that!

We have people over here and we will also take him out somewhere walking distance in the pram because once he is asleep we can then transfer to the pram, otherwise, sorry, no can do!

At first MIL tried to push us into it, but she hasn't bothered with that one for a while.

You need to prioritise your bub and you at this stage.

Deserama

13-09-2009, 18:11

MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea

13-09-2009, 18:29

My sister and I both continued to go - we do dinner fortnightly and whenever the next night fell after having a bub we took them. My boys never slept without being held between 6pm and 10pm anyway, and my dad is a very hands on grandad - he loved to hold them while I ate my dinner in peace. He never minded waiting for his dinner, would always tell us to take our time, as that was his chance to bond with them. When there were two babies at once (cousins), he'd take one first and then the next, and chat to them the whole time so they got to know his voice :goodvibes: (sorry for the love in about my dad - my parents are away at the moment and I'm missing them!).

mim1

13-09-2009, 18:36

We just kept going to weekly dinners, after bubs were about 2 weeks old. My nephew is 13 days younger than my ds and my neice is 4 months older, so there were plenty of screaming babies all at once. But also plenty of adult hands to settle them. We'd play musical babies so we could end up eating dinner - worked well.

It is hard to get out of the house with a newborn, but a bit of adult company and a bit of relief when bubs is screaming is always good.

As for the car, don't limit yourself to only going out if bubs is going to stay awake the whole time or you'll never leave the house and that's not good. I know it's not as simple as continuing your life as it was before a baby, but if bubs falls asleep in the car on the way home it's not the end of the world - in fact it's probably good :)

Have fun!

CheekyChicken

13-09-2009, 19:14

He might surprise you! I was a bit worried about taking DD out, and still can be when she's unsettled but she usually loves going new places and is almost always perfectly behaved. If not there's always someone to take him off your hands as said above.

The quicker he gets used to doing different things and being in different environments the more easily he should take it on (hopefully).

SammieSnail

13-09-2009, 19:26

My DS2 is three weeks old and we've been going to mum's for the family dinners since I got out of hospital.

I find it great because mum, my brothers and sisters are all hands on deck and will play with DS1 who is two and a half years old, and hand DS2 around while I relax, have a drink or help out with dinner/clean-up.
I've breastfed both DS1 (who would never take a bottle) and DS2 so I could never get anyone else to feed them perhaps MIL/FIL could have a go if you felt comfortable?

I used to be a bit more cautious when I had DS1, but honestly to me it doesn't get easier. It is harder once they are past that newborn phase of feeding and sleeping, when they are more awake and need more interaction and planning (just imagine when you introduce solids and they are old enough to try to climb out of their highchair lol).

If you yourself don't feel up to it, leave it for a few weeks, but if it is because you want to wait for a routine to be established I would just go and make it part of the routine. DS1 has only just succumed to my attempts of getting him into a routine 2.5 years later :laughing:

Shorten the time you go for possibly. We used to go for up to 4-5 hours, now two hours is our limit.

Good luck :hugs:

Opinionated

13-09-2009, 19:29

hehe, I knew this was your first before I even read your sig.

Take him. The more you drag them around, the easier going they often are. You are going to the grandparents, not a restaurant.

I would sleep my bubs in the middle of my parents bed rather than in the capsule when they were little.

Usually it is your nervousness at the situation that they pick up on.

The sooper nanny

13-09-2009, 19:40

Katelyn loves going out visiting and its great coz as PP posters said, you can pass them over, get someone else to feed/change/cuddle and have a break as well as some adult time.
I always made sure that we got out and had some time as adults, I think its really important to continue family traditions... in the first few weeks can you maybe host it at your house and get takeaway of get your in laws to bring food? I think its great that your family are so supportive and its a great social interaction for bubs as well. goos luck with whatever you decide.

mum2bubba

13-09-2009, 19:51

Well, if it was me I would go because I hate staying home all the time and I'd want to catch up with family, but if you're not comfortable then don't go. Also if my baby was a bit unsettled it would be more reason for to go so that I can have some help with settling him and some adult conversation.

WorkingClassMum

13-09-2009, 19:52

Why not ask MIL to come over and either hold bubs while you cook, or help herself to your kitchen?

My MIL would bring over fullycooked meals and then hold the baby while I ate :p

Wivi

13-09-2009, 20:49

Well I would go. It's been a part of your routine up til now and once you start going it will become a part of his routine too.

