How old to tell?

[heymamma]

Hi all,

I was wondering how old do you think your child should be before you tell them about sex?
I ask this because my BIL's gf told her daughter of 8yrs old about sex.
Do you think it is to young?

[MrsMiggins]

I'm a firm believer that once they are old enough to start asking questions, then they are old enough to start getting answers. And I don't think that it's a good idea to make up "stork" kinds of stories. A parent knows how much their child will be able to understand. I plan on telling my kids the truth in a way that they'll be able to understand whenever they ask.

I don't think that the topic of sex should be or can be avoided and the earlier kids know about it, the less of a big deal it is for them.

[Areca]

I think 8 years old is too young to go into a lot of detail but maybe they could ask her what she knows about sex (I'm sure they only ask at such an age cause of what they hear from other kids at school) and just correct her where she is wrong and leave it at that. Like they could tell her that sex is something that happens between mummy's and daddy's, that it's how a baby is made etc. but not go into stuff like orgasms, sperm, etc.

I have a 7 month old so I'm no expert on this at all....other people may have better advice but that's what I thought of.

[~Danni~]

My mum started answering my questions as soon as I started asking them. It wasn't in great detail but I never thought there was a cabbage patch kinda thing going on:rolleyes:

I think that turned out pretty well so probably will do the same with my kiddies (although should be a few years off yet so may change my mind:D )

[JATS]

Too Young.

I was assulted at 6 by a trusted adult and might have been able to do something about it if I 'knew' what was happening was wrong.

I think they don't need all the gorey details but some basics to occupy their curiosity and educate them so they can protect themselves would be appropriate.

And no I have no idea how I'm going to teach my kids:o

[SassyMummy]

I would tell as soon as they ask - but teach them about "private areas" beforehand. I'd let DD know WHERE babies come from (from a woman's body) but that's about all I intend on telling her until she asks for more information. I'd also let DD know that certain parts of her body aren't for anyone else to touch/see, and to tell Mummy and Daddy if anyone ever tried. You can't be too careful.

I sort of think that it's important to let kids know a bit more info about puberty though, because kids are developing so much earlier these days. I got my period when I was 11...and I had pubic hair and boobs at 9. I was very freaked out...mostly because my parents hadn't talked to me about it before.

[FourAngelKisses]

Being the parent of an 8yr old boy and a 7yr old girl, I can say that it's not too young. My kids know all about it already from their friends at school and it is on tv everywhere these days. I do wish however, that they had asked me rather than had their friends tell them all about it. I was hoping to have them "little" for as long as possible.

[~Emmylou~]

I don't think 8 is too young by any means.
I remember I had questions about it when I was 8 and that was 20 odd years ago - I wasn't being exposed to sexual imagery every time I turned around like kids are today.
By 8 years old I think the subject should definitely be out on the table. Not too much information but enough that they are aware of good and bad touch, etc. Also alot of girls start their period by 10 years old so I would want my DD to understand all that and come to grips with the idea well before then.

[FourAngelKisses]

I refused permission for my 6 yo DD to attend a drug ed course as I didn't feel she was ready for something like that, no matter how much they told me it was designed for younger children. Let her be a child FCOL

Sorry to go off topic here, but my kids school starts teaching drug ed in kindy. Generally it is all about how they shouldn't touch bottles with the poison symbol on them, how they shouldn't take panadol etc without asking permission first. I personally think it's important because it could stop them from accidentally poisoning themselves.

[Ana Gram]

I don't think there is a specific age as such. Every child may have a differnent level of maturity and understanding of complex concepts. I think, follow the child's lead and once they start asking be honest with them.

[Beany]

By 8 years old I had heard all sorts of half truths and complete falsehoods in the school playground. It would have been so much easier if someone had sat me down and told me the basics before then.

[bronny-jane]

i knew about sex when i was 5;) , older siblings.
my parents bought those "whats happening to me" and "where did i come from" videos, i guess they were to embarrassed to tell us:D

i think when they ask a question, tell them the truth, my dd's know the baby will come out of mums vagina:o , they havent yet asked how she got in there yet:D

[FourAngelKisses]

they havent yet asked how she got in there yet:D

Oh lucky you, lol. When I got pregnant with Matthew the first thing mine asked after "when will it be born?" was "how did it get in there?" So I gave them the big old birds and the bees talk.........only to have them ask again a few months later then again when my sister got pregnant. lol I must have said something wrong if they need to ask 3 times.

[FourAngelKisses]

That would have been fine as I do that sort of thing myself but this was actually about illicit drug use and not age appropriate in my child's case.
I have obviously warned of not picking up things etc when we are out and about but my child would just worry if she was given the info they were giving.

