TCCing after Stillbirth- Chat.

[Mrs Little]

Hi Ladies,

I'm in need of some support. As some of you may be aware, DH and I are TCCing for our fourth baby after the loss of our beautiful little girl Amali about 6 months ago.

While it's something we are totally ready for, it's something we have never experienced. TCCing after losing your own child is such a huge emotional rollercoaster.

I'm just wondering if others have had the same roller coaster ride after the loss of their child?

How did you cope? What did you do to support one another?

I don't believe that it will it take us long to conceive, as our 3 children were all conceived in the first month....but i can't help but have that lingering thought in the back of my head ' What if i can't anymore..what if it's me/my body and losing Amali was just the start'??

I'm trying to remain positive, and DH has been very supportive....but i'd love to chat to other mums who have been through this.

Thanks..

Mrs Little.

[tahlias mum]

although we werent TTC we fell pregnant 3 months after we lost bailey.. At the start i was thinking what if he thinks i am replacing him, or is he going to hate me for getting pregnant again.. DF was such a huge support i dont know what i would do without him, i am 24weeks pregnant know and am petrefied something will go wrong, although amali passed away i am sure that u will be able to carry another baby..

[Mrs Little]

Hiya,

Thanks for your response, lovely!

It sounds like you are traveling a new journey too! and doing the best you can. When are you due?

I think you're right, DH's can be really supportive...in the end they are the only other person who feels the loss as much as you do, as you are both the parents. I forget sometimes that he feels the pain too.

Is your dr supportive of you during this pregnancy? I think i'd find it helpful knowing that my Ob was there when Amali was born, so he knows that this pregnancy and baby will be experienced in a totally different way.

I'm trying to be positive...but that little voice in my head continues to remind me of losing Amali. I think i'm still slightly in the guilt stage of grief. Where i still believe it was something i did, or my body did.

I'm a tad nervous...because we desperately wanted a little girl. We finally had her, and then she was taken from us. What happens if we don't conceive a girl, will i be ok...i want to love the next baby, actually i know i will...but i also know i will be secretly devestated!

OMG...my emotions are running wild today.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Mrs Little.

[WTK]

Mrs Little I'm not one to sugarcoat things so I'll tell it like it is. It's a tough road you plan on traveling, believe me, I've just done it. You may remember me from your other thread, we lost our DS at 41+5 in Aug last year but after a long, nail biting pregnancy, we had Penny Jean 5 weeks ago, she was 4 weeks prem. Due to her amniotic fluid levels dropping, I was induced at 35+4 and she was born 2 days later via c/s. My cervix wasn't playing the game :rolleyes:

We have had some closure surrounding the death of our little boy tho, my ob is almost certain that Penny's fluid levels dropping was what happened with William. I was public with him and didn't have the scans that my private ob offered this time around and so it was picked up straight away.

All I can tell you is that the love you will feel for your next child will overwhelm you and you will know that Amali will guide and support you thru it all. Let yourself love again Mrs Little, you obviously make beautiful babies and you will again :hugs:

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

:hugs: sorry MrsLittle, I only just saw this thread now. I can relate to everything you described, although I technically haven't had a stillbirth, we lost our son at 19 weeks.
I think it is completely normal to want another bub of the same gender (particularly in a case like yours where you so badly wanted a girl to begin with)...I had secretly hoped Ethan was a girl and when we went to the 19wk scan excited to find out the sex and found out he had died it was just awful..and when we found out that the new bub was a girl I felt a little guilty about that too.
When I was TTC I became quite obsessed with it and joined fertility friend to chart my cycles. Interestingly enough the only month we decided we couldn't be bothered to DTD after I got a positive OPK was the month we got pregnant! We DTD the day before the positive OPK, so maybe thats a trick to conceiving a girl (they do say girl sperm swim slower)?

[Mrs Little]

Thought i'd come back and let ya all know that i'm 6.5 weeks pregnant!

Our TCCing journey seemed to be delayed by what our 'unknowledgeable' GP believed as 'emotional issues'... thankfully my Naturopath listened and helped me get my cycle back on track and my blasted hormones- probably not helped by the grieving...

What a wild ride we are travelling now...how strange to know something is growing inside me again and again i have no control...nor can i predict that everything will be ok...

Our 1st ultrasound is on Friday! I'm nervous to say the least. Our last US was when we found out Amali had passed....i don't want another of those! I've been trying not to think about it.

Hmmm..

Mrs Little.