Is it ever going to happen?

[Lemonhead]

This is kind of a woe is me story so I apologise in advance.

DF and I started TTC in Febuary and fell pg straight away but miscarried. Then in April I got pg again and got to my 9 week scan and they found that I actually was experiencing a molar pregnancy. A MP is pretty much a cancerous tumour growing in the uterus and taking over any fetal cells that were there. I had a D&C to remove it and was told not to become pg for 6 months while I had a weekly bloodtest for these 6 months to make sure my HCG was going down. Anyways, accidents happen and I recently found my HCG levels rising and was at the hospital all day Friday for them to tell me that this is either ectopic and reuires surgery or I will miscarry over the weekend. Sure enough I started bleeding heavily and was back at the hospital Monday where they STILL couldn't see anything.

I got a call from the hospital saying my HCG is pretty much the same and that it indicates a ectopic pregnancy and that the doctor would speak to someone in Oncology and get back to me.

I just feel so cr@p. I feel like its never going to happen and I didnt want an age gap of more than 3 years. Its like I am just not meant to have another baby but we both want one so much. Ive told Chris to find someone who can give him what he deserves since I cant. I know he doesn't blame me but I still feel like I am some sort of failure of a woman. I know this sounds so selfish especially when there are TTCers who have been trying for years :( but I am getting so depressed about it and I really dont have many people to talk to about anything. I am trying so so hard to be happy for friends and family who are pregnant or having babies and I genuinely AM happy for them but it does get me down.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant.

[chickpea]

:hugs:

I am sorry, i really hope it happens for you soon.

:babydust2::babydust2:

[Amara]

Don't worry about the age gap. Often kids with big age gaps are closer than those with small age gaps.

I hope the latest events do not cause major issues in regard to the previous MP.

Don't feel like a failure, you already have one child & one day will very likely have more. You just might have to put things off for a little while for your body to recover & perhaps receive some treatment.

Best of luck with it all.

[vajay]

Hi rebekahleigh, firstly I think your'e stronger than you give yourself credit , you have gone through such an enormous rollercoaster and you are still able to be happy for those around you who are preg or having babies , it takes a strong person to be able to do that.

Have you considered counselling? I know it's hard but you are so not a failure for having an etopic and mc.

It's very obvious that you are more than capable of falling pregnant, it will happen , Im not going to say it just takes time cos frankly comments like that s**t me ( DH and I have been ttc for#3 for nearly a year & I hate it when people say to me it just takes time), but it will happen :)

If you ever need to chat just pm me :hugs:

[vajay]

Amara's right dont worry about the age gap , theres 9 years difference between my youngest brother and I & he's one of my best friends :)