child support and access?

[fusion]

hello....

oh boy im sorry if this gets long.
ive had an up and down 11 yr relationship. ive been officially single now for 7 weeks and my ex has just started living with his new gf and her 4 kids and moving his stuff in on sunday. ive contacted the child support agency as i think its fair if he can contribute to her and her kids then he can support his own 4. now his mother says that since ive taken the child support road that he is automaticly entitled to every 2nd weekend and half school holidays. i thought thats a matter for the court to decide? my kids are 10, 7, 3, 1(on friday). i breast feed my baby so what happens if this goes to court, do i have to hand her over? also my kids arent interested in meeting her at this stage so do i have to force them against their will? it will break my heart to do so. i have only known about the new gf since sunday and i have not denied him access at this point in time.
thank you if any of you are able to help with my questions.

[Cicho]

Just because he pays child support does not give him an automatic "right" to access....

That is still a family court matter, not a child support matter. They are 2 completely different things :yes:

The best advice I can give you is to try and sort out some kind of arrangement with your ex regarding access, unless of course you believe they are in danger.

If he does take you to court for access, it will look much better for you if you have been forthcoming in trying to make sure your kids still have some sort of relationship with their dad.

I dunno about the baby though, I never breastfed so never had that issue

Good Luck :hugs:

[SurfingDadofTwo]

Sounds like his mother has gone off half cocked on some ones second hand advice down the pub to be honest. I would also suggest it is a court matter, but they do look at both sides and will look at safety so it may be an outcome that he has certains times with them. From what I was told the requests of younger children as to preference of parent are not usually taken into account unless its a safety issue and unfortunately unless his new partner is also deemed unsafe there isn't much you can do about that either.

Obviously I don't know your whole story but while its hard, sometimes you have negotiate - he may be missing seeing his children on a regular basis too? However why he wasn't paying support to begin with is worrying....

The breastfeeding may come under special consideration but not really sure...

I think the advice you will get if he wants to see them is to seek mediation.

Best of luck and remember despite what happened between you and him, he is still their father and unless he is unsafe deserves his time with the children too regardless of how you feel....

PS - with holding the children from seeing him until you do get it sorted out will damage your claim in court unless you can prove good reason.

[MyTwoBlue]

Your right shes wrong. Child support is the childs right to money from the other parent. You have to go through a whole process of mediation etc before even going to court to decide child access etc.

[fusion]

thanx for the replies. i knew i was right. i havent kept the kids from him. he had them on the weekend and i took bub over there for a few hours on the saturday and the fortnight b4 that he also had them at his mums house.

[sharonnscotty]

A friend of mine did up a notebook, and he signed after every visit and wrote up any notes... like injuries/sick etc.. This way it couldnt be argued in court that he didnt see em.
As for the baby, he is prob more likely to be entitled to supervised visits. Goodluck

[soon2b4]

I am going through the same sort of sit at the moment. My partner of 5 yrs took off on the 1st June and took our 2 yr old with him. I recieved a letter from a sol 2 days after he left saying he wanted no direct contact with me. It was about 1 1/2 months before I got to see my son. I was 3 months preg with our second child and had to travel for a total of 7 hrs to see my son through a contact centre supervisied visit for no other reason but that his sol told him that that was how it was done. On Sunday 23rd two days after mediation (compulsary) I find out that my ex has now hooked up with my brothers ex gf who split just before we did (nothing suss). 6 wks to go on next baby and he has asked how everything is going only once. Told him everything was good even though I have gd. Still have a few decisions to make like do I want him there for the birth booked in for ceaser on 15th Oct. And his name or mine. With no real interest from him I am thinking more along the lines of Heck no I don't want him anywhere near me. So yeah it has been hard but as everyone says hang in there and do the right thing and remember the kids are what really matter.

[MummaBear03]

I have friends going through the same thing. They have a 22 month old who is still breastfed so at this stage he has the baby 3 afternoons a week for 3 hours at a time and he has her for 5 hours on a sunday. This will change as bub gets older, but at this stage 5 hours is the longest she can go through the day without a breastfeed and even though he's upset at not having her overnight, he's also very aware that he needs to do right by the child and the child needs to be with her mother. I hope you have an ex who can look at what the children need and do right by them. Good luck with it all, and remember we're here if you need to ask any questions.

[fusion]

thanx again for your replies. update as of friday. ex contacts me friday afternoon and wanted to travel to see the kids but i explained i was busy with committments and it was to short notice and the kids still arnt ready to meet her yet and i will not force them against their will until i have to. i have told him there is no order in place yet and to contact his solicitor. he has threatened my family and myself by saying he will wipe us out if we stand in his way of seeing the kids as he now works for bikies. hes threatend violence as he bashed my cousin over this matter a few weeks ago and wants to harm me now. he says he will walk in and take the kids and not give them back and i cant do a thing bout it. in 2 months he has not once attempted to ring them or send a text asking how they are. so wot do i do? force my kids against their wishes when they rnt ready and run the risk of him doing a runner. im so confused. i was just busy this wkend and to short notice thats all.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

What you absolutely must do is keep a record of everything in a diary. All the threats etc.

Call legal AID ASAP and ask for advice.

He has not contacted them, yet wants you to drop everything when he demands? No I don't feel you should have to do that at all. He is being unreasonable, and he also needs to be a steady influence in their lives.

[fusion]

i have them all saved im my phone. it seems like a game to him coz he says he's gonna "win". im just going by the kids wishes at the moment until its all legalized or if before that happens they may change their minds. after all kids are people and have feelings.

[LizzardLover]

Can I just add please that one thing you must make sure you "dont" do is be really really careful none of your kids hear you saying ANYTHING bad about their dad. Even if you are on the phone to someone or whatever, the kids must NOT hear anything.

The reason I say this is that if forced to go to court and the kids are questioned about their wishes (the older ones that is) if they say that they have heard you saying bad things about their dad, it will go against you.

This happened to a friend of mine and the courts deemed that she had planted negative thoughts in their heads about their dad, and as such the kids wishes were not even really considered because the judge declared the kids were only saying that because it's what the mum wanted. If you get what I mean.

Be careful.

I think you should also try to get an emergency custody order for the kids until this is sorted out and I would take out a restraining order on your EX for his threats. I understand that might stir things up a bit, but ultimately it will help your case in court.

[rosymum]

If it gets to court, he will not get the baby for very long if you are breastfeeding.. yes, this is a big issue - breastfeed for as long as you can