Expecting 2nd baby - 13mths Apart - Advice Needed

[Squidysmum]

Hi All

We're expecting our second baby boy in 10 weeks and although we planned this second baby to be so soon after the first one (13mths apart) i'm starting to wonder how i'm going to cope!

I know there are many wonderful mums out there with 2 under 2 and would appreciate any advice you could give me on what it will be like and any tips to help me cope especially in those first few months? :fingerscrossed:

[Melissa1983]

Hi

My girls are 12 months and 2 weeks apart. It is hard work, but you do seem to cope. At the moment i am finding it hard and they are 3 and 2. I have to buy everything the same or they crack...

Good luck.

[KarniF00l]

Hi

My girls are 12 months and 2 weeks apart. It is hard work, but you do seem to cope. At the moment i am finding it hard and they are 3 and 2. I have to buy everything the same or they crack...

Good luck.

Yep, my middle children are the same as yours.. almost 13 months apart. They are terror's.. they both obviously have middle child syndrome :laughing:

I don't want to scare you Squidysmum but Goodluck!! :fingerscrossed: :hugs:

[sunshine girls]

there's a bit bigger gap with mine but yeah you do cope, you've just gotto think of the positives to keep you sane....like they both still have a sleep during the day...bliss (but dont tell the hubbys that:thumbsup:

[uptheduff]

My boys were 12 months, 10 days apart, and TBH, i don't think i found it as hard as i thought it would be! You just have to get yourself into somewhat of a routine.

I@m finding it a little more difficult now that the oldest is starting to get jealous...but you just need to make sure that both kids are getting enough one on one time!

good luck :)

[Squidysmum]

Thanks ladies for your replies, i'm a routine type of person so i'm sure once i get into one with the new baby i'll be okay. I've just been finding myself in a lot of situations lately where i've thought "oh boy what would i do now if the other baby was crying or due for a feed" eg. last week my son had an ear infection and i was up most of the night and had to rock him to sleep in rocking chair all night and i thought at the time what would i do if the other one woke up now...would i have to leave this crying baby to tend to the other one....

Can anyone recommend any books or websites on dealing with small age gaps/second children?

[MummyCharmzy]

We have 12 months to the day between our girls and its only day 7 with them so I probably shouldnt be replying to this but having had a c-sect and having big attachment problems its proving to be rather challenging at the moment!!!!

Make sure you have a LOT of support for when bubs is born. We have a great family and friend network thats helped and helping us out at the moment which is hugely needed.

We also have 3 and 4 year old boys so its not just the two girls to cope with which definitely adds to it but they can do things for themselves so they really arent a problem... Isobella is 12m1w now and obviously in nappies, can cruise furniture but not walk on her own, likes to be fed her night time bottle and needs feeding most meals still etc so obviously still very dependant... when she is needing things at the same time as Savannah our one week old.. things get tricky!!!

Anyway I'm sure its going to get much easier, it just takes time. When we have established breastfeeding life is going to be 100X easier on all of us here but for now its a lot of hard work.

Best of luck

charmaine

[mumtok&z]

14 months between our two boys! It wasn't planned and I freaked out at the though tof having 2 under 2! But once second baby came along it really wasn't that hard. i was lucky though, second baby slept between feeds ( 4 hourly) and 1st baby understood that mummy needed to care for baby! We got into a routine fairly quikly too and that is what kept me from going insane! Second baby turns 1 at the end of the month and they are the best of friends and the biggest pair of monsters! But i am glad that they are close together. Not looking forward to when they are teenagers and want to go running a mock together... I see grey hairs coming along!

[Valosgirls]

Hi:)
My girls are 12months and 7days apart - so I know how apprehensive you feel right now!!

Im a stickler for routine - so this is how I managed for myself. Without this I think I would have gone round the bend to be honest. I was just soooo BUSY all the time - that I needed structure to my day. I worked on the Sleep/Feed/Play Routine.

I always woke my baby during the day for feeds every 3hrs - unless they cried for it before ( this also helps them to distinguish from night and day) and I found that the constant regular feeds during the day meant that when I did my last feed at say around 10.30pm I would let them wake me during the night when they were ready - but having squeezed in a good amount of feeding during the day I found they never woke me more than once or twice. I did this from birth and they both slept through the night at 6wks and 9wks respectively.

Once I was getting a full nights sleep I coped SO much better - it will be a busy busy year but the pay off at the end is soo worth it:)

All the best!

[ChubStar]

We are currently TTC #2, DS will be 2 1/2 to 3 yrs by the time we have #2 and we are thinking of having #3 in quick succession. Could end up with 2 under two and 3 under 5. That'll be fun, but DH works from home so I know I'll have the help there if I need it.

My sis and I are 15 months apart. She was a :devil6: baby, crying all the time, and I was an angel. Mum dealt with it, mothers have a knack for dealing with things that others can't. You'll be right!

[Amanda06]

I agree with getting into a routine. It does help you cope. I had mine written on the fridge.
My two are 11 &1/2 months apart. Until bubby started sleeping through, it was tough going, but luckily that was at about 9 weeks. You just seem to cope and it is really good if you have family around to help you out.
My two are nearly three and nearly two, with baby three nearly here, so I am about to go through all the sleep deprevation again.
Here's to motherhood.:thumbsup:

[twins+another]

I have 15 month old twins and am expecting again 1st week of January so I will have 3 under 2!!!!!

When I found out I was having the twins, I went into a small state of panic and every now and again I go into the same sort of panic when I think about having 3 so young at the same time but I just tell myself that I will cope.

I truely believe that we are given what we can deal with in this life so I am sure you will be fine.

There will be good days and bad days. Some days you will all still be in your PJ's at lunchtime because you are searching for clean clothes to wear because you haven't had a chance to do the washing! Or the house will be a mess and dinner will just be a pipe dream. But none of that matters when you see your two playing together like best friends!

You will be fine :thumbsup:

[FourAngelKisses]

I had 2 kids under 16mths, it was hard, but I got into a routine within 3wks.

Feed them at the same time - I made the baby wait in the bouncinette with a dummy while I fed my oldest (he couldn't feed himself till he was 2.5yrs old due to developmental delay.)

Change their nappies at the same time - I had both in cloth nappies, changing them at the same time, even if one didn't need to be changed, made things so much easier.

Have them nap at the same time - if possible, put them both to bed during the day at the same time. Mine would sleep from 9-12, and then from 2-5 until they were 4/5. They would then both be in bed for the night at 7 and up again at 7:30 the next morning.


If you have friends or family who can help, ask for it and don't feel bad. I had no one at all to help me, but it was the thing I craved most during those first 5mths.

[bootiful]

Hello

I have a question...I was wondering how you can allow yourself to fall pregnant so soon after having a baby. Are you not taking the pill prescribed by your doctor or using protection.

I read in a womans mag the other day that medical studies show you need to have at least 20-40 months between pregancies so your body can go back to normal hormone levels and you can replenish your bodys mineral levels etc, otherwise you can end up very sick and run down, or high risk of misscarriage. :thumbsdown:

As a mummy of a 9.5 month old I couldnt even begin to imagine being pregnant again let alone having another child in a few months time.

Don't you think you will miss the fact that you will not be able to give 100% of your time and attention to your first bubba, as you will now have to give 50/50. :crying:

I think you will find it very hard in the start but like with the first you will settle into a routine.

[FourAngelKisses]

Hello

I have a question...I was wondering how you can allow yourself to fall pregnant so soon after having a baby. Are you not taking the pill prescribed by your doctor or using protection.

I read in a womans mag the other day that medical studies show you need to have at least 20-40 months between pregancies so your body can go back to normal hormone levels and you can replenish your bodys mineral levels etc, otherwise you can end up very sick and run down, or high risk of misscarriage. :thumbsdown:

As a mummy of a 9.5 month old I couldnt even begin to imagine being pregnant again let alone having another child in a few months time.

Don't you think you will miss the fact that you will not be able to give 100% of your time and attention to your first bubba, as you will now have to give 50/50. :crying:

I think you will find it very hard in the start but like with the first you will settle into a routine.

Easy!!! I was taking the pill after my first baby and we decided that it was the right time for us to have another (though we were aiming for at least an 18mth gap) so I stopped taking it when DS was 5mths old and to our surprise, we fell pregnant straight away. As long as you look after yourself and your baby well, you can sail through the pregnancy with no problems.
I gave 100% of myself to both babies at the same time. It is rather easy to do.

[Valosgirls]

Easy!!! I was taking the pill after my first baby and we decided that it was the right time for us to have another (though we were aiming for at least an 18mth gap) so I stopped taking it when DS was 5mths old and to our surprise, we fell pregnant straight away. As long as you look after yourself and your baby well, you can sail through the pregnancy with no problems.
I gave 100% of myself to both babies at the same time. It is rather easy to do.

