exhausted

[alufolie]

i'd been feeling very sad by the outcome of falling pregnant because it wasn't how i envisaged it. it's been horrible, but multiply horrible by 2 billion. my ex's remedy was a termination, because he decided he didn't want to have a baby afterall and i've been stricken by grief by his decision and inability to cope with potentially becoming a single parent. i lied to him last week and said I'd made the appointment for this weekend. (i didn't) because i didn't want to. and tonight he is coming over to my place on the pretence I'm having a termination, so today I shamefully made an appointment.
i had a place recommended, but couldn't get in for weeks. so i picked another one in sydney. the woman on the phone was quite, not rude - but stiff. (it's always my luck with people) and said she just had a cancellation and said i could take the booking.
when i said "sure", her reply was that i could only take the booking that i was 100% that i was going to have a termination? i don't understand
why that question was asked, was it really necessary. i guess they only allow women who are 100% sure. i'm not, however on the flipside i cannot imagine
my life alone, with a baby, struggling with money, no freedom, no friends, no happiness - while the man has the right to walk away, be free, travel and not have any responsibilities. it eats me alot.
i sat in the bathrooms at work for about two hours after i made the appointment and cried.. i spent the rest of the day feeling very spaced out.
i don't know if i can change my mind about a termination tomorrow and walk out of there. i feel very pigeon holed into my choice.

i think it's going to be a long night, there's no way i'm going to be sleeping tonight.

[misskittyfantastico]

What an absolutely hearbreaking, horrible position to be in. I couldn't read your post and not offer support and cyber hugs:hugs::hugs::hugs:.

[SPC]

:hugs: There's a lot of here who have been pregnant and alone and been very worried about what life would be like if we do, or if we don't have the baby. Life is different with a baby, and can be a struggle as a lone parent, but you make news friends with babies, there are opportunities to have lots of fun, and you'll amaze yourself with how strong you are. One small child can be a fabulous companion, or a terrible nuisance, it depends on the child, and on how you approach the whole adventure of parenthood.

But it may just not be the right time for you.

[gizmoduckus]

:hugs::hugs:

Oh hun! I know that this probably won't be too helpful but please do not get pushed into getting a termination. It really is the worst way for it to happen. If you really wanted to do it, I would support your right to get it done but it sounds like you don't want to go down that path.

Having a child, whether partnered or not, is a very scary thing. Every one always doubts if they will be a good parent and, in more cases than not, it all works out.

Please, please don't get pressured into this. You will regret it for the rest of your life if it isn't the decision that you made for yourself. Look deep down into your heart and you WILL know which way to go.

Good luck. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. Life sometimes, just isn't fair.

:hugs::hugs:

[Annabella]

Do you have a close friend you can talk to about this? It is heartbreaking to think you are doing this all alone.

I'll be honest I don't agree with abortion, but that is not my reason for saying I really don't think you you should go through with it. You don't sound like you really think its the right choice for you and this is a decision you will have to live with forever. Having a baby does not mean you will be alone or unhappy, it will be hard on your own, yes, but babies are actually quite good companions.

I just think the fact you are feeling pressured and 'pigeon-holed' into doing it just makes it all wrong. And yes, the man can walk away and do what he wants and travel etc, and its not fair, but he will miss out on so much more, the love of your child surpasses all that. The absolute joy they bring into your life, despite how difficult it can be.

I really hope you can make a decision that YOU (not he) is happy with. Please don't be forced into something you don't want to do.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Please do not be bullied into somehing you do not want. Weigh all your options and do what is right for you.

That woman from the clinic sounds so incredibly rude, do not go there is you are not ready and are feeling uncomforatable. You can change your mind at any time and no one has the right to make you feel badly about it.

I would tell you BF how you are feeling and how much this effecting you. If he is going to push you into it then, I would leave him out of the decision all together, because you need support right now and nothing else. Good luck to you.

[CrankyAndTired]

oh honey... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: