its finally happening.

[*babygirl*]

me and dp have decided to end our relationship of five years.:gloomy:
we both knew it was coming, and he still cares a great deal for me and im still in love with him but he has depression and just wants to be by himself, and i guess see other people. he is so sweet and understanding and i love him so much... he wants to stay so he can see DD everyday... but he knows that is selfish because he cant love me as well.

and i have to say the thought of him with someone else makes me physically sick... and we spent about 5 hours last night talking and i know its going to happen but i cant stand it... he is leaving slowly because he has been unemplyoed for a while now so me and DD have grown used to seeing him everyday and doing things and he doesnt want to shock us. he told me that i am the best thing that ever happened to him and he knows he is going to regret it in a few months but he has to give it a break... and i agree with that because he has been so sad for so long he has nothing left to give me... but my heart is breaking and he can see it:gloomy: all our plans, DD never having any siblings, never going on holidays together... step parents and visitiation and it all just breaks my heart... i wanted her to have the same happy childhood me and DP had with both our parents and right now i regret ever having her (i love her more than life itself but i dont know how to make this easier!) because she deserves to have BOTH of us to cuddle when she is sad.

we made promises to each other about DD... but i know we both get so hurt and angry and jealous and bitter when it comes to being apart and i feel like my best friend is dying... and we're planning for it... he started work this week and he just hugged me goodbye.. and it made me cry YET again (after sobbing ALL night and him comforting me) and its horrible because he'll come home tonight... but one night he wont and i'll feel like im losing him all over again!:gloomy: i just dont know how to make this easier...

last weekend he met a girl and kissed her... and i cant blame him, and i know this weekend when he goes out his mates will probably call her and get them together.. and it all just hurts so badly. i know its for the best... me and XDP should have met when we were older... atm we just cant be good partners... but he is my best friend and the MOST amazing father... and its just killing me... i know i'll be ok eventually but right now i just want to run away and never come back... how do you fall out of love with someone when you have to see them every week? when they love DD like you do and like no one else ever will... when they are so sad and lonely and you have to see them ALL THE TIME??? its just crushing me and i feel like i cant breathe... and i think his comfort when my heart is breaking is only making it worse.

sorry if you got this far i just had to get it out!:gloomy:

[BigRedV]

:hugs:

Why is he seeing other girls? Must be so hard :crying:

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

Oh hun i am so so sorry :hugs:My heart is breaking for you :crying:

i don't really know what to say, it is a horrible situation and the fact he is still living there will make is even harder for the time being. I hope you find the love you deserve and after this small rough patch you will see that this is only a blip in the radar and you and you DD will hve a wonderful life together.

:hugs:

[*babygirl*]

i guess he wants to see other girls because its too hard to fix us and he wants to start again... we have been very open and honest for the last week... talking well into the night. i just dont know what else to say to him... i know he is hurting and i KNOW he hates himself for making us hurt too... but it was always his choice and now we all lose.:gloomy:

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

With him still living there have you still worked out some kind of agreement when he looks after your daughter so you can go out and see friends, unwind, vent what ever you need to do?

To me (of course im an outsider who doesnt know the whole situation) it seems as though he wants to go out and have fun but leave you to pick up the slack, be there for emotional support for him while he is having the physical contact with another woman.

[Mum2Bug]

Oh hun, i have been on here with you for quite some time now and i had really hoped that one day the two of you and your gorgeous little girl would have that dream family you were always wishing for. :hugs:

Take the comfort and support of your family and friends to get through this. You are strong babe, you WILL get through this. It just takes time.

I DO find it disrespectful though that he is wanting to move on so quickly when he is still under the same roof as you. That is just plain hurtful and he should never have kissed that other girl before you had this talk.

We are all here for you as always :hugs:

[subprime09]

You sound like such a warm and caring person I really feel sorry for you :hugs:

But I can't help thinking that the love you so obviously have for your ExDP is clouding your perspective on him a bit. Your saying he is depressed, which he may very well be, but that doesn't explain or excuse his behaviour with other women, especially while he is still living with you. I think you are making excuses for his behaviour that may not really be there in order to convince yourself that it is not as bad as it possibly is.

It seems he is depressed about the family situation he is in, maybe he doesn't know how to deal with responsibility or maybe he has seen your relationship as being over for some time but can't find the right way to leave. I am sure he does care about you and your DD but wants out.

It's obvious that you can see the potential damage that him living with you and your DD while he goes through his semi midlife crisis will have on your ongoing relationship and his relationship with DD.

I can only say that you cannot do anything to stop what is happening (if he is not willing to get counseling). The best thing for you and your DDis to try to maintain as good a relationship with him as possible and this means not living together by the sounds of it.

