ok im admitting it :(

[munchkin05]

ok this is the first step for me

im admitting that my relationship has failed :crying:

im going through a mixture of emotions at the moment one min i feel as though im doing ok and ill get through this the next im down and wonder how the **** im going to get through this

i blame myself for everything even though i know its not all my fault

im sacred of life as a single mum
i know many woman (including my mum) have raised kids to be happy and everything by themself i just dont feel i can do it :banghead:

i want nothing more than to have my other half back and it hurts like hell

so heres my question how did you get over it ?
how did you finally make the break and relise that you had to get on with life?
how do you stop worrying about what hes doing and where he is ?

i go over to the house that we shared up untill 1 week ago everyday i cook him dinner i do his washing i clean the house etc etc i just want to make sure hes ok and i feel like a **** for doing it but i just cant help my self

i miss him and want him back so much it hurts
i know i can be a good mum i know i am a good mum but at this point in time i just cant think straight and i know its not good for ben but i just want our life back i want our family back
im worried about my future without my dp
so many questions not enough answers :confused:

thanks for letting me dibble on
im going to have a cry now :crying:

[Vespera]

I'm sorry you are in this situation, I dont really have any advice but wanted send some hugs your way :hugs: :hugs:

I'm sure you will be a terrific single mum and if it wasnt working then being on your own is probably the best thing.

My mum was a single mum to 2 girls and I couldnt have turned out better. :)

Good luck

[cmd'smum]

Bensmummy :hugs: :hugs:

Hav'nt been in your situation, can't say much except that if deep down you know that your relationship won't work then its not good for you or dp to be together , especially not for your little boy. You may even look at this as a blessing in disguise in the future?

Look after yourself and your boy and focus on you two and your new life.

Hope everything starts looking up for you very soon.... sending positive vibes your way and remember you have us to talk to whenever you need to!!:yes:

[little mermaid]

Oh Ange,
I am really sorry to hear that. I can not even start to know what you are feeling or going through, but just wanted to let you know we are all here for you.

I dont want to sound horrible or anything but I always say you never go backwards in life you should only move forwards, I know it is easier said than done but you have made the first step forward, now you just have to keep walking forwards a little step at a time.

Do something nice for yourself tomorrow and stay away from the house for the day and just concentrate on Ben and yourself. Just take it a day at a time little by little and you will get there and never never be afraid to ask for help.

You are a fantastic Mum to Ben as I have seen with my own eyes, he is such a happy, healthy, gorgeous little boy and it is a credit to you.

Anyway sorry for rambling on :ecomcity: I just want you to know you are not alone and everyone is here for you. :hugs: :kiss: :hugs:

[bec79]

Firstly :hugs: to you. I feel for you situation. Haven't been there myself, but can't imagine it would be easy.

Secondly,...it's time for some tough love!!!

STOP being his housecleaner and cook!!! Are you crazy!!!
This guy is prob thinking how good hes got it made...living the single life, but with the benefit of still having you to clean up after him!

You say that you still love him? What was the break-up like? Did it end on good terms? I don't really know enough to give any other constructive advice.

If it's the only thing you do, just stop going over there everyday!

[KarniF00l]

:yes: I've been there myself with three kids on my own. Not now, but i was unfortunatly and i'm currently 24.
It's extremely hard to get over the fact but I promise you it doesn't get any worse so i guess thats a good thing. Thing's can only get better hon :hugs: I think the best advice i can give you is, the first most important thing is to look after yourself and then your sweet little boy. Btw, nice website to :thumbsup: Secondly, go and and do things for yourself. Remember the result of a happy child is happy parents and vice versa.

If you need to talk don't hesitate to pm me.

Goodluck :fingerscrossed:

[nemosmum]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


not much i know but i have been where you are (not so long ago) so I know how your feeling right now.

[InSaneOne]

you will get there but you need to stop cooking and cleaning for him. focus on yourself and your darling little man. :hugs:

[Mum2Bug]

Oh you poor thing!:hugs: I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. You are a great mum to ben and will be a great single mum too.

Moving on really is hard, I know that myself. It's so hard to let go but you need to for yourself and that gorgeous little boy of yours. He needs you more than ever now.

We are all here to support you and if you ever need someone to talk to, just pm me. Im in perth too and we are all here to help, or even just listen!

[damien's mum]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I seen you most everyday....
Cant say anymore to you than what i have....
Whatever you do, i am going to be here for ya, and little beno..
You know that, im just around the corner, if u need a shoulder!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

[Illusional]

so heres my question how did you get over it ?
how did you finally make the break and relise that you had to get on with life?
how do you stop worrying about what hes doing and where he is ?

i go over to the house that we shared up untill 1 week ago everyday i cook him dinner i do his washing i clean the house etc etc i just want to make sure hes ok and i feel like a **** for doing it but i just cant help my self

i miss him and want him back so much it hurts
i know i can be a good mum i know i am a good mum but at this point in time i just cant think straight and i know its not good for ben but i just want our life back i want our family back
im worried about my future without my dp
so many questions not enough answers :confused:


Oh Love.. I feel for you right now.. it is a hard place to be. I'll answer what I can from my experience/s
(I was in an abusive relationship last time *and most hardest time*- so my answers may not apply to you)

#1: it takes a long time to get over it.. you just need to be strong within yourself.
#2: I finally made the break when I moved to NZ and my family helped me - Id have still been there if it wasnt for them. It was still extremely hard tho - as that life was all I had known for 5 years.
#3: I stopped wondering about where he was or who he was with - because I was thankful that he wasnt with me anymore... but very sorry for whoever he was with next :(

My main suggestion would be.. STOP doing everything for him - dont go around there.. he doesnt need you - he is just using you because he knows you will do all those things for him.

You may think that I have no right to comment because of the answers i just gave... but in my other two long term relationships (5 years and 6 years) It was the same story as what you just told.
I still went around and did things for them - and all they did was hang onto that.. and made me hang on as well.. hoping that we could be together again..etc.
Nothing ever came out of it, they just liked having me there to do everything for them .. and in the meantime - they could go off and do whatever they liked.

What you are going through is not easy nor nice.. and Im sorry that you have to deal with it...
but you have Ben to think about - so you will ultimately do whatever is best for him.

[munchkin05]

thanks guys

each day brings something new
one min in strong and i can see my self getting through this and then the next min (trust me it is a min by min thing just ask damiens mum lol) i feel like ive failed and that i cant go on

im trying to be strong for bens sake but it doesnt work
i need to cry and let my self hurt to get over this but i just cant
i dont want to let go
like every relationship we had pur problems but at times like this you dont think much about the problems you think about the good times

it scares me to think birthdays ,mothers days xmass im going to be alone(even though ive got family support) but im not going to be able to share those things with dp and its scares the **** out of me

i know i have to stop doing things for dp but i cant help it i feel like i still need to look after him ( i know im a **** head ) but thats the way i feel
why cant i wake up and this all be a dream
i dont want to do the single mum thing( not that its a problem for some i just wasnt made for it)
i wasnt made that strong

[Niki]

:hugs: im not sure wat to say except that we are all here for you :hugs:

[damien's mum]

Lol what she is saying is very true...
But i dont understand as i have never been in your shoes...
All i can say babe, is keep ya chin up and whatever u wanna do, We will be here for ya... Take each day at a time, but you do need to make a decision soon..
You cant keep thinking yes, then no... You will never get outta this rut, if ya dont babe
mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Grizabella]

Hey Ang - Just letting you know that I love ya! And to stop torturing yourself! You are a wonderful Mum! Like some of the others I have seen this regularly with my own eyes! And you ARE STRONG!!!! You are also wonderful, loving, beautiful, intelligent woman! And Benno is the luckiest little boy in the world to have you. So stop going round and doing the housework etc That will just keep tormenting you. Have some time on your own, just to digest things and see what life brings you. You aren't used goods or anything, so you have the oppurtunity to meet someone else in life, who will love you as much as you deserve. But whatever happens - just know that your friends are here for you, whenever you need them, day or night!:hugs: :kiss:

[KiLLaKaZ]

i agree with what the others have said - stop cooking & cleaning for him!!!

i've been cleaning for my ex, too - but he doesn't appreciate it! he needs to learn to do it himself, anyway. my ex never once said 'thank you' let alone acknowledged that i'd done anything for him!! how could u not notice clean washing folded up on your bed is beyond me!! :(

anyway, i guess i was doing this in an effort to win him back, but now i think the only thing it achieved was to help him be lazy, & to have him expect more from me at no cost to him! :mad:

if that's what u r trying, then may i suggest u avoid contact with him as much as possible & learn to be happy with yourself. ;) things may or may not work out again between u - but at least either way u'll be happy

....now i just need to take my own advice... :rolleyes:

[munchkin05]

....now i just need to take my own advice... :rolleyes:


this is my problem to if anyone else was going through this i would be telling them the exact same thing

but at the moment i want revenge i want him to hurt like im hurting

[bootiful]

Hey Ang

I just read your posts and all I can say is you have a great amount of support and no matter where you look or where you turn there will be someone there to help you. A shoulder to cry on, someone to look after ben, or take you out for a bit.

As far as revenge goes the best revenge of all would be for dp to see you getting on with your life..being happy as a single mum (not for very long cause your an amazing chickee), and raising ben to be a stunner.

As for doing his washing and cooking, GIRL what are you thinking (Dr Phil quote :laughing: )? He would be enjoying the fact that you are still waiting on him hand and foot...if you feel the need to do those things come help me do mine :D

There is always someone just a phone call away. When things get too hard just call one of us. We will be there in a jiffy.

Just keep your mind off dp and stay positive. Keep telling yourself...everyday that goes past is another day of freedom and another step closer to happines.

:hugs:

[munchkin05]

maybe thats who i need

how do i contact DRPHILL:confused: :D

[damien's mum]

*hugs*

ANGELA, ANGELA, ANGELA.....
i just want to take u out of this, and show you what u are doing, from the outside...I know it would make you see things so differently...
Dont worry about revenge... Its a waste of your time and engery, that you could be putting towards moving on and beno...

I know u are strong enuff, and i know the day will come when you will wake up and say " Ok thats it, im done... i cant keep chasing nothing"
Til that day babe, u have got us all here, u remember that!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[NZMama]

What eventually drove me to leave was the fact that I knew DD and I deserved better. Life is soo short and he and I were together for 7 years before DD came along.
I put up with things I shouldnt have before DD was born but after she arrived I was no longer going to stay there. We had different priorities and I could see us going down different paths...trying to stay together in my eyes would have only postponed the enevitable. What was the final push was an arguement and that was it, enough was enough!
After everything it wasnt what I planned and yes you do need to have a cry once in a while......its not healthy to bottle it up.
I have to admit the fact that we ended after an arguement and his smugness gave me ample energy to get on with things....just to prove to him that I didnt need him like he thought.
It does get easier and the less your life revolves around him the easier it gets. Step one is to stop making his life soo easy and to start concentrating on yours and your childs life. Stop looking after him..... he is no longer your responsibility.
If you put as much effort into healing yourself as you do into him it will get better. But as long as you are hanging onto hope that you will be together again you will not move on....
I know thats harsh but unfortunately it is the truth....
I hope things work out for you I know its hard.....:hugs:

[Elmopalooza]

Ang...

Not sure if u saw my post in the previous thread... but seriously hun, as the others said, the biggest and best revenge there is is to MOVE ON and let him know/see how great u are doing!! TRUST ME ON THIS!!! I HAVE BEEN HERE!!!

It is hard. Im not saying its not. but remember that you deserve better. You deserve to be loved just as much, if not more so, than u love others! You deserve to be happy.

Stop beating yourself up over something that u had no control over. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! As much as i despise having been with my ex, if i hadnt been, i wouldnt have my beautiful little girl... Same goes for u with Benno!

You are doing suc a fantastic job with him!! You know we all adore him! Your strengths shine thru in the form of your son!

Moving on will take time, but with the love and support of your friends/family it will be a journey well worth it. You will look back at this time in your life, and know that you did it! AND u deserved it!

Big hugs from us! :hugs:

[maybe1more]

Ang, darl you a such a lovely person, and you know you got out of this relationship for a reason, stick to your guns!!! Of course your going to have thoses days were you wondering if your doing the right thing, as its natural to think that, its not easy, but that are some terrific single mums other there who swear it was the best disicion they made. You and Ben are the most important people hear and everything else in 2nd best. Never underestimate the power of us women. Big hugs to you and Ben:hugs:

[bearsmummy]

ang:hugs:
i know things must be tough for you.... i have been faced with being a single mum back when jake was a baby so i know how you feel.

like the girls all said you need to be strong for you and ben now, you are a great mum dont ever forget that! saying that tho it is ok to cry... we all have to at some point. it helps us move on and deal with things i guess.

but please sweet if you ever have a moment where you want to go over and cook and clean for him just stop.... think for a minute.... and call one of us. you have our numbers and you know we are all here for you. most of us have been in a similar situation at some point.

we all love you and little benno and are here for you no matter what! with our support we can help you get through this:hugs:

just remember we are all here for you both.... your a special lady :D