Moving from co-sleeping to the cot

[missali]

Hi,
please forgive me as this is bound to be long, but I shall attempt to remain coherent!

My DS is 8 months and currently sleeps in our bed over night. During the day he sleeps in his cot.

There are several reasons for him sleeping in our bed. They are as follows:
- DS has never learnt to resettle himself and when sleeping on his own, wakes at the end of every sleep cycle. His day sleeps only last 40 minutes when in his cot.
- By the time I get to him he's worked himself into hysterics and I have to breastfeed him to settle him.
- I can't stay awake for the resettling. I fall asleep every time. I've tried everrything to stay awake, but I fall asleep with him in my arms
- After getting up by about 3 times, I bring him back to our bed. I don't mean to, I'm usually half asleep when I do it.
- I think DS still has a little of his startle relfex. He also came into our bed at 3 months because there was NO way of wrapping him in which he wouldn't get free.

So he's in our bed. He is fully breastfed (refuses the bottle outright) and is "a very booby baby". During the day he takes 10 minutes to go to sleep (general routine of sleep music cd on, breastfeed to calm him down, put him in bed still awake and pat til asleep).

But I need him out of our bed. It's killing me (lack of sleep, and having to lie so awkwardly) and it's putting a serious downer in my relationship.

However, I can't get him out. As previously mentioned, I can't stay awake long enough to resettle over night (and I have tried everything I can think of from standing up, to making myself cold, I have even tried sleeping in his room) and my partner is unable to help because of his long work hours.

Does anyone have any suggestions about anything we can try? Co-sleeping was fabulous while it worked (and when DS was a couple of kilo's lighter and couldn't fight us so well!) but now it's simply uncomfortable.

Thanks
ali

[Harriet]

I haven't got any answers for you, but wanted to relate. I managed to get DD out of my bed into a cot beside the bed for the same reasons......I couldn't sleep in that awkward position all night anymore. She would wake and scream every time I took my breast away.

I got her into the cot (with a lot of screaming, crying, rocking, patting and sleepless nights) and she was going well.....waking 3 maybe 4 times, feeding and going straight back in the cot.

Then all of a sudden, she started waking every 40 min - 1.5hrs. From 6pm all night. AND wanting to be fed every time and patted back to sleep, which is impossible.

Now, I re-settle her until about 10, then go to bed and take her in with me for the rest of the night.

I am currently doing a week sleep diary and have engaged a sleep specialist who I'll be having a phone consult with. She is supposedly gentle and not into CC. As I type this, my DD is raging in her cot in the bedroom and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. She woke, I fed her, she woke again 10 minutes later and this time I didn't feed her and she's MAD. Patting doesn't help, holding her doesn't help, walking around doesn't help:( I want to be able to feed her at night.....just not every hour.

Not much help sorry, and sorry for blabbing on about myself but at least you know you're not alone;)

[moozle]

I have answers but you're probably not going to like some of them! :p

We have had SOOOO many sleep issues, we tried everything, read every book and now we have a little angel so whatever we did, obviously worked. I'm going to say straight up I DO NOT believe in letting babies "cry it out" although I'm told it works... I just couldn't do it!

What we did was the "baby bliss" method. It is reported to have a 100% success rate but it can take some time (a few weeks at most) to fully break the sleep associations. I have got to say at this point there is a book which does explain this method a lot better than I probably will here but I'm happy to look any specific things up and get back to anyone if they would like!

Babies have sleep associations which means that if they fall asleep in a regular way/place they tell themselves that they need those conditions to be able to fall asleep. To be able to fall asleep, babies need to feel safe. It is really important that you get them into good habbits as soon as possible after 6 months as older babies have a lot more trouble breaking associations and although it can be done, it is a lot harder.. especially when they call out Mum Mum... from their cot!

Basically what the baby bliss method suggests is to have the same bed time ritual for every nap/sleep. So for us, we give him a bottle, burp him (cuddle time) then as he is quite mobile and can roll, we settle him on his tummy (no startle reflex as arms are on matress). This is recommeded for older babies. Please do not try this without specific medical advice if your baby can not roll as it can increase the risk of sids in those babies that are unable to trun themselves! Anyway... settling involves patting his back/bottom gently until he is calm and his eyes are drooping (1-2 mins max) then we leave the room closing the door behind us. At first, this may take you HOURS but it will get shorter and shorter as the days go by and I swear to you it is worth it in the end. If your baby does not settle after 5 minutes (you do need to allow him/her time to fall asleep on his/her own) and you think the crying is escalating.. go back in calmy.. DO NOT pick him up just pat again until he is calm and his eyes start to droop and leave again... continue this until he falls asleep. You will most likely need some support over this time as it can take a few days for them to learn and then they can test you out a few days/weeks later. Rest assured they WILL eventually go to sleep on their own and once they do sleep it will be a much more restful sleep. Never leave them any longer than 5 minutes crying unless you start to hear them settling. If they do not cry but just play in there or are silent, just leave them to it... only go in and settle if they are upset. It is REALLY important that you do not pat them until they are asleep - even once as older babies can become dependant on this very easily, it only takes the once. If you perservere, I do not know of anyone who this method has not worked for. You will be tired and emotional but you will find that his day sleeps improve, he will be much happier and well-rested as he will be able to sleep through sleep cycles and re-settle himself. It usually only takes 1 or 2 days and nights and the first night is always the worst.

I think that is pretty much the main info on this method. Sorry it has been such a long post but there is a lot of info! I am more than happy to help anyone with this as it has changed my life completely - not just me - my family and most of all my son!

[missali]

harriet don't apologise, it's nice to know your not alone! and you've reminded me to ask the ladies in my mothers group to see if they know any sleep doctors.
moozle your explanation was perfect. i'm currently trying to hunt down the book, so i can read more about it. it seems to be what everyone's been telling me to do (but no one has been explain how to do it).

thank you both for replying :D