Give it time and he may come to realise what he is missing and snap out of it. But if you stay together and the resentment escalates the chances of any reconciliation will vanish.

Be strong you sound like a wonderful mother and partner.

[*babygirl*]

i understand how from the outside looking in it may seem like im deluded.. but he is so different from any guy i've ever met.. he is honest and when it comes to other people im not exactly a saint...
he isnt going to live with me for much longer... but he doesnt want to leave us... and we're taking it slowly because its hard on both parties...

im not an idiot, im not... he knows exactly how i feel about our lack of intimacy and he feels the same... i think we definitely need breathing space, nothing has gone right for us this year... we've gone nowhere and its suffocating us... i dont blame him for going elsewhere for affection as he doesnt blame me.. we just wish we could have had some productive communication before we found ourselves in this mess:gloomy:

[Chickadee]

I'm going to take a different tack and say that it IS possible to live together in the same house and co-parent, even when not a couple anymore. It isn't easy, and the dating part is especially hard. But xDH & I have made it work for nearly 3 years (talk about taking separation slowly!!) because neither of us wanted to reduce his access or time with DD. We are still good friends and are probably better at talking to each other now than we have been in years. I also get a bit upset about my DD never going to have full siblings, but the rest of it - family holidays and both of us on a daily basis - she still gets and I'm happy with that.

I'll second what DreamBelieveAchieve said though. It's important that he continue to take on responsibility for your DD and give you time to get out of the house too.
:hugs:

[*babygirl*]

there is no question of taking responsibility for DD... he loves her more than anything in the world and cant stand to be away from her... he is amazing with her... which makes it harder i think cause i'll be seeing him ALL the time... and i told him i can never say no to him because i love him, and in past seperations that unfortunately means i cant say yes to anyone else:gloomy:

[TwoSweetPeas]

Oh love im so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now:hugs:. Unfortunatly I cant give advise on your situation though, as id wanted my ex gone for 4 yrs but he wouldnt go.

You probably wont agree now, but it really does just take time to heal. And the more time you spend apart the eaiser it will get. Ive been single now for 9 months, and even though in NO way want to be with my ex, I cant even imagine myself being with another man. It will come though. In time.

You are such a strong beautiful woman you will get through this. Try to enjoy this time on your own to figure out what you want to do with your life. If you ever need to talk ill be here. Keep being the super mum that you are, the sun will shine tomorrow....

[*babygirl*]

:hugs: thanks love. right now it is too hard to think about all the things that will change. so im just going to take it one minute at a time. im heartbroken and have to try and piece myself back together... it will take a long time though.

[little bean]

I know it's a hard time (I've just been through a marriage break-up myself) but I think the whole "taking it slowly" thing is just going to make it harder on you. If you're going to do it this way, he could at least have the decency not to date other people while you are still under the same roof. It might be a much better idea for you both to have time on your own before you jump into another relationship anyway.

If I were in your situation, I'd have him move out once he starts dating other people. He is obviously taking some serious steps towards moving on and there's no need to be in the same house (you don't need to hear about it all).

[reAllytee]

Lotsa :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I became a single parent a few weeks ago now & its been rather traumatic for me tbh.

DP & I were going to stay in the house together with the boys & hopefully be able to parent them together ( he doesnt work due to a workplace injury & now severe depression & other mental illness ) but sadly I found out some lies etc which meant I was unable to trust anything he said & then stuff that has happened since has pretty much shown that to be true.

We had always said we would be honest & that we would remain amicable when or if our relationship ended but sadly there has been no honesty so I have been left feeling very wounded so have been rather unable to be nice ... I am for the boys sake & he can see them as he wishes, but me, I cant because I am angry & hurt & quite devastated so it will take time for me to be able to get to that 'place' iykwim.

I really hope that you are able to stay the way you are right now with him but understand it may not be easy. Just take each day as it comes :hugs:

[*babygirl*]

he doesnt want to rush out and replace me and he isnt going to go and see anyone that was probably me overreacting and wording it badly... he is just as shaken as me... i know its easier to stay together and be miserable... there is a reason we are here and it needs to be adressed... we are open with each other... he cant lie to me anyway lol i can always tell... and he doesnt want to. he wants to be there for us and be friends and although it was ultimately his descion i understand i do support it even though its breaking me right now. he isnt a mean person, he isnt a horrible person he is just being honest that 'that' feeling has gone for him and i cant hate him for that.

[Benji]

I'm so glad the two of you are doing the right thing by your daughter.

He sounds like he is trying to do the right thing, he really does.

To be brutally honest, I only started feeling better when I cut off most contact with XDP. Try not to make it harder on yourself than it already is. You poor girl, you really are suffering.

We're all here if you need us :hugs::hugs::hugs: