The uncomfortable expecting mum

[Tom Jaksch]

Hi, I'm an expecting dad & first time putting on a thread. My wife becomes quite uncomfortable with the thought of breast feeding. I suggested the use of a breast pump but she finds that the same. I'm all for Brest feeding and want to know what best to do to encourage her to breast feed and/or similar experiences. Will she come round and breast feed?

[LittleBug'sMum]

Hi:wave:
Just wanted to say good on you for encouraging your wife to breastfeed. It didn't come naturally to me at all, felt very strange at the beginning, but 4 months on I am loving it. It is a very special thing to be able to do for your baby.
I would encourage your wife to go to one of the ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) meetings while she is pregnant. I didn't go, but think that it would have been a big help.
Good Luck with the new baby!

[Areca]

When I was pregnant with DD1 breastfeeding was something I was going to do because I felt I absolutely had to. The whole concept was very weird and gross to me and there was no way in the world I was breastfeeding past three months.
Then DD1 was born and my maternal instinct kicked in I went on to feed her for 14 months (weaned due to being pregnant and just not coping with m/s) and then DD2 I fed for 18 1/2 months (again weaned because I was pregnant and not coping very well).

If your wife doesn't have any underlying emotional reasons as to why she doesn't want to breastfeed (ie. been abused in the past - it can be too much in that situation) then just keep telling her how important it is for you that she at least try it. Get information for her on how great breastmilk is (google 101 reasons to breastfeed as a start, www.kellymom.com is also a great breastfeeding site). Be there to support her through the early days when it is hard to make it easier on her. At the end of the day though it is her body and if she really doesn't like it after she's given it a good try then you need to support that decision too.
All the best!

[Thermolicious]

I agree, education- ABA or Kellymom are good starts and hanging around other breastfeeding mums- attending ABA meetings prior to birth and after if you dont know anyone who is breastfeeding. She can always pop her head into the breastfeeding section here on bubhub too :D

I was sexually abused and I agree if this was something your wife experienced then she should speak to a counsellor about it if she if finding the thought of feeding a problem :)

[chaiseandlarasmummy]

Your wife sounds exactly like i me when i was pregnant with my first. My hubby was very keen for me to feed also as breast is best right?? Well not always i don't believe, a happy mum and bub is very important. I did try to feed but it felt so wrong. My breasts had been a sexual object for so many years and then to put a precious little innocent baby on them felt very very wrong. So i did try but in the end it was causing so many problems with my emotional health that i put her on formula, best decision i could have made. I don't regret not feeding her as i did what i felt was right.

When my second bub came along it was completely different and i did feed her for 12 months and i did enjoy it.

I went to the ABA night but it made me more uncomfortable with bf..

This is probably not the story you were hoping for but i guess i wanted to say that it is not the end of the world if she doesn't bf and you need to support her with which ever she decides.

[Tam-I-Am]

I echo the responses of the other posters - talking one-on-one to an Australian Breastfeeding Association breastfeeding counsellor, or a private lactation consultant may help her to pinpoint what it is about breastfeeding that makes her feel uncomfortable, and overcome that.

A lot of the time, breastfeeding in our society is seen as something icky or unusual because breasts are primarily seen as sexual objects. The idea of having a baby suckle at your breast can be very upsetting when you can't dissociate that from a sexual act. This can be the case for women with no history of sexual abuse - but a history of sexual abuse can make it many multiple times worse.

If she has, in fact, been sexually abused, then she might like to see a qualified psychologist before the birth of your child - it is possible that she will also find childbirth extremely difficult, and this can affect bonding and the early days of a new baby's life.

If I've missed the mark, I'm sorry - I sincerely hope I have! There is nothing more beautiful than breastfeeding a child, and nourishing it from your body - I hope your wife can find a way to overcome her discomfort, to feel comfortable with breastfeeding her baby. :)

[FrogBear]

I have 2 lovely boys. My first son is nearly 3 and I only breastfed him for 2 weeks before putting him onto formula. My 2nd son is 5 months and we are still bf with no intention of weaning anytime soon. This could be a really long story so I will try to keep it short!!!! In the end the difference for me between breastfeeding and not was my attitude!! I WANTED to do it 2nd time around... not that I didn't first time but I was of the 'if i can i will' mentality and then it was hard work and so i didn't. I was much more prepared 2nd time around and much more determined!!

My midwife suggested a book called "Breastfeeding with Confidence" by Sue Cox which I found fantastic. It helped me to understand my original attitude to breastfeeding and then to change it... I am now a very passionate pro-breastfeeder!!

[trin_007]

Firstly, ditto what others have said about supporting your wife.

Another thought - do you have any other family or mutual friends/couples with babies who have been breastfed - maybe you could speak with those women and let them know how you feel and maybe they could discuss it with your wife?

[Boobycino]

:yelclap: For supporting your wife breast feeding.

For something so natural, it does require out side support to maintain, it can be hard, exhausting, overwhelming.

If she chooses to try to breast feed, I suppose a very practical thing you can do to help her out (as there isn't a whole lot you can really do) is whenevrr she feeds bubba go fetch her a glass of water and then ask her if she wants anythink else to eat or drin, because breast feeding is very physically demanding and draining and if she's focused on feeding her bubba she may need some help feeding and caring for herself.

But thats just something that helped me and also as such a small gesture, when DP did it it made me feel like he was behind me. Like he was there for me with breast feeding and what that entailed for me. Particuarly in those early days where I was bubs sole source of food and in a lot of ways comfort, to know that he was there to care for me meant a lot.