My weakness

[mumsareok]

I've been wanting to just get this out - maybe for my own self-healing. I know people are going to think I'm a terrible person and believe me - I know, I live with it every day. Two years ago when my 2nd child was about 6 mths old we found out I was pregnant again. This was a complete shock and very unplanned. I was already on medication for post natal depression. When I first thought I might be pregnant my husbands first words were - you'd have to get rid of "it". When I confirmed it at the doctors the disappointment in my husbands face said it all. He even so kindly said he could not "put up" with my moods for 9 months. We called my parents over and together agreed that I should terminate (I was only 6 wks pregnant at time). Everyone thought it was for my best interest and they all agreed (me included) that I probably wouldn't cope. Hubby took me to the clinic, picked me up and then life went on - for them. It was never mentioned, my feelings were never mentioned, no counselling was suggested. The baby would have been due in October which is my birthday month. I haven't celebrated my birthday since and find come October I'm ridiculously depressed. My husband and I haven't slept together since the termination. I despise him but am staying with him for our children. How could I possibly let myself get talked into that. How can I ever get over doing this. My sister is pregnant at the mo and all the talk about babies makes me sad but I'd never admit that. Counselling costs money which we don't have - I guess this is my punishment to suffer in silence.

[kiki07]

Mate, you need to start building yourself up again. The post natal depression was not your fault, and maybe you weren't well enough at the time for your voice to be heard. The timing wasn't good for another little one. You don't need to be punished, you need to get your energy back so you can live a good life and enjoy your life with your kids. It might be helpful for you to talk to someone outside the family.

You can access counselling through your GP that is funded through medicare. Community health centres and public hospitals also offer counselling that you don't have to pay for.

take care,

k

[SassyMummy]

First bit of advice: Go to your GP. You don't have to lay everything out on the table - just let them know there's some stuff going on in your life and you feel as though you need some professional counselling to help you move on. If they need/want more information, they will ask - but that way, you're not in this scary situation where you have to blurt it all out to the GP (I imagine a relative stranger).

They can then refer you to a psychologist. Under medicare you can access up to 12 sessions free/subsidised per year. It could help you deal with both the issues regarding your termination, and regarding your family/husband. A mental health plan may be set in place - after all this time, you may be suffering something like depression - who knows? It's best to seek help now, sooner rather than later.

Second bit of advice: Children will suffer more knowing that the only reason you're with their father is because of them. I was blissfully unaware of it as a small child, but as I grew older, I became well aware that my mother was unhappy, and that it was mostly due to my father. It was horrible to know that she felt that she had to give up herself and her own happiness for ours... especially since living with two parents who don't love each other sucks - so it wasn't benefitting us anyway.

My brother and I were actually the ones who convinced my mother to leave our father... and I'm so happy that she did, because she's changed so much as a person since.

I left my daughters father, and while it took me quite some time because I didn't want to split father and daughter up... it has been well worth it. I'm also proud of hte fact that my daughter will grow up learning that a healthy relationship involves two people (in our family, a man and woman) who love and care for each other... not simply two people who had a baby together and tolerate each other and live miserably for her sake alone.

I would hate for her to be in the kind of relationship I was in... but what kind of example am I setting if she learns, from birth, that this is what serious couples are?

I'm not saying you should leave him, as I don't know the ins and outs of your situation... but counselling should help you figure that out. I'm just letting you know my thoughts if you DO decide to leave. :)

[Pinky81]

Just wanted to give you a big:hugs:

[mumsareok]

Thanks so much to you all and for not making me feel terrible about myself. I actually have a brilliant GP (a male believe it) who originally put me on the "happy pills". Haven't seen him for a while so might go back - hate the fact that I have to take a pill to be happy though. Feel like its me doing everything and hubby gets off scott free.

Thanks for your advice about the counselling - didn't realise you could get medicare refunded help. I do know one thing - I have absolutely NO self esteem left. Have put on a tone of weight and don't want to go anywhere. We actually went out last Friday with some friends and I got dressed up and felt good until I asked DH if I looked OK and he suggested I put something else on. Nothing like being shot down when you actually feel good. Then he proceeded to tell me I should do something about my weight.

I know about bringing kids up in this environment but the way I feel at the mo is that I don't think I could cope without him - I know that sounds crazy considering I do EVERYTHING to do with the kids. :thumbsdown:

I'm 39 next month and really thought my life would be on a different path to this. My childhood growing up was brilliant and I so wanted that for my kids. Some times I think it might be better if I just walked out on them all - that way it wouldn't hurt when I saw the way my husband speaks to the kids or the way they have no respect for me. OK, will stop sounding like crazy lady and try to be happy .... hmmm how does that go again! :laughing:

It feels really good to get this all off my chest even if I do sound like I'm craving attention or something like that. I totally envy anyone who is in a loving relationship - if you are then treasure that man and tell him everyday how much your love him because some of us aren't lucky enough to experience that kind of love.

:kiss: to you all!

[Hooves]

So sorry that you are feeling like this. AND so sorry, that your hubby, is not beind supportive of you at all.

I hope you have an appointment to see your gp, and that your life gets back on track. AND that you can start to mentally and emotionally heal.

Take it easy on yourself, sounds like others around you are all to willing to tear you down, so you can't afford to do it to yourself.

You are stronger then you think, and I believe when you start to talk to someone about this, you will see just how strong you are.

You will find yourself again, and your happiness, and with it the strength, to turn your life around. :hugs::hugs:

[SassyMummy]

There's nothing wrong with needing medication, but know that just because you're on medication doesn't mean he has the right to treat you poorly. You should be taking medication for you... in conjuction with counselling, medication can help you start thinking differently about things - especially about yourself.

Look, with the esteem thing, I've been there. I'm not completely better, but I'm working my way there. I was 110kg, I never wanted to do anything, I was crying all the time... I was miserable. Counselling didn't absolve anyone of their mistreatment towards me, but it made me a little stronger and enabled me to say, "Hey listen, I'm a person too... I matter!"

It's been great for me, and great for others too. There's no shame in needing pills... it's the same as getting a cold really - it just happens, it's not your fault you get sick.