what would you do?

[emms]

Hi all, I have a big problem with my sister.

Every time we have a family function like a birthay or something she cracks it and is really horrible.

Last month it was my husbands birthday and she cracked it amd stormed off for no reason.She also says really hurtful things to us,especially me and my husband.

We have tried talking to her,but that only makes things worse.She says she behaves this way because we are a pack up stuck up snobs,and that she wants nothing to do with us anymore.

It really makes me angry because when we see her the next time she acts like nothings happened and doesn't even say sorry.

I'm at the point where I want nothing to do with her.
It's her birthday On thursday and I don't want to go,but I know this will really upset my mum.

What would you do?

Thanks for reading.

[loving6]

:hugs::hugs:Just wanted to send some hugs. I feel your pain. I understand what it's like when siblings don't get on. Sorry I have no advice just support.

I think this is one you and your hubby will have sit down and work out what to do.

[Boobycino]

She sounds a bit,....errr... nasty.

I suppose I've got no advice really, I dont know what its like to not get on with a sibling. But it sounds like you're better off without her in your life.

Maybe write her a letter or something about exactly how it makes you feel, and then leave the ball in her court - maybe she'll grow up and realise she's being horrible to you and your husband.

[SuperGranny]

hi emms, Im wondering how old is your sister? She is behaviing like a spoilt 12 year old, but I guess that is not the case. I see only two choices, one, disconnect from her totally until she changes her attitude, or two, you just ignore her outbursts, and try to pretend like nothing has ever happened between you. There is not much else really for you to do, you cant change her, and she doesnt see any reason change her behaviour. It is a sad situation. Marie.

[LoveULilly]

I know how you feel although my SIL doesnt make a scene at family functions she says nasty things to me and then doesnt even say sorry just act like nothings it annoys me soooo much!

What i would do was say that someone or a couple ppl in your household are sick and dont wanna spread it around the family and just dont go. Thats what me n my Dp do.

I know its not the most honest thing todo but at the end of the day it stops your feelings getting hurt, either that or say that your not going to go coz she said that she wants nothing to do with you and that upset you and you arnt ready to forgive her yet.. confront her with what she has said and make her appolgize for it or at least let her know that she cant go round mouthing off to ppl.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

:hugs: I totally understand.

I was wondering too how old she is.

I have 3 sisters, all in their 20's and one in particular is always a drama when we see her.

Every xmas is a nightmare. She takes offence at the slightest thing, even if someone says something nice to her. She can be chatting along happily and then just snap at you.

Every xmas she leaves it until a week before to decide she wants to spend it with family, and of course there are only flights available at ridiculous times. She works in the travel industry and should know better. So it's usually picking her up from the airport at 7am christmas morning and then dropping her off for a 6am flight back on New Years Day.
She asked my elder sister to pick her up, which meant she would have missed out on her boys getting up xmas morning and opening presents. So I offered, but she demanded that she call me at 4:30am to make sure I was on time to the airport, she must not be kept waiting as someone might see her. I told her not to be ridiculous, does she expect the paparazzi are going to be there? and she is not waking me up at 4:30am when we were 15 mins away from the airport and I am always early everywhere anyway. She told me that she will just call me and wake me up anyway. To which I told her that I would just turn my mobile off then. She hung up and her boyfriend called up the rest of my family saying I had upset her so much she was now not coming for xmas and of course I was the worst person in the world. I ended up picking her up.

Sorry for the long rant but just wanted to say I totally understand how frustrating it is to have a sibling who makes every family function a total drama.

There have been times that I have threatened not to go but it upsets the rest of the family so much I always suck it up and attend.
Last year after she snapped at me and was completely horrible I said I refused to go with her to visit our grandmother and that I would see grandmother another time. My elder sister convinced me to go as grandma wanted to see us all together and happy. And that was the last time we would all get to do that as a month later she found out she had an aggressive brain tumour that took her life in a matter of months.

So if I were you, I would go to spend time with the rest of the family and see your mother be happy. And when she starts her dramas just smile and ignore it.

[emms]

My sister is 27 years old.she has 2 children who also get very upset when she behaves like this.

It's good to know I'm not the only one with sibling problems.Thankyou for all your replies.

[BabelFish]

Awww I feel for you hon. I would just stop enabling her behaviour. If she wants to have a tanty she can have one - carry on as though nothing has happened. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour from my children (although at their age it's probably more understandable) and if one of my brother's behaved like that I'd probably so `what's wrong honey? Do you need your nappy changed or is it that you are teething? I have a spare dummy here for you if it will make you feel better' and then just ignore them.

People only behave like this because of power issues and because it gives them a sense of control of their environment. If you stop responding - or even noticing - she'll stop doing it. I guarantee it.