View Full Version : Just formula feed - that'll fix it
Am I the only one who finds that markedly unhelpful? Every time I had a problem with some aspect of feeding someone would tell me that the solution was simply to switch to formula and I hated it. Because I was dedicated to continuing those statements just made me feel so down about my decision and so unsupported. It seems a lot of people say it though, 'if you're hating it, just switch'.
What do you think?
I am lucky enough not to have any close friends/family who are breastfeeding saboteurs, but I completely agree with you.
It's frustrating because to me it says that breastfeeding is not valued, because if it was people wouldn't make the suggestion lightly.
Mrs Nietzsche
08-09-2009, 16:14
Yes, I got this all the time from my own husband. Very hurtful.
Yes, I got this all the time from my own husband. Very hurtful.
God, how frustrating.
My partner and his mother are breastfeeding nazis :D. Which was awful for the first few weeks as I really wanted to kill them. I'd get frustrated and say "that's it, he's going on formula today" and my partner would give me a very stern look, and then I'd have a tantrum and tell him that he could feed the baby instead :ecomcity::ecomcity:. But in retrospect, I'm thankful to have had support in those very hard early days.
It must be hard from your own husband. The biggest culprit for me was (and still is - at 14 months!) my mum. :rolleyes: I don't really get it because she breastfed me until I self weaned! I guess she doesn't want to see me struggle and wants to fix it all for me.
I just felt like a bit of a rant because it seems so common! Even here on bubhub breastfeeding mothers are told they should just switch to avoid a problem.:(
Annabella
08-09-2009, 17:52
Yes, I got this all the time from my own husband. Very hurtful.
me too, and his whole family... Lucky my mum was very supportive and told me a story about someone she knew whose baby was in nicu and she expressed for 3 months, and I thought if she can do that, I can at least keep trying for a month to get this right. Thankfully it got easier (as it usually does if you keep trying) and we had a great breastfeeding relationship.
becca022
08-09-2009, 19:26
I'm getting that from dp at the moment. He thinks it will solve all of dd's self settling problems. He also said that if we have another baby it'll be easier to ff. Grrr.
I understand why you don't like it, particularly if there's a chance that someone could succeed at BF if encouraged to do so.
However I believe that some people are in such states of distress that they need to be told that it's ok to consider FF. I was in such a state with DS1; I refused to consider FF for a long time and put myself through such a guilt-trip about it that I genuinely needed to hear that it was ok for me to switch. Sometimes people can't give themselves permission to do what is actually best for them and need someone else to do that for them. :goodvibes:
Dreambeliever
08-09-2009, 19:38
that was my MIL's solution to everything. put him on formula then put brady in his bottle :rolleyes: stup!d woman.
i also got it from DP a bit. then i kindly explained to him that formula cost so much that we wouldnt be able to get him that 4WD he wanted...that shut him up. :D (so i may have exagerated a bit but what he doesnt know wont hurt him).
thankfully i had a great support in my mum. she breastfed my sister and i untill we self weaned. its been 16 months so far for DS and he's still going strong :yes:.
i think it was because of her that i got into my mind that there was just no other option. i was going to breastfeed and that was it. So 3 bouts of mastitus (sp?) and lots of grazed nipples later we were still feeding. he's such a booby boy :yelclap:
My MIL was all you have to breastfeed, until her daughter put her son (he is 10 days younger than cassie) on formula now she keeps telling me to put cassie on formula!!
reAllytee
08-09-2009, 21:57
Frustrates me to no end :hissy:
misskittyfantastico
08-09-2009, 22:09
I understand why you don't like it, particularly if there's a chance that someone could succeed at BF if encouraged to do so.
However I believe that some people are in such states of distress that they need to be told that it's ok to consider FF. I was in such a state with DS1; I refused to consider FF for a long time and put myself through such a guilt-trip about it that I genuinely needed to hear that it was ok for me to switch. Sometimes people can't give themselves permission to do what is actually best for them and need someone else to do that for them. :goodvibes:
You have Raynaulds? Don't want to sound like stalker gal, but I remember it sticking in my mind, how much you'd love to BF and having very little success in terms of help. If this isn't you, please ignore ramble.:o
Mrs Nietzsche
08-09-2009, 22:14
Ironically DH is now a breastfeeding nazi too :laughing:
He's apologised loads of times for his former attitude - but his thing is now that he is really keen for me to express so he can feed the new baby sometimes.
He sees how advanced DS is in comparison to DH's nephews (all bottle fed) and so he has decided it's because of breastmilk.
Personally I think it may have something to do with my own genetic input... :laughing:
eta Lambjam - I understand what you are saying. But formula would never be an option for me. If I have a hard day because DS is biting, or waking up a lot at night, I want support, not to be told to put him on a bottle. It just makes me feel totally undermined.
You have Raynaulds? Don't want to sound like stalker gal, but I remember it sticking in my mind, how much you'd love to BF and having very little success in terms of help. If this isn't you, please ignore ramble.:o
That's me, I've suspected Raynaud's, yes :yes:. I'm waiting to see what diagnosis an LC can come up with this time around, if any... reading people's stories though I'm becoming more concerned that maybe this just happens to people without a clear reason. Maybe I'm just a wuss :p
eta Lambjam - I understand what you are saying. But formula would never be an option for me. If I have a hard day because DS is biting, or waking up a lot at night, I want support, not to be told to put him on a bottle. It just makes me feel totally undermined.
I completely understand that feeling; I was very angry at first when anyone would suggest FF, and to be honest there were many times when it was not the right time for someone to say it. It just so happened that there came a right time. For me to say it to someone, I'd have to be very close to them and have a real sense that it was what they needed. I don't know if I could ever suggest it in a situation like this forum. That said, if someone on Bub Hub does make the choice to switch I'm more than happy to provide my bright, healthy boys as good examples of FF, but I don't think that's quite what this thread is about :goodvibes:.
Jaspat24
09-09-2009, 10:39
OP: i got that comment from loads of people too. I've had my own troubles with thrush, mastitis, low supply, DS low weight gains etc etc and then all the effort i had to put in teaching him to self settle for his day sleeps etc etc. So many people said to switch and it made me so angry! but looking back, i think half of them were genuinely worried about me and didn't want to see me suffer. I was my own breastfeeding nazi to myself; i was not going to give my child formula. But there's a fine line between not supplementing and not providing enough nutrition for your child. My DS gets some formula here and there to boost his weight (mostly when i'm at work; i work 3 days a fortnight). We sometimes give him a top up after the last breastfeed at 9ishpm but it never actually makes him sleep longer/sleep through.
I get friends asking/commenting to me now that DS is 5 months when i'm going to put him on the bottle, "...cos there's no nutritional benefit to breatmilk after 6 months"...and i say that i'm going to breastfeed until DS weans etc etc and that i can't afford formula
If its not one comment, its going to be another
The funny thing is if you bottle feeding you get looked at and comments get made of babies really need mums milk,... if your breastfeeding you get put them on the bottle!
littleleos
09-09-2009, 16:45
when I was having a difficult time breast feeding I bit the heads of people that suggested that I should switch to formula (if its to hard just put him on Formula:()... it was the last thing I wanted to hear! so now I have a headless MIL SIL and MUM ... but I wasnt that hungry when my DH suggested it!:laughing:
Luckly I was surrounded by supportive friends that where all breast feeding at the same time as me. if it wasnt for them gee I dont even wanna think about what could have happened :no:
and after all the breast is best nagging my hubby has had from me (he he he) he made a lovely comment about how beautiful it was to see a mum feeding her bub on a bus just yesterday!
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