I COMPLETELY agree with you!!:yes: There is a 12month gap between my girls and I wouldnt have things any other way. I gave 100% to both my girls DAY and NIGHT. I gave up my job and am a fulltime Mum around the clock. My girls have had more love, time and attention showered on them that they could possibly manage and are extrememly happy and well adjusted not to mention Best Friends:thumbsup: Just because you have two close together doesnt mean one will be less loved or cared for. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!!:)

[Angelmist♥]

:yelclap: Congratulations!!!!I have 2 boys 13 months apart and I think the best advice I was given was to get the older one into a really good routine long before your due date.

In all honesty (and you probably don't want to hear this;) )pretty much the first 12 months of DS2's life is a blur to me........Sorry but it's awesome now!!

[Angelmist♥]

Hello

I have a question...I was wondering how you can allow yourself to fall pregnant so soon after having a baby. Are you not taking the pill prescribed by your doctor or using protection.

I read in a womans mag the other day that medical studies show you need to have at least 20-40 months between pregancies so your body can go back to normal hormone levels and you can replenish your bodys mineral levels etc, otherwise you can end up very sick and run down, or high risk of misscarriage. :thumbsdown:

As a mummy of a 9.5 month old I couldnt even begin to imagine being pregnant again let alone having another child in a few months time.

Don't you think you will miss the fact that you will not be able to give 100% of your time and attention to your first bubba, as you will now have to give 50/50. :crying:

I think you will find it very hard in the start but like with the first you will settle into a routine.


My lordy angelbaby.........wait until you have a 2nd child and then tell me that you're only giving 50/50.....My children have always been the most important thing in my life together and individually.To be honest yes it was hard at first but they never went without my love EVER.......

[mel04]

Hello

I have a question...I was wondering how you can allow yourself to fall pregnant so soon after having a baby. Are you not taking the pill prescribed by your doctor or using protection.

I read in a womans mag the other day that medical studies show you need to have at least 20-40 months between pregancies so your body can go back to normal hormone levels and you can replenish your bodys mineral levels etc, otherwise you can end up very sick and run down, or high risk of misscarriage. :thumbsdown:

As a mummy of a 9.5 month old I couldnt even begin to imagine being pregnant again let alone having another child in a few months time.

Don't you think you will miss the fact that you will not be able to give 100% of your time and attention to your first bubba, as you will now have to give 50/50. :no:

I think you will find it very hard in the start but like with the first you will settle into a routine.

You've got to be kidding me! Just because you don't think you could do a good job doesn't mean we all can't!
We started trying for no 2 as soon as DD1 was born. As soon as my body knew it was ready i fell pregnant.
My girls are spoilt rotten with attention and love.
So if you wait till your baby is 5 then have another aren't you worried that your 5 yr old will miss out on all the attention then? That it will only recieve 50% of your attention?
Don't believe everything you read in mags. I checked with my gp before ttc, then got a 2nd opinion. There is no evidence to show you need to wait that long between bubs.
I honestly can't believe you wrote what you did and the way you did. :no:

[~Danni~]

You've got to be kidding me! Just because you don't think you could do a good job doesn't mean we all can't!
We started trying for no 2 as soon as DD1 was born. As soon as my body knew it was ready i fell pregnant.
My girls are spoilt rotten with attention and love.
So if you wait till your baby is 5 then have another aren't you worried that your 5 yr old will miss out on all the attention then? That it will only recieve 50% of your attention?
Don't believe everything you read in mags. I checked with my gp before ttc, then got a 2nd opinion. There is no evidence to show you need to wait that long between bubs.
I honestly can't believe you wrote what you did and the way you did. :no:


Thankyou for saying what I wanted to say:yelclap: !!! there will be 12 months give or take between my babies and although I know it will be hard I also know that I will look after my babies well. My DF and I were very adimit the doc was ok with me having another so soon and wouldn't ttc untill we had the all clear. I don't belive my body would have let me have ababy if it was not ready....

