Is Dad ready for baby no.2?

[Micha]

Trying to gauge how ready my hubby is for baby no.2, and was hoping for some feedback.

At first when it came up he was quite enthusiastic. Then later he said if I was pregnant again he wouldn't be dissappointed. Now he ducks and weaves his way out of making any clear comment. I think giving me a solid opinion on it, as in 'yes i think we should definitely start trying for another one.' is never going to happen.

It's really important that he has the desire for another child but I'm not sure how long that will take because it is easy to feel insecure about making 'the decision', particularly because our first one was very high-maintenance and he wasn't able to handle a lot of it well.

We both know about all the benefits of having another child and don't want a big gap between babies, but I don't know what I can do to open him up to healthy discussion. If he's really not ready then so be it, but I think he's caught in between somewhere. Should I just leave it alone?

What have others experienced during the baby no.2 decision-making??

[TLCC]

I must admit to being the opposite a bit. Our DD is 10 months and my DH is keen for number 2. I've been watching my temp a bit as we would love a boy, but I'm still BF no.1 and am concerned it would be too much to be doing that and have no. 2 on the way.

We have been talking about it though and agree we would like to have them fairly close together aswell.

Keep the topic alive but respect he may be remembering hard times you may have had with no. 1.

I keep remembering 9 months is a long time and my DD will be 9 months older when the next one arrives and at a completely different stage - less 100% dependant on us so maybe mention that.

Good luck..he did sound positive though - maybe just scared of saying yes go for it.

[mumof2girls]

Just ask him how he feels about it. Tell him that you know how hard the 1st baby was and you understand (if you do) how he feels but you would like to know exactly how he feels so you can both make a decision. Afterall it should be a joint decision and if he's not ready then he should be able to tell you so. He sounds like he is eager but if he had difficulties with the first he maybe thinking 2 may be a lot harder. Good luck, I hope all works out for you :)

[maybe1more]

Hi micha, me and my man too talk about having bub number two for a while, but he kept changeing his mind( and they think were bad!) He would said Connor would love a play mate or we cant have one i think we should have another baby. Then a few weeks late he would say, if i had two i couldnt go out much because its easy for him to look after one baby but not two, or he would say i think we should just have the one its too expencive to have two.
I was soooo confused, in the end i said i wanted another baby so he agreed, but now that im 10 weeks pregnant and quite sick he said to me 'well you wanted another one'! I asked him if he really wanted another baby and he said i convinced him into it and its too late now.
I felt bad a first when he said that but at the end of the day im happy to be having another baby, our first is two so i think its a good age gap and im sure the more pregant i get the more he`ll come round, after all ill be the one looking after them and i know what to expect and if he really didnt want another baby, he could of protected himself!
Good luck with whatever you decide, i know how confusing it all is.

[Micha]

Thanks all of you for the advice, it has been really helpful. We have since spoken and I think it will be sometime yet before he is 100% committed to the idea. I mean he says he can imagine the positives of having another one soon but he can't lay it down on the line and say 'yes let's start trying'.

I don't want to have another one when he's half-hearted because I will feel insecure. I will really need him to be involved, especially with our toddler, and ideally it would be enthusiastic involvement not done under sufferance. The latter really unravels me.

So I shall wait, and take in all the suggestions that have been made so far, and hopefully we can keep working with the idea.

Good luck Jenny, I hope he does get more excited about it soon, and that you're feeling better :)

[maybe1more]

Well before he had time to get use the fact, i lost my baby :eek: . Sometimes life just isnt fair. I was sooo looking foward to this baby even thought my otherhalf wasnt. I hope your man gives you a straight awnser soon as the longer he takes the more fustrated you will get. Best of luck