Oh okay....that does seem kind of young. I don't think my kids school starts illicit drugs until about year 4??? Mine know all about them already though, I told them when they were 5 or 6.

[cwsmum]

i think when they ask a question, tell them the truth, my dd's know the baby will come out of mums vagina, they havent yet asked how she got in there yet

I was in the shower recently with DS & DD and DS told me that DD (now almost 8mths) came out my hole :eek: I asked him what hole, he pointed to my belly button :) Before I had a chance to say anything else he had changed the subject, so I didn't try to explain things further.
Oh, and he told me that baby was in my tummy coz I swallowed it.....


I think 8 is probably a bit young for most kids to be told about sex, but if they are asking about it then it's definatly better to make sure they have all the facts straight. I wont be telling my kids about that sort of thing til they start asking.

[jessi]

My parents always avoided the subject and I knew nothing- learnt from friends and hid everything that happened to me throughout my teen years from my family. I think that them not being open with me and explaining things has had a negative effect on me as I feel uncomfortable talking about sex and everything with my Mum... I was so ashamed to tell my Mum that I was pregnant, because her and Dad liked to believe that I never had sex and by me telling them I was pregnant, basically told them that I was having sex... I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. They wouldnt even let me and DF sleep in the same bed for ages, (we were engaged then too!!) and when they finally did give in and the Grandparents came to visit I got a lecture from them about making sure that I did NOT let the grandparents know that DF and I had been sharing a bed at all.

I want my daughter (and any other children we have) to know that they can ask me anything and feel comfortable talking to me about ANY kind of problems or questions they have. I dont want them to have to hide whats going on in their life from me, the way I had to from my family. Having said that, I am relieved I have a few years to prepare for my lil one asking where babies come from though!!

[Rell]

they havent yet asked how she got in there yet:D
My DD asked me this a few mths ago. She was not yet 4 so was happy enough with the explaination that "Mummy has eggs inside her and Daddy has special stuff that when mixed together make a baby." Fortunatly she didn't quiz me on exactly how daddy's stuff got there :rolleyes:

I agree with the others who have said answer the questions when they are asked. I think DD will know all about it by 8.

[suemp]

i have told my 4 yr old that he is to keep his privates to himself (as he flashes time to time) and to not touch anyone elses privates as its not to share . he came up with the fact that babies are cut out of their mummies tummys by doctors..yes im having a c/section but i did not tell him anything, so i told him some mummies have babies out of their private parts. he laughed and said no they dont so i guess he is not ready for that one. go with gut instincts i say

[Mister Noodle]

I got the facts of life at age 7. My dad's a GP, so the facts were pretty... clinical - it took a fair while for actual understanding of the whole deal to sink in.

I'd say there's no age too early, frankly - go with whatever they can understand.

[reAllytee]

I'd say there's no age too early, frankly - go with whatever they can understand.

Thats it !
Kids can only understand certain concepts & if they are asking a question the best thing is to answer them in a way they can grasp it.
I think Rell summed that up perfectly !

I was asking questions around the age of 8yrs my sisters are older by 9 & 11yrs so i heard them talking about certain things hehe.
My mum was honest & answered what i wanted answered then when there was a sex ed nite on at school she took me.
A lot of it went straight over my head & didnt sink in until a few years later when i was taken again due to it being part of the curriculum (sp?). Thats when i was mortified lol !
I think its a lot better to get answers from us as parents that mistruths & fallicies (sp? sorry its late i cant be bothered ) from friends or other students at school.
Many kids are starting younger these days because of a lack of knowledge & also because parents arent answering questions. I just hope we never get as bad as the likes of the U.S where we have kids performing oral sex on the backs of buses because they think its "cool" & dont realise its a sex act.

[Annasmum]

If children are asking questions then they are ready. To determine what information though is hard. To decide what is age appropriate you can talk to the Family Planning Association in your state or ask the clinic nurse. The best procedure though is to be honest and open. If they think there is something to hide then they might go looking for answers in the wrong places.

As a secondary school teacher I get to deal with a lot of these issues as we aren't actually teaching them enough in schools. My friends nine year old has started asking questions as she has started developing already. She sought help from the clinic nurse and her daughter is now okay with what is happening to her. As she gets older the story will need to be elaborated, but it is all about empowering the children to know what is happening with them and building their self esteem. If you react badly, they will think there is something to be ashamed of and that has its own problems later down the track. As the saying goes, ignorance breeds fear and we need our children to be informed enough that they know what is okay and what is not okay.