[WizzFizz]

You've got to be kidding me! Just because you don't think you could do a good job doesn't mean we all can't!
We started trying for no 2 as soon as DD1 was born. As soon as my body knew it was ready i fell pregnant.
My girls are spoilt rotten with attention and love.
So if you wait till your baby is 5 then have another aren't you worried that your 5 yr old will miss out on all the attention then? That it will only recieve 50% of your attention?
Don't believe everything you read in mags. I checked with my gp before ttc, then got a 2nd opinion. There is no evidence to show you need to wait that long between bubs.
I honestly can't believe you wrote what you did and the way you did. :no:

Thankyou Mel04,

I too am due to have my second baby 2-3 weeks after DD's first birthday. If my body wasn't ready for another baby, I wouldn't have fallen pregnant. My husband and I are thrilled we fell so quickly and are looking forward to our kids being close in age, and I can guarantee I will be giving them both 100%.

I agree that it was a mean thing of angelbaby say - the first post on this thread was asking for advice, not negative personal opinions.

[mel04]

I thought it was going to be hard, but really hasn't been at all. I'm lucky though, both girls are very good bubs. I started going out on my own with both girls almost straight away. We go out at least twice a week (shopping, mums group etc), and we manage fine.
They both get attention all day every day. They also sleep at different times most days so they get one on one time aswell.
It is soo lovely watching them grow together. Jules has learnt to share really well, she's always watching out for her little sis, and Anj is always looking at her, laughing at her and trying to copy her.
The other day she rolled and bumped her head on a toy and started to whimper, Jules walks over to her and puts on her baby voice and talks to her and patted her head and Anj stopped whimpering and smiled and talked right back.
They fall asleep in the car holding hands! Here's a photo.
http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j53/melpitt/DSCF2727.jpg
I think them being so close is just the most marvellous thing! I wouldn't change it for the world!
Good luck to all you mummies with another bub on it's way! You'll be fine!

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

Hello there is 15 months between my two and it is hard at first but once you get into a routine everything is ok.I also agree that waking bubs every 3 hrs for day feeds helps them to know the difference between day/night.My son is 3 weeks old and is already sleeping tru most nights sometimes i get up at 5 for a feed but thats it.Try not to stress now everything will be ok you will be a great mum of 2;)

[damien's mum]

I dont understand what is meant by 50/50 love and attention, does this mean a mother with twins, triplets or more, can only love and give attention to on a percentage basis...?? (what a crock)
You will be fine, you will find a way to cope, like i know my mother did with having me and my sister 17 months apart. It will be hard at times, but so is just having one child, as i am experiening at the moment, but with all the POSITIVE support you will find amongst the hub bubbers, i am sure you will be able to cope.
Goodluck, and if you ever need a boost or a kick up da bum, haha i'd be happy to have a chat :)

[libandneo]

It has been really reassuring to hear from all of you mums who have had kids close together and got to the other side...

My sons will be 19 months apart and it ****s me the way EVERYONE says to me "Oh, you'll be busy!" Excuse me, but did I ask for your opinion? :mad: My DH and I spent 5 heartbreaking years trying to conceive and my first born is just the most adorable little miracle. Good eater, good sleeper and makes me laugh all day. Even if the next one, due in December, is a rotter I feel sure I can cope and I hate other people doubting my ability to handle it.

My sister had her two eldest 14 months apart and that was hard, but I think 19 months is different, the eldest will be walking and he has already shown he has a strong tendency to want to be very independent.. wants to self-feed etc. We are just SO grateful to be having children at all I don't care how close together. PLUS I am not getting any younger, I turn 35 next year and did not want to delay.

In short, we have our own reasons for having our kids as far apart as we do, and can do without the lectures and tut-tutting from 'well-meaning' nosey parkers.

Thanks for the chance to rant! :)

[Cheeky Little Monkey]

If this new baby decides to stick around and join our family, my two are going to 16 months apart :eek: I can't wait though and am hoping the new one will be as wonderful a baby as my DD was and still is :hugs:

[Tannie]

I have 2 girls 11 1/2 months apart and I have to admit - it's a challenge alright!!
They are currently 6 & 18 months........how to manage?? the 1st one was / is in really good routine before the 2nd one born (a must I think)....unfortunately I've had feeding and sleeping issues with the 2nd one which has/does make life a bit darn difficult. bub#2 just doesn't like to eat or sleep during the day and is VERY opinionated as to what she wants and will do........so I have worked hard on getting them both down together at some stage during the day and catching a nap then.......my hb is away 7/14 days, so I'm here alone with the girls and I have not much support either. Well -I have friends, but all have small kids too - so at the times which are hard for me - they are hard for everyone I know.

As for falling pg again so quickly and dividing time ??? Well - I believed what they said about "older women' and falling pg!! NEVER AGAIN...LOL :thumbsup: Initially dividing my affections seemed hard - but now it isn't as I can SEE how lovely it is for the older one to have a sister so close and she just adores her......so we focus on all the positives and what we have given her by giving her a close sibling, rather then what we have "taken away".....iykwim? they already enjoy each others company and squeal with delight when they see each other.....there are lots of love and kisses and cuddles here.

I have to admit - the few times bub#1 has been a bit "off" or sick - are REALLY hard. But luckily, both girls are really healthy and robust - so apart from a few mild temps & a cold - we haven't had to face any actual "illnesses" so to speak with either bub. Neither bub has been to a doctor for sickness in their young lives yet.......hoping to keep it that way.

Organisation IS the key - if you can get into some sort of rough routine and plan for evenings early.......we have the evening routine down pat - that keeps me sane.........(mornings still a bit of a disaster zone though.......LOL :eek: )
Cheers,
Y

[meags]

i have an almost 13 month old boy and am 5 1/2 months pregnant with our second child.. there will be only just 17 months between them when jellybean enters this world.. i can understand the fact that it is a lil scary but we wanted about an 18 month to 2 year gap so decided to try and well it didnt take as long as expected lol.. i fell pregnant on the first go... we are both over the moon about it and we even talk to our 13 month old about it. we have been lucky lil Xavier has gotten himself into a good routine and is a very well behaved boy.. there is no way there is going to only be love divided 50/50 between these two.. we are not taking anything away from Xavier by having them close.. if anything i think we are giving him someone he can love and grow up with.. he has a cousin who is 7 months younger than him and he absolutely adores him so the fact that these 3 children are all going to grow up together is a big bonus. the question about the pill well i never went on it after being pregnant the first time as i actually can't take the pill . i think it is everyone's choice as to when they have their children. i was very unwell with my first pregnancy and everyone was a lil worried i would be again but i am 100% this time around and jellybean is also 100% and my son is not missing out on anything just because mummy is pregnant... i think as long as u are organized and have some support you will be fine and it will be the best thing u have ever done.. my god i have rambled so i am going to shush now... take care :hugs:

[Tannie]

Oh - I just wanted to add that I agree - don't believe everything you read in womens mags!! LOL :shame:

My supposedly 'high risk' pgs, because I am/ was 38yrs with first one and 39ys with second one.......absolutely hassle free and NO issues whatsoever. both my obs have said healthwise & baby wise- completely troublefree & as "perfect" as any pgs can be really. All my bloodtests at all stages perfectly normal (my first ob didn't even do half of them cause he said it was obvious how well and fine I was!) Blood Pressure perfectly fine and no swelling etc for end stages with both if I stood up for too long etc............mind you. First pg I worked in busy job until 33wks and 2nd pg we relocated, moving 1000's kms to new place AND I was looking after a baby.......both pgs during the heat of summer in Qld :p
Both my bubs healthy, strong, perfectly normal wts and development...........so there you go!
As for actually falling pg so quickly - well - I just didn't take any of the contraceptives offered :idea: Seems to me Sentara that you are assuming that ALL women WANT to take contraceptives and NOT fall pg again..........some of us DO want to fall pg again :thumbsup:
Y

[mummyof5]

I have 11 months 22 days between 1st DS and 1st DD, then 11 months 9 days between DD 2 (3rd child) and DS2. You just get on with it, ya know. :yes: Some days are fantastic and others are a bit cr**py, but that happens with only one, so who's to say it's any different?
I have a grand total of 7 years 4 months between 1st and 5th, and it is busy and I do get tired, but I wouldn't change it for the world..:no:
By the way, hubby left for 5 months in the US when no.2 was 10 days old, and eldest was 1 year one day...I did it mostly on my own, though family helped out if they could. I also lived interstate from my family when the three youngest (3 in 3 years) were born, and when the 5th was 5 weeks old, hubby went back to sea and left me intersate with them on my own...funny but none of them seemed to have suffered too greatly for it, though admittedly (sp??) there was the odd day I would happily have post packed them off to him:laughing:
All my kids get on so well, there is always someone to play with and my eldest one never remembers being the only child, so no rivalry there to deal with.
So ladies for those of you having or who have had your babies close together - good on you, it only gets easier as they get older (or so I am told, but then there are all those people who keep telling me to watch out for the teenage years:eek: ).