I had to do this too and although it caused me a lot of anxiety initially I am so glad I did it. Both my boys happily go to bed at anybody's place as long as they have their bed buddies with them (teddy etc) and I am sure it is because it has just been a regular part of their lives since they were born.

Over time it is also an excellent way for grandparents to bond with the baby - having just lost my FIL I am so grateful now for those family dinners!

singa06

13-09-2009, 21:03

mmmm, i am leaning towards going this week. It would be one night my mums, one night MIL. What about baths? Do newborns have to be bathed every day? Just in case we dont get time when we get home...

Bunnyhugs

13-09-2009, 21:08

I would go :yes: and if you're worried about baths, you could take the baby bath with you. But strictly speaking, no baby's don't need to be bathed everyday.

Have fun and relax :hugs:

kar

13-09-2009, 21:08

Bubdefinitely doesn't need a bath everyday don't worry about that

Amara

13-09-2009, 21:10

I reckon you are best to get bub used to doing whatever it is you usually do in your regular life as early as you can. You will probably find it's easier than you are expecting it to be.

mum2bubba

13-09-2009, 23:18

mmmm, i am leaning towards going this week. It would be one night my mums, one night MIL. What about baths? Do newborns have to be bathed every day? Just in case we dont get time when we get home...

They don't have to be bathed every day, but could you bath your bubba there?

Jaspat24

13-09-2009, 23:36

I used to be a bit more cautious when I had DS1, but honestly to me it doesn't get easier. It is harder once they are past that newborn phase of feeding and sleeping, when they are more awake and need more interaction and planning (just imagine when you introduce solids and they are old enough to try to climb out of their highchair lol).

If you yourself don't feel up to it, leave it for a few weeks, but if it is because you want to wait for a routine to be established I would just go and make it part of the routine. DS1 has only just succumed to my attempts of getting him into a routine 2.5 years later

Shorten the time you go for possibly. We used to go for up to 4-5 hours, now two hours is our limit.

:iagree:

hehe, I knew this was your first before I even read your sig.

Take him. The more you drag them around, the easier going they often are. You are going to the grandparents, not a restaurant.

I would sleep my bubs in the middle of my parents bed rather than in the capsule when they were little.

Usually it is your nervousness at the situation that they pick up on.

:iagree:

Well, if it was me I would go because I hate staying home all the time and I'd want to catch up with family, but if you're not comfortable then don't go. Also if my baby was a bit unsettled it would be more reason for to go so that I can have some help with settling him and some adult conversation.

:iagree:

I would go and if you're worried about baths, you could take the baby bath with you. But strictly speaking, no baby's don't need to be bathed everyday.

Have fun and relax
and again... :iagree:

I used to avoid doing things at night cos of DS, but when they're so little they just feed and sleep! Go, you'll love the company and the normalcy of it all. Even now (DS is 5 months) he's not in a set timed routine. The only thing is most nights (not all) after 6.30pm, its bath, booby and bed by 7pm. As your bub gets older, you can do bath, pj's, go to your destination and feed and bed there! If we go out at night i do bath, pj's, breastfeed, drive, breastfeed and pram(bed) at our destination. He is so tired he always sleeps! Then when we go home we just pu DS in the car then i breastfeed again at home and then tuck him into bed in his cot and back to normal.

singa06

14-09-2009, 09:30

Thanks for replies. I guess I could always bath bubs at my mums or even once we got home (it depends on next bottle time and we would most likely be home around 7.30pm anyway, so not too late).

Also do you think that before I head down to MIL house, I should give baby his bottle and put him straight in the capsule and head down? I dont really want to settle him in his cot and then have to wake him to put him in the capsule, that upsets him. (IYKWIM?)

lou333

14-09-2009, 09:39

Sounds like it might be good to get out, especially if it's witching hour anyway and you can pass bub to MIL for a while! Nice to not have to worry about dinner either.

Personally I don't take babies out at dinner time as I think it's a bit confusing when you're trying to establish a bit of a pattern - but that's just me. I probably need to :chillpill:

mum2bubba

14-09-2009, 10:36

Also do you think that before I head down to MIL house, I should give baby his bottle and put him straight in the capsule and head down? I dont really want to settle him in his cot and then have to wake him to put him in the capsule, that upsets him. (IYKWIM?)

Do what works for you and your baby. There's no wrong or right answer. ;)

Wookie1

14-09-2009, 11:01

If they really want to see you and bubs, invite them to your place for morning or afternoon tea. Much less stress and you can also rope them into cleaning and cooking if it's needed.

Then it's all on your terms!