lazy husband

[jembelina]

didn't really know where to put this, so here you are ladies...

basically my husband is lazy...though he claims that he cannot see mess, dirt, etc.

i know this is common for the male species, but i am slowly going insane.

although he claims to be aware, i believe he fails to see that my job is a 24/7 one. i just don't go for the "he needs to unwind after work' crap. when he gets home i think he should help with whatever chores still need doing. i have kindly ask that he take over with bub so i can get dinner happening ( not to mention a break from bub), bath bub and do dinner dishes. bub is usually grumpy around this time and just wants his mummy and it is most frustrating watching the mess pile up for me to do before i go to bed. i also expect him to simply notice the little things and help with general tidying, but maybe this is just going too far...

am i an unreasonable, nagging, selfish wife???

please share your stories...

any useful suggestions (other than selling his car and using the money to hire home help) to get him moving would be most appreciated.


jem & zack(09/02/05)

[meshan]

oh how I can relate to your woes - in fact I am sure every woman in the world can.

My Mum came to stay with us recently when I had my second bub. My hubby would wash up after dinner every night because he didn't think it was fair that my Mum would cook AND wash up. Now she has gone - guess what I do? Cook and wash up with NO help from him at all.

My toddler too only wants Mum to bath him etc - but I am sure this comes from 2 years of me doing it anyway.

My husband constantly tells me he believes a 'happy wife means happy wife' - - I reply that if happiness is cleaning your skid marks off the toilet I must be estatic!!!


I have no advice on what you can do - I have tried everything - heart to heart talks, nagging, yelling, going on strike, crying. They work for a day or 2 then nothing.

Just live in the knowledge that he could be worse. My ex was a neat freak and that was way worse!!!!

[Ana Gram]

I have the same problem, dinner time is the worst. The partner gets home saying he is starving, toddler screaming for food, cats joining in for their meal. The house is always a mess because I don't "manage my time properly". Nice! I'd like to see hime do what I do during the day. At least him doing one of the chores would be nice!

[channy]

I know how you feel. The concept of initiative does not exist. On the weekend when i ask him to help me with things like toilets and showers he says it does not need to be done again, it got done 2 weeks ago! They go on and on about how they work all day and don't want to come home and do work. What do they think we do all day?! I don't think they realise how draining it can be. Unfortunately I have had many talks with my DH and he still just does not get it! He is the type of person if you nag he gets more determined not to do it so I either do it myself or it does not get done. Either way I go slowly insane!

Chantell
Malakai 22/03/05

[mumof2girls]

I sympathize with you guys but I can honestly admit that I don't have your problem. My hubby is a stay-at-home dad (now) and he does a lot of the house work and cooks all the meals. I know if my hubby came home and wouldn't do anything then I wouldn't be doing any of his washing etc and if he said he was hungry hand him a tin of spaghetti and a pot and say "here you go - I'm busy". I guess I'm one of these people who wouldn't put up with it, you never said if he has always been like this or since you have had the baby! If he has always been like this and you have allowed him to be this way then he is never going to change, and why should he, he has always got away with it so why should he change now. I would be telling him that I was hiring someone once a week to clean the house and it was going to come out of his pocket as you don't have time or the energy to do it :)

Anyway, good luck I am blessed to have the hubby that I have and I wouldn't swap him for the world! :D

[Nellsy]

Men... Yes - they are a funny breed! I once read the following on a sign, obviously penned by a woman.

Men - can't live with them, can't live without them. Lucky for them none of us has the heart to put them in a hessian bag and throw them out the window of a speeding vehicle!

Re the housework, I also work from home and look after my 4 year old + we are expecting #2, due in November. I was never domesticated before I became a mum and maintain now that becoming a mother doesn't automatically mean I should suddenly love to Hoover! I have begun to let the weekend clean-up slide (rather than nag hubby who also claims he needs his weekends off) and interestingly enough, about every 3 weeks, hubby now declares 'Right - Saturday is our clean up day and that's it'.

Strangely enough, it seems that once it gets to a certain point of messyness that HE can't stand (very different to mine) AND as long as he thinks it's HIS idea to do the clean-up, we seem to get a tidy house! On those weekends, I just giggle to
myself and relish in the fact that I am finally getting my tidy house.

[BugBias]

shhhhhhhh my huband has just started the dishes! Me 1 DH 0!!!
The mexican stand off has been won!!
Basically I with held something good (sex) till he gave in and helped!

[mattias'mom]

I have a bit of the same problem. My DP thinks that since he has been at work all day and that he has made dinner that he doesn't have to help me around the house. I get so frustrated! He is a bit messy and leaves dirty clothes everywhere which drives me crazy! He doesn't clean up after himself in the kitchen and spends a lot of time on his computer. He is getting better at taking the baby when I need to get stuff done but believe me it took A LOT of b*t*hing! I just would like for him to realize that I work all day everyday, I don't just sit on the couch watching TV.

[Rell]

My husband only relised what a full time job I had when I was sick in hospital for 5 days. He didn't do it all by himself though, he sent the kids and dirty washing to his mothers for 2 days then paid for my mother to fly up and help.
Since then he has helped out a lot more and constantly tells me what a great job I'm doing, so there is hope just hope it doesn't take 5 days in hospital for your hubbys to come to there sences.

[Shazbutt]

Interesting that huh? I'm due to go into hospital for a few days soon for a caeserean, and hubby has to look after his precious little girl (2yrs, he thinks she's wonderful all the time, but after 4/5 days alone with her, he might think otherwise!!) :p . He hasn't had to look after her before, so he's going to have his hands full! He's had to ask me before how to make a milo for her!! I'm sure father's never think of what a hard time we have sometimes, they think we just laze around and watch tv with our kids all day!!

Although his parents are coming up to help look after her during the days with him, so i'm sure his mother will do most of it...good luck to her too....DD has not really been looked after by anyone else, and i think bed time is going to be the worst 'cos i'm the one who always puts her down (hubby camps away alot for work). They all think she is a little angel, (which she is sometimes!), because she loves being the centre of attention, but when she's by herself she can be a rotten little 'terrible two-er'!! :D

God...i just realised that it sounds like i don't like my own child!! :o I just find it really hard sometimes, don't get me wrong, she's my little princess, and i love her to death!

Father's huh?????

[mummycloud]

It's 12:15pm and my husband is asleep on the couch. He must be tired, he didn't get to sleep till 8pm last nigh :rolleyes: 14 hours sleep is just NOT ENOUGH!!!:p
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my 4th child and I have to look after the kids and do the house work and clean out the car, go the shop and get more milk (for when his hinus wakes) and go to the chemist, then maybe have time for a shower before faking a smile and taking the gang to see HIS parents :mad:
Anyone willing to trade DH's with me????


I